Friday, January 18, 2013          Edition: #4907

Bully For You!

Saturday, memorabilia from legendary NYC nightclub Studio 54 and photos of stars partying there (á la Bianca Jagger, Diana Ross, Farrah Fawcett, Sylvester Stallone) go up for auction in Palm Beach, Florida (NET: . . . Reality TV star Kim Kardashian says she’s becoming desperate to end her marriage to NBA player Kris Humphries as she prepares to start a family with Kanye West (the marriage lasted 72 days; the divorce is going on 2 years) . . . Cirque du Soleil has announced it’s laying off 400 of its 5,000 employees, despite posting record revenues of $1 billion and selling more than 14 million tickets last year (apparently the price of clown makeup has skyrocketed) . . . “Bourne Legacy” actor Jeremy Renner is expecting a baby with an unnamed ex-girlfriend (nice timing, dude – you pay for previous play) . . . 48-year-old actor Russell Crowe is denying he’s dating ‘burlesque artist’ Dita Von Teese, saying they’re friends, not lovers (but still leaves us with a horrific mental pic in the process) . . . 42-year-old singer-songwriter and former “American Idol” judge Kara DioGuardi is going to be a mom (via surrogate) and already has a name for her expected son – ‘Greyson James Carroll McCuddy’ (um, isn’t that bad luck?) . . . And talent-challenged Paris Hilton has picked up $300,000 in chump-change from the low-brow Danish reality TV show “Paradise Hotel”, for which she shot a few scenes in Mexico (in between tanning sessions on the beach).

• Big Day Out (Australia) – Kicking off today in Sydney, the annual 10-day touring music festival is headlined by Red Hot Chili Peppers and The Killers. More than 30 first-timers have also joined the 2013 tour, including Band Of Horses, BoB, Sleigh Bells, Vampire Weekend, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (“The Heist”).
• “Fringe” (FOX) – Tonight is the 2-hour finalé of the JJ Abrams series after a 5-season run. The finalé also marks the 100th episode and promises a ‘climactic conclusion’.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The Jezabels (“Prisoner”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight The Joy Formidable (“Wolf’s Law”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight The Amazing (“Gentle Stream”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Jennifer Lawrence (“ Silver Linings Playbook”); musical guest The Lumineers (“Ho Hey”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Big Boi (“Vicious Lies & Dangerous Rumors”).

• Foo Fighters – Tonight at the Sundance Film Festival, Dave Grohl performs with the Foos and a ‘supergroup’ of musicians tagged the ‘Sound City Players’ to promote his new “Sound City” documentary about the iconic LA recording studio. The line-up includes: Brad Wilk (Rage Against the Machine); Corey Taylor (Slipknot); John Fogerty (CCR); Krist Novoselic (Nirvana); Rick Nielsen (Cheap Trick); and Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac), among others.
• George Strait – Tonight the 60-year-old country legend’s 2-year final tour gets under way in Lubbock, Texas. “The Cowboy Rides Away Tour” features special guest Martina McBride throughout the 2013 dates.
• Phish – Tonight in Toronto, Ontario, frontman Trey Anastasio embarks on a tour of intimate venues with his Trey Anastasio Band, spotlighting material from his new solo album, “Traveler”.
• Skrillex – This week his 25th birthday party in LA ended in disaster when his hair caught on fire as he tried to blow out the candles on his turntable-shaped birthday cake. He’s OK … though scarred and half-bald.
• Soundgarden – Tonight the reformed alt-rock band kicks off a North American tour in Washington DC. So far, dates are booked through February 17th in Los Angeles.
• Stone Sour / Papa Roach – Sunday their co-headlining North American tour gets underway in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Stone Sour is touring in support of its latest effort, “House of Gold & Bones Part 1”, while Papa Roach recently released “The Connection”.

• “Broken City” ( R-Rated Crime Thriller ): Mark Wahlberg plays an ex-cop in a city rife with injustice who seeks revenge after being double-crossed and then framed by its corrupt mayor (Russell Crowe). Co-stars Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jeffrey Wright. Shot in New Orleans and New York City.
• “Mama” ( PG-13 Horror ): In this new spin on the haunted-kid horror genre, a couple faces the challenge of raising two young nieces who were left alone in the forest for 5 years. But just how alone were they? Stars Jessica Chastain (“Zero Dark Thirty”), and child actresses Megan Charpentier and Isabelle Nélisse. Shot in Toronto and Hamilton, Ontario.
• “The Last Stand” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): The leader of a drug cartel busts out of a courthouse and speeds to the Mexican border, where the only thing in his path is an aging sheriff (Arnold Schwarzenegger) and his inexperienced staff. Co-stars Forest Whitaker, Johnny Knoxville, Rodrigo Santoro. Shot in New Mexico.

It’s a stomach-turning idea but an alternative to gastric bypass surgery could soon enable overweight people to eat and drink as much as they want and still lose weight. The idea is to surgically install a valve into a patient’s stomach and through their abdominal wall. This allows them to pump out some of their food 20 minutes after they eat. The gizmo’s developer, Aspire Bariatrics of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, is now seeking a patent. In clinical trials the system has helped people lose an average of 20 kg (45 lbs) in a year; some nearly twice that. (“Errrrp, I’m so full. Excuse me while I go turn on my tap and purge. Are you up for dessert after?”)

Compared to these oddball treatments, today’s flu shots are a piece of cake …
• ‘Smoke Ball’ – Insert tubes in your nose, then squeeze the ball to release vapors of carbolic acid.
• ‘Flu Mask’ – During the 1919 epidemic, many wore one of these super-unattractive contraptions over their faces whenever they were in public.
• ‘Flu Spray’ – The old-timey version of Purell-ing the crap out of something … spraying down commuter buses with anti-flu spray.
• ‘Germ Trap’ – All the powers of a roll of toilet paper wrapped around your face.
• ‘Gargling Class’ – In 1933 this was actually a thing … gargling classes in schools.
• ‘Warning Sign’ – If all else fails, wear a sign … or hang one on your kid. A 1939 Incarnation read: “Stop kissing this baby, for the love of God!”

A new invention means pet owners can now feed their animals when they’re away … via smartphone. Carlos Herrera has developed a wireless pet feeder that owners can control from their cellphone to ensure their animals never miss a meal. Called the ‘Pintofeed’, it not only dispenses food, either on a schedule or by phone command, but also monitors your pet and sends alerts. Owners can be updated on their pets’ feeding routine by text, email, Facebook or Twitter message. (The word ‘obsessive’ keeps popping to mind here.)

Do your Levi’s leave you high and dry? The brain trust at Wrangler certainly thinks so. So they’re introducing what they’re calling ‘Denim Spa Jeans’ … moisturizing jeans for women. They come in 3 different styles: ‘Aloe Vera’, ‘Olive Extract’, and ‘Smooth Legs’. Hard to believe, but North Americans spend a whopping $13 billion per year on jeans. Wrangler thinks this new product may be just the gimmick to wrangle a bigger share of that market. (Lame? At least they’re better than ‘jeggings’.)
– Adapted from

Historically, Baby Boomer consumers and older customers have been less likely than younger peers to visit dining establishments. But that’s changed since the recession, according to the NPD Group research firm. In the last 5 years, older patrons have grabbed an increasing share of restaurant traffic, with more visits to every segment of the restaurant industry than before the economic downturn. So-called ‘millennials’ under age 35, however, have been staying away according to the report. (Now every restaurant’s patronage resembles South Florida.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

• People who read nutrition information on food labels eat 5% less fat than people who don’t.
• The first silicone breast implant was carried out on a dog called ‘Esmerelda’.
– BBC News


1955 [58] Kevin Costner, Lynwood CA, movie actor (“The Guardian”, “Field of Dreams”)/movie director (1991 Oscar-“Dances With Wolves”)

1971 [42] Jonathan Davis, Bakersfield CA, rock singer-drummer-bagpiper (Korn-“Evolution”, “Twisted Transistor”)

1980 [33] Jason Segal, LA CA, TV actor (‘Marshall Eriksen’ on “How I Met Your Mother” since 2005)/movie actor (“The Muppets”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)

Country singer-songwriter Dolly Parton is 67; TV chef Paula Deen is 66; TV actress Bitsie Tulloch (“Grimm”) is 32.

Classic rock guitarist Paul Stanley (KISS) is 61; TV host Bill Maher (“Real Time With Bill Maher”) is 57; Country singer John Michael Montgomery (“Sold”) is 48; TV actor Rainn Wilson (“The Office”) is 47; Rock drummer Rob Bourdon (Linkin Park) is 34; Country singer Brantley Gilbert (“You Don’t Know Her Like I Do”) is 28.

• “Cut Yourself Some Slack Day”, a day to ‘do unto ourselves what we would have others do unto us’. Hey masochist, give yourself a break!
• “Hair Dryer Appreciation Day”, a day to pause and reflect on what a gift this time-saving electrical appliance is to your daily life … just as it zaps a jolt up your right ulna.
• “International Fetish Day”, the 3rd Friday of the year, celebrating the various kinds of kink that the kinky get off on. A few actual fetishes you may not have heard of …
– Agalmatophilia … A fixation on statues, dolls, mannequins, or any human-like object.
– Chremastistophilia … Excitement at being robbed or held up.
– Dendrophilia … Sexual attraction to trees and plants.
– Emetophilia … Being aroused by being puked on or by puking on others.
– Eproctophilia … No BS, this is sexual arousal from farting.
– Furry Fandom … Most ‘furries’ just like to dress up in animal costumes and hang out.
– Hybristophiliac … Being sexually attracted to violent individuals, ie: imprisoned criminals.
– Melophilia … The erotic worship of music.
– Pogonophilia … A fascination with bearded men.
• “Maintenance Day”, honoring all janitors & building maintenance personnel. (Because they’re good natured swabs!)
• “Thesaurus Day”, celebrating the birthday of the author of “Roget’s Thesaurus”. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779. Say, what’s another word for thesaurus anyway?
• “Winnie the Pooh Day”, honoring the birthday of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne (1882-1956) in London UK. (Disney says thanks for the profits, dude.)

• “Popcorn Day”, a day to celebrate the healthy (until you load it with salt & butter) and addictive treat.
• “Tin Can Day”, marking the patent of a process for storing food in tin cans issued to Ezra Daggett & Thomas Kensett.

• “Healthy Weight Week” begins, the 20th annual through January 26th, designed to debunk fad diets and advocate healthful ways of promoting fitness.
• “Penguin Awareness Day”, a day to increase awareness of the interrelationship between humans and marine animals. (Not sure where the official celebration is being held, but you can bet they’ll be wearing tuxes!)
• “Take A Walk Outdoors Day”, because spending the entire Winter mall-walking can turn you all pasty-white.
• Zodiac sign of Aquarius (the ‘Water Carrier’) begins. Aquarians are said to be stubborn, opinionated, unpredictable, and conceited, but also far-sighted, visionary, original, and innovative.

2012 [01] SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) and PIPA (Protect IP Act) are opposed online with a 1-day blackout by Wikipedia and more than 100,000 other websites

1996 [17] Lisa Marie Presley files for divorce from Michael Jackson after 20 months of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences (ie: fights over makeup)

2005 [08] The Airbus A380, ‘World’s Largest Commercial Jet’ (800 passengers), is unveiled at a ceremony in Toulouse, France

[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Mon] Hugging Day
[Mon] Squirrel Appreciation Day
[Tues] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
[Tues] Celebration of Life Day
This Week Is … Handwriting Analysis Week
This Month Is … International Quality of Life Month


After a week of press previews the “North American International Auto Show”, one of the world’s largest automotive exhibitions, opens to the public tonight through January 27th in Detroit, Michigan. Over 700,000 visitors are expected. FYI, here are a few …
✗ Cadillac Cyst
✗ Dodge Glove
✗ Hyundai Accordion
✗ Chrysler Junta
✗ GMC Eczema 500
✗ Chevy Spleen
✗ Jeep Johnson
✗ Ford Gelding

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

☎ Would you volunteer for a one-way trip to Mars? That is the proposition the non-profit organization ‘Mars One’ is putting forth in its search for 4 brave people. If the plan works, we will see Mars being colonized as early as 2023.

Which food do most dieters say is the most difficult to give up?
a. Ice cream
b. Potato chips
c. Cheese [CORRECT]
– “University of California @ Berkeley Wellness Letter”

Question: 70% of women say if THIS doesn’t happen on the first date, there won’t be a second.
Answer: Laughter.

A good woman can whip you with one eyelash.

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