Monday, January 14, 2013        Edition: #4903

You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

• 46-year-old actress Halle Berry was saluted for her acting career achievements at the “BET Honors 2013” Saturday night. Also receiving honors: 10-time Grammy Award-winner Chaka Khan, who’s celebrating 40 years in the music biz. Alicia Keys was among performers at the event at Washington DC’s Warner Theatre. Hosted by actress Gabrielle Union, this year’s gala was recorded for broadcast February 11th. (So they have time to edit the rappers.)
• 32-year-old “Gangster Squad” actor Ryan Gosling says he sometimes finds it hard to relate to other people because of his ‘unconventional’ upbringing. He’s been working since age 8, joining the cast of Disney’s “All-New Mickey Mouse Club” at 12. He says that experience, coupled with home-schooling, and his current celebrity status makes it difficult to understand other people’s perceptions of life. (Another boy in a bubble.)
– “OK! Magazine”
• Jason Sudeikis & Olivia Wilde are officially engaged. The 37-year-old “Saturday Night Live” comedian proposed to the 28-year-old former “House” actress shortly after the holiday season. A source close to the couple says ‘they are excited and very, very happy’. The pair began dating in November 2011 and moved in together last year, with the brunette beauty admitting she’s fallen ‘blissfully, hopelessly, wildly in love’. (He must have a nice personality ‘cause he ain’t exactly pretty.)
• 25-year-old actress Evan Rachel Wood (“The Wrestler”) and her 26-year-old actor-husband Jamie Bell (“The Adventures of Tintin”) have announced that they’re expecting their first child together. While it may be great news for the twosome, it wasn’t exactly expected news as Wood admits the pregnancy has come as a complete surprise. (Imagine if she’d fallen pregnant via previous boyfriend  Marilyn Manson! That’s how gargoyles are born.)
• Selena Gomez enjoyed a dinner date with a mystery man in Hollywood on Friday night just a week after breaking up with her boyfriend of 2 years, Justin Bieber. The 20-year-old starlet – wearing a red dress with thigh-high slit – hid behind the much older man as they entered the restaurant together. News of her outing follows reports that she broke it off with Bieber because he was ‘too needy’. (Meow.)
• An inside source claims Taylor Swift has already written 5 songs about recently split boyfriend Harry Styles of Brit band One Direction because writing music has been how she deals with emotions for most of her life. She’s said to be worried any new song she releases will be linked to Harry, so she’s being extra careful to keep these tunes more cryptic. One thing for sure, she tweeted on Friday: “Back in the studio. Uh oh …“ (Guys are just grist for this girl’s hit mill.)

• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Roger Waters (“The Wall”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Keith Urban (“American Idol”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – OneRepublic (“Dreaming Out Loud”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Walkmen (“Bows & Arrows”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Jose James (“Blackmagic”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Nicki Minaj (“American Idol”); The Saturdays (new reality TV show “Chasing The Saturdays” premieres January 20th on E!).

• Adele – “Skyfall” is the first Oscar-nominated song in 10 years to have also been a top 10 hit. She’s allegedly nervous about singing at the Academy Awards as she hasn’t performed in front of a large audience in a year.
• Beyoncé – Destiny’s Child bandmates Kelly Rowland & Michelle Williams are joining her during her Super Bowl halftime show February 3rd, singing a medley of hits that will culminate with “Nuclear”, a new track from a Destiny’s Child compilation album due January 29th.
• Britney Spears – She’s leaving “The X Factor” after one season, purportedly so she can focus on recording her 8th studio album. Lackluster ratings may have more to do with it. Meantime, her split from fiancé Jason Trawick was announced Friday, apparently because he doesn’t want to have her children; and her sick teacup Yorkie, ‘Hannah’, is in doggy hospital for the 3rd time, ans is said to be fighting for her life. Well, life sucks, huh Brit?
• Bruno Mars – “Locked Out Of Heaven” has set a Spotify record as the first track to be streamed more than a million times in a 1-week period on the digital music service.
• Katy Perry – She tells “Closer” magazine she works out incognito while on tour by disguising herself and getting on a bicycle to ride around handing out free tickets to her shows. Well, you just blow that cover, didn’t you?
• One Direction – Harry Styles has reportedly been celebrating after splitting with country star Taylor Swift, visiting Brit billionaire Richard Branson’s Caribbean retreat, Necker Island, where he’s said to have partied alongside TV personality/Internet entrepreneur Hermione Way.

Dan Slater thinks you should blame the Internet for your sad love-life. His article in this month’s “Atlantic” magazine, “A Million First Dates”, argues that online matchmaking services like OKCupid, eHarmony and are so powerful that they are bound to infect us with a collective case of romantic ADHD – or, as he puts it – ‘an overall decrease in commitment’. Slater contends the impulse to search for an ever-more-compatible mate with the click of a mouse will prove so intoxicating over the long-term, that it could undermine our concepts of marriage and monogamy. (It’s claimed that 1-in-5 new relationships now begins online.)

January is the month when gyms make all sorts of offers aimed at those who are newly committed to getting lean and mean. ‘E at Equinox’, however, has no such deal. Instead, this super-high-end gym is all about exclusivity … and the jaw-dropping price tag that goes along with it. For $25,000 a year, members of the club (with locations in NYC and Greenwich, Connecticut) enjoy all sorts of plush amenities, from freshly laundered ‘E’ workout attire to private showers and changing cabanas. Members also have their very own private entrance, replete with a retinal scanner to identify them. In other words, no more crowded locker rooms and no carrying around a membership card. (Even if you pay 25-grand, odds are you’ll start skipping work-outs after a month.)

✗ ‘Dr Seuss’ – You’re wrong as the deuce/And you shouldn’t rejoice/If you’re calling him Soose/Cuz he pronounced it ‘Soice’ … or maybe even ‘Zoice’.
✗ ‘Kibosh’ – Let’s put the kibosh, pronounced ‘KY-bosh’, on saying this word like ‘kuh-BOSH’.
✗ ‘Celtic’ – An initial hard (k) sound is correct but linguists say the (s) sound emerged as far back as the 17th century. Still, you’d sound ridiculous (though correct!) if you brought that hard (k) to a Boston Celtics basketball game.
✗ ‘Comptroller’ – This word sounds just like ‘controller’. If you’re tempted to pronounce that silent (p-t), please comptroll yourself!
✗ ‘Cache’ – Maybe it’s because it’s one letter short of ‘cachet’. Maybe it’s just more fun to mispronounce, but this word should sound just like ‘cash’, as in moolah.
✗ ‘Banal’ – You’ll be the butt of the joke if you pronounce this ‘BAY-nul’. It’s ‘buh-NAHL’.
✗ ‘Affluent’ – Pronouncing it ‘a-FLU-ent’ is wrong; the stress on this word is supposed to be on the first syllable: ‘AFF-lu-ent’.
✗ ‘Niche’ – When this word was borrowed from the French in the 17th century, it was quickly Anglicized to rhyme with ‘itch’. But in the 20th century, more people embraced a true French pronunciation and decided to pronounce it ‘neesh’. Nowadays both are considered correct.
– Adapted from

Researchers at Charles University in the Czech Republic have found that men with brown eyes are perceived as more trustworthy than those with blue eyes. But it may not be the actual eye color that causes this perception, more the facial shape linked to brown eyes. Brown-eyed men, on average, have bigger mouths, broader chins, bigger noses, and more prominent eyebrows positioned closer to each other, while their blue-eyed brethren are characterized by more angular and prominent lower faces, longer chins, narrower mouths with downward pointing corners, smaller eyes, and more distant eyebrows. (What if you have one eye of each color?)

1-in-10 people have dropped their phone down a toilet at some point. That’s one reason Sony has unveiled the ‘Xperia Z’ smartphone, which can be left underwater for up to a half-hour without harmful effects. (Make it bowlful of mouthwash and kill all those germs!)
– BBC News


1948 [65] T Bone (Joseph Henry) Burnett, St Louis MO, singer-songwriter/record producer (Diana Krall, Elton John w/Leon Russell, Gregg Allman, John Mellencamp, Willie Nelson, etc)

1963 [50] Steven Soderbergh, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Magic Mike”, Oscar-“Traffic”)/movie producer (“Good Night, and Good Luck”, “Michael Clayton”)

1968 [45] LL Cool J (James Todd Smith), Bay Shore NY, TV actor (‘NCIS Special Agent Sam Hanna’ on “NCIS: Los Angeles” since 2009)/movie actor (“Last Holiday”, “Charlie’s Angels”)/onetime rap artist (“Luv U Better”, “Mama Said Knock You Out”)

1969 [44] Dave Grohl, Warren OH, rock singer-guitarist (Foo Fighters-“The Pretender”, Them Crooked Vultures-“New Fang”, Nirvana-“Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1969 [44] Jason Bateman, Rye NY, movie actor (“Up In the Air”, “Juno”)/TV actor (“Arrested Development” 2003-06, “Silver Spoons” 1982-84, “Little House On the Prairie” 1981-82) COMING UP: Co-stars with Melissa McCarthy in “Identity Thief”, opening February 8th.

1982 [31] Caleb Followill, Mount Juliet TN, rock singer-guitarist (Kings of Leon-“Use Somebody”, “Sex on Fire”)

• “Assembly Line Workers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1st ‘Automobile Assembly Line’, created by Henry Ford 99 years ago (1914).

• “Caesarean Section Day”, commemorating the first successful procedure of the kind, performed in 1794 by Dr Jesse Bennet in Edom VA on his wife. (To celebrate, leave your house this morning by going out through a window.)

• “Clean Off Your Desk Day”, celebrated each year on the 2nd Monday of January to encourage us to get organized and cut the clutter.

• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them. Don’t forget to snap a shot and post it so the world can also laugh at them.

• “Makar Sankranti”, the mid-Winter festival of India & Nepal that marks the transition of the Sun beginning it’s northward journey, what’s called the ‘Uttarayan’. The event is marked by flying kites. Hey, if it means Spring is getting a bit closer … we’re all for it!

• “Organize Your Home Day”, an annual observance on the 2nd Monday of January. Even better, have some TV show do it for you!

• “Work at Home With Your Spouse Day”, to encourage couples to make the most of their relationship and skills by starting a business together. Here’s a list of 5 ways to do it without killing each other …

2000 [13] “Late Show” host David Letterman undergoes emergency quintuple bypass surgery after a test determines one of his arteries is seriously constricted

2000 [13] “Girl, Interrupted”, a drama starring Winona Ryder as a troubled detainee in a psychiatric ward opens in movie theaters, introducing most of us to up-and-coming actress Angelina Jolie (who’s performance wins an Oscar for ‘Best Actress in a Supporting Role’)

1966 [47] British rocker David Jones changes his name to ‘David Bowie’ (his new album “The Next Day” is out March 12th)

1943 [70] ‘World’s Largest Office Building’ is completed, the Pentagon, headquarters for the US Department of Defense

1973 [40] Last ‘Perfect NFL Season’ as Miami Dolphins beat Washington Redskins 14-7 at Super Bowl VII in Los Angeles to finish with a 17-0 record (members of that Dolphin team still gather to celebrate when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses each season)

[Tues] Humanitarian Day
[Wed] “American Idol” 12th season debut (FOX)
[Wed] Appreciate a Dragon Day
[Wed] Religious Freedom Day
[Thurs] Sundance Film Festival begins
[Thurs] Kid Inventors Day
[Thurs] Winnie the Pooh Day

Cuckoo Dancing Week / Fresh Squeezed Juice Week / International Snowmobile Safety & Awareness Week / Soccer Coaches Week / Vocation Awareness Week


Highlight bits culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Cats are smarter … you can’t get 8 cats to pull a sled through snow.
• Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
• Cats don’t insist on playing tug-o-war with dad’s undies while he’s on the ‘throne’.
• Dogs come when they’re called, cats take a message and get back to you later.
• Cats don’t go wacky when they hear a doorbell … on TV.
• Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are gods.
• Cats don’t suddenly stand up straight when lying under the coffee table.
• As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.
– First published in “BS” 2002.

One of these is not a real invention, while the others were actually marketed. Find the fake …
● Musical Bra for Mozart Lovers
● Coffin With Escape Hatch
● Single-Leg Pantyhose for Bank Robbers [FAKE]
● Artificial Spray-on Dirt for 4WD Vehicles
– First published in “BS” 1997.

I wish I had a dollar for every one I’ve spent …

Eating which kind of candy can help relieve stress?
a. Fudge
b. Licorice
c. Peppermint [CORRECT]
– “First for Women Magazine”

☎ What’s the weirdest thing you’ve written a reminder to yourself on? (A napkin, a cigarette package, a hand, a tree, a spouse?)

Question: A recent study has found that shorter people are more likely to have THIS personality trait.
Answer: Jealousy.

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know much about the problem.

Matt Fox @ Talk Radio Network, Washington DC; Melissa Sharp @ 95-3 WLKR Norwalk OH; Heath Shelby @ Continuous Country KWCK 99-9 Searcy AR; Ian Topsy @ Rasen Radio, Market Rasen UK; Aleem Manji @ EastFM Nairobi, Kenya; and Hal Cyon @ 95.5 WBRU Brown University, Providence RI.

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