Friday, January 21, 2011        Edition: #4430
Deja Moo!

Actress Kelly Preston (Mrs John Travolta) has revealed on the “Today” show (NBC) that her 2-month-old son Benjamin was delivered in a ‘silent Scientology birth’ (does that hocus-pocus allow you to birth a babe at 48?) . . . 18-year-old Disney star Selena Gomez has declared that the purported ‘topless’ photos of her circulating online are fakes (sorry, perverts) . . . Meantime, naked photos of “Jersey Shore” star Jwoww will remain under lock & key – at least temporarily – after a NYC judge ruled her ex-boyfriend Thomas Lippolis has no legal right to distribute them (when has that ever stopped anyone these days?) . . . Coming off of his controversial “Golden Globes” gig, Ricky Gervais is set to do a cameo on “The Office” (NBC) next week (January 27th episode), but insiders say you’ll have to pay close attention or you could miss it (he’s only around long enough to trash everyone, then leaves – just like the “Golden Globes”) . . . The LA District Attorney’s Office is nearing a decision on whether or not to charge actor Mel Gibson with domestic violence over his clashes with former partner Oksana Grigorieva (a deadline is looming because the case has dragged on so long, all the investigators are set to retire) . . . Sorta comedian Joan Rivers has been banned from the “Fox & Friends” morning show (Fox News) where she was scheduled to promote her new TV show “Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best?”, her rep claiming it’s due to Rivers recent dissing of Sarah Palin (Rivers vs Palin boxing match – sound good?) . . . Actor Owen Wilson’s new son via girlfriend Jade Duell is boringly named ‘Robert Ford Wilson’ (not ‘Butterscotch Stallion Jr’?) . . . But actor Orlando Bloom’s new son via model Miranda Kerr is engagingly named ‘Flynn Bloom’ (thereby guaranteeing schoolyard bullying) . . . 44-year-old actress Halle Berry’s ex, 35-year-old sorta model Gabriel Aubry, has filed for joint custody of their daughter Nahla (good luck, she can afford better lawyers than you!) . . . And TV host Regis Philbin reportedly didn’t tell co-host Kelly Ripa about his retirement plans until 15 minutes before he made the announcement on “Live With Regis & Kelly” this week (the guy’s 79, had an octuple bypass, a hip-replacement, a blood clot in a leg, and booked off sick every other day for a couple years – wouldn’t that be a clue?).

• “AFC Championship” (CBS) – Sunday New York Jets @ Pittsburgh Steelers (6:30 pm ET).
• Big Day Out – Today the annual summer rock tour through New Zealand & Australia kicks off in Auckland. This year’s lineup includes Deftones, Iggy & The Stooges, Lupe Fiasco, MIA, Tool, Wolfmother, and many more.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today The Script (“Science & Faith”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight KT Tunstall (“Tiger Suit”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Janelle Monae (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Esperanza Spalding (“Chamber Music Society”).
• “NFC Championship” (FOX) – Sunday Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears (3 pm ET). After fan protest, opera singer Jim Cornelison (a 15-year tradition at Blackhawks hockey games) sings the anthem. Previously scheduled Lee DeWyze (“American Idol”) is bumped to halftime.
• PGA Awards (Los Angeles) – Saturday producer/director Judd Apatow hosts the 22nd annual Producers Guild Awards gala at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, considered a strong prognosticator for the Oscars.

• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler says the band will gather in Los Angeles to work on a new album simultaneously while he serves as a judge on “American Idol”.
• Black Eyed Peas – ApldeAp (Allan Pineda Lindo Jr) reveals in “People” that he has a rare condition that’s made him legally blind. ‘Nystagmus’ causes involuntarily eye movement, but he says he’s learned to live with it.
• Bob Dylan – He’s reportedly signed a 6-book deal with publishing house Simon & Schuster that will include 2 sequels to his 2004 book, “Chronicles: Volume One”.
• Foo Fighters – A documentary will be released later this year that chronicles the entire history of the band from the cassette demos Dave Grohl recorded during his tenure as Nirvana’s drummer through their ascent to becoming one of rock’s biggest bands.
• Jason Aldean – Tonight his 32-city “My Kinda Party Tour” gets underway in Little Rock AR.
• Keith Urban – He’ll help kick off “Super Bowl 45” (FOX) as part of the pre-game entertainment at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas TX on Sunday, February 6th.
• Rascal Flatts – Tonight’s “Nothing Like This” tour stop in St Paul MN is being filmed for a primetime ABC-TV special that will air on March 12th.
• Roxette – The late 1980s-early 1990s Swedish pop group (“Joyride”) is back! Their new track out in Sweden is the oh-so-amusingly titled “She’s Got Nothing On (But The Radio)”.

• “The Company Men” ( R-Rated Drama ): Ben Affleck, Chris Cooper, and Tommy Lee Jones play co-workers & family men who try to redefine their lives after being laid off by their company. The feature film debut of TV show director/creator John Wells (“ER”, “The West Wing”). Though it may not sound entertaining, it’s said to be ‘more comforting’ than you might think.
• “No Strings Attached” ( R-Rated Romantic Comedy ): In this ‘friends-with-benefits’ comedy by director Ivan Reitman, Ashton Kutcher attempts to have meaningless sex with Natalie Portman (you know it’s a movie because he finds it difficult). Their challenge is to keep their relationship strictly physical and not ruin their friendship. The film’s original title was “F—buddies”.

A start-up company called Motivity has developed an application for Foursquare called ‘Ratio Finder’ that lets users find check-in locations with the sharpest gender imbalances so that they can go there and, well, presumably flirt and such. ‘Ratio Finder’ uses GPS data from Foursquare check-ins to generate a map showing which venues have more men in them and which have more women. (Combine this with the info on Facebook, Grindr, and Google, and soon you’ll be able to pick your restaurant by flipping through naked pictures of everyone eating there … at least that’s the direction we seem to be headed.)

Researchers have discovered that the eyes of sharks are not designed to distinguish different colors and so they see the world in black & white. That means against the light blue of the sea, it would be better to wear light-colored swimwear in order to reduce the contrast with the water. The study backs up stats from the International Shark Attack File, which show that the vast majority of attacks happen to divers and surfers wearing black wetsuits. (Or you could skinny-dip … just as a safety precaution.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

Patrick McCarthy, a vice president of sales at Microsoft, took a break from his day job to create ‘His Money Cologne’ and ‘Her Money Eau de Parfum’, a line of his-and-hers fragrances that are designed to make the wearer smell like a million bucks … literally. McCarthy says he got the idea after reading about a Japanese study that showed a significant increase in worker productivity when the smell of money was pumped through vents into factories. And when he noticed how much he enjoyed the scent of fresh, crisp bills out of an ATM, he smelled the potential for making a mint. (It’s okay to smell like money … as long as it isn’t pennies.)
– AOL News

Traffic jams in China are legendary; one last year was so bad it lasted 9 days. Now, thanks to some entrepreneurial visionaries, motorists can escape gridlock by calling in a substitute driver to take over their vehicle. As drivers are whisked away on the back of motorcycles, a car service employee sits in traffic for them. That way those with urgent appointments can get to their destinations on time while their vehicles follow whenever possible. Costs vary but some drivers have paid over 400 yuan ($60) to escape a traffic jam. (Couldn’t traffic helicopters do pickups?)
– “China Daily”

Studies indicate that, compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate on sports teams.
– “Wall Street Journal”


1956 [55] (Virginia) Geena Davis, Wareham MA, 6-ft movie actress (“Thelma & Louise”, Oscar-“The Accidental Tourist”)

1976 [35] Emma Bunton, London UK, pop singer (ex-Spice Girls-“Say You’ll Be There”, “Wannabe”)

Classic rock singer Steve Perry (Journey) is 62; Retired country singer Teddy Gentry (Alabama) is 59; Movie actress Diane Lane (“Under the Tuscan Sun”) is 46; TV chef/game show host Guy Fieri (“Minute To Win It”) is 43; TV actor Balthazar Getty (“Brothers & Sisters”) is 36.

Classic rock singer/guitarist Robin Zander (Cheap Trick) is 58; TV actress Mariska Hargitay (“Law & Order: SVU”) is 47; Rock bassist Nick Harmer (Death Cab for Cutie) is 36.

• “Flag Day” in Québec, celebrating the designation of the blue & white fleur-de-lis standard known as the ‘Fleurdelisé’ as an official emblem on January 21st, 1948. The ancient symbol of the French monarchy first arrived in the Gaspésie in 1534 with Jacques Cartier’s first voyage.
• “Hugging Day”, a day to hug anyone who will accept a hug and to see how many you can hug before the day is over (make sure you have a lawyer on retainer). ‘The Most Huggable People of the Year’ will be announced here …
• “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. So take a moment today and think about the squirrels. (Huh?)
• “St Agnes’ Day”, the patron saint of virgins … and Girl Scouts.

• “Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day”, a day to concentrate on your feline and answer the questions you think it’s asking. People often consider cats unaffectionate, not true companions. But the truth is, they only talk to humans. Studies show they rarely ‘meow’ at other cats.
• They’re totally unpredictable.
• They whine when they’re not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to be alone.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They leave hair everywhere.
(Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.)
• “Celebration of Life Day”, a day to honor the gift of children and grandchildren.
• “Fancy Rat & Mouse Day”, a day set aside for people who appreciate pets … that are vermin.
• “International Clash Day”, when you’re supposed to put together the gaudiest outfit you can find, in order to relieve the Winter blahs.
• “St Vincent’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of wine growers. Tradition says: ‘Sunshine on St Vincent’s Day means the year’s wine will be more plentiful than water’. Let’s drink to that!
• “Unification of Ukraine Day”, celebrating Ukraine’s formation in 1919. There are over 1 million people of Ukranian origin in Canada, making them the country’s 8th-largest ethnic group and giving Canada the world’s 3rd-largest Ukrainian population after Ukraine and Russia.

• “Handwriting Day”, a day set aside to recognize ‘graphology’ (handwriting analysis) and to encourage more legible handwriting.
• “Measure Your Feet Day”, a good excuse to conduct a poll to find the listener with the largest.
• “Pie Day”, celebrating the pie as an ‘art form’. (Isn’t it better used as a weapon?)
• “Spieling Day”, honoring that great pastime … blathering. Celebrants are encouraged to give long-winded speeches about meaningless subjects to family & co-workers. Gee, thanks.

2004 [07] Recording Industry Association of America sues 532 individual computer users that it claims are illegally distributing songs online (well, that certainly put a stop to it!)

1915 [96] ‘Kiwanis International’ is founded in Detroit MI (now has over 300,000 members in more than 8,000 clubs in about 80 countries)

1967 [44] 1st ‘Microwave Oven’ is marketed for the home as Amana offers a $495 counter-top unit  BS FACTOID: The microwave was invented by accident in 1946, when Raytheon Corp engineer Percy Spencer noticed a candy bar in his pocket melted during tests of a new vacuum tube called a ‘magnetron’.

1993 [18] World’s ‘Largest Doughnut’ measures 16 ft in diameter and weighs 3,739 lbs (Utica NY)
2002 [09] Canadian dollar sets all-time low against the US dollar at .6179 (it’s now at par)

2008 [03] ‘Black Monday’ in worldwide stock markets as Britain’s FTSE (footsy) has its biggest-ever one-day points fall and Asian stocks drop 15% (the pattern spreads to North America, leading to the global economic turndown)

[Mon] Golden Raspberry Awards nominations announced
[Mon] Belly Laugh Day
[Mon] Beer Can Day
[Mon] Compliment Day
[Tues] Academy Awards nominations announced
[Tues] Macintosh Computer Day
[Tues] Better Business Communication Day
[Tues] Speak Up & Succeed Day
This Week Is … Activity Professional Week
This Month Is … Volunteer Blood Donor Month


• “I never watch television except for PBS.”
• “The engine is supposed to make that noise.”
• “Just take a left after the stoplight … you can’t miss it.”
• “I am married, but we’re getting a divorce.”
• “Don’t worry, I can get another 40 miles when the gauge is on empty.”
• “Just ignore him, he’s never bitten anyone.”
• “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
• “It’s not the money; it’s the principle of the thing.”
• “You get this round and I’ll pay next time.”
• “Trust me.”

It’s been said many times over the years, but is it really true now … is rock ’n roll dead? (Last year only 3 rock tracks were among the top 100 best-sellers in the UK. One observer claims the ‘rock era’ is over in the same way the ‘jazz era’ is over.)

What is the only essential vitamin NOT found in the common white potato?
a. Vitamin A. [CORRECT]
b. Vitamin B.
c. Vitamin C.
d. Sour cream.
– “Totally Trivial”

If screw-ups were dollars, he’d be a millionaire!

Today’s Question: According to recent research, women who consume THIS have been found to be more aggressive and jealous.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The birth control pill.

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.

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