Tuesday, January 15, 2013        Edition: #4904

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A hearing date has been set for today at which famous felon Lindsay Lohan is scheduled to learn her punishment for violating probation that dates back to her jewelry theft case (if this goes true to form, she either won’t show or her lawyers will pitch for a delay) . . . Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II has ruled that, should the expectant Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton) have a daughter, she will have the title of ‘Princess’ (what’s the alternative – ‘Lightweight Champion’?) . . . Meantime, Prince William & Kate have announced that their royal babe is expected to arrive in July (remember when the world couldn’t get enough of Charles & Diana?) . . . Robin Roberts has announced she intends to return to “Good Morning America” (ABC) sometime in February, after receiving a bone marrow transplant to treat the rare blood disorder MDS (the lady is tough!) . . . Actress Heather Graham (“The Hangover”) has escaped injury after fire broke out in her 12th-floor Manhattan penthouse when candles around her bathtub ignited a pile of clothes left nearby (what we wanna know is – who all was in the tub at the time?) . . . “South Park” creators Matt Stone & Trey Parker are launching their own production company, Important Studios, to create future TV & film projects (might include a bigscreen adaptation of their hit Broadway musical “The Book Of Mormon”) . . . And adult film producer Vivid Entertainment is suing Los Angeles County over a voter-approved measure requiring porn actors to wear condoms, claiming that the new law infringes on First Amendment rights (the right to bare bayonets?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nicki Minaj (“Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Big Boi (“Vicious Lies & Dangerous Rumors”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Hives (“Lex Hives”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Yo La Tengo (“Fade”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – A$AP Rocky (“Purple Swag”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Highlights of past visits by Prince.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Vintage Trouble (“The Bomb Shelter Sessions”).

• Aerosmith – “NY Post” reports that frontman Steven Tyler is single again after breaking off his engagement to Erin Brady. The couple had been dating since 2006.
• Brad Paisley – His next album will be titled “Wheelhouse”. His first solely self-produced album is due for release April 9th.
• Britney Spears – TMZ is reporting she’ll be taking on a Las Vegas residency that’s expected to net her gazillions. A source close to Spears claims the deal will ‘eclipse’ the kind of money that Celine Dion has raked in with her Vegas shows … $100 million per year.
• Dierks Bentley – He’s appealing for fans’ help after his beloved dog ‘Jake’ ran away from his Nashville, Tennessee home during a thunderstorm. The long-haired Labrador has accompanied him to numerous awards ceremonies and has also co-starred in several of his music videos.
• Florida Georgia Line – “Cruise” tops the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart for the week ending January 19th.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s released his first new music in 7 years, previewing the new single “Suit & Tie” on his website since Sunday. So, the movie roles are drying up JT?
• Lady Gaga – She’s reportedly taking drama lessons in the hope of making the tricky transition from pop star to successful movie actress. “Daily Star” reports that she’s set herself the goal of winning an Oscar in 5 years.

• “The Possession” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): A young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, unaware that a ‘dibbuk’, a dislocated spirit that inhabits and ultimately devours its human host, lives inside it. Her father teams with his ex to find a way to end the curse. Stars Natasha Calis, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Kyra Sedgwick.
• “To Rome With Love” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): Director Woody Allen’s latest is a story about a number of people in Italy – some American, some Italian, some residents, some visitors – and the romances and adventures and predicaments they get into. Stars Alec Baldwin, Penelope Cruz, Jesse Eisenberg, and Ellen Page, plus Allen himself.
• “Taken 2” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Liam Neeson returns as retired CIA operative ‘Bryan Mills’ who, alongside his wife, is taken hostage in Istanbul by the father of the kidnapper he killed while rescuing his daughter in the original film. Co-stars Famke Janssen, Maggie Grace. According to screenwriter Luc Besson, this will be the only sequel.
• “Won’t Back Down” ( PG Drama ): Two determined mothers look to transform their children’s failing inner city school. Facing a powerful and entrenched bureaucracy, they risk everything to make a difference in the education and future of their children. Stars Viola Davis, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Holly Hunter.
• Also released today: “30 Nights of Paranormal Activity With The Devil Inside the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (Parody); “Being Human: Season 4” (TV); “King: A Filmed Record … From Montgomery to Memphis” (Documentary); Merlin: The Complete 4th Season” (TV); Perry Mason: The 8th Season” (Vintage TV); and “Surviving The Cut – Season 2” (Reality TV).

Multiple sources say we should expect some sort of announcement about a ‘Facebook Phone’ today. It’s not entirely clear if this will be an actual piece of Facebook-branded hardware or if the company will simply be using hardware from a phone-maker to show off some sort of new Facebook operating system for mobile phones. That is to say, it could very well be that the rumored Facebook Phone is more about a Facebook OS that runs on a phone … or a few phones. (This’ll be fab: Every time you text someone, it sends you a long list of other people you might want to contact.)
– TechCrunch.com

It seems money may be able to buy happiness after all – but it costs nearly $5 million, according to a poll for Yahoo! Personal Finance. That’s the amount the average person would need to buy their dream home and vehicle, and have the vacations and lifestyle they aspire to. But don’t hold your breath – stats show It would take someone with an average income about 94 years to earn this amount. (Wanna be happy? Shoot low: An apartment with heat … a car that starts … clean underwear.)
– Yahoo.com

A recent online poll of thousands of females reveals that …
• The #1 want of women surveyed is sex – preferably good sex – which beats out friendship, romance, love, financial security, and honesty.
• More women want to be in a loving relationship than women who want to be in an honest one.
• More women desire a man who is financially secure than a man who is faithful.
• At the same time, more women want a man who makes them laugh than a guy who earns lots of money.
• More women want an attractive & strong guy than one who doesn’t cheat.
• However, more women want an intelligent partner than want an attractive one.
• On the other hand, intelligence received fewer votes than kindness and caring.
• And contrary to what we hear in beauty pageants, women want virtually everything more than they want world peace.
– PA News

Our Western diet may be one reason up to 95% of North American teenagers suffer from acne, according to recent research. The study examined the skin and lifestyle of the residents of Kitava Island in Papua New Guinea and found absolutely NO acne, even among teens. Scientists say that’s because Kitava islanders are physically active, and eat a low-fat, high-carbohydrate diet of mostly roots, fruits, and vegetables, which keeps their insulin levels low. It’s thought that high insulin levels stimulate oil production in the pores, thereby causing zits. (You mean greasy fries cause pimples? Who woulda thought?)
– “Archives of Dermatology”

• 55% of women and 44% of men think they are photogenic.
• 51% of pet owners say they sing “Happy Birthday” to their pets.
• 41% of Europeans speak English as a second language.
• 20% of us never use mouthwash.
• 17% of men and 9% of women admit they’ve kept dating people past their ‘expiration date’ just so they could have sex on a regular basis.
• 8% of us use a foot instead of a hand to flush the handle when using a public washroom.

• Avoid dating a subordinate.
• Keep your love life to yourself.
• Avoid public displays of affection.
• Avoid electronic love letters.
• Keep your love quarrels at home.
• Don’t let your relationship affect your performance.
• Be ready to move to a new job if things don’t work out.
– CareerBuilder.com

Sally Frith from Gloucestershire UK is a massive fan of “Les Misérables”. Over 25 years she has notched up a total of 957 visits to see the famous musical on stage, spending something like £50,000 ($79,000) in doing so. That has to be some sort of record for stage musical obsession. Yesterday she attended a screening of the film version for the first time, which she describes as ‘absolutely mind-blowing’. (She may personally make it a blockbuster.)
– BBC News

Air passengers’ behavior is subject to the laws of the country the plane is registered in, not the country the airline is based in.
– Magazine Monitor


1947 [66] Andrea Martin, Portland ME, movie actress (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”)/former TV comedian (Emmy Award-“SCTV”)/stage actress (Tony Award-“My Favorite Year”)

1968 [45] Chad Lowe, Dayton OH, TV actor (“Pretty Little Liars” since 2010, “Life Goes On” 1991-93)/movie actor (“Unfaithful”)/brother of actor Rob Lowe

1978 [35] Eddie Cahill, NYC, TV actor (‘Detective Don Flack’ on “CSI: New York” since 2004)

1979 [34] Drew Brees, Austin TX, NFL quarterback (New Orleans Saints)

1981 [32] Pitbull (Armando Pérez), Miami FL, rapper (“Give Me Everything”, “I Know You Want Me [Calle Ocho]”)

1988 [25] Skrillex (Sonny Moore), LA CA, electronic dance music artist (“Bangarang”, “Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites”)

• “Fresh Squeezed Juice Day”. So what’s your preference … Orange? Grapefruit? Tomato? Red Man Chaw?

• “Hat Day”, a day to dispel the boredom of mid-Winter by wearing the goofiest hat you can find. Always hilarious on radio.

• “Humanitarian Day”, encouraging people to work together enthusiastically to disrupt the vicious cycle of poverty, hunger, and neglect.
NET: http://humanitarianday.com/index.html

1988 [25] “Good Morning, Vietnam”, starring Robin Williams as an unorthodox and irreverent Armed Forces Radio DJ is released in movie theaters

1983 [30] “Down Under” by Men At Work hits #1 on pop singles chart (in 2010, a court rules the flute solo is based on the kids’ song “Kookaburra Sits In the Old Gum Tree” and awards the copyright owner 5% of royalties backdated to 2002)

1967 [46] 1st ‘Super Bowl’ (although it isn’t called that until 2 years later) as 61,946 fans pay 10 bucks a ticket to watch legendary coach Vince Lombardi’s Green Bay Packers beat the KC Chiefs 35-10 in Los Angeles (MVP is Packer QB Bart Starr)

2001 [12] ‘Wikipedia’, the free content encyclopedia, goes online

1983 [30] Tom Syles of Van Nuys, California sets a world record by keeping a single Life Saver candy intact in his mouth for 7 hours, 10 minutes

[Wed] “American Idol” 12th season debut (FOX)
[Thurs] Kid Inventors Day
[Thurs] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Thurs] Sundance Film Festival begins
[Fri] “Fringe” 2-hour series finalé (FOX)
[Fri] International Fetish Day
[Fri] “Broken City”; “Mama”; “The Last Stand” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Universal Letter Writing Week
This Month Is … Clean Up Your Computer Month


• “You and Your Birthmarks”
• “Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity”
• “The UK Guide to Brushing Teeth”
• “Different Ways to Spell Bob”
• “How to Gain Weight and Keep It On”
• “The Greenpeace Guide to Buying Quality Baby Seal Coats”
• “The Big Book of Things to Put in Your Ear”
• “Mortgage Reduction Through Arson”
• “High Fiber Sex”

You run down the list while a caller or studio guest rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
✳ ‘Out of Office’ auto-reply on email.
✳ Weight-loss diets.
✳ ‘TUMS Freshers’, heartburn tablets that also freshen breath.
✳ Tina Fey and Amy Poehler as emcees.
✳ The $10,000 Yves Béhar designer cellphone.
✳ Thank-you gifts for teachers.
✳ ‘Pay Wave’ credit cards, the new ones you just wave over the terminal to use.
✳ Chocolate-flavored vodka.
✳ Destination weddings.
✳ Cannabis-infused skin care products that promise quick relief from pain and soreness.

I’m multi-talented … I can talk and annoy you at the same time.

When the power goes off, how long will food in your refrigerator stay cold enough to be eaten safely?
a. 4-to-6 hours. [CORRECT, if you don’t open the door. Items in a half-full freezer are probably safe for 12 hours; a full freezer for 2 days.]
b. 6-to-8 hours.
c. 8-to-10 hours.
– “Prevention Magazine”

☎ Finish this sentence: “Wouldn’t it be great if ….”

Question: If you’re average, you’ll do this 16 times today.
Answer: Swear.

Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

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