Tuesday, January 23, 2018 – Edition: #6141

Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!

★ Harry Styles has been tipped to be the next James Bond after making his acting debut in Christopher Nolan’s ‘Dunkirk’ in 2017.  Lee Smith, the editor of the Bond film ‘Spectre’, thinks the 23-year-old hunk could be perfect for job, should Bond producers want to hire someone ”younger” and have Nolan helm the franchise.  Quote:  ”Harry is really good and he can go all the way. He is an exceptional talent and a complete natural on camera.”
(That’s what we need…a singing 007, who can also jump a shark, apparently!)
★ Following the announcement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s engagement last November, Kensington Palace has confirmed that Harry’s cousin Princess Eugenie is set to wed longtime boyfriend Jack Brooksbank.  The couple, who became engaged while in Nicaragua earlier this month, will tie the knot in Autumn 2018 at St. George’s Chapel in Windsor, where Harry and Meghan will wed in May.
★ The Marvel Cinematic Universe is the rare franchise that can seemingly do no wrong.   Their superhero films are consistently lauded by critics and audiences alike, and the studio’s darker Netflix shows are incredibly popular, too.  But on ABC, it looks like things aren’t quite so rosy.  Reports are that franchise’s lowest-rated offering, ‘Inhumans’, has been canceled.  The eight-part limited series debuted to much fanfare in September, but reviews were downright awful, with a pitiful 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.  It was the first television series in history to debut in IMAX theaters.
★ Morgan Freeman has revealed the person who caused him to stop his acceptance of the SAG Life Achievement Award mid-speech.  Freeman says the person he paused his speech to speak to personally…was Lily Tomlin, who was seated in the front row.  Although he appeared to be upset that she was possibly for talking during his speech,  Freeman said afterward, “She’s a wonder in herself and I’ve always loved her. I see her, I say hello.”
★ Scarlett Johansson made a not-so-thinly veiled dig at James Franco in front of tens of thousands of demonstrators during her speech at Saturday’s Women’s March in Los Angeles. Johansson, who didn’t name names, said, “How could a person publicly stand by an organization that helps to provide support for victims of sexual assault while privately preying on people who have no power?…I want my pin back, by the way.”  Johansson’s rep has since confirmed that her comments were indeed directed squarely at Franco.
★ Hugh Jackman landed in trouble with his skin cancer specialist for singing during a read- through for ‘The Greatest Showman’…and breaking the stitches on his nose.  After his doctor warned him that singing could cause problems, Jackman says, “I thought, ‘I’ll sing the first line – it’s quiet, I’ll sing the second line…’ and then the music just took over.  Fast forward to the very end… there was blood and I went straight back to my surgeon and he said, ‘You sang?’ And I said, ‘Maybe a little bit…’

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Aaron Paul, Sarah Hyland, AJR
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Alex Rodriguez, Taylor Kitsch, Bebe Rexha featuring Florida Georgia Line
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): John Dickerson, Eugene Levy, Midland
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Michael Che, Colin Jost, Jack Antonoff, Ashley McBryde, Brann Dailor
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kim Kardashian West, Ludacris, Amy Shark ( R )
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Kathy Bates, Louie Anderson, Tune-Yards
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Lisa Rinna, Tabatha Coffey
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Bobby Elliot Roache, Jason Fedele, Josh Ardolf, Jacob Bernstein, guest co-host Ann Curry
• “The Talk” (CBS): Max Greenfield
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): David Duchovny, Susan Kelechi Watson
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Hoda Kotb, First Aid Kit
• “Baskets” (FX): Season 3 premiere
• “The Detour” (TBS): Season 3 premiere

• Drake – On Saturday, he surprise-dropped ‘God’s Plan’ and ‘Diplomatic Immunity’, two new singles from his forthcoming EP ‘Scary Hours’.  Diplomatic Immunity includes the lyric: “2010 was when I lost my halo,  2017 I lost a J-Lo” Near the beginning of 2017, there was a swirl of rumors that the pair were an item, before she hooked up with Alex Rodriguez.
• Ed Sheeran – says he is likely to step away from the music scene when he settles down to have a family.  He recently announced his engagement to longterm girlfriend Cherry Seaborn, and he says that after the pair have children – which Ed previously admitted he wanted to do before he turns 30 – his ambition for music will ”go to zero”.
• Adele – stood united with Hollywood pals Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lawrence at the 2018 Women’s March in Los Angeles on Saturday.  Adele shared a selfie with the two holding their protest placards as they joined thousands of women speaking out against President Trump and the lack of equality in the US.
• Robert Plant – has once again expressed his admiration for rising-star band Greta Van Fleet, who have been described as potentially the next Led Zeppelin.  In an interview,  Plant said of frontman Josh Kiszka: “Is that the guy from Detroit? He’s pretty good. There’s a job somewhere for him.”
• Argent – co-founder Jim Rodford has died at the age of 76. The bassist, who also played for The Kinks and The Zombies, died at his home in St. Albans, England, on Saturday, apparently after “a fall on the stairs.”
• Neil Young – shared his experience of joining the Women’s March in Los Angeles Saturday on Facebook, writing that it was a “beautiful” and “very human” moment that he won’t forget quickly.
• Lady Antebellum – have announced the ‘Summer Plays On Tour’, a co-headlining venture with Darius Rucker, plus special guest Russell Dickerson.  It kicks off July 19 in Toronto, with dates scheduled through October 6 in Bristow, VA.
• Kacey Musgraves – she and friend Reese Witherspoon did their own version of Carpool Karaoke in a video she posted last week.  It showed the two in a car with a flashy karaoke microphone as they laughed their way through what they called “Carpool Kaceyoke”.

• “Geostorm” (PG-13, Action/Adventure):  When the network of satellites designed to control the global climate starts to attack Earth, it’s a race against the clock for its creator to uncover the real threat before a worldwide Geostorm wipes out everything and everyone. (Gerard Butler, Jim Sturgess)
• “Jigsaw” (R-Rated, Drama/Horror):  Bodies are turning up around the city, each having met a uniquely gruesome demise.  As the investigation proceeds, evidence points to one suspect: John Kramer, the man known as Jigsaw, who has been dead for ten years. (Matt Passmore, Tobin Bell)
• “Suburbicon” (R-Rated, Comedy):  As a 1950s suburban community self-destructs, a home invasion has sinister consequences for one seemingly normal family. (Matt Damon, Julianne Moore)
• “Thank You for Your Service” (R-Rated, Drama):  A group of U.S. soldiers returning from Iraq struggle to integrate back into family and civilian life, while living with the memory of a war that threatens to destroy them long after they’ve left the battlefield. (Haley Bennett, Miles Teller)
• “The Killing of a Sacred Deer” (R-Rated, Drama): A charismatic surgeon is forced to make an unthinkable sacrifice after his life starts to fall apart, when the behavior of a teenage boy he has taken under his wing turns sinister. (Nicole Kidman, Alicia Silverstone)
• “Goodbye Christopher Robin” (PG, Drama):  A behind-the-scenes look at the life of author A.A. Milne and the creation of the Winnie the Pooh stories inspired by his son C.R. Milne. (Domhnall Gleeson, Margot Robbie)

If you hope to live to a ripe old age, here are the three traits you need: positivity, stubbornness, and a conscientious work ethic, according to a new study.  The study, which examined the mental and physical health levels of a group of Italians between the ages of 90 and 101, found that the elderly participants generally had those three traits in common.  Researchers determined that having stubborn personality traits can be psychologically beneficial because these people will tend to care less what others think of them.  Another common theme between the elderly participants was a passion for family, religion and rural life.
(It’s true.  Have you even seen a really old dude who WASN’T referred to as ‘stubborn’ by everyone else?)
(Well, I AM positive that I’m not going to live to be 100!)
(I’m not sure how you are feeling after hearing about this, but I’m not holding out much hope for the millennials!)

A study published in the Globe and Mail newspaper points out that since the dawn of the smartphone era, not only has the human race become generally more “stupid, antisocial and unhealthy”, but our average attention span has decreased to less than that of a goldfish.  In the year 2000, we could be counted on to be able to focus on something for an average of 12 seconds.  By 2013, that had shrunk to about 8 seconds.  Goldfish are believed to be able to focus their attention for an average of about 9 seconds.  Oh, look!  Something shiny!
(When I heard this, I was shocked and outraged.  For about 8 seconds.)
(I know you would be shocked too, had you been able to pay attention all the way through…)
(Funny thing is, I saw this story on my smartphone!)

✓ Sunlight for strong bones:  Vitamin D is an important part of keeping bones strong, and not getting outside means decreased production in our bodies.  Sun exposure triggers vitamin D production in the skin, and bones need vitamin D to make the body absorb bone-strengthening calcium properly.  (But I haven’t even SEEN the sun since October…)
✓ Boost your mood: Winter doldrums are all too common when the days are shorter, the weather is colder and we feel compelled to stay inside.  Exercise helps counter this mild depression, releasing endorphins that pick up your mood.  (I’m not sure a minus 30 degree windchill and a swollen knee from a slip on the ice is going to be really good for my mood…)
✓ Burn extra calories:  There are a couple ways that walking in winter can help you burn extra calories and stay fit.  Being cold helps you burn more calories as the body has to work harder to maintain your core temperature.  Plus, invigorating cold air can clear your mind and reduce stress, which can be helpful for weight loss.  And trudging through snow or walking into the wind takes more energy.  (I also burn extra calories shoveling snow…about 13 times a week!)
(The other benefit to walking in winter…when I do, my dog doesn’t poop inside!)
(I walk everywhere I go in winter…because my car won’t start…)


1950 [68] Richard Dean Anderson, Minneapolis MN, TV actor (“MacGyver” 1985-1992, “Stargate” 1997-2007)

1951 [67] Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, Denison TX, pilot (famous U.S. Airways pilot and hero who safely landed a passenger jet on the Hudson River, inspired the 2016 movie ‘Sully’)

1964 [54] Mariska Hargitay, Santa Monica CA, TV actress/producer (“Chicago PD” 2014-16, “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1974 [44] Tiffani Thiessen, Long Beach CA, TV actress (“Saved By the Bell” 1989-1994, “Beverly Hills 90210” 1994-2000)

1975 [43] Nick Harmer, Landstuhl, Germany, rock bassist (Death Cab For Cutie-‘I Will Possess Your Heart’, ‘You are a Tourist’)

• “Handwriting Day”, a day set aside to recognize ‘graphology’ (handwriting analysis) and to encourage more legible handwriting.

• “Measure Your Feet Day”, to draw attention to the importance of wearing correctly fitted shoes.  (***a day to find the listener with the largest, and smallest feet***)

• “Pie Day”, celebrating the pie as an ‘art form’.  There are said to be 231 varieties of apple pie alone.  (Not to be confused with ‘Pi Day’, celebrated March 14)

• “Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day”, when snowplow drivers are encouraged to take out as many mailboxes as possible. High score wins! Hey, any excuse to have fewer bills delivered. (In my neighborhood, they don’t need any extra encouragement!)

• “Speak Up & Succeed Day”, time to face  your fear of public speaking and speak out anyway.

[Wed] National Compliment Day
[Wed] Peanut Butter Day
[Thurs] Opposite Day
[Thurs] Irish Coffee Day

1998 [20]  The Spice Girls’ movie “Spice World” hits theaters in North America.

2000 [18] Heart’s Nancy Wilson & her writer/filmmaker husband Cameron Crowe become parents of their first and only children, twins named William & Curtis

2010 [08] Powered by the single “TiK ToK”, Kesha’s debut album “Animal” hits #1

2014 [04] 19-year-old Justin Bieber is arrested for street-racing his yellow Lamborghini in Miami Beach FL, and is also charged with resisting arrest and having an expired driving licence

2015 [03] Pop singer Mandy Moore & alt-rocker Ryan Adams announce their split after nearly 6 years of marriage

2010 [08] Britain’s Culture Ministry declares The Beatles’ Abbey Road Studios an historic site

2017 [01] The most expensive house in the US (listing at $250 million) goes on the market in Bel Air, Los Angeles (look out, there is an LA home currently bring built which is expected to list for $500 million!)


✓ The stuffing inside the wafers on Kit Kat bars is made from crushed-up, imperfect Kit Kats.
✓ Plants can “hear” flowing water. Their roots seek buried pipes and even grow toward artificially produced water sounds.
✓ Prisoners in Brazil can reduce their sentences by reading books.
✓ 600 Americans die each year from falling out of bed.
✓ ‘Yahoo!’ was initially called “Jerry’s guide to the world wide web.”
✓ The more features your phone has, the longer you spend on the toilet.

• Boot Scootin’ Goofy
• I’ve Got Friends in Heigh Ho Places
• Don’t it Make My Brown Eyes Baloo
• Snow White & the Seven Spanish Angels
• Stand By Your Mulan
• Achy Breaky Queen of Hearts
• Red Han Solo Cup
• You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Loose Heel
• Eeyore Still the One
• A Boy Named Pooh
• Wasted Away Again In Cruella DeVille

*Note: Technically, all of these aren’t puns…
• It’s pretty easy to stop ladies from eating tide pods, but it’s much more difficult to deter gents.
• An atom loses an electron… it says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
• Airline food is so plane.
• I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
• Opening a distillery is a whiskey business.
• It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
• If you Google ‘how to start a wildfire’ you get 48,500 matches.
• I threw my old iPhone in the pool and NOW it’s syncing.
• Whenever I undress in the bathroom, the shower gets turned on.
• Elevator music bothers me on many levels.
• Do y’all need an Ark? I Noah guy.
• I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

☎ Batman gets his name from a fear of bats.  Using that logic, what’s your superhero name?

Whoever said “laughter is the best medicine” clearly hasn’t tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.

Question:  The average person knows 5 of these by heart , what is it?
Answer:  Recipes

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.

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