Monday, January 17, 2011        Edition: #4426
Another Sheetload of Bull!

• Estranged show biz couple Tish & Billy Ray Cyrus have been spotted enjoying a movie in Burbank, California with 2 of their children that are not named Miley … despite having filed for divorce back in October. No word on what movie they say, but if we had to bet … we’d say “Country Strong”.
• Movie actor Owen Wilson (“Little Fockers”) has a new role to tackle … fatherhood! An inside source has confirmed The 42-year-old star welcomed a baby boy with girlfriend Jade Duell in Hawaii on Friday. Aw, now he has a “Little Focker” all his own.
• 56-year-old media mogul Oprah Winfrey has admitted on CNN’s new program “Piers Morgan Tonight” that the failure of her 1998 film “Beloved” caused her to go into a tailspin, the only time in her life she was seriously depressed. She coped with it, she says, by eating … putting on 30 lbs-worth of mac & cheese.
• “Mad Men” actress Christina Hendricks is hiding a steamy secret … she posed for “Playboy” magazine back in the ‘90s. The flamed-haired bombshell can be seen in a photospread alongside 2 other scantily-clad models in matching silver bikinis and long, blond wigs in a series of sexy snaps published in a 1999 edition.
• Legendary 73-year-old Hollywood ladies’ man Jack Nicholson says he’s put his womanizing ways to bed, saying it would be ‘undignified’ to chase girls at his age. After allegedly sleeping with thousands of women and siring 5 offspring via 4 different partners, the actor says that stage of his life is over, although he admits he’d still be a rogue if he … ‘had the energy for it’.
• And the Hollywood baby boom continues – 34-year-old actress Alicia Silverstone (“Clueless” and more recently … “Clueless”) is set to be a first-time mom, expecting a baby with 40-year-old rocker-husband Christopher Jarecki (STUN) later this year according to her rep. They wed in 2005 after 8 years together. A 14-year relationship in Hollywood? Must be a record.

• “The Bachelor” (ABC) – Bachelor Brad Womack and a date record a duet at a Capitol Records studio, where they are surprised by singer Seal.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – My Chemical Romance (“Danger Days: The True Lives Of the Fabulous Killjoys”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Bruno Mars (“Doo-Wops & Hooligans”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – School Of Seven Bells (“Disconnect from Desire”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Best Coast (“Crazy For You”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Steven Tyler (“American Idol”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Motown legend Stevie Wonder.
• “Today” (NBC) – James Blunt (“Some Kind Of Trouble”, out tomorrow).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Maroon 5 (“Hands All Over”).

• Backstreet Boys – AJ McLean has announced he’s checked into rehab ‘for personal reasons’, but contends the “NKOTBSB Tour” featuring Backstreet Boys with New Kids On the Block will kick off as planned on June 2nd.
• Christina Aguilera – According to “TV Week”, she’ll perform the anthem ahead of “Super Bowl 45” February 6th at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington TX, although the NFL has not confirmed it.
• Justin Bieber – He was briefly hospitalized after filming another episode of CBS-TV’s “CSI” (airing February 17th). Word is he developed breathing trouble due to an allergic reaction but is fine now.
• No Doubt – Gwen Stefani has been named the new face of cosmetics giant L’Oréal Paris. She says she’s thrilled as she’s always ‘loved playing dress-up’. Just what a gazillion-dollar, multi-national corporation wants to hear.
• Tim McGraw – He’s  once again atop this week’s “Billboard” ‘Country Songs’ chart with “Felt Good on My Lips”.
• U2 – The official opening date for “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” has been delayed once again, to March 15th. In the meantime, the Broadway show will remain in previews while Bono and The Edge work alongside director Julie Taymor to ‘work out the kinks’.

If you think parenting isn’t your thing, you can now declare yourself a ‘GINK’ (Green Inclinations, No Kids), meaning you’ve consciously chosen to be child-free in order to help the environment as Earth’s population zooms toward 7 billion. It might seem like a lonely choice, but more and more are now going for it. Nearly 1-in-5 women end up not having kids, according to the latest stats. (It’s so much easier to rent.)

Britain’s Dale Air Co is in the business of creating … smells. Among their odorific creations: ‘Egyptian Mummy’ for a Swedish museum; ‘Eau De Latrine’ for the UK’s Imperial War Museum; and the yummy ‘Sports Changing Room’. They also offer scents for sophisticated dinner parties, including ‘Fresh Coriander’, ‘Roast Chicken’, and ‘Mixed Spices’ for the first part of the meal, then ‘Virtual Chocolate’ for dessert. Despite the release of these mouth-watering scents, the company’s all-time best-seller is still … ‘Flatulence’.

According to a recent poll on scents, here’s what stinks best …
5. Babies.
4. A wood fire.
3. Lavender.
2. Rain.
1. Baking bread.
– AP

A nationwide study on cursing finds that men are twice as likely to use swear words when angry as women. The research also shows that the average female has 29 nasty words in her vocabulary, while the average male is fluent with about 50. (That’s a heckuva lot of body parts and religious expressions to memorize!)
– PA News

These days what are known as ‘love padlocks’ can be seen adorning walls, fences, chains, and bridges worldwide. The practice is thought to have originated in China, where lovers write their names or initials on a padlock, lock it to a permanent public fixture, then throw the keys into a river as a sign of never-ending devotion. The custom probably originated in the 1980s, although many locks only began appearing in the past 5 years. So far, most ‘love padlocks’ seem to be found in Asia and Europe. (Two bridges in Paris are adorned with thousands of them.)

A look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of motorists will be involved in at least 1 traffic accident in their lifetime.
• 45% of moms use their kids’ full names when punishing them.
• 40% of pet owners bake or cook for their pets.
• 22% of married couples first met their spouses at work.
• 20% of women say they would never, ever exercise in front of a guy.
• 8% of us would allow a reality-based TV show to film us ‘doing it’.

• An elephant can be hired for about $30 in New Delhi, India.
– “Magazine Monitor”
• By law in the Netherlands, prostitutes are required to charge a 19% sales tax. The Dutch government warns ‘working women’ to expect regular audits.
– AP
• An international survey shows that the Dutch feel the least shame about indulgences, while Australians are most burdened with guilt.
– “Social Studies”


1922 [89] Betty White, Oak Park IL, movie actress (“The Proposal”)/TV actress (“Hot in Cleveland” since 2010, “The Golden Girls” 1985-92)/senior du jour  BS FACTOID: TV Land and the cast of “Hot in Cleveland” are throwing a birthday party in Betty’s honor tomorrow night at Le Cirque in NYC and, in true seniors’ style, the big bash kicks off at … 6 pm.

1939 [72] Maury Povich, Washington DC, TV talk show host (“The Maury Povich Show” since 1991)/Mr Connie Chung since 1984

1942 [69] Muhammad Ali, Louisville KY, 3-time heavyweight boxing champ with career record of 56-5 including 37 KOs and 19 successful title defenses for $69-million total earnings/Parkinson’s victim

1955 [56] Steve Earle, Hampton VA, alt-country singer (“Copperhead Road”, “Guitar Town”)

1962 [49] Jim Carrey, Newmarket ON, movie actor (“A Christmas Carol”, “Bruce Almighty”)

1964 [47] Michelle Obama, Chicago IL, US First Lady/wife of 44th US president Barack Obama/fashion icon/poverty awareness, healthy eating advocate

1971 [40] Kid Rock (Robert James Ritchie), Romeo MI, country/rock singer (“All Summer Long”, “Picture”)

• “Customer Service Day”, a reminder of just how important it is for any business.

• “Judgment Day”, a day to look at yourself in the mirror and see how you’re doing on your New Year’s resolutions. Some dissenting folk somewhere have named this “Ditch New Years Resolutions Day”, a day to be honest with yourself and admit that you’re never gonna do it … whatever it was.

• “Kid Inventors Day”, to acknowledge past & present accomplishments of kid inventors and encourage the creativity of future kid inventors. It’s estimated a half-million children and teens invent gadgets and games each year.

• “Martin Luther King Day” in America, observed annually since 1986 on the 3rd Monday of January to mark the January 15th birth date of slain civil rights leader Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929-1968). It’s one of 4 US federal holidays that commemorate an individual person.

• “St Anthony Day”, honoring the patron saint of domestic animals. That’s why today is also the annual “Blessing Of the Animals” at the Cathedral in Mexico City, when chickens, cows, and house pets decorated with flowers are on parade.

1972 [39] Memphis TN officially renames Bellvue Street ‘Elvis Presley Boulevard’ (all the new street signs immediately disappear)

1995 [16] Shania Twain releases her first hit single, “Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?”

1795 [216] 1st ‘Curling Club’ organized, the Dudingston Curling Society in Edinburgh, Scotland (the next day, the 1st skip suffers a severe hangover)

1874 [137] 1st well-known Siamese twins Chang and Eng, who are joined at the chest, die at 63 (after years of touring with the PT Barnum Show, they retired to 2 farms in North Carolina, married 2 sisters and raised 2 families … alternating nights between farms!)

1995 [16] NFL’s Los Angeles Rams announce move to St Louis (the USA’s #2 market has been without a pro football team ever since)

1996 [15] Ottawa Senators play 1st game in new 18,000-seat ‘Palladium’ (later known as ‘Corel Centre’ and now renamed ‘Scotiabank Place’)

[Tues] Winnie the Pooh Day
[Tues] Thesaurus Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day
[Wed] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Wed] “American Idol” season debut (FOX/CTV)

Activity Professionals Week / Bald Eagle Appreciation Days / Fresh Squeezed Juice Week / Healthy Weight Week / Hunt For Happiness Week / International Printing Week


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• A murmur of cardiologists.
• A rash of dermatologists.
• A poke of gynecologists.
• A clot of hematologists.
• A dose of pharmacists.
• A pile of proctologists.
• A stream of urologists.

Is it a good idea to notify your employer about a relationship with a co-worker? Should it be required? (The Fenland District Council in Britain has ordered all municipal government workers to apply in writing for permission to have an office romance. Any affairs that take place without the proper paperwork will be considered ‘gross misconduct’.)

• What dog carries the name of the English cleric who first bred it?
a. St Bernard.
b. Jack Russell. [CORRECT, named for the Reverend John Russell.]
c. Shih Tzu.
– “Totally Trivial”

• What color is ‘puce’?
a. Yellowish-green.
b. Greenish-blue.
c. Reddish-brown. [CORRECT]
– “New Woman”

• What did a 2001 survey of 5,000 navels determine is ‘almost always’ the color of belly button lint?
a. Blue. [CORRECT]
b. White.
c. Puce.
– “Trivial Pursuit: 20th Anniversary Edition”

Got a text from a bored housewife saying she wanted some hot action … so I sent her my ironing.

Today’s Question: According to a new poll, beards are the #1 turn-off for women when it comes to men, followed by pierced ears, and THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Comb-overs.

You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.

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