Monday, January 23, 2012            Edition: #4674

Witty? Amusing? Provocative? Sounds Like Sheet!


• Today Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Brooke Mueller is due in Aspen, Colorado court to answer to charges of 3rd degree assault and drug possession. She was also booked on possession of cocaine with intent to distribute following a scuffle at an Aspen nightclub on December 2nd. She’s since won a court order banning the media from streaming her drug arraignment live online. (Who would have thought Charlie would turn out to be the sane one?)
– QMI Agency
• Supermodel-turned-TV host Heidi Klum (“Project Runway”) is set to divorce her soul singer husband Seal, according to a online report. The couple has become famous for renewing their wedding vows every year in a romantic ceremony, but now it’s said she’s preparing to file divorce papers as early as today, citing irreconcilable differences. The German beauty married the “Kiss From a Rose” hit-maker in 2005 and they have 3 children together. Seal also adopted Klum’s eldest daughter from a previous relationship. (If they can’t make it … who can?)
• Public records show that Vanessa Bryant, wife of NBA superstar Kobe Bryant (LA Lakers) will keep their 3 Newport Coast homes in California when their divorce is finalized. The properties, valued at $18.8 million in total, are being transferred into her name, suggesting the couple has reached a settlement. But the real estate may be just the beginning as she’s likely entitled to half their communal assets because they never signed a prenuptial agreement. Estimates of Kobe’s net worth hover around $150 million. Oh … and she’s also likely to get spousal and child support. (Hope that ‘date’ was worth it, Kob’.)
– “Los Angeles Times”
• 33-year-old actress Katherine Heigl has made it known she’d like to return to her breakthrough role as ‘Dr Izzie Stevens’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC), more than 2 years after walking away from the TV show. She was dogged by rumors of a rift with the program’s producers and cast following her success in the 2007 movie “Knocked Up”, and finally left the series in late 2009. (Why would she possibly want to go back to TV? How about: “Killers”, “Life as We Know It”, “New Year’s Eve”, and “The Ugly Truth”.)
• Simon Cowell is attempting to silence rumours of a split from fiancée Mezhgan Hussainy. He fueled the gossip himself by openly taking a sun-soaked vacation over the holiday season with no less than 6 women … none of them Hussainy. But now he says the various members of his ‘harem’ are just friends, not girlfriends. He claims he talks to Mezhgan all the time, and ‘everything is fine’. (Three words, girl: Dump the creep!)
– “The Sun”


• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Wilco (“The Whole Love”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Young The Giant (“Young The Giant”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Cee-Lo Green (“The Lady Killer”); Delta Spirit (“History From Below”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Snow Patrol (“Fallen Empires”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Chris Cornell (“Songbook”).


• Adele – “21” has becomes just the 20th album in “Billboard” history to spend 16-plus weeks at #1. The most weeks: “West Side Story” soundtrack (54) and “Thriller” (37).
• Bruce Springsteen – His 17th studio album, “Wrecking Ball”, is out March 6th. It includes 11 new recordings; a ‘special edition’ includes 2 bonus tracks.
• Dolly Parton – Her Dollywood Co is participating in building a new theme park adjacent to the Gaylord Opryland Resort & Convention Center in Nashville, Tennessee. The complex will be a water park during warmer months and will manufacture snow for activities during Winter.
• Fleet Foxes – They’re looking for a new drummer after Joshua Tillman quit to focus on his solo career. Tillman played with the group for 4 years, participating in recording both their albums.
• Jay-Z – His clothing company Rocawear laid off half its staff the day before Blue Ivy was born.
• Lady Gaga – She’s set to launch her new Born This Way Foundation next month, designed to promote youth empowerment and equality. She’ll kick it off with an event at Harvard University.
• The Ramones – Johnny Ramone’s previously unfinished autobiography, “Commando”, will be released this April. Coming 8 years after the guitarist’s death, completion of the book was overseen by his widow, Linda.
• Rick Ross – He’s offering to undergo a DNA test to prove he’s not the father of a 3-year-old Georgia boy. The mother, Tyrisha Childers, claims Ross did the deed and has never paid any maintenance.
• Staind – Today the winning tour name for their upcoming trek with Godsmack and Halestorm will be announced, selected via fan-voting on Facebook. (“The Really REALLY Loud Tour”?)


Young couples have long signaled their devotion to one other by various means and now the digital era has given rise to a new intimate custom. It has become fashionable for young people to express their affection for each other by sharing their passwords to email, Facebook and other accounts. Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes even create identical passwords, and let each other read their private emails and texts. (“Oh baby, let’s both use ‘12345’. It’ll be so romantic.”)
– “New York Times”


If you saw the new movie “Coriolanus” over the weekend, you may have heard some of these. Most of us quote William Shakespeare every day without even knowing it. Just a few of the terms and expressions attributed to the bard …
✓ As dead as a doornail.
✓ As pure as the driven snow.
✓ Eaten out of house and home.
✓ Good riddance.
✓ Hot-blooded.
✓ Make your hair stand on end.
✓ Night owl.
✓ Too much of a good thing.
✓ Up in arms.
✓ Wild goose chase.
– Condensed from


A new study suggests that marriage and cohabitation provide similar health benefits. In terms of health, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, marriage offers little extra over simply living together without wedding, according to Cornell University researchers. They say it’s the relationship itself, rather than its official status, that’s key. It’s thought that being in any romantic relationship, irrespective of the legal form, provides similar benefits over remaining single. (Such as … someone to argue with daily.)


A quick look at where some of today’s most common slang terms come from …
• ‘Chick’ – It’s thought to have first appeared in print in the 1927 Sinclair Lewis novel “Elmer Gantry”. Quote: “He didn’t want to marry this brainless little fluffy chick …” It’s a word that became popular among jazz musicians in the 1930s and 1940s.
• ‘Cool’ – It’s been used to mean more than just a moderate version of cold since the early 1700s. It really blossomed in the 1940s and 1950s when jazz musicians used it as a way to describe great playing.
• ‘Dude’ – First appeared in the late 19th century, most likely as a variation of ‘duds’, Victorian slang for clothing. So the original ‘dudes’ were dandies, well-off young gents known for their fancy dress. By the 1930s, it was being used interchangeably with ‘guy’ and ‘fella’.
• ‘Hip’ – One theory says it’s connected to the West African word ‘hipi’, which means ‘to open one’s eyes’. ‘Hipster’ first made the scene in the 1940s, to describe fans of bebop jazz. Other variations such as ‘hep’ and ‘hippie’ are no longer … hip.
– Adapted from “Mental Floss Magazine”


General Motors R&D department challenged Israel’s Bezalel Academy of Art & Design to create new ways to enhance the driving experience for rear-seat passengers, particularly children. The result is the ‘Windows of Opportunity’ (WOO) project, which runs a variety of apps using rear windows as screens. Among them …
✓ ‘Otto’ – An animated character that responds in real time to changes in vehicle speed, outside weather, and even the passing landscape.
✓ ‘Foofu’ – Described as ‘virtual window steam’, which allows rear-seat passengers to draw in a colored cloud with their fingertips.
✓ ‘Pond’ – Enables rear-seat passengers to stream music and share messages with other cars on the road.
✓ ‘Spindow’ – Allows users to change to ‘virtual scenery’ by selecting views from other cars, in real time, from all around-the-world.
So far WOO is a design exercise only, so don’t expect to see it as a GM option anytime soon. (What is currently available is ‘Book’, a portable entertainment device that transports kids to alternative worlds through their own imagination. Check it out!)


• The average newborn baby cries 60-to-90 minutes per day.  (But to new parents it feels like 12 hours.)
– “Working Women”
• Google Corp has announced its social network ‘Google-Plus’ now has 90 million users, with 60% active daily and 80% active weekly. (Still only about one-tenth of Facebook.)
• 500 cubic feet of air passes through your nose every day.  (And all of it has been used previously by someone else … icky!)



1953 [59] Robin Zander, Beloit WI, classic rock singer-guitarist (Cheap Trick-“The Flame”)

1964 [48] Mariska Hargitay, Santa Monica CA, TV actress (‘Detective Olivia Benson’ on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” since 1999)

1975 [37] Nick Harmer, Landstuhl, Germany, rock bassist (Death Cab For Cutie-“I Will Possess Your Heart”, “Soul Meets Body”)


• “Chinese New Year”, a festive holiday celebrated by Chinese worldwide that usually falls on the 2nd New Moon after the Winter Solstice. The Year 2012 is the 4,709th Chinese year, a ‘Year Of the Dragon’. Washing your hair, cooking, and lending money are a few of the superstitious no-nos for this holiday. Check out other traditions here …

• “Handwriting Day”, a day set aside to recognize ‘graphology’ (handwriting analysis) and to encourage more legible handwriting.

• “Measure Your Feet Day”, a good excuse to conduct a poll to find the listener with the largest.

• “Pie Day”, celebrating the pie as an ‘art form’. Isn’t it better used as a weapon?

• “Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day”, when snowplow drivers are encouraged to take out as many mailboxes as possible. High score wins! Hey, any excuse to have fewer bills delivered.

• “Spieling Day”, honoring that great pastime … blathering. Celebrants are encouraged to give long-winded speeches about meaningless subjects to family & co-workers. Gee, thanks.

2006 [05] “Who Killed the Electric Car?”, a documentary about the aborted attempt by the auto industry to create electric vehicles, debuts at the “Sundance Film Festival” in Utah


1986 [26] The initial “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” inductees include Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, and Fats Domino


1922 [90] At Toronto General Hospital, 14-year-old Leonard Thompson becomes the 1st to receive an insulin injection as treatment for diabetes (thanks to research by Frederick Banting & Charles Best)

2006 [06] Stephen Harper is elected Canada’s 22nd Prime Minister


1916 [96] Browning, Montana sets record for 24-hour temperature variation at 100 degrees (from +44 F to -56 F)

1935 [77] Lowest-ever temperature recorded in Ontario (-58.3 C at Iroquois Falls)


[Tues] Global Belly Laugh Day
[Tues] Beer Can Day
[Tues] Compliment Day
[Tues] Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day
[Wed] Robbie Burns Day
[Wed] “Touch” special preview (FOX)
[Wed] MacIntosh Computer Day


Activity Professionals Week / Clean Out Your Inbox Week / Creative Frugality Week / Handwriting Analysis Week / Medical Group Practice Week / No Name-Calling Week / Nuclear Science Week / Nurse Anesthetists Week / World Leprosy Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
✓ You live in a house with 3 sofas, none of which match.
✓ You have ever seen 2 consecutive sunrises without sleeping.
✓ You have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles.
✓ You’ve ever stayed up all night just so you wouldn’t sleep through your morning class.
✓ You’re carrying less than a dollar on you.
✓ You haven’t done laundry in so long that you’re wearing your swimsuit to class.
✓ Your backpack is giving you scoliosis.
✓ Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen noodles.
– First published in “BS” 2005.


Which would make a co-worker more of an ‘office hero’ to you … if he/she showed up for work on time, nose running like a faucet with a contagious cold; or if he/she called in sick, thereby creating extra work for everyone else?


I have a record. I was once arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.


Who was the first Heisman Trophy winner to be elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame?
a. Los Angeles Rams runner-receiver Crazylegs Hirsch.
b. Buffalo Bills running back OJ Simpson. [CORRECT]
c. Dallas Cowboys quarterback Roger Staubach. [CORRECT, both he & OJ were inducted in 1985.]


Question: The number of us doing THIS has dropped 23% over the past 2 years, according to a new survey.
Answer: Watching TV.


The biggest liar in the world is ‘They Say’.



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