Wednesday, January 18, 2012          Edition: #4671

Bully For You!

Both weekends of California’s annual “Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival” (April 13-15 and April 20-22) have been sold out in a matter of hours (headliners this year include Radiohead, The Black Keys, Dr Dre & Snoop Dogg) . . . “Golden Globe”-winning movie star George Clooney has started out 2012 clean and sober after opting to temporarily give up booze, at least for a few months (Quote: “I’m giving my liver a chance to catch back up”) . . . Actor Matt Le Blanc has jokingly told he would consider a “Friends” TV reunion as he ‘could use the money’ (because since 2004 he’s appeared in … uh …) . . . Steven Spielberg tells “Access Hollywood” he spent 5 years trying to bring his new drama “Smash” to TV because the idea of a series set behind-the-scenes at a Broadway show failed to excite network executives (debuts February 6th) . . . It’s been confirmed that Megan Fox is now going up against Lindsay Lohan for the role of screen legend Elizabeth Taylor in Lifetime’s new TV movie “Liz & Dick” (guess they didn’t need an actress for the role) . . . Writing on his official blog, Brit comic Ricky Gervais says he’s instructed his agent not to let him host the “Golden Globe Awards” ever again (of course, he said that after last year’s show as well) . . . And 36-year-old Brit actress Kate Winslet says the ‘ultimate challenge’ for her would be to play a man onscreen, although she doesn’t know when or if it will ever happen (“Titanic 2: Transgender”?).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Host Ryan Seacrest and judges Jennifer Lopez, Steven Tyler, and Randy Jackson return for part 1 of the 2-night, 11th-season premiere as hopefuls perform in Savannah, Georgia.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Decemberists (“The King Is Dead”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Wale (“Ambition”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ellie Goulding (“Lights”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – “The Fray” perform “Heartbeat” from their album “Scars & Stories”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Parachute (“The Way It Was”).

• Avril Lavigne – “Life & Style magazine is reporting she’s split with boyfriend Brody Jenner, reality-TV star Kim Kardashian’s half-brother. They’d been dating since shortly after she left her husband, Sum 41 rocker Deryck Whibley, at the end of 2009.
• Beyoncé – She’s defending her decision to employ extra security guards at NYC’s Lenox Hill Hospital where she gave birth to daughter Blue Ivy, insisting she needed added protection for the sake of her baby. Other parents at the maternity unit claimed the bodyguards caused problems by refusing access to other patients and their families.
• Elton John – His partner David Furnish tells “NY Post” he thinks Madonna’s “Golden Globe” win for ‘Best Song’ questions the integrity of the awards. Quote: “Can you sing Madonna’s song? Can you hum it? It’s a song nobody has heard, from a film few have seen.” (Meow!)
• Eric Church – “Drink In My Hand” is set to become his first #1 single, taking over the top spot from David Nail’s “Let It Rain” when the new ‘Country Songs’ chart is officially released Thursday.
• Kid Rock – He’s now formally apologized to fans for illegally firing up a cigar at a smoke-free Travis Tritt concert in Detroit, Michigan on Friday night. He blames the discourtesy and negligence on his ‘alcohol-induced state’ at the time. (At least he’s honest about it!)
• Ozzy Osbourne – His 59-year-old wife Sharon has revealed they have sex ‘all the time’, claiming she even takes time off from her daytime show “The Talk” to spend more time in the sack with her 63-year-old hubby. Quote: “We used to do it 5 times a week.” (Uh, waaay TMI!)
• Trent Reznor – His soundtrack for “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” failed to win ‘Best Original Score’ at the “Golden Globes” but he has plenty of other musical projects up his sleeve this year, including an album from How to Destroy Angles (the band he formed with his wife Mariqueen Maandig) and possibly new Nine Inch Nails material.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Blonde Roast’ – Starbucks launched this new, mellower brew last week, described as the ‘coffee for the non-coffee drinker’. It’s instructed its baristas there are to be absolutely no blonde jokes told about the product whatsoever. (“Excuse me, but each time I sip my Blonde Roast coffee, my eye seems to hurt.” “Maybe you should try taking the spoon out first?”)
• ‘Cash Mob’ – A spontaneous ‘flash mob’ aimed at helping a neighborhood business with purchasing power. Twitter and Facebook are used to draw crowds to targeted small businesses at a specific time. Participants promise to spend at least $20, meet at least 3 new people … and to have fun! (We sense a radio promotion here … why not start your own version of Groupon involving station sponsors?)
– “San Diego Union-Tribune”
• ‘PajamaJeans’ – They look like a regular pair of jeans (authentic denim color, high-contrast stitching, back pockets with stitched designs) but are made from a blend of cotton and spandex that’s both stretchy and cushy, giving them a jersey-like feel. (Camouflaged slobbyness … a new height of tacky!)


Google has announced that its search results will soon offer a new, personalized dimension. Dubbing the initiative ‘Search, Plus Your World’, the company says it will enable users to get results from the public Internet plus info drawn from ‘personal content or things shared with you by people you care about’. Critics say this is nothing new, it’s already happening. They say the assumption that typing a term into a search engine will yield the same result every time, no matter who is doing the searching, is wrong. In fact, Internet activist Eli Pariser demonstrated the disparity of so-called ‘tailored search results’ a year ago. (Is this an advancement or just more invasion of privacy?)


A recent Gallup poll ranks the honesty and ethical standards of people in various professions. The top professionals (and percentage who select their ethics as ‘very high’) …
5. Police Officers (54%)
4. High School Teachers (62%)
3. Medical Doctors (70%)
2. Pharmacists (73%)
1. Registered Nurses (84%)
(Tied at the bottom: politicians, lobbyists, and car salespeople … at 7%.)


• The United States Army is introducing its own brand of videogaming peripherals as part of promotional efforts targeting young men, it’s been announced. The range of weapons and communications gear will be designed to work with some of the world’s most popular titles, such as “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3”. (New recruits will soon have years of experience on army weaponry before they even sign up.)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• The new ‘EcoATM’ offers the chance to recycle old phones and MP3 players … and get paid for them. Just deposit your unwanted electronic device in the gizmo’s metal ‘mouth’ and it analyzes both condition and internal working order. When its analysis is complete, it gives you a quote on the spot. If you accept, it spits out cash. (Introduced at last week’s Consumer Electronics Show, it will likely begin appearing in electronics stores in future.)
– “USA Today”
• Finally, a toilet worthy of Apple fanboys! Meet the ‘iPoo Toilet’, which sadly only exists as a conceptual design … so far. Designer Milos Paripovic admits his Apple logo-shaped invention has exactly the same functions as other toilets but costs far more because it’s all about style and the cachet of being able to brag ‘I use the iPoo’. (The man has a wicked sense of humor.)

Overcast days can certainly feel gloomy and they might even fog your brain. In a recent Environmental Health study, researchers used simple cognitive tasks like short-term recall to evaluate the mental effects of weather on both men and women, some with symptoms of depression. The subjects were scattered across different climes. Those who were depression-free had sharp thinking no matter the weather. But among those who were already feeling down, less sunlight was associated with dulled thinking. (Time to plan a beach week!)
– “Psychology Today”


The ‘Winkinator Challenge’ at Mary Jane’s Café in Warrensburg, Missouri is a massive breakfast platter consisting of a 17-inch diameter, half-inch-thick pancake; 12 eggs; 8 pieces of sausage; 12 strips of bacon; and 2 large glasses of chocolate milk. The meal weighs in at just over 5 lbs. If you inhale it all, it’s free and you get a t-shirt plus your picture posted on the Hall of Fame. Despite this motivation, only 1 customer has ever managed to eat the whole thing.

• Burger King restaurants prepare over 950,000 lbs of bacon for breakfast customers each year.
• In Spain, it is common to pour chocolate milk or café au lait on cereal for breakfast.
• 75% of all raisins eaten by North Americans are eaten at breakfast.
• Battle Creek, Michigan produces the most breakfast cereal of any city in the world.


1955 [57] Kevin Costner, Lynwood CA, movie actor (“The Guardian”, “Field of Dreams”)/movie director (1991 Oscar-“Dances With Wolves”)

1971 [41] Jonathan Davis, Bakersfield CA, rock singer-drummer-bagpiper (Korn-“Evolution”, “Twisted Transistor”)

1980 [32] Jason Segal, LA CA, TV actor (‘Marshall Eriksen’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005)/movie actor (“The Muppets”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)


• “Cut Yourself Some Slack Day”, a day to ‘do unto ourselves what we would have others do unto us’. Hey masochist, give yourself a break!

• “Hair Dryer Appreciation Day”, a day to pause and reflect on what a gift this time-saving electrical appliance is to your daily life … just as it zaps a jolt up your right ulna.

• “Thesaurus Day”, celebrating the birthday of the author of “Roget’s Thesaurus”. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779. Say, what’s another word for thesaurus anyway?

• “Winnie the Pooh Day”, honoring the birthday of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne (1882-1956) in London UK. (Disney says thanks for the profits, dude.)


2000 [12] 38-year-old TV actor Michael J Fox announces he’s leaving his TV comedy “Spin City” to fight Parkinson’s disease


1992 [20] Right Said Fred’s novelty hit “I’m Too Sexy” is released

1996 [16] Lisa Marie Presley files for divorce from Michael Jackson after 20 months of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences


1989 [23] Donald Burns of Bermuda becomes ‘World’s Loudest Human’ by shouting at a level of 119 decibels

1997 [15] Norwegian Borge Ousland crosses Antarctica, all 1,675 miles … alone! (so how do we know he really did it?)

2005 [07] The Airbus A380, ‘World’s Largest Commercial Jet’ (800 passengers), is unveiled at a ceremony in Toulouse, France

[Thurs] Popcorn Day
[Thurs] Women in Blue Jeans Day
[Thurs] Women’s Healthy Weight Day
[Fri] Sundance Film Festival begins
[Sat] Fancy Rat & Mouse Day
[Sun] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
This Week Is … Handwriting Analysis Week
This Month Is … International Quality of Life Month


• To impress the babes.
• It’ll bring in the tourists.
• To get Iraq to turn down the damn music.
• Already spent a lot of money on a beautiful leather bomb case.
• For when some son-of-a-bitch in a Porsche cuts us off on the freeway.
• Hey, we’re a bunch of lunatics who want to destroy the world. So sue us!

Life’s too short to dance with ugly men.

☎ Who’s your all-time favorite TV character?

Some of these are real names of past or present musical acts, some are total BS. Which are which?
• Millennium Sunrise [BS]
• Mozambique [BS]
• The Velcro Pygmies [real]
• Brimstone Idiocy [BS]
• A Box of Fish With Tartar Sauce [real]
• Prince Pungent  [BS]
• Briefcase Aboriginal [BS]
• Hot Rod Shopping Cart [real]
• Peace Love & Pitbulls [real]
• Buck Naked & The Bare Bottom Boys [real]

• What’s a sentence that contains all the letters of the alphabet called?
a. ‘Optiphrase’
b. ‘Pangram’ [CORRECT. Such as: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”; “Sphinx of black quartz judge my vow”; or “The five boxing wizards jump quickly.”]
c. ‘Smorgasentence’

• You are a ‘bathmophobe’. Which can’t you stand?
a. Bathtubs.
b. Anything slimy with 8 legs.
c. Stairways. [CORRECT, along with steep slopes.]
– Yahoo! Answers

Question: The average person will spend 2 weeks of their lifetime doing THIS.
Answer: Waiting for traffic lights to change.


It’s better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.

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