Wednesday, January 14, 2015        Edition: #5375


Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

BS SHOWBIZ BUZZ:
★ CBS-TV has set Tuesday, September 8th as the debut date for “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert”. A September debut had been expected; with David Letterman stepping down May 20th, “Late Show” will need time to build a new set after a celebratory farewell to Dave, who’s been on CBS late night since 1993. As for what Colbert is planning, no one’s saying much. But it seems clear he’ll need to introduce the real Stephen Colbert to the audience after playing a blowhard caricature on “The Daily Show” and “The Colbert Report” since 1997.
– USAToday.com
★ A woman accused of stalking “Orange Is the New Black” actress Taryn Manning (‘Pennsatucky Doggett’) has been arrested for violating a plea deal. The 35-year-old actress was granted an order of protection against one Jeanine Heller after Heller bombarded her with hundreds of messages. As part of her plea deal, Heller was ordered to stay out of trouble for 6 months and undergo counseling. She’s now awaiting arraignment on new counts of criminal contempt, apparently for again attempting to contact Manning. Her defense: Someone else may have accessed her email.
– “New York Daily News”
★ Simon Cowell’s talent competitions “Britain’s Got Talent” and “America’s Got Talent” have now spawned a spin-off, “Asia’s Got Talent”. The judging panel for the new series includes former Spice Girls pop star Melanie (‘Sporty Spice’) Chisholm, legendary record producer David Foster, Taiwanese-American singer/actor Vanness Wu, and Indonesia singer Anggun. Audition rounds are set to begin in Singapore and Malaysia, with applicants from 13 countries being considered. The live show rounds will also be filmed in Malaysia. The new series is set to air across Asian countries in June.
– WENN.com
★ Paris Hilton is reportedly dating “Superman” star Henry Cavill. The socialite was spotted with the Brit actor at a Golden Globes party in Los Angeles and the were later photographed leaving the event at the Chateau Marmont hotel together in a taxi. An inside source says, “Everyone could see the chemistry between them. Paris was fluttering her eyelashes at him like crazy and Henry was loving the attention.” Cavill has remained coy when asked about the relationship, saying only: “I don’t want to talk about that.”
– “Daily Mirror”
★ And 55-year-old actor Kyle MacLachlan is officially returning as ‘Special Agent Dale Cooper’ in an upcoming reboot of the quirky cult TV series “Twin Peaks” on Showtime. MacLachlan has been dropping hints of his involvement since news broke of the new reboot to David Lynch’s 1990-91 mystery series in October. It’s expected more of the original cast will be joining the remake as filming approaches. That cast included Michael Ontkean, Lara Flynn Boyle, Sherilyn Fenn, and Peggy Lipton. The new incarnation of the drama series will premiere in 2016.
– “Hollywood Reporter”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Idol” (FOX) – Vocalists in Kansas City MO audition for the judges in hope of making it to the next round.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Meghan Trainor (“Title”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Steel Panther (“All You Can Eat”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – You Me at Six (“Cavalier Youth”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Mali Music (“The 2econd Coming”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Ryn Weaver (“Promises”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Panda Bear (“Panda Bear Meets the Grim Reaper”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – Michelle Williams says her former Destiny’s Child partner is NOT pregnant. Bé sparked rumors she’s expecting her 2nd child with hubby Jay Z by posting a pic of a baby bump sculpted out of sand, but Williams is playing down the speculation saying it’s a silly conclusion to jump to.
• Carly Rae Jepsen – She’s working on new music, although there is no timetable for the Canadian singer/songwriter’s next release. On Instagram, she posted a photo of herself in the studio working on the album.
• George Jones – The legendary country star’s widow, Nancy Jones, has unveiled plans to get into the booze biz in collaboration with a Kentucky distillery. A new white whiskey brand will be named ‘White Lightning Moonshine’, commemorating Jones’ first big hit, 1959′s “White Lightning”. It will feature a picture of Jones on the bottle.
• Lorde – She says she’s written ”amazing stuff” for her new album. She’s been working on the follow-up to her debut “Pure Heroine” (2013) but suggests it may be a while before it’s released because, although she has written plenty of lyrics, she’s yet to turn them into music.
• Rascal Flatts – They’ve recruited “The Voice” winner Craig Wayne Boyd to serve as opening act for their upcoming Las Vegas residency. The country music trio is set to stage a 9-show run at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino beginning February 25th.
• Rihanna – A couple of eyewitnesses claim they saw her & actor Leonardo DiCaprio share a ‘sneaky smooch’ at a recent party at the Playboy Mansion in LA. DiCaprio apparently split from girlfriend Toni Garrn last month, but a friend of Leo’s says there’s nothing going on with RiRi.
• Usher – He’s gotten engaged to his longtime girlfriend Grace Miguel. The 36-year-old singer and his longtime business partner have been dating since 2009. A source tells “Us Weekly”: ”She’s happy but they’re trying to keep it quiet.”

OPENING TODAY IN MOVIE THEATERS:
“Match” ( Limited Release R-Rated Dramedy ): Patrick Stewart stars as a Juilliard professor who is interviewed by a Seattle woman & her husband for her dissertation on the history of dance in 1960s NYC. It becomes increasingly clear that there are ulterior motives to the couple’s visit. Writer/director Stephen Belber. Co-stars Carla Gugino, Matthew Lillard.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/nwumszd

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 62% of us say we feel good about ourselves when someone ‘likes’ our social media posts. (What an accomplishment. Congratulations.)
• 34% of us hit the ‘snooze’ button at least 3 times every morning, particularly those aged 25-to-34. (Have you ever thrown your entire alarm clock or phone?)
• 31% of children have asked their parents to stop swearing. (“Mom, you’re embarrassing me!”)
• 25% of married people say that if they won big in the lottery, they would get a divorce. (And thereby lose half the money.)
• 15% of us have skipped out on a dental appointment … because we were scared. (Nooo, not the cavitron!!!!)
• 10% of car accidents are caused by the driver arguing with someone else in the car. (The GPS?)

LUNATIC LAWS:
● It’s a felony to possess a blowgun in California. Possession of an unlicensed firearm, however, is merely a misdemeanor. (Blatant discrimination against pygmies!)
● Federal flight regulations in Canada make it illegal to enter or exit a Canadian aircraft while it is in flight. It is also illegal to make a parachute jump without a parachute. (You’ll not only be squished, you’ll be busted!)
● It’s illegal in Britain for trucks to drive under bridges that are too low for them to drive under. (A law invented by Monty Python?)
● Since 1980 Wyoming has banned the photographing of rabbits from January through April without written permission. (From the rabbit?)
● In Singapore, you are liable for a $500 fine for leaving a public restroom without flushing the toilet. (Wouldn’t you love the job of enforcing this one?)
– PA News

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Manspreading’ – The act of a man sitting with his knees spread widely apart, particularly on public transit, thereby preventing someone from taking an adjacent seat.
• ‘Sneckdown’ – A snowy ‘neckdown’; an inadvertent traffic-calming device created by piles of snow that extend out into the street at the corners of an intersection after a plow has passed.
• ‘Uni-moon’ – A vacation taken separately by a newly married couple in lieu of a honeymoon. Seems demanding jobs and conflicting schedules have led to separate post-wedding trips.
• ‘Winter Dibs’ – The saving of a parking space that one has cleared of snow by blocking the spot with one or more chairs or similar objects.

MOBILE MALADY:
If being unable to answer your nearby buzzing smartphone has ever driven you a little batty, you’re not alone. University of Missouri researchers exploring the impact of iPhone separation on users say the effects can be both psychological and physiological. What’s more, the stress of being without one’s phone can negatively impact performance on mental tasks. Why the addiction? It’s thought iPhones become such an extension of our selves such that when separated, we experience a lessening of ‘self’ and a negative physiological state. The researchers also note a jump in blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety can be significant. (Last Fall, the first case of Google Glass addiction was reported.)
– Newser.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
There is little international trade in onions, as 90% are consumed in their country of origin.
– BBC News

BS CHRONOMETER 01.14.15


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [67] T Bone (Joseph Henry) Burnett, St Louis MO, singer-songwriter/record producer (Diana Krall, Elton John, Gregg Allman, John Mellencamp, Willie Nelson, etc)

1963 [52] Steven Soderbergh, Atlanta GA, movie director (“Magic Mike”, “Traffic”)/film producer (“Good Night, and Good Luck”, “Michael Clayton”)/TV director (“Behind the Candelabra”)

1968 [47] LL Cool J (James Todd Smith), Bay Shore NY, Grammy Awards host since 2012/TV actor (‘Sam Hanna’ on “NCIS: LA” since 2009)/movie actor (“Last Holiday”)/former rap artist (“Luv U Better”)

1969 [46] Dave Grohl, Warren OH, rock singer-guitarist (Foo Fighters-”The Pretender”, Them Crooked Vultures-”New Fang”, Nirvana-”Smells Like Teen Spirit”)

1969 [46] Jason Bateman, Rye NY, movie actor (“Up In the Air”, “Juno”)/TV actor (“Arrested Development” 2003-06, 2013; “Silver Spoons” 1982-84, “Little House On the Prairie” 1981-82)

1982 [33] Caleb Followill, Mount Juliet TN, rock singer-guitarist (Kings of Leon-”Use Somebody”, “Sex on Fire”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Assembly Line Workers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1st ‘Automobile Assembly Line’, created by Henry Ford 101 years ago today (1914).

• “Caesarean Section Day”, commemorating the 1st successful procedure of the kind, performed in 1794 by Dr Jesse Bennet in Edom VA on his wife. (To celebrate, leave your house this morning by going out through a window.)

• “Dress Up Your Pet Day”, a day to assert our dominance over the dumb creatures of the animal kingdom by humiliating them in human attire … then laughing at them. Don’t forget to Photoshop a monkey’s head on, then post it online so the entire world can mock them.

• “Makar Sankranti”, the mid-Winter festival of India & Nepal that marks the transition of the Sun beginning it’s northward journey, what’s called the ‘Uttarayan’. The event is marked by flying kites. Hey, if it means Spring is getting a bit closer … we’re all for it!

• “Organize Your Home Day”, a day make sure there’s a place for everything and to then put everything in its place. The first step to organizing is to unclutter. (Or get a Home & Garden Channel TV show to do it for you.)

• “Work at Home With Your Spouse Day”, to encourage couples to make the most of their relationship and skills by starting a business together. Are there ways to do it without killing each other?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2013 [02] In a taped interview with Oprah Winfrey, 7-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong admits to taking performance-enhancing drugs to improve his cycling performance

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1989 [26] The movie soundtrack “Dirty Dancing”, which consists mainly of classic oldies, reaches Diamond status (sales of 10 million+ copies)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2009 [05] Citing health concerns, Apple Computer CEO Steve Jobs announces his plan to step aside from the day-to-day operations at the computer giant, saying Tim Cook will take over

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1973 [42] Last ‘Perfect NFL Season’ as Miami Dolphins beat Washington Redskins 14-7 at Super Bowl VII in Los Angeles to finish with a 17-0 record (members of that Dolphin team still celebrate when the last undefeated NFL team finally loses each season)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Academy Awards nominations revealed
[Thurs] Humanitarian Day
[Fri] International Fetish Day
[Sat] Chili Days
[Sat] Kid Inventors Day
[Sun] Winnie the Pooh Day
This Week Is … Fresh Squeezed Juice Week
This Month Is … International Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS


BS SIGNS YOU’RE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR JOB:
• You’re terrified of going too long without checking your work email. What if something’s happened?
• Wherever/whenever, you’re ready to answer its call.
• Sometimes you just can’t believe how much attention it requires.
• Your job is always like, “me, me, me, me, me!”
• It’s completely normal for you to stay over for a night or two.
• You don’t mind getting dressed up to impress it.
• Grabbing a soft drink from the vending machine is your idea of going out for drinks.
• Vacations never seem quite right.
• Your parents don’t really ‘get it’, but they’re cool with it as long as you’re happy.
• You miss it on weekends.
– Adapted from BuzzFeed.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I must be getting older. Lately all I’m looking for is a one-night-sit.

ACTUAL BUMPER STICKERS:
“This car is a Mercedes in the Witness Protection Program!”
“If ya don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”
“The more I know men, the more I like my cat.”
“So many pedestrians, so little time …”
“Don’t tailgate me or I’ll flick a booger on your windshield.”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ You must live exclusively on one food for an entire month. Which do you pick?

IDIOTIC INVENTIONS:
One of these is not a real invention, while the others were actually marketed. Find the fake …
● ‘Musical Bra for Mozart Lovers’
● ‘Coffin With Escape Hatch’
● ‘Artificial Spray-on Dirt for 4WD Vehicles’
● ‘Single-Leg Pantyhose for Bank Robbers’ (BS fake.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: THIS nightly household activity has dropped by 80% since 1960.
Answer: Reading bedtime stories to kids.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If anything is worth doing, it’s likely already been done.


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