Friday, January 20, 2017 – Edition: #5894

Sheet For Brains!

★ Starting this weekend, a ‘Homer Simpson’ philosophy class is being offered at Scotland’s University of Glasgow. The 1-day course called “D’Oh! The Simpsons Introduce Philosophy” is being held Saturday and again on February 4th. Philosophy professor Dr John Donaldson promises to explore “some of philosophy’s most inspiring ideas as presented in Matt Groening’s monument to the absurdities of human existence”. Among topics students discuss during the 6-hour class … whether or not ‘Homer’ can be considered virtuous by Aristotle’s standard.
★ Woody Harrelson has performed an entire movie … live. “Lost in London” was live-streamed as it happened to some 550 movie theaters last night. Based on a relentlessly awful night out he really had in the British capital some years ago, Harrelson wrote and directed the film that combines comedy and drama. Harrelson’s co-stars are country musician Willie Nelson and actor Owen Wilson, a close friend who also helped refine the script. Performing an entire movie live is apparently something that’s never been done before. Um, wouldn’t that just be a ‘play’?
– AP
★ And “Will & Grace” is coming back. After months of rumors, NBC-TV has announced that the vintage sitcom that originally aired from 1998 to 2006 is returning for 10 episodes during the 2017-18 TV season. The 4 main stars – Eric McCormack, Debra Messing, Sean Hayes, and Megan Mullally – are all returning. A network rep says: “This groundbreaking series for everything from gay rights to social and political commentary – all disguised as a high-speed train of witty pop culture – is coming back where it belongs.” It may have been cutting-edge a decade back … but will it be now?
– “Rolling Stone”

• “Alicia Keys – Landmarks Live in Concert” (PBS) – Tonight Alicia performs in various locations around NYC.
• Anti-Inaugural Ball (Los Angeles CA) – A number of protest concerts have been announced, this one at the Teragram Ballroom tonight is perhaps most notable. It features Audioslave in their 1st performance since 2005, Prophets of Rage, Jackson Browne, and Jack Black.
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Old Dominion (“Meat and Candy”).
• “Frontier” (Netflix) – Today the 6-episode 1st season is released. Starring Jason Momoa (“Game of Thrones” 2011-12) as a part-Irish, part-indigenous outlaw, it’s set in the beautiful wilds of Canada in the 18th century. The series has already been picked up for a 2nd season.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Travis Scott (“Birds In the Trap Sing McKnight)”
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Guided by Voices (“Please Be Honest”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Tonight Avett Bros (“True Sadness”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today guest co-host Joe Jonas (DNCE).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Aziz Ansari (ex-“Parks & Recreation”); Big Sean (“I Decided”, out February 3rd).

• Alan Jackson – Tonight in Tulsa OK his “Honky Tonk Highway Tour” gets underway, during which he’s playing arena and amphitheater shows as well as festivals and multi-day events. Lee Ann Womack is opening many dates.
• Ariana Grande – She’s getting a ton of shade online after posting an arrogant remark about herself on Instagram this week. She captioned a B&W photo of herself posing on a sidewalk with: “When you’re cute but you’re also the hardest working 23-year-old human being on Earth.”
• Lady Antebellum – “You Look Good” is the debut single off their 6th studio album, “Heart Break”, which is due for release June 9th.
• Paul McCartney – He’s filed a lawsuit in NYC against the publishing giant that holds the rights to many of The Beatles songs written by Lennon-McCartney from 1962-71. The catalogue was bought by Michael Jackson in 1985, then sold to Sony/ATV following Jackson’s death in 2009.

• “The Founder” ( Limited Release PG-13 Biographical Drama ): The story of Ray Kroc, a salesman who turned two brothers’ fast food eatery, McDonald’s, into one of the biggest restaurant businesses in the world. Stars Michael Keaton in the title role; co-stars Nick Offerman, John Carroll Lynch, Linda Cardellini.
• “Split” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): After 3 girls are kidnapped by a man with 24 distinct personalities they must find some of the different personalities that can help them while running away and staying alive from the others. Stars James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Jessica Sula. Director M Night Shyamalan.
• “xXx: Return of Xander Cage” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Another Vin Diesel action film franchise returns after last hitting the screen in 2005. In this installment ‘Xander’ is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler. Co-stars Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Kris Wu, Ruby Rose.
• Also opening in limited release: “Detour” (Thriller); “Kedi” (Documentary); “Staying Vertical” (Dramedy); and “The Sunshine Makers” (Documentary).

Cambridge University has a job for you! The famed UK institution’s latest employment opportunity is for a ‘Professorship of Play’, which involves advising students on the value of ‘play and playfulness’. As head of the university’s new Center for Research on Play in Education, Development, and Learning (PEDAL), the successful applicant will also lead research into how students can benefit from ‘playful learning’. The Lego Foundation has contributed nearly $5 million toward the university’s push toward play, which will require a scholarly type with a “childlike mindset, an active imagination, and a high level of curiosity”. (Do not apply if you flunked finger painting.)
– “The Guardian”

Almost a quarter of employees cry after performance reviews. Of the 1,500 office workers polled in a new survey, 22% admit they have bawled at least once after a bad review, and almost the same number say they’ve quit their jobs entirely. Perhaps surprisingly, 1-in-4 men, versus 1-in-5 women, admit to weeping; and Millennials are more likely than other generations to break down. There’s nothing wrong with crying, of course, but the workplace doesn’t seem like a necessary place for it. Some companies like Adobe, Accenture, General Electric, and The Gap are already ditching yearly reviews as most workers and managers think they are a complete waste of time. (Besides, 2016 gave us enough to cry about, thank-you very much.)

• The ‘World’s Largest Nightclub’ – with capacity for more than 15,000 party people – could soon be coming to the waterfront in Toronto ON, despite objections from neighbors and local politicians. The company that owns current clubs Rebel and Cabana has applied for a new liquor licence for the same site in the Portlands with a much larger scope. The application calls for an indoor capacity of 7,584 people, with another 7,971 on surrounding patios. It’s slated to be heard by Ontario’s Licensing Appeals Tribunal on February 9th.
• California developer Bruce Makowsky has built and listed a $250-million mansion in Bel Air that – if it gets the asking price – would be the most expensive home ever sold in America by 10-of-millions of dollars. The 38,000-square-foot house with 280-degree views of Los Angeles features 12 bedrooms; 21 bathrooms; 3 kitchens; 5 bars; a movie theater; 4-lane bowling alley; helipad w/helicopter; 2 wine cellars; 7 full-time staff members prepaid for 2 years; a 30-foot TV; $30 million-worth of fancy cars; and a dozen motorcycles. It’s estimated there are only 3,000 or so people in the world who can afford the property.
– “Los Angeles Times”

Fund managers from poor backgrounds deliver better investment returns than those born rich.
– “Quartz”


1946 [71] David Lynch, Missoula MT, filmmaker (“Blue Velvet”)/TV director (now shooting a “Twin Peaks revival for Showtime)

1956 [61] Bill Maher, NYC, TV talk show host (“Real Time With Bill Maher” since 2003, “Politically Incorrect” 1994-2002)

1966 [51] Rainn Wilson, Seattle WA, TV actor (“The Office” 2005-13)/movie actor (“Juno”)

1971 [46] Questlove (Ahmir Khalib Thompson), Philadelphia PA, alt hip-hop drummer/DJ (The Roots w/Duffy-“Well, Well, Well”)/house band on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”

1979 [38] Rob Bourdon, Calabasas CA, rock drummer (Linkin Park-“What I’ve Done”, “In the End”)

1985 [32] Brantley Gilbert, Jefferson GA, country singer (“One Hell Of an Amen”, “Bottoms Up”)

1986 [31] Kevin Parker, Sydney, Australia, rock singer (Tame Impala-“Elephant”, “Feels Like We Only Go Backwards”)

1987 [30] Evan Peters, St Louis MO, TV actor (“American Horror Story” since 2011)/movie actor (“X-Men: Days of Future Past”, “Kick-Ass”)

Movie actress Geena Davis (“Thelma & Louise”) is 61; DJ Chris Kilmore (Incubus) is 44; Pop singer Emma Bunton (ex-Spice Girls) is 41.

Pop-rock singer Steve Perry (Journey) is 68; Country musician Teddy Gentry (Alabama) is 65; Movie actress Diane Lane (“Under the Tuscan Sun”) is 52; Celebrity chef Guy Fieri (“Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives”) is 49; TV actress Sami Gayle (“Blue Bloods”) is 21.

• “Cheese Lovers Day”, celebrating the more than 900 known cheeses of the world. Which is best? Mmm, 18-month old Comté from France.
• “Hat Day”, observed on the 3rd Friday of January as a day to dispel the boredom of mid-Winter by wearing the goofiest hat you can find. Always hilarious on radio.
• “Inauguration Day” in Washington DC as Donald Trump is officially sworn in as America’s 45th president. A brief rundown of the schedule …
– Swearing-In Ceremony: 12-3 pm EST with performances by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Jackie Evancho.
– Inaugural Parade: 3-6 pm.
– Inaugural Ball: 7-11 pm.
– Toby Keith, 3 Doors Down, Lee Greenwood, Big & Rich, and the Rockettes also perform at inauguration events.
• “International Fetish Day”, the 3rd Friday of the year, celebrating the various kinds of kink that the kinky get off on. (See BULL’S BITS)
• “International Sweatpants Day”, a day to wear your ‘fat pants’ and be proud of it.
• “Penguin Awareness Day”, a day to increase awareness of the interrelationship between humans and marine animals.
• Zodiac sign of Aquarius (the ‘Water Carrier’) begins and runs through February 18th. Aquarians are said to be stubborn, opinionated, unpredictable, and conceited, but also far-sighted, visionary, original, and innovative.

• “Granola Bar Day”, saluting the former healthful treat that now more than likely is loaded with sugar, salt, chocolate, and some kind of hardened white gunk that they claim is yoghurt.
• “Hugging Day”, a day to hug anyone who will accept a hug and to see how many you can hug before the day is over. (Make sure you have a lawyer on retainer.)
• “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. So take a moment today and think about the squirrels. (Huh?!?)
• “Women’s March on Washington”, when over 200,000 are expected in DC in protest of Donald Trump’s inauguration. On the “Women’s March” website, organizers list the ‘sister marches’ (over 600 of them) taking place elsewhere around-the-world.

• “Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day”, a day to concentrate on your feline and answer the questions you think it’s asking. People often consider cats unaffectionate, not true companions. But the truth is, they only talk to humans. Studies show they rarely ‘meow’ at other cats.
• “Celebration of Life Day”, a day to honor the gift of children and grandchildren.

1982 [35] Rocker Ozzy Osbourne is forced to undergo rabies shots after biting the head off a dead bat thrown at him during a concert in Des Moines IA (he apparently thought it was plastic)

2012 [05] R&B singer Etta James, most often remembered for her signature song “At Last”, dies from complications of leukemia at age 73

2006 [11] Witnesses report seeing a bottlenose whale swimming in the River Thames, the 1st time the species had been seen there since records began in 1913

2009 [08] Barack Obama is inaugurated the 44th president of the United States (4 years later he’s inaugurated on this day for a 2nd term)

2007 [10] a 3-man team, using only skis and kites, completes a 1,093-mile (1,759 km) trek to reach the Southern Pole of Inaccessibility for the first time ever without mechanical assistance

[Mon] Handwriting Day
[Tues] Belly Laugh Day
[Tues] Phone Recycling Day
[Tues] Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day
This Week Is … No Name Calling Week
This Month Is … Personal Trainer Awareness Month


According to a University of Bologna study, the most common fetishes are ‘boots & other footwear’ (64%), and ‘feet & toes’ (47%). Among the less common turn-ons are these …
• Sign Language Dirty Talk
• Facial Mole Depilation
• Forced Jazzercise
• Fondling Greasy Vise-Grip® Adjustable Wrenches
• Vintage Taxidermy Groping
• Arthritic Knuckle Worship
• Sticky Shopping Cart Handles
• Cellulite Dimples
• Auto-Voyeurism
• Still-Warm Buttock Imprints on Vinyl-Upholstered Diner Booths

My husband wanted to renew our vows. I told him I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

What is the body part that all birds throughout history have had?
a. Beak. [CORRECT]
b. GPS Gland.
c. Wings, idiot! [The extinct Moa was the only bird without wings.]

☎ If you became leader of the country, what’s the first thing you would do?

Question: An only child has never had THIS job.
Answer: President of the United States. (All have had siblings or step-siblings. Trump has 4.)

Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

Printer Friendly Version