Friday, January 19, 2018 – Edition: #6139

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Prince Harry is planning a celebrity-filled bachelor party in Switzerland before he marries Meghan Markle.  Expectations are that Harry and Meghan will also have a more civilized joint bachelor/bachelorette celebration (also known as a stag-hen party) back in the UK at his favorite polo club.  And, Markle will also likely have her own bachelorette party back home in California.
(Gee…which of the three would YOU rather go to?)
-CelebrityInsider
★ Scotland Yard has opened a third sexual assault investigation against Kevin Spacey, based on a complaint that was filed with London police last month. The investigation involves an alleged assault against an unnamed man in the London borough of Westminster in 2005, and follows claims filed against the actor of assaults that occurred in the southern borough of Lambeth in 2005 and 2008.
-TheWrap
★ Reese Witherspoon has another series headed to Apple and this one boasts Kristen Wiig as its lead. Witherspoon’s project will be Apple’s first half-hour scripted comedy.  Inspired by Curtis Sittenfeld’s upcoming short story collection “You Think It, I’ll Say It,” the show has received a 10-episode order by the tech company.
-TheWrap
★ Ellen Pompeo’s new two-year deal with ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ pays her $575,000 per episode (totaling over $20 million per year) – making her the highest-paid actress on a primetime drama.  By way of explanation, Pompeo said, “I’m not the most ‘relevant’ actress out there…I know that’s the industry perception because I’ve been this character for 14 years. But the truth is, anybody can be good on a show season one and two. Can you be good 14 years later? Now, that’s a <bleepin’> skill.”
-Cosmopolitan
★ The Situation will plead guilty to tax fraud today. The former “Jersey Shore” star and his brother were accused of not paying all federal income tax owed on approximately $8.9 million earned between 2010-2012. The Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino is facing up to 15 years in prison and his brother is facing up to 25 years. According to the Dept of Justice, Sitch and his brother “have agreed to plead guilty.”
(The situation that I don’t understand is this: Why do we live in a world where people like this make 9 million dollars???)
-TheBlast
★ Mike Tyson is not worried about any competition as he prepares to launch his cannabis empire, because he’s confident his marijuana will ‘knockout’ the competition.  Tyson also says he’s planning on bringing in his celebrity friends  to collaborate on the farm, and admits Snoop Dogg is a possibility because the two are “old smoking buddies.”
-TheBlast

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Trevor Noah, Dakota Fanning
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): J.K. Simmons
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Jordan Peele, Patrick Wilson, Lewis Black, Allison Miller ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Hugh Jackman, John Cena ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Catherine Zeta-Jones, guest co-host Yvette Nicole Brown
• “The Talk” (CBS): Hugh Jackman, O’Shea Jackson Jr.
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Dakota Fanning, Edgar Ramirez
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Dax Shepard, Nicole Richie, Mumford & Sons

SATURDAY-
• “One Winter Weekend” (HALLMARK): A writer goes on a dating detox, hoping that a spontaneous getaway will spark inspiration. But when she gets snowed into her double-booked chalet with an eligible man, things get complicated.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host Jessica Chastain with musical guest Troye Sivan.

SUNDAY-
• “Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards” (TBS): Kristen Bell hosts the 24th annual gala, which honors outstanding film and TV performances. Morgan Freeman receives the Life Achievement Award.
• “NFL Conference Championships” (CBS, FOX, CTV): Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots and Minnesota Vikings at Philadelphia Eagles

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Justin Timberlake – has all but guaranteed that another ‘wardrobe malfunction’ will not occur during his Super Bowl halftime performance.  Quote: “It’s just one of those things where you go, like, yeah, what do you want me to say?  We’re not going to do that again”.  (Still, if I were Janet, I’d be far, far away!)
• Katy Perry – has announced her latest lip-line with Covergirl Cosmetics.  Her  newest shades are completely cat-inspired, including ‘Candycat’, ‘Cateloupe’, ‘Pounce’ and ‘Tabby Tease’.  They are a continuation of ‘Katy’s Kat Collection’ line of cosmetics.
• Jonas Brothers – Rumors are flying that they are getting back together after the reactivation of their Instagram account. Although they haven’t confirmed anything, Ryan Liestman, a Jonas Brothers backing musician, posted a photo with Nick, Joe and Kevin with the caption “Family reunion,” further fueling the fire.
• Celine Dion – had to pull out of another two concerts in Las Vegas, making it five shows she’s had to cancel this month due to illness. While fans on social media have largely been sympathetic and posted notes of best wishes for Dion, some have expressed frustration that cancellations have often come at the last minute.
• Beastie Boys — It’s been nearly five years in the making, but they are finally ready to publish their memoir, which so far does not have a title.  Surviving members of the group, Mike D and Ad-Rock, hope to get it on the shelves for Fall.  No publishing date has been set.
• Bon Jovi – Howard Stern will induct them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame at the Hall’s annual ceremony on April 14 in Cleveland.
• Eagles – co-founder Glenn Frey’s widow Cindy has filed a wrongful death lawsuit against Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan over the January 18, 2016 passing of her late husband.  She accuses the hospital of negligence for failing to properly treat his ulcerative colitis, diagnose and treat infection, and advise of the risks and side effects from treatment.
• Spinal Tap – bassist Derek Smalls will release his first solo album, ‘Smalls Change (Meditations on Ageing)’ on April 13.  Harry Shearer, who played Smalls in the 1984 parody-rockumentary ‘This Is Spinal Tap’, has called upon an all-star guest list including David Crosby, Peter Frampton, Taylor Hawkins and Chad Smith to put together an album that he describes as “halfway between ‘rage against the dying of the light’ and trying to find the light.”
• Chris Stapleton – will co-headline the Forecastle Festival.  Also at the top of the bill:  Arcade Fire and Modest Mouse, for the three-day event in Louisville, Kentucky July 13-15.
• Old Crow Medicine Show – In observance of their 20th anniversary, they’ve gone electric — kind of.  Electric guitar will be heard on the traditional string outfit’s next album ‘Volunteer’, which arrives April 20.  They haven’t “plugged in” on an album since 2004.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “12 Strong” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure): The story of the first Special Forces team deployed to Afghanistan after 9/11; under the leadership of a new captain, the team must work with an Afghan warlord to take down the Taliban. (Chris Hemsworth, Michael Shannon)
• “Den of Thieves” (R-Rated, Action/Drama):  A gritty crime saga which follows the lives of an elite unit of the LA County Sheriff’s Dept. and the state’s most successful bank robbery crew as the outlaws plan a seemingly impossible heist on the Federal Reserve Bank. (Gerard Butler, Jordan Bridges, Pablo Schreiber)
• “Forever My Girl” (PG, Drama/Romance):  After being gone for a decade, a country star returns home to the love he left behind. (Alex Roe, Jessica Rothe)
• “Phantom Thread” (R-Rated, Drama):  Set in 1950’s London, Reynolds Woodcock is a renowned dressmaker whose fastidious life is disrupted by a young, strong-willed woman, Alma, who becomes his muse and lover. (Vicky Krieps, Daniel Day-Lewis)
• “The Final Year” (Not Rated, Documentary):  A chronicle of the Barack Obama administration’s foreign policy team and the events of Obama’s final year in office. (John Kerry, Barack Obama)

DON’T ARGUE ON FACEBOOK.  GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
A new study says what your spouse has probably been telling you all along: You should never argue with anyone on Facebook.  And it happens, doesn’t it?  You post an opinion, a complaint, or maybe a link to something you found interesting.  Next, someone posts a comment.  Maybe a negative one.  Then someone else posts another comment, disagreeing with you, or with the  commenter, and the next thing you know, it’s a free-for-all and people are firing threats and getting all personal.  Why is it so easy to get drawn in to an argument on social media?  Simple.  We respond very differently to what people write than to what they say–even if those things are exactly the same. That’s the finding of an experiment by UC Berkeley and University of Chicago. In the study, 300 subjects either read, watched video of, or listened to arguments about some hot-button topics. Afterward, subjects were interviewed about their reactions to the opinions with which they disagreed.  There was a distinct difference between those who had watched or listened to someone speak the words out loud and those who had read the identical words. Those who had listened or watched to someone say the words were less likely to dismiss the speaker as uninformed or heartless than they were if they were just reading the commenter’s words.  Researchers conclude that the best way for people to work out their differences and arrive at a better understanding is by talking to each other.  And for the love of all that is holy, DON’T argue with people over Facebook!
(No arguing on Facebook anymore?  What am I going to do with all that spare time?)
(And really, has anyone’s opinion ever been changed as a result of a Facebook argument?)
(Well, people who don’t agree with me shouldn’t be so opinionated!)
-Inc.

SEAT COVERS: BAD IDEA
Public toilets.  Not the greatest place to be.  And let’s face it, no one is there because they want to be.  And it’s even worse if you’re a germophobe.  But what you find yourself in a public toilet stall and there are no disposable seat covers provided?  What do you do?   You cover the seat with a few pieces of toilet paper so you at least create a barrier between your body and all that nasty bacteria.  Well, it turns out that is not the best approach at all.  Toilet seats are cleverly designed NOT to pick up bacteria.  Their curve and smooth surface prevents bacteria from sticking around, so they’re rather safe to sit on.  So where are all the germs?  Uh…on the toilet paper.  Germs get spread all around the stall when we flush the toilet. They latch onto the walls, the door handle, the toilet paper dispenser, and, of course, the actual toilet paper.  Yup, it’s actually better to just sit on a bare toilet seat than to create a toilet paper barrier.
(I’m guessing I shouldn’t blow my nose with that stuff either, then?)
(That’s why they say there are fewer germs on a toilet seat than on a kitchen counter…but I know where I’m still going to make my sandwiches!)
(My luck: I made my toilet paper germ barrier, sat down and did what I had to do, and discovered that I had used the last 10 squares!)
-22Words

STRANGEST THINGS YOU CAN BUY ONLINE:
10.  The Moon:   1 acre in the sea of tranquility can be bought for $32 through the New York based Lunar Registry.
9. Fake Fat:  Although it may have some redeemable use as an exercise motivator, there is no way that 5 pounds of artificial fat wouldn’t make this list.  From the Anatomical Chart Company.
8.  Baby Wigs:  Featuring everything from Lil’ Kim to Samuel L. Jackson, these miniature wigs let parents everywhere get a good laugh at the expense of their kids.
7.  Drive-Thru Kit:  This kit from Brevita Cooperative Association actually includes a physical drive through unit for you to kick start your business.
6.  USB Pet Rock:  All you have to do is plug the cable into the rock, sit back, and watch it not do anything.
5.  Banana Guard:  For all those times you wish your banana had just a little more protection, we introduce to you the most efficient banana defense mechanism known to man…the banana guard.  Over a million sold.
4.  A Serial Killer’s Fingernails:  Roy Norris, a famous serial killer, had his fingernail shavings sold on the internet for $10 a pop.
3. Celebrities:  The Millionaires Concierge lets you “rent” celebrities for private events. Prices range anywhere from $25,000 per day to $350,000 dollars per hour.
2.  A Mech:  For $350,000 you can buy yourself a commercial battle mech from a Japanese company called Sakakibara-Kikai  (Look it up).
1.  Urine-Powered Batteries:  Don’t ask.  But it’s true.
(Great…now to start your car, you just need to ‘go’!)
-List25

BS CHRONOMETER 01.19.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [72] Dolly Parton, Sevierville TN, country singer-songwriter (‘I Will Always Love You’)/movie actress (“9 to 5″)/amusement park owner (“Dollywood”)

1947 [71] Paula Deen, Albany GA, Chef (Emmy-Award-winning television host and author best known for her cooking shows on the Food Network)

1954 [64] Katey Sagal, Hollywood CA, TV actress (“Sons of Anarchy” 2008-14, “Married With Children” 1987-97, “Futurama” 1999-2013)

1972 [46] Drea de Matteo, Queens NY, TV actress (‘Det Tess Nazario’ on “Shades of Blue” since 2016, “The Sopranos” 1999-2006)

1982 [36] Jodie Sweetin, LA CA, TV actress (‘Stephanie Tanner’ on ABC-TV’s “Full House” 1987-95 and “Fuller House” since 2016 on Netflix)

1992 [26] Mac Miller (Malcolm James McCormick), Pittsburgh PA, rapper/producer (w/Ariana Grande-‘The Way’, w/Cobra Starship-‘Middle Finger’)/ Ariana Grande’s boyfriend since 2016

SATURDAY-
1946 [72] David Lynch, Missoula MT, filmmaker (“Blue Velvet”)/TV director (“Twin Peaks”)

1956 [62] Bill Maher, NYC, TV talk show host (“Real Time With Bill Maher” since 2003, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)

1966 [52] Rainn Wilson, Seattle WA, TV actor (“The Office” 2005-13)/movie actor (“Juno”)

1979 [39] Rob Bourdon, Calabasas CA, rock drummer (Linkin Park-‘What I’ve Done’, ‘Numb’)

1985 [33] Brantley Gilbert, Jefferson GA, country singer (‘One Hell Of an Amen’, ‘Bottoms Up’)

1987 [31] Evan Peters, St Louis MO, TV actor (“American Horror Story” since 2011)/movie actor (“X-Men: Days of Future Past”, “Kick-Ass”)

SUNDAY –
Movie actress Geena Davis (“Thelma & Louise”) is 62; DJ Chris Kilmore (Incubus) is 45; Pop singer Emma Bunton (ex-Spice Girls) is 42

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Popcorn Day”, a day to celebrate the healthy (until you load it with salt & butter) and addictive treat

• “Tin Can Day”, marking the U.S. patent of a process for storing food in tin cans issued to Ezra Daggett & Thomas Kensett in 1825.  FUN FACT: The can opener wasn’t invented until 1858.

• “Edgar Allan Poe Birth Anniversary”, celebrating the 1809 birth of the famed American writer of  “The Raven”, who’s also credited as being the inventor of the mystery novel.

• “Brew a Potion Day”, time for you to brew a potion for all your near and dear ones to make their day bewitched with fun.”

SATURDAY-
• “Cheese Lovers Day”, celebrating the more than 900 known cheeses of the world. Which is best?  Mmm, 18-month old Comté from France.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/jsnxhp7

• “Camcorder Day”,  is a tribute to videography of all varieties. Perhaps you’re a professional and enjoy shooting wildlife (with a lens, not a gun), or an extreme sports fan who attaches a GoPro to their helmet before jumping out of a plane.

• “International Day of Acceptance”, a day dedicated to the social acceptance of disability and to honor the late Annie Hopkins, founder of 3E Love and creator of the International Symbol of Acceptance.

SUNDAY-
• “Granola Bar Day”, saluting the former healthful treat that now more than likely is loaded with sugar, salt, chocolate, and some kind of hardened white gunk that they claim is yoghurt.

• “Hugging Day”, a day to hug anyone who will accept a hug and to see how many you can hug before the day is over. (Make sure you have a lawyer on retainer.)
NET: http://www.nationalhuggingday.com

• “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. So take a moment today and think about the squirrels. (Huh?!?)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2011 [07] Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler makes his debut appearance as a judge on the Season 10 premiere of FOX-TV’s “American Idol”, replacing Simon Cowell

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1993 [25] Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks return to Fleetwood Mac to perform at US President Bill Clinton’s campaign song, “Don’t Stop,” at his inauguration ceremonies.

2016 [02] Singer-songwriter Don McLean (“American Pie”) is arrested for domestic violence against his wife in Camden, Maine.  They later divorced.

2017 [01] 3 Doors Down, Toby Keith and Sam Moore are among the performers at US President Donald Trump’s inaugural concert at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC.

TODAY’S (NON)SPORTING EVENT . . .
2013 [05] Lance Armstrong admits to doping in all seven of his Tour de France victories.

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2006 [12] NASA launches the 1st ever Pluto space probe with the $700 million ‘New Horizons’ mission (reaches Pluto in 2015)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2015 [03] American skier Lindsey Vonn wins her 63rd World Cup, surpassing the 35-year-old previous record of 62 wins by Austrian skier Annemarie Moser-Proell.  (Vonn’s total currently stands at 77)

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ Cheerios cereal was originally called Cheerioats.
✓ Sponges hold more cold water than hot.
✓ The average lifespan of an NBA basketball is 10,000 bounces.
✓ The longest recorded flight of a chicken was 13 seconds.
✓ Cats can’t move their jaw sideways.
✓ Elvis Presley made only 1 television commercial.
-Did-You-Knows

BS WAYS TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY:
• Make the ‘Law & Order “chung-chung” sound every time someone finishes a sentence.
• Ask if the defendant is married because you’re single and ready to mingle!
• Tell the judge his wife says “hi”.
• Bring a magic 8 ball to help everyone with their decision.
• Tell them you’re pro-death-penalty. In all cases, especially divorces.
• Admit that you did it.
• Lose the silent but keep the deadly.
• Shout “Guilty!” when the judge walks in.
• Tell then you’re a ‘stable genius’.
• If all else fails, pull out a flask.
-Twitter

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ If you could live in any TV home, which one would it be?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  More than 60% of men say they kind of like it….30% of men say they fear it. What is it?
Answer:  Dancing

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.


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