Thursday, January 22, 2009 Edition: #3943
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!

America’s largest radio station owner, Clear Channel Communications, has announced it’s cutting 1,850 jobs as it grapples with the economic meltdown (on the upside – that averages out to only about 2 per station) . . . Even though he was cleared of any DUI charges in his infamous July smash-up, 22-year-old movie actor Shia LaBeouf has now had his driver’s license suspended for a year, an automatic penalty in California for refusing a chemical test (how tiresome having to take the limo every day) . . . 46-year-old “Desperate Housewives” star Marcia Cross is facing a real-life crisis; her 50-year-old husband Tom Mahoney has been diagnosed with cancer and is currently undergoing treatment . . . According to the new book “Six Degrees of Paris Hilton“ by Mark Ebner, there’s yet another explicit videotape of the 27-year-old famous person floating around in which she’s ‘seen in a state of arousal in a New York taxi’ (entitled “Tramp to Go”?) . . . According to a just-released “FHM Magazine” poll of some 7 million online users, the “Sexiest Woman In the World” is now actress Eva Mendes (even though she hasn’t had a hit film since 2005’s “Hitch”) . . . And “Lost” star Josh Holloway tells “Playboy” that before he hooked the role of ‘Sawyer’ he was so frustrated by 9 years without regular acting work, he was on the verge of becoming a real estate agent (now he just ACTS like a conniving miser).

• Academy Awards – Nominations for the 81st Oscars are announced at 5:30 am PST at the Samuel Goldwyn Theater in LA. Why so early? To hit morning primetime on the East Coast.
• Harrison Ford – The ‘Indy Jones’ actor is honored at the 6th annual “Living Legends of Aviation Awards” in Los Angeles. Ford first got his pilot’s license in the 1990s and has gone on to amass a private aircraft collection. He’s being honored for serving as chairman of the Young Eagles program of the Experimental Aircraft Association, teaching youngsters to fly.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Country singer Blake Shelton (“She Wouldn’t Be Gone”) is onstage.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Rock group Of Montreal perform in a rerun.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Fall Out Boy (“Folie A Deux“) is the musical guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Country group Lady Antebellum (“I Run to You”) performs.

• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – Nils Lofgren will try out his new ‘bionic hips’ during the Super Bowl halftime performance February 1st. The 57-year-old guitarist underwent hip replacement surgery in October. (You know you’ve become a geezer rocker when …)
• Kenny Chesney – He’s confirmed an additional 11 stadium concerts for his 2009 “Sun City Carnival” tour, in addition to the previously announced gig at Gillette Stadium near Boston. Support acts will be Sugarland, Montgomery Gentry, Miranda Lambert, and Lady Antebellum.
• Lily Allen – The Brit pop star (“Smile”) has revealed that she spent time in a psychiatric clinic after her miscarriage last year. She also admits to becoming so drunk in Jamaica, she ended up buying her own piece of Caribbean beach. (She’s fixing to become the next Amy Winehouse.)
• Mott The Hoople – They’ve confirmed they’ll reunite to play together for the first time in 35 years, to celebrate their 40th anniversary this October. (“All the Old Dudes”?)
• Rihanna – Islamists in Malaysia continue to lobby for a ban of her February 13th performance in Kuala Lumpur, even though she’s promised to ‘tone down’ her stage act. The Pan-Malaysian Islamic party claims the show would be an ‘insult to Asian values’.

• “The Extra Man” – Fresh off her Broadway success Katie Holmes’ next gig will be in this indie comedy film that will also star Kevin Kline (“The Tale of Despereaux”), Paul Dano (“There Will Be Blood”), and John C Reilly (“Step Brothers”). Based on the Jonathan Ames novel, the story follows a playwright (Kline) who makes ends meet by becoming an escort for wealthy NYC widows. No word on what role Holmes will be taking on. Wealthy widow maybe?
• “Iron Man 2“ – Emily Blunt (“Devil Wears Prada”) will play ‘Black Widow’ in the upcoming sequel, a Soviet superspy in a skintight costume enhanced by high-tech weaponry. Mickey Rourke (“The Wrestler”) co-stars as ‘Whiplash’; Sam Rockwell (“The Assassination of Jesse James“) as ‘Justin Hammer’; and Tim Robbins & Samuel L Jackson are also rumored to be involved. Robert Downey Jr & Gwyneth Paltrow return to star in the 2nd instalment, due Summer 2010.
• “Portrait Of an American Rebel“ – Screen rights to Marshall Terrill’s biography of late Hollywood actor Steve McQueen have been sold and a feature film is being developed for production later this year. A number of actors are being considered for the lead role but Brad Pitt is said to be the frontrunner because he has ‘the look’ and shares McQueen’s love of motorcycles and fast cars.
• “Scream 4“ – With sequels and remakes ruling supreme in the horror world, get ready for one more. David Arquette has confirmed he’s been in serious talks to take another stab at the franchise. Internet reports suggest he, his wife Courteney Cox Arquette, and Neve Campbell have all been approached to cameo in the new film … but not star. The last flick, “Scream 3“, came out 9 years ago.


• A Lithuanian debt collector is warning companies and individuals who’ve defaulted on loan payments that they’ll now be dealt with by … a witch. The woman (with a totally unpronounceable name), who proclaims herself as ‘Lithuania’s leading witch’, has found past popularity predicting the future and casting spells. Now she’s been hired to help defaulters ‘reconsider what is right and wrong and act accordingly’. (She conjures up cement overshoes?)
• Fears of a prolonged recession in China have triggered a sharp increase in divorce proceedings by lawyers and financial advisers, and timing is a key issue. Shu Xin, director of the China Divorce Service Center, says wealthy spouses are keen to strike a deal while asset values are low. (It’s the old rule of investment … marry high, divorce low.)
– “China Daily”
• A hoard of 824 prehistoric gold coins in a broken pottery jar has been discovered by a treasure hunter using a metal detector in a field near Wickham Market, England. When in circulation circa 40 BC-to-15 AD, it’s estimated their value would have been somewhere between $800,000 and $1.6 million, but they’re likely worth less now. (We bet there’s still going to be a run on metal detectors!)
– BBC News

• An Indiana grandmother accused of biting her 6-month-old granddaughter says she couldn’t have done it because … she doesn’t have enough teeth. Penny Hudson has suggested that either the family dog is the culprit or that the little girl did it to herself. (Police think she’s lying through her teeth.)
– “NY Post”
• Allergan, the drug firm that introduced Botox to the plastic surgery industry, will launch Latisse later this month, which got approval for marketing from the US Food & Drug Administration in December. Latisse is a prescription medication to grow … longer eyelashes. (We’re against overuse of pharmaceuticals but in this case they really seem worthwhile, don’t they?)
– “Canadian Business”


Yale University’s Griffin Prevention Research Center has developed what’s called the ‘Overall Nutritional Quality Index’, which scores foods from 1-to-100 based on nutrients, vitamins, sugar, and salt, as well as impact on blood pressure and other health concerns. Broccoli, for instance, scores a perfect 100, while a sugary Popsicle rates a big 0. A sampling of other foods (try naming 2 foods and asking which is more nutritional) …
Blueberries … 100.
Pineapple … 99.
Tomato … 96.
NY Strip Steak … 44.
Vanilla Yogurt … 43.
‘Enriched’ White Bread … 29.
Raisins … 26.
‘Lean’ Hamburger … 25.
Bagel … 23.
Hot Dog … 5.
Milk Chocolate … 3.
Bacon … 2.
A ranking of dozens of others here …
– “National Geographic”


“Spider-Man” creator Stan Lee is reportedly preparing to unveil the world’s first gay superhero in an hour-long TV drama. The 86-year-old former Marvel Comics boss and creator of “The Hulk” and “X-Men” is said to be working on a project about high school basketball star ‘Thom Creed’, who hides his developing superpowers along with his sexuality. Lee developed the idea of a gay character from the award-winning novel “Hero” by Perry Moore. It’s not yet been revealed what powers ‘Creed’ will display. (Ability to coordinate?)
– “The Sun”


China’s rapidly growing population of Internet users has risen dramatically to about 298 million, surpassing the United States to become the world’s largest online nation.


1949 [60] Steve Perry, Hanford CA, classic rock singer (“Oh Sherry”, Journey-“Open Arms”)

1952 [57] Teddy Gentry, Ft Payne AL, retired country singer (Alabama-“Reckless”, “Can’t Keep a Good Man Down”)/CMA ‘Entertainer of the Year’ 1982-84/ACM ‘Entertainer of the Year’ 1981-85/RIAA ‘Country Group of the 20th Century’/23 American Music Awards/a record 21 consecutive #1 country hits

1965 [44] Diane Lane, NYC, movie actress (“Under the Tuscan Sun”, “Unfaithful”)/Mrs Josh Brolin since 2004

1975 [34] Balthazar Getty, Tarzana CA, TV actor (‘Tommy Walker’ on “Brothers & Sisters” since 2006, “Alias” 2005-06)/great-grandson of oil billionaire Jean Paul Getty/sometime boyfriend of movie actress Sienna Miller


• “Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day”, a day to concentrate on your feline and answer the questions you think it’s asking. People often consider cats unaffectionate, not true companions. But the truth is, they only talk to us. Studies show they rarely ‘meow’ at other cats, reserving that sound for humans.

• “Celebration of Life Day”, a day to honor the gift of children and grandchildren.

• “International Clash Day”, when you’re supposed to put together the gaudiest outfit you can find, in order to relieve the Winter blahs.

• “St Vincent’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of wine growers. Tradition says: ‘Sunshine on St Vincent’s Day means the year’s wine will be more plentiful than water’. Let’s drink to that!

• “Speak Up & Succeed Day”. Tomorrow is ‘You’re Fired, You Loudmouth Troublemaker Day’.

• “Unification of Ukraine Day”, celebrating Ukraine’s formation in 1919. There are over 1 million people of Ukranian origin in Canada, making them the country’s 8th-largest ethnic group and giving Canada the world’s 3rd-largest Ukrainian population after Ukraine and Russia.

• “Women’s Healthy Weight Day”, the 16th annual observance honoring size diversity, particularly in advertising and the media. It confirms that beauty, health and strength come in all sizes, and that talent and compassion cannot be weighed. The day is an annual feature of “Healthy Weight Week”.


2008 [01] Australian actor Heath Ledger dies in NYC of apparent pharmaceutical overdose at age 29 (he’s a lock to be nominated for an Oscar today for “The Dark Knight”)

1992 [17] Canada’s 1st female astronaut (Roberta Bondar lifts off in space shuttle ‘Discovery’ as Canada’s 2nd astronaut)

1943 [66] Temperature rises 49 degrees F in 2 minutes in Spearfish SD

1964 [45] World’s ‘Largest Cheese’ (34,590 lbs/15,723 kg) produced in Wisconsin

2006 [03] LA Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant scores 81 points against the Toronto Raptors at Staples Center, 2nd-most points in a single NBA game in history behind Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 in 1962

[Fri] Handwriting Day
[Fri] Measure Your Feet Day
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
[Sat] 20th Producers Guild of America Awards (LA)
[Sat] 2009 Miss America Pageant (TLC)
[Sun] 15th SAG Awards
[Sun] 10th International Internet-Free Day
[Sun] Robbie Burns Day
[Mon] Chinese New Year
This Week Is … Women in Blue Jeans Week
This Month Is … Volunteer Blood Donor Month


• They’re totally unpredictable.
• They whine when they’re not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to be alone.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They leave hair everywhere.
Conclusion: They’re tiny women in little fur coats.

• They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
• They growl when they are not happy.
• When you want to play, they want to play.
• When you want to be alone, they want to play.
• They leave their toys everywhere.
Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.


What’s your best tip on getting little kids to go to bed?


• When’s the last time you went to the ballet and a really good fight broke out?
• Stamp-collecting is for referees.
• Boxing is arguably the same sport but those wimps do it without skates.
• Hockey is the last remnant of the Roman Coliseum without actually having to sit through pro-wrestling.
• Compared to golf … hmm. This one’s a toss up. Both sports involve hitting a hard rubber
object with a stick while wearing hideous clothing.
– Thanks to Greg Darling


If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Today’s Question: Of anyone in a typical family, Dad is the least likely to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Appear in a family photo. (“USA Today” reports that dads appear in only 8% of family photos. Perhaps because they’re the ones taking them?)


Success is a journey, not a destination.

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