Wednesday, January 21, 2009        Edition: #3942
Sheet For Brains!

Chris Rock says President Barack Obama is a stand-up comedian’s worst nightmare because the new prez is too awe-inspiring to make fun of (funny how that changes quickly once the honeymoon ends) . . . Animated film “WALL-E” has another award to add to a growing stack of honors, ‘Best Picture Of the Year’ from the Online Film Critics Society (no animated movie has ever won the coveted ‘Best Picture’ Oscar – yet) . . . 24-year-old Ozzy spawn Kelly Osbourne has been arrested for assault & quickly released on bail over her alleged slap-down of a journalist way back last Summer (will this be one of the skills she demonstrates on her family’s new FOX-TV variety show?) . . . “Lost” star Evangeline Lilly says she has no plans to continue acting once the show is over in 2010, claiming she’d prefer to write and do charity work (yeah, until she sees the pay) . . . And actor Tom Cruise is said to be seriously considering turning last week’s “Miracle On the Hudson” plane rescue in NYC into a movie (gee, wonder how it will end?).

• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated) – Lee Ann Womack promotes the new album “Call Me Crazy”.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Country star Trace Adkins sings his Grammy-nominated single “You’re Gonna Miss This”. Then tonight he appears on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” to perform his new single “Marry for Money”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Fall Out Boy (“Folie A Deux“) is the musical guest. They also appear on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• “Lost” (ABC/A Channel) – The 5th season opens with a 2-hour episode. Producers say the new season will emphasize time shifting and the character ‘Sawyer’, the repentant con man played by Josh Holloway.


• Amy Winehouse – Her father Mitch Winehouse confirms that she almost died last year … twice.
• Britney Spears – The 27-year-old is reportedly set to sign one of the most lucrative book deals in show biz history. The $14-million deal would include several books over the next decade. Word has it she’s kept diaries so there’s nothing she’ll leave out … unless she wants to.
• 50 Cent – He’s expanding his empire to include a film production company, Cheetah Vision, which he’s busily promoting at the “Sundance Film Festival”. One of its first productions will be “The Dance”, co-starring himself & Nicolas Cage.
• Jeff Beck Group – 64-year-old guitarist Jeff Beck has ruled out a reunion of his ‘60s band that included Rod Stewart & Ron Wood, because he thinks it usually indicates there isn’t anything else happening in someone’s career. (Recently he’s been … what? Retired?)
• Jo Dee Messina – The 38-year-old “My Give a Damn’s Busted” country singer has given birth to her first child, a boy named Noah Roger Deffenbaugh.
• Jonas Bros – Their upcoming “3-D Concert Experience” film (opening February 24th) is expected to include a duet with former tour mate Taylor Swift and a cover of Shania Twain’s “I’m Gonna Getcha Good”.
• Kellie Pickler – The “Best Days Of Your Life” country singer has just adopted a tiny baby Marmoset monkey to add to her menagerie that already includes a dog, cat … and a python.

Scottish researchers say that people with last names that begin with letters occurring later in the alphabet are often the victim of what they call ‘alphabetical prejudice’. For instance, a study in a medical center noted that people with surnames that come early in the alphabet tend to receive more attention than those with names later in the alphabet. (Is it unfair to serve people in alphabetical order?)
– “Parade Magazine”

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Ass Antlers’ – A tattoo on the lower back. (“Zelda told the tattoo artist she wanted some really spectacular ass antlers in a jackalope design.”)
• ‘Pre-gaming’ – Binging on alcohol at home before going out for the evening, particularly to a place where alcohol is expensive or unavailable. (“My social budget is strapped; want to drop by early for some pre-gaming?”)
• ‘Rumortrage’ – The practice of spreading false or misleading information about a company in order to take advantage of the subsequent move in the company’s stock price. (“Steve Jobs’ decision to take time off isn’t just rumortrage, the Apple CEO really is sick.”)

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 60% of women say that good manners make a man more attractive. (Hey thank-you!)
• 51% of men admit they would consider marrying a woman for money. (At least temporarily.)
• 33% of us say we relieve stress by ‘throwing a tantrum’ (aka ‘pitching a fit’).
• 22% of men & 7% of women fantasize about a co-worker. (Maybe right at this very moment.)
• 17% of women that ‘come out of the closet’ do it after the age of 40. (They spend the first 40 years putting stuff into the closet.)
• 10% of us admit that, at least once, we have switched price tags on a product in order to save money. (“I know it looks like prime rib, but it’s ground beef … honest!”)

What a woman likes about a man’s body reveals her personality, according to psychologist Dr Herbert Hoffman. Have a female describe her perfect man, then see if these traits fit …
• Bulging muscles – She’s playful, a bit naive and hangs on to many childhood fantasies.
• Clean, white teeth – She is full of energy, values good health, strives for moderation and likes to be in the mainstream.
• Broad shoulders – She’s a delightful companion, entertaining, amusing, well informed, very feminine and relies on her charm to get others to cater to her.
• Narrow waist & thin hips – She has great drive and energy, but prefers to avoid the limelight and help her man succeed.
• Manicured nails – She is artistic, creative, cultured and constantly seeking self-improvement.
• Dreamy eyes – She is loyal, trustworthy, reliable, intuitive and sensitive and rarely takes things at face value.
• Thick curly hair – She is outgoing, enthusiastic and affectionate and enjoys physical closeness.
• Sensuous mouth & lips – She a terrific conversationalist who believes in communicating her feelings and thoughts and expects other people to do the same.
• Very thin build – She has a self-sacrificing nature and strong maternal instincts.
• Very heavy build – She is a luxury-loving woman who wants to enjoy life to its fullest and is worried about financial security.
• Very tall build – She a decisive woman who’s in command of her own life and isn’t likely to be intimidated by anyone.
• Very short build – She is a very self-confident woman who’s extremely capable of making her own way in the world.
– BS original


British researchers Molly Oldfield & John Mitchinson note that our ‘8 hours-a-night’ approach to sleep is only as old as the invention of electric light. In medieval England, it was normal for people to sleep & wake twice throughout the night. The 2 periods of night sleep were called ‘first sleep’ (or ‘dead sleep’) & ‘second sleep’ (or ‘morning sleep’). The period of wakefulness between sleeps was valued as a time of quiet, or a time to eat, make love, pray, think over the dreams of the first sleep, or for poets to write. So, if you regularly wake in the middle of the night, it may just be your body’s natural rhythm reasserting itself. (Tell that to yourself when you wake up exhausted.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

A new ranking of some infamous electronic splits …
5. XOXO Gossip Girl: Actor Chace Crawford kicks country singer Carrie Underwood to the curb before he cheats … via texting.
4. Not-So-Sly: Sylvester Stallone’s 1995 fax breakup with Angie Everhart. Back then fax was your go-to, save face, easy-way-out communication tool. We’re guessing “Rocky” would have opted for a text if he’d had the option.
3. Let’s Just Be Friends: John Mayer tells Jennifer Aniston it’s time she goes back to what she does best, playing the role as a friend … via texting. But now they’re on again … or are they?
2. He’s Just Not That Into You … At All: In 2006, Jessica Simpson was dumped via a fun & friendly text message by then boyfriend Adam Levine of Maroon 5. Quote: “Really busy. Need space.”
1. I want 2 Divorce U: Britney dumps K-Fed. Granted this was the 2nd divorce for Britney Spears, but actually divorcing someone via text messaging trumps any and all text relationship breakups.

Cheryl Forberg, nutritionist for TV’s “The Biggest Loser” (NBC), says part of our obesity problem is many of us lose sight of our body’s natural hunger cues. To become more attuned to your body, she says you should avoid eating while standing up, sitting at your desk, or inside a car. Dedicate specific time for meals and snacks. Rather than viewing eating as an obligatory part of the day, learn to enjoy the process. At the same time, you begin to stop eating when you’re comfortable, instead of when you have to unzip your jeans. (Eat less? What a concept!)

According to recent research, if you’re suffering from jet lag you should try shining some light on the backside of your knees. Researchers say your body’s circadian clock can be manipulated by focusing bright light on the area behind the knees, known as the ‘popliteal’ region. The treatment supposedly also works on insomnia, Winter depression (SAD), and other time-related disorders. (“Honey, what are you doing under the covers with the flashlight?”)
– “Science”

The name ‘Lego’ comes from the Danish words ‘leg godt’, meaning ‘play well’. It also means ‘I put together’ in Latin.


1950 [59] Billy Ocean, Fyzabad, Trinidad, oldies singer (“Caribbean Queen”, “Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car”)

1956 [53] (Virginia) Geena Davis, Wareham MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Thelma & Louise”, Oscar-“The Accidental Tourist”)/TV actress (“Link’s Future” since 2008)

1973 [36] Chris Kilmore, Dillsburg PA, alt-rock keyboardist/DJ (Incubus-“Oil & Water”, “Anna-Molly”)

1976 [33] Emma Bunton, London UK, pop singer (Spice Girls-“Say You’ll Be There”, “Wannabe”)

• “Hugging Day”, a day to hug anyone who will accept a hug and to see how many you can hug before the day is over. First, make sure you have a lawyer on retainer.

• “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. So take a moment today and think about the squirrels. Huh?

• “St Agnes’ Day”, the patron saint of virgins … and Girl Scouts.

• “Weedless  Wednesday”, the day smokers are encouraged to butt out for 24 hours, a highlight of “National Non-Smoking Week” in Canada, Although smoking in Canada continues to decline, about 20% of us still smoke.

1978 [31] The Bee Gees’ “Saturday Night Fever” album hits #1, and stays there for 24 weeks


1915 [94] ‘Kiwanis International’ is founded in Detroit MI (now has over 300,000 members in more than 8,000 clubs in some 79 countries)

1967 [42] 1st ‘Microwave Oven’ is marketed for the home as Amana offers a $495 counter-top unit  FACTOID: The microwave was invented by accident in 1946, when Raytheon Corp engineer Percy Spencer noticed a candy bar in his pocket melted during tests of a new vacuum tube called a ‘magnetron’.

1993 [16] World’s ‘Largest Doughnut’ measures 16 feet in diameter and weighs 3,739 lbs (Utica NY)


[Thurs] Academy Award nominations announced
[Thurs] Women’s Healthy Weight Day
[Thurs] Answer Your Cat’s Question Day
[Fri] School Nurse Day
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Sat] 20th Producers Guild of America Awards (LA)
[Sat] 2009 Miss America Pageant (TLC)
[Sun] 15th SAG Awards
[Sun] 10th International Internet-Free Day
[Sun] Robbie Burns Day
This Week Is … Activity Professional Week
This Month Is … Volunteer Blood Donor Month


• If we aren’t supposed to eat animals why are they made out of meat?
• If diamonds are a girl’s best friend and a dog is man’s best friend, which is really the dumber sex?
• Is it really low-fat or does the serving just fit in the palm of your hand?
• Why does honey come in plastic bears and not plastic bees?
• Shouldn’t a French kiss be when you peck someone on either cheek?


• Your husband drops to #2 on the list of people drooling at the sight of your breasts.
• Finally, someone you can beat at ‘Got Your Nose’.
• You find yourself repeating every sentence. (“Aren’t you just the cutest little thing? Aren’t you just the cutest little thing, huh?”)
• There goes the pet piranha.
• For added efficiency, your pay is now direct-deposited to Disney.
• The closest you come to orgasm is when you think of sleep.

Does the popular social networking website Facebook actually enhance social interaction or does it isolate its users socially?

My reality check bounced!

Today’s Question: A little more than half of us have one of THESE, but less than a quarter of us use it for its intended purpose.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A garage.


Keep your eyes open before marriage, half shut afterward.

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