Monday, January 16, 2012        Edition: #4669

Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

• The bad news for soap fans: ABC-TV’s “One Life to Live” signed off for good on Friday. The good news is, several of its characters will live on in the network’s last remaining soap, “General Hospital”. Daytime Emmy Award-winner Roger Howarth, Emmy-nominated Kassie DePaiva, and fan-favorites Michael Easton and Kristen Alderson will reprise their characters in a new storyline beginning on “GH” at the end of January. (Daytime TV’s just not the same without ‘my stories’.)
• British comic Russell Brand has moved into a new home in Los Angeles just weeks after splitting from pop star Katy Perry. Moving vans were spotted at the couple’s marital home in the Hollywood Hills shortly after he filed for divorce December 30th and then headed to his hometown of London. Now he’s flown back to the US to move into a new $1.5-million property that he’s renting, which boasts a swimming pool and views over LA. (There was a rumored weekend meeting with Katy about the possibility of reconciliation … her idea.)
• Veteran actor Gene Hackman, perhaps best remembered for his Oscar turn in “The French Connection” (1971), is back home recuperating after a motorcycle accident in Key West, Florida on Friday afternoon that resulted in him being airlifted to hospital. Original reports suggested he had serious injuries to the head and body but his rep now says he suffered only minor bumps and bruises. (An 81-year-old biker … he’s one tough dude!)
• 50-year-old actress Heather Locklear (ex-“Melrose Place”) has now been discharged from Los Robles Hospital & Medical Center in Thousand Oaks, California in ‘good spirits, smiling and talkative’, according to a hospital spokesperson. She was rushed to the ER on Thursday afternoon after reportedly mixing prescription medication with alcohol. It’s seemingly against her wishes, but her family is now said to be looking at getting her into rehab. (“But she said no, no, no ….”)
• Estranged twosome Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony didn’t look anything like a couple in the midst of a divorce as they promoted their new Latin American talent show, “Q’Viva! The Chosen” (Univision) on Saturday. Anthony was spotted complimenting his soon-to-be-ex on the jewelry she was wearing, and the pair even briefly held hands at the event. Asked what it’s like to be working together again, Lopez responded that it’s the same as any other time. Quote: “We have a great time working together.” (BS translation: Money talks.)
• Jay-Z & Beyoncé have received so many gifts for their newborn daughter Blue Ivy that they’ve decided to donate the bulk of them to local charities for needy young mothers in NYC. Oprah Winfrey reportedly gave them a huge trunk of children’s books and others like Diddy, Kanye West, Rihanna, and Mariah Carey have sent expensive baby trinkets. One item they’re said to be keeping … a diamond-encrusted Cartier mannequin, a gift from a friend in the music biz that’s thought to be worth $20,000. (Blue has officially got her first piece of bling.)


• “Alcatraz” (FOX/CityTV) – Series premiere of a new JJ Abrams drama starring Sam Neill (“Jurassic Park”), Jorge Garcia (“Lost”), and Sarah Jones as specialists investigating the reappearance of the fabled prison’s most notorious prisoners and guards, 50 years after they vanished. Shot in Vancouver.
• “Betty White’s 90th Birthday: A Tribute to America’s Golden Girl” (NBC) – A celebration of the comic actress’ birthday (January 17th) featuring guests & musical performances. Serves as a lead-in to the premiere of “Off Their Rockers”, a new hidden-camera show in which seniors pull pranks on younger people (a rip-off of the popular European show “Benidorm Bastards”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – St Vincent (“Strange Mercy”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Big Time Rush (“BTR”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) –Boyz II Men (“Twenty”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Goldheart Assembly (“Wolves & Thieves”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Chiddy Bang (“Breakfast”, out February 28th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Seal (“Soul 2”, out January 24th).
• “The Revolution” (ABC) – Debut of a new 1-hour 2 pm talk show featuring Tim Gunn (“Project Runway”), Ty Pennington (“Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”), personal trainer Harley Pasternak, health expert Dr Jennifer Ashton, and relationship guru Dr Tiffanie Davis Henry. Each week the show focuses on the ‘personal journey’ of 1 woman over the course of 5 months.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Jennifer Hudson (“I Remember Me”).


• Adele – After recovering from vocal cord surgery she’s set to make her live comeback at the “Brit Awards” show on February 21st, where she’s nominated in 3 categories.
• Black Sabbath – They have moved operations to the UK from Los Angeles so they can continue to work on a new album with guitarist Tony Iommi while he gets medical attention for early stages of lymphoma.
• Blake Shelton – He tells the February issue of “Cosmopolitan” one reason he loves his wife Miranda Lambert is because she isn’t afraid to try to cook anything.
• Brad Paisley – He may be an excellent guitar player now but admits he got a ‘D’ in guitar class during his first semester at Belmont University. That was more due to his cavalier attitude and not showing up than lack of ability.
• Guns ‘N Roses – Guitarist DJ Ashba says that making a new album is a priority and ‘absolutely everybody’s goal is to get out an album within a reasonable amount of time’. (That could be years if their last effort is any indication.)
• Justin Bieber – His next album, “Believe”, is said to include appearances by Drake, Kanye West, and The new project is expected to drop later this year.
• Kelly Clarkson – Word has it she’ll sing the anthem prior to Super Bowl 46 on February 5th in Indianapolis IN, but the NFL has yet to confirm that. Also rumored but not confirmed: Miranda Lambert & Blake Shelton performing “America the Beautiful”.
• Lil Wayne – He’s inked a deal to publish “Gone Till November”, a compilation of the diaries he kept during his 8 months in Rikers Island prison on gun charges. The book is scheduled for a November 28th release, according to the “Hollywood Reporter”.
• Madonna – In a new interview with “Newsweek”, she comments on the similarities between her classic “Express Yourself” and Lady Gaga’s 2011 hit “Born This Way”. Quote: “I thought, ‘What a wonderful way to redo my song’. I thought it was … interesting.” (Meow!)
• Van Halen – Eddie Van Halen has donated 75 guitars to Los Angeles-area schools in conjunction with the ‘Mr Holland’s Opus Foundation’. The guitars all come from his personal collection.
• – At his first conference in his new role as ‘Director of Creative Innovation’ for Intel Corp, he showed up retro-dressed Jazzy Jeff-style and proclaimed the Ultrabook to be ‘the new ghetto blaster’. (Should we expect a new line of floppy disk drives soon?)

• The family of compounds known as alcohols are all toxins that can kill you, whether instantly, quickly, or gradually.
• It’s thought that fermented beverages were made as early as 100,000 years ago, when people first spread out of Africa.
• ‘Auto-Brewery Syndrome’ is a rare human condition in which high levels of candida yeast in the human intestines churn out so much alcohol that they can cause drunkenness.
• A lean, muscular person is less affected by booze than someone with more body fat because water-rich muscle tissues absorb alcohol more effectively.
• Until the early 1900s, whiskey and brandy were widely accepted as scientifically-approved medicines.
• Surplus wine in Sweden is distilled into ethanol, mixed with gasoline, and sold at service stations.
• The  carbon dioxide in champagne bottles creates 90 lbs of  pressure per square inch, 3 times the pressure in your car tires.
– “Discover Magazine”


Sex and sleep may be the all-time favorite activities in the bedroom, but what comes next? According to a recent survey, almost two-thirds of us read in the bedroom, and a majority talk or text on the phone, listen to music, and watch TV. About a third of us exercise, 18% eat, and another 18% tell researchers that they … ‘entertain’.
– PA News


For thousands of combat veterans, driving has become an ordeal and there are new concerns about higher accident rates among returning troops. After combat tours in Afghanistan and Iraq, many find themselves straddling the middle line on roads, subconsciously worrying about bombs buried on the verge. Some avoid cramped parking lots without obvious escape routes. Once their problems were viewed mainly as a form of road rage or thrill-seeking. But increasingly, erratic driving by veterans is being identified as a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
– “New York Times”


• Cats & dogs have cleaner mouths than humans. In fact, letting your puss lap your face poses less health risk than smooching your favorite human. (Odds are your spouse doesn’t have tuna breath however.)
– “Ladies’ Home Journal”
• For the 1st time in 45 years, murder is no longer one of the top 15 leading causes of death in the US, according to a new report from the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention. (It’s #16 … with a bullet.)
– “USA Today”
• Impractical sportswear has persisted in many sports. As late as 1876, athlete Marshall Brooks was regularly performing high-jumps … in a top hat. (Stylin’!)
– “Sunday Telegraph”


1959 [53] Sadé (Helen Folasade Adu), Ibadan, Nigeria, pop/jazz singer (“Soldier of Love”, “Smooth Operator”)

1974 [38] Kate Moss, Addiscomb UK, fashion model who’s appeared on over 300 magazine covers

1979 [33] Brenden Morrow, Carlyle SK, NHL winger (Dallas Stars captain)/2010 Winter Olympics

1980 [32] Albert Pujols, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, MLB baseball superstar (new 10-year deal with LA Angels is worth circa $254 million, St Louis Cardinals 2001-11)/9-time All-Star/2- time World Series champ (2011, 2006)/3-time National League MVP

1981 [31] Nick Valensi, NYC, rock guitarist (The Strokes-“Last Nite”, “Juicebox”)

1985 [27] Joe Flacco, Audubon NJ, NFL quarterback (Baltimore Ravens since 2008)


• “Appreciate a Dragon Day”, celebrating fictional dragons as memorable characters. (Let’s see, there was … uh …)

• “Elementary School Teachers Day”, honoring those who spend all day with our kids … because we certainly couldn’t. (How many ‘special days’ do these people get a year?)

• “Hot & Spicy Food International Day”, encouraging us to spice up our lives in order to add some zest to a winter’s day. What’s the absolute hottest thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

• “Human Relations Day”, a day set aside for the boss to interact with another species.

• “Martin Luther King Day” in America, a federal holiday observed annually on the 3rd Monday of January celebrating the life and achievements of late civil rights leader Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

• “World Religion Day”, when you all have the right to believe the same stuff I do.


1939 [73] 1st appearance of “Superman” comics


1988 [24] George Harrison’s “Got My Mind Set On You” hits #1 on pop singles chart (“This song only has 6 words, this song only has …”)

1996 [16] Jamaican anti-drug police mistakenly fire on a seaplane carrying Jimmy Buffett & U2’s Bono

1996 [16] Wayne Newton performs his 25,000th show in Las Vegas

1957 [55] 1st non-stop, around-the-world commercial airplane flight (how did anyone ever get off?)

1987 [25] 1st condom ads on TV (KRON San Francisco, California)

[Tues] Kid Inventors Day
[Tues] Rid The World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day
[Wed] “American Idol” season premiere (FOX)
[Wed] Winnie The Pooh Day
[Thurs] Popcorn Day
[Thurs] Women in Blue Jeans Day


Fresh Squeezed Juice Week / Healthy Weight Week / International Printing Week / International Snowmobile Safety Week / Skating Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
It’s “National Soup Month”. Have you tried any of these?
• ‘Campbell’s Cream of Gristle’
• ‘Old-Fashioned Grease & Weasel’
• ‘Habitant Pee Soup’
• ‘Tap Water & Lawn Trimmings’
• ‘Manhattan-Style Windex & Shrimp’
• ‘Heinz Turkey Gizzard Swill’
• ‘Sink Trap Surprise’
• ‘Sideburns ‘n Barley’
– First published in “BS” 1996.


What unusual name have you given your pet and why?


• Which can typically harbor up to 516,000 bacteria per square inch?
a. Your kitchen sink.
b. Your yoghurt.
c. Your armpit. [CORRECT]

• You are average if you have between 40 billion-and-50 billion of which?
a. Fat cells. [CORRECT]
b. Brain cells.
c. Pubic hairs.


Please don’t ask me what the score is, I’m not even sure what the game is.


Question: Men ask to borrow THIS from the women in their lives more than anything else.
Answer: Tweezers.


Showing up is 80% of life.


“The Bull Sheet” welcomes new subscriber Guy McDonald @ Good Hope FM, Cape Town WC, South Africa; and returning subscriber Lenny Firth @ Life FM, Adelaide SA, Australia; and this week’s samplers who include Ernie Robinson @ The Platypus [CCKC] Nova Scotia Community College, Dartmouth, Nova Scotia; Amos Ashley @ 104.9 Star FM [2AAY] Albury NSW, Australia; Wayne Dutton @ 104.9 Imagine FM, Stockport, Greater Manchester UK; and Cory & Jason @ US 96.3 [WUSJ] Jackson, Mississippi.

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