Monday, January 20, 2014        Edition: #5141

Sheet For Brains!

★ Acting couple Johnny Depp (50) & Amber Heard (27) are set to wed. Rumors of an engagement have circulated since a recent photo revealed a diamond ring on her left hand. Thanks to a ‘reliable source’, it’s now confirmed the rumors are true. Word has it Amber took her time to make up her mind after Depp popped the question Christmas Eve. It will be her 1st marriage, his 2nd. (He was wed to Lori Anne Allison 1983-85, then had a long-term relationship with Vanessa Paradis 1998-2012. Heard came out as bi at GLAAD’s 25th anniversary event in 2011; she dated photographer Tasya van Ree 2008-11.)
★ 39-year-old Spice Girl-turned fashion maven Victoria Beckham already sells her clothing collection in 60 countries, but now she’s set to open her first standalone store in London, which will open its doors in the Fall. The 7,000-square-foot flagship shop will house her self-named fashion label and its related denim, eyewear, and accessories lines. But that’s not all she’s up to in 2014 – she’s also announced she is opening an office in NYC in February so she can focus on the US this year and ‘take [her fashion business] to the next level’. (Wow, things are going so well she might even crack a smile sometime this year.)
★ Virgina Wade, author of 16 erotic ebooks, makes around $30,000-a-month writing explicit love stories between various women and …. ‘Bigfoot’. Part of the rapidly growing ‘monster porn’ trend that’s taking over ebooks, Wade’s “Bigfoot” series is just another addition to the subgenre. Last October, college students Alara Branwen & Christie Sims took the literary world by storm by announcing they were making more than their engineer friends by writing dinosaur erotica. They’ve e-published over 200 short stories pairing damsels in distress with prehistoric giants. (“I’m jealous, Jillian. Those gossipy brontosauruses are saying you’ve been with other pterodactyls …”)
★ Despite a string of awards for her work, “American Hustle” star Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t think she’s as good an actress as she gets credit for. Quote: “I always feel like I’m pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes … when I get good reviews I think, ‘All right, got away with another one’.” The 23-year-old says 2013 was so busy it was kind of a blur and she’s hoping to slow down and make 2014 more of ‘a peaceful time’. (Yeah right. Good luck with that after another Oscar in March.)
– Hello! Magazine”
★ And the movie “Batman vs Superman” has been delayed for almost a full year as the just announced new release date is May 6, 2016. Plans for the two DC Comic characters to face off were first revealed by director Zack Synder at last year’s Comic Con in July. The original release date was scheduled for July 17, 2015. Movie studio Warner Bros says the reason or the delay is ‘to allow the filmmakers time to realize fully their vision, given the complex visual nature of the story’. (BS translation: The script is a total mess.)

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Vanessa Hudgens (“Identified”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Vampire Weekend (“Modern Vampires Of the City”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Disclosure (“Settle”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Glen Hansard (“Rhythm & Repose”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – R&B veteran Patti LaBelle. Rerun.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Sara Bareilles (“The Blessed Unrest”).

• Jennifer Hudson – Saturday she performed at Michelle Obama’s birthday party at the White House which also featured Beyoncé and John Legend.. What do you get the First Lady as a gift? According to Hudson: “You don’t. You just go and be there and show your support, that’s all you can do.” Ms Obama turned 50 on Friday.
• Lady Antebellum – After selling out arenas so far, they’ve announced they’ll extend their North American “Take Me Downtown Tour” with a ‘Summer leg’ beginning March 22nd in Phoenix AZ.
• Luke Bryan – He’s ended Florida Georgia Line’s 6-week “Stay” atop the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart with his latest hit “Drink a Beer”.
• Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – They performed the halftime show at the San Francisco-Seattle NFC Championship game last night. The Fray did the honors at the earlier New England-Denver AFC Championship.
• No Doubt – Gwen Stefani & musician-husband Gavin Rossdale are having their 3rd child together. Stefani has confirmed the news on her newly launched Instagram account by captioning a picture of herself wearing a crown with ‘It’s a boy’.
• One Direction – 20-year-old Niall Horan has had to undergo major surgery for an issue with his knee which he’s suffered since childhood, recently aggravated by an injury in December. Now on crutches, he says his main concern is to rest and heal up in time for 1D’s “Where We Are” tour, the North American leg kicking off August 1st in Toronto.

Today, the 3rd Monday in January, is dubbed ‘Blue Monday’, supposedly the most miserable day of the year. The idea began when a travel company issued a press release in 2005 claiming that psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall had developed an equation to determine the year’s most dismal day based on weather, post-holiday season letdown, broken New Year resolutions, etc. The equation still appears on his website, but what you cannot find is any published data to back it up. To be fair, Arnall himself admits his equation is not particularly scientific. We may say we hate Mondays, but a 2008 Australian study found that the day that scores lowest for most employees’ morale is actually Wednesday. (Really? We all hate ‘Hump Day’?)

On a tight food budget? A few inexpensive but nutritious items you should consider adding to your grocery list …
✓ Beans – High in fiber and protein, low in fat and sodium. Plus, reasonably priced dry beans expand to 3 times their volume when cooked.
✓ Brown Rice – Full of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants. The high amount of fiber in brown rice helps slow digestion and fill you up for a long time.
✓ Green Vegetables – Any leafy greens, such as broccoli, spinach and kale, have lots of nutrients per calorie and help protect against inflammation and disease.
✓ Peanut Butter – Another economical source of protein that’s also rich in healthy fats, vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants.
✓ Potatoes – They contain 45% of the recommended daily intake of vitamin C as well as 18% of the fiber and potassium recommended. Plus, the average potato is virtually fat-free. (Until you fry it or smother it in sour cream and butter.)
– “US News & World Report”

Meggings Man Clothing is bringing spandex pants … to men. Guys have actually been wearing leggings for ages; they’ve been known to pop up on male models and rock stars. But will your Average Joe forgo pants and put on tights instead? ‘Meggings’ come in a number of colors and patterns, including metallic gold and camouflage. Unlike women’s leggings, they have wide waist bands and faux flies on the front. So, what should a guy wear with his Meggings? It’s suggested you pair them with T-shirts, tank-tops, jackets or hoodies, along with heavy boots. (We recommend wearing your undies overtop for a super-hero look.)

The top countries for healthy eating, according to OXFAM’s just-released ‘Good Enough to Eat’ index of 125 countries worldwide. Being an Olympic year, we’ve re-ranked them with medals …
• Bronze: Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Sweden.
• Silver: France, Switzerland.
• Gold: The Netherlands, thanks to low diabetes rates, low food prices, and nutritional diversity. Australia ties in 8th place, while Canada, New Zealand, and the USA are out of the Top 20. The African nation of Chad ranks last for its costly, unhealthy food options.
– Adapted from Agence France-Presse

• In Norway, stripping counts as an ‘art form’ for income tax purposes.
• 40 million people in China live in caves.
• In the Polish version of Scrabble, ‘Z’ is only worth 1 point.
– “QI”


1952 [62] Paul Stanley (Eisen), Queens NY, classic rock guitarist-singer (KISS-“Rock & Roll All Night”, “Beth”) who’s released over 30 albums with the band

1956 [58] Bill Maher, NYC, TV talk show host (“Real Time With Bill Maher” since 2003, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)/documentary maker (“Religulous”)

1965 [49] Greg K (Kriesel), Glendale CA, punk rock bassist (The Offspring-“You’re Gonna Go Far Kid”, “Hit That”)

1966 [48] Rainn Wilson, Woodinville WA, TV actor (“The Office” 2005-13)/movie actor (“The Rocker”, “Juno”)  COMING UP: The horror-comedy film “Cooties”, opening October 10th.

1971 [43] ?uestlove (Ahmir Khalib Thompson), Philadelphia PA, alt hip-hop drummer/DJ (The Roots (w/Duffy-“Well, Well, Well”)  BS FACTOID: When Jimmy Fallon becomes host of the “Tonight Show” February 17th, the Roots move with him to become the house band.

1979 [35] Rob Bourdon, Calabasas CA, rock drummer (Linkin Park-“What I’ve Done”, “In the End”)

1985 [29] Brantley Gilbert, Jefferson GA, country singer (“Bottoms Up”, “Country Must Be Country Wide”)

1987 [27] Evan Peters, St Louis MO, TV actor (“American Horror Story” since 2011)/movie actor (“X-Men: Days of Future Past”, “Kick-Ass”)/actress Emma Roberts on-and-off boyfriend-fiancé

• “Martin Luther King Day” in America, a federal holiday observed annually on the 3rd Monday of January celebrating the life and achievements of late civil rights leader Dr Martin Luther King Jr (1929-68).

• “Penguin Awareness Day”, a day to increase awareness of the interrelationship between humans and marine animals. (Not sure where the official celebration is being held, but you can bet they’ll be wearing tuxes!)

• “Take a Walk Outdoors Day”. Nature affects our body and soul in amazing ways. People who walk outdoors report less depression, anxiety, and more productivity and creativity. And besides, spending the entire Winter ‘mall-walking’ can turn you all pasty-white.

• Zodiac sign of Aquarius (the ‘Water Carrier’) begins and runs through February 18th. Aquarians are said to be stubborn, opinionated, unpredictable, and conceited, but also far-sighted, visionary, original, and innovative.

1982 [32] “Late Night With David Lettermen” debuts on NBC-TV (previously, his daytime “David Letterman Show” lasted just 5 months on NBC in 1980)

1982 [32] Rocker Ozzy Osbourne is forced to undergo rabies shots after biting the head off a dead bat thrown at him during a concert in Des Moines IA (he apparently thought it was plastic)

2009 [05] Barack Obama is inaugurated the 44th President of the United States

[Tues] Hugging Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day
[Tues] Squirrel Appreciation Day
[Wed] “Wahlburgers” premieres (A&E)
[Wed] Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
[Wed] Celebration of Life Day

Activity Professionals Week / Clean Out Your Inbox Week / Fresh Squeezed Juice Week / Handwriting Analysis Week / Healthy Weight Week / Hunt For Happiness Week / International Snowmobile Safety Week / No Name-Calling Week / Nurse Anesthetists Week / Sugar Awareness Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
● You have ever seen 2 consecutive sunrises without sleeping.
● You live in a house with 3 couches, none of which match.
● You have ever used a bank card to pay 45 cents.
● Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen noodles.
● You have an outstanding collection of domestic beer bottles.
● You’ve ever stayed up all night just so you wouldn’t sleep through your morning class.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

● Men know what they want to be doing 5 years down the road. Guys aren’t sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
● Men wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces. Guys wear high school T-shirts they’ve actually owned since high school.
● Men balance their bank account. Guys balance their loans so they never hit up the same buddy twice in-a-row.
● Men order wine based on more than the price. Guys bring their own beer.
● Men think perfume (yours) is a turn-on. Guys think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.
– First published in “BS” 1997.

I went out with a cardboard cut-out once. She dumped me though, because I stood her up.

Get a kid on the line and ask ‘em to finish these famous movie lines that you’d think are well known … you’d think.
• “The name is Bond … [James Bond.” – “Dr No”]
• “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world she walks into … [mine.” – “Casablanca”]
• “Go ahead, make my … [day.” – “Sudden Impact”]
• “You want the truth? You can’t handle the … [truth!” – “A Few Good Men”]
• “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what … [you’re gonna get.” – “Forrest Gump”]
• “Frankly, my dear I don’t give a … [damn.” – “Gone With the Wind”]
• “I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t … [refuse.” – “The Godfather”]

Which male mammal has the greatest number of mates in a single season?
a. The Rabbit.
b. The Seal. [CORRECT. The Northern Fur Seal averages 40-60 mates per season.]
c. The Leonardo DiCaprio.
– “Bathroom Reader”

☎ Plastic mannequins just got a little more real. A new window display at a Manhattan location of American Apparel is making heads swivel due to mannequins that sport … pubic hair and nipples under sheer lingerie. Have they gone too far or are most of us just easily embarrassed?

Question: If you are average, you’ll use 57 of THESE today.
Answer:  Squares of bathroom tissue.

Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.

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