Monday, January 18, 2016          Edition: #5611


Bully For You!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Today “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” is finally coming to UK television after a campaign by the show’s fans in Britain. ITV 2 begins airing the show on weekday afternoons more than 12 years after it debuted in 2002 in the US. The show has since won a total of 38 Daytime Emmy Awards including 4 for ‘Outstanding Talk Show’. Last month DeGeneres launched the social media campaign after hearing that her show could only be seen in Britain via YouTube. Degeneres, who has 52.4 million followers on Twitter, tweeted the news saying: “We got Elley on the telly!”
– ContactMusic.com
★ Actor Liam Neeson is set to front a new tourism campaign for his hometown of Ballymena, Northern Ireland to give the region a boost amid rising unemployment. The “Taken” star grew up in the area, which is being blighted by job losses after two of the biggest employers have announced plans to close their plants. Since the recent decision to close the Michelin tire factory, Neeson has agreed to appear in a series of ads to help attract more tourists to the region. The actor, now a US citizen, was previously honored in his hometown in 2013 when he was presented with the ‘Freedom Of the Borough’.
– WENN.com
★ And a Pennsylvania couple is struggling to sell a house used as the home of psychotic killer ‘Buffalo Bill’ in the 1991 film “The Silence Of the Lambs”. Scott & Barbara Lloyd first listed the Perryopolis PA house last Summer, but after little interest they’ve now dropped the asking price from $300,000 to $250,000. The house was the second-most clicked home on Realtor.com last year, but the publicity seems to have attracted curiosity seekers, not serious buyers. Anthony Hopkins & Jodie Foster both won Oscars for the film. By the way, there isn’t really a pit in the basement where the killer kept his victims. Those grisly scenes were filmed on a soundstage.
– “Pittsburgh Tribune-Review”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Brantley Gilbert (“Just As I Am”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Elton John (“Wonderful Crazy Night”, out February 5th).
• “J Cole Forest Hills Drive: Homecoming” (HBO) – The rapper’s life story is told through his own words and music using concert footage.
• “Just for Laughs Starring Howie Mandel” (CW) – Comic Howie Mandel (“America’s Got Talent”) hosts a comedy event featuring performances from Jeff Ross, Pete Holmes, and Jim Breuer.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Josh Groban (“Stages”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Brothers Osborne (“Pawn Shop”).
• “MasterChef Celebrity Showdown” (FOX) – Stars and past “MasterChef” contestants take part in culinary showdowns to win money for charity. A two-hour special hosted by Gordon Ramsay and Christina Tosi.
• Sydney Theatre Awards (Sydney, Australia) – Cate Blanchett and Hugo Weaving are up for  the top acting nominations, she for ‘Best Actress in a Leading Role’ for her play “The Present”, and he for ‘Best Actor in a Leading Role’ in Samuel Beckett’s “Endgame”. Overall,  “Endgame” and “Suddenly Last Summer” have a leading 6 nominations apiece; “The Present” has 4.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Hank Williams Jr (“It’s About Time”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jewel – She’s no longer single as she’s in a new relationship with NFL player Charlie Whitehurst. Word has it she’s been dating the Indianapolis Colts quarterback on the sly. Jewel’s friend, “Entertainment Tonight” host Nancy O’Dell, has shared pic online that seems to confirm the couple’s new status.
• Ne-yo – He’s set to wed his pregnant fiancée Crystal Renay next month just before the birth of their first child. Thanks to excited guests who have posted pics of the invitation online, we now know the big day is going down February 20th.
• U2 – After the band released “Songs of Innocence” in 2014, they touted a companion album called “Songs of Experience”. Now, in a new interview with “Q” magazine, The Edge confirms that they are finally completing that companion piece. The guitarist compares the recording process to how they made their 1993 album, “Zooropa”, their attitude being “Let’s just go for it!’”

BEACH ALARM:
Heading for a beach this winter? Here’s one way to finally stick it to sunburn. L’Oreal has unveiled a skin patch that tells wearers when they’ve been roasting in the sun too long. The ‘My UV Patch’ is a clear, stretchable skin sensor containing photosensitive dyes that change colors when exposed to too many UV rays. It and will be available for free later this year in 16 countries. The only downside? Eyeing your sun exposure isn’t as simple as seeing what color your stick-on is turning. No, users must take a picture of the patch and upload it to the accompanying ‘My UV Patch’ app to get the results. (Easier tip: When you’re glowing like a reactor, it’s time to get inside.)
– BBC Science & Technology

BS NUMBER CRUNCHING:
■ 500 cubic feet of air passes through your nose every day. (And all of it has been used previously by someone else!)
■ Bacteria-infested water droplets from a sneeze can float in the air for up to 40 minutes. (Talk about air pollution!)
■ It’s estimated the average newborn baby cries 60-to-90 minutes per day. (But to new parents it feels like 12 hours.)

SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED:
An ultra-luxurious mega-mansion in Arizona, boasting a bowling alley, a stand-alone spa, the 1st-ever residential IMAX movie theater, and even its own man-made river, has sold for a comparatively modest $5 million. The reason being … it’s not yet finished. In fact, it’s far from complete, construction having halted in 2012. The Scottsdale complex will include a total of 9 buildings, connected by a series of tunnels, across 14 acres. In total, there are 7 bedrooms and 12 bathrooms in the 25,000 square foot home. The property has become infamous as ‘Lot 1882′ to neighbors, and there are now plans for it to be rented out once it is completed. (Imagine this on Air B&B … $50 grand a night.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/glxng2n
– NYDailyNews.com

BIZARRE WAYS THEY FOUGHT FLU IN OLDEN DAYS:
Compared to these oddball treatments, today’s flu shots are a piece of cake …
• ‘Smoke Ball’ – Insert tubes in your nose, then squeeze the ball to release vapors of carbolic acid.
• ‘Flu Mask’ – During the 1919 epidemic, many wore one of these super-unattractive contraptions over their faces whenever they were in public.
• ‘Flu Spray’ – The old-timey version of Purell-ing the crap out of something … spraying down commuter busses with anti-flu spray.
• ‘Germ Trap’ – All the powers of a roll of toilet paper wrapped around your face.
• ‘Gargling Class’ – In 1933 this was actually a thing … gargling classes in schools.
• ‘Warning Sign’ – If all else fails, wear a sign … or hang one on your kid. A 1939 incarnation read: “Stop kissing this baby, for the love of God!”
– Condensed from Buzzfeed.com

BULB OF THE FUTURE?
The old-school incandescent bulb has been getting a bad rap, but MIT researchers say they’ve figured out a way to make one that’s energy efficient. In fact, their breakthrough could result in an incandescent bulb that’s far more eco-friendly than the modern-day LEDs or compact fluorescents. With traditional incandescent bulbs, more than 95% of the energy is lost through heat. But the researchers have gotten around this by encasing the filament in photonic crystal that bounces the escaping energy back to the filament, which then reabsorbs it and converts it to light. Think of it as ‘light recycling’. Also this new bulb emits the traditional warm incandescent glow that’s generally preferred to modern bulbs. (Ah, so we’ll be replacing all of them … again?)
– Science.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• People who read nutrition information on food labels eat 5% less fat than people who don’t.
– HaLife.com
• The first silicone breast implant was carried out on a dog called ‘Esmerelda’.
– BBC.co.uk

BS CHRONOMETER 01.18.16


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [61] Kevin Costner, Lynwood CA, movie actor (“The Guardian”, “Field of Dreams”)/movie director (1991 Oscar-”Dances With Wolves”)

1971 [45] Jonathan Davis, Bakersfield CA, rock singer-drummer-bagpiper (Korn-”Evolution”, “Twisted Transistor”)

1980 [36] Jason Segal, LA CA, TV actor (“How I Met Your Mother” 2005-15)/movie actor (“The Muppets”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cut Yourself Some Slack Day”, a day to ‘do unto ourselves what we would have others do unto us’. Hey masochist, give yourself a break!

• “Hair Dryer Appreciation Day”, a day to pause and reflect on what a gift this time-saving electrical appliance is to your daily life … just as it zaps a jolt up your right ulna.

• “Maintenance Day”, honoring all janitors & building maintenance personnel. (Because they’re good natured swabs!)

• “Martin Luther King Day” in America, a federal holiday observed annually on the 3rd Monday of January celebrating the life and achievements of late civil rights leader Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929-68).

• “Thesaurus Day”, celebrating the birthday of the author of “Roget’s Thesaurus”. Peter Roget was born on this day in 1779. Say, what’s another word for thesaurus anyway?

• “Winnie the Pooh Day”, honoring the birthday of “Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne (1882-1956) in London UK. (Disney says thanks for the profits, dude.)
 
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2012 [04] SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) and PIPA (Protect IP Act) are opposed online with a 1-day blackout by Wikipedia and more than 100,000 other websites

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1996 [20] Lisa Marie Presley files for divorce from Michael Jackson after 20 months of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences (ie: fights over makeup)

2004 [12] Jennifer Lopez’s divorce from her 2nd husband Cris Judd becomes final (his estimated settlement for a year of marriage … $15 million)

2011 [05] World’s largest collection of Beatles memorabilia goes on display in a new museum in Buenos Aires, Argentina (over 8,500 objects)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2013 [03] NASA scientists achieve a first in laser communication when they successfully beam a picture of Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘Mona Lisa’ to the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter, a spacecraft orbiting the Moon

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2005 [11] The Airbus A380, ‘World’s Largest Commercial Jet’ (800 passengers), is unveiled at a ceremony in Toulouse, France

2014 [02] A new world record is achieved by the UKs Lewis Clarke of Bristol as the 16-year-old becomes the youngest to trek to the South Pole

2015 [01] Over 6 million people attend a mass in Manila, Philippines given by Pope Francis

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Popcorn Day
[Tues] Tin Can Day
[Tues] World Day of Migrants & Refugees
[Wed] “Kocktails With Khloé” series debut (FYI)
[Wed] Penguin Awareness Day
[Wed] Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Activity Professionals Week / Fresh Squeezed Juice Week / Handwriting Analysis Week / Healthy Weight Week / Hunt For Happiness Week / International Snowmobile Safety Week / No Name Calling Week / Sugar Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
WHY FARTING IS BETTER THAN SEX:
• You don’t need to shower before farting.
• You can almost always have multiple farts. In fact, a guy can fart, and be ready to fart again immediately.
• A girl doesn’t need to fake a fart.
• You can’t get pregnant from farting.
• You can’t get AIDS from farting.
• You can share a good fart with a whole roomful of people without having to actually touch any of them.
• After you fart, your partner isn’t likely to blurt out, “You mean, that’s IT?!”
– First published in “BS” 2001.

REJECTED BS MODEL NAMES FOR NEW CARS:
✗ Cadillac Cyst
✗ Dodge Glove
✗ Hyundai Accordion
✗ Chrysler Junta
✗ GMC Eczema 500
✗ Chevy Spleen
✗ Jeep Johnson
✗ Ford Gelding
– First published in “BS” 2013.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

TRUTH OR BS?
• A sentence that contains all the letters of the alphabet is called an ‘optiphrase’. (BS. It’s known as a ‘pangram’. You’ve probably heard this one, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” But what about “Sphinx of black quartz judge my vow” or “The five boxing wizards jump quickly”?)
• A ‘ream’ of paper contains 1,000 sheets. (BS. 500.)
• Hamsters no longer exist in the wild. (True. In fact, all of the pet hamsters in the world are descended from a single female captured in Siberia in 1930.)
• A castrated sheep is called a ‘newt’. (BS. A ‘wether’.)
• The first Ford cars had Dodge engines. (True)
• The mayfly lives less than one full day. (True. It hatches, mates, lays its eggs, and dies … all within 24 hours.)

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the most important invention of the past 50 years?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You unfortunately have a tapeworm growing inside your intestine. So just how big can it get anyway?
a. About a foot/0.3 m.
b. A little over 1 yard/ 1 m.
c. Up to 32 ft/9.75 m long. [CORRECT. Enjoy your breakfast.]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: A survey shows about 1-in-3 guys have borrowed THIS from their wives or girlfriends.
Answer: Deodorant .

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Calvin Mlambo @ Jacaranda FM Mpumalanga, South Africa; Jonathan Alcantara @ La Mega 1400 Lawrence MA; Joe Haffner @ Joe Haffner Media, Kirksville MO; Kenneth Dillon @ 87.9 The Mix [Caster.FM] Whitehorse, Yukon; Jonathan Byrd @ KORN Country 100.3, Franklin IN; Randolph @ Hot 91.7 FM Nassau, Bahamas; and Darren Ferreira @ 99.3 KJOY Stockton CA.


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