Thursday, January 24, 2013        Edition: #4911

Sheet Happens!

3 months after it debuted in most of the world, the movie “Cloud Atlas” has arrived in China, minus 39 minutes removed by censors (at an agonizing 172 minutes, it could use an even bigger snip!) . . . Cumulus Media will attempt to promote its ‘Nash’ brand at 83 country stations across America using a monthly magazine, website, social media, concerts, and TV programming (Cumulus launched 94.7 Nash FM this week, the 1st country station in NYC since 1996) . . . A man accused of harassing actress Mila Kunis (“Black Swan”) has been sentenced to 6 months at a live-in rehab center and ordered to stay away from her for – whoa – 10 years! (by which time we’ll have all forgotten who the hell she was) . . . Former “American Idol” contestant Jennifer Hudson has urged the show’s producers to quit while they’re ahead and end the TV singing contest on a high note (hear, hear!) . . . Krysten Ritter & James Van Der Beek’s TV comedy “Don’t Trust the B–– In Apartment 23” has officially been cancelled by ABC-TV due to falling ratings (with that title, it was doomed from Day 1) . . . And according to the new issue of “Star Magazine”, it was a debauchery-filled evening at LA’s Beverly Hills Four Seasons in December during which a stoned Justin Bieber engaged in sexual activity with 22-year-old nursing student Mimi Jenson that was the last straw in his 2-year relationship with Selena Gomez (whether the story’s true or not, it’s clear his PR people are fumbling more often than the New England Pats lately.)

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Auditions continue.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Mo Mandel (“The M Word”).
• “Katie” (syndicated) – Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o and his parents attempt to straighten out the strange story of his ‘girlfriend’ who was injured in a car accident, then died from leukemia. Trouble is, it was all an elaborate hoax. The apparently naive Te’o believed his online relationship with the woman was real, but she turned out to be a total fabrication.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Metric (“Synthetica”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Michael Kiwanuka (“Home Again”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Paul Banks (“Banks”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Kenny Loggins w/Blue Sky Riders (“Finally Home”).

• Adele – Her rendition of the Oscar-nominated ‘James Bond’ theme song “Skyfall” at the Academy Awards February 24th will be her first US TV performance since the Grammy Awards last year.
• Brantley Gilbert – reports the “Country Must Be Country Wide” singer rented out Nashville’s famed Ryman Auditorium for the day on Sunday – his 28th birthday – just so he could use it as the site to ask girlfriend Jana Kramer to marry him. And oh, she said ‘yes’.
• Hunter Hayes – He recently earned Double Platinum certification from the RIAA for selling more than 2 million copies of his multi-week #1 country hit “Wanted”.
• LeAnn Rimes – She tells Jimmy Kimmel that Brandi Glanville can ‘go screw’ herself after her husband Eddie Cibrian’s ex-wife recently branded LeAnn ‘insane’ and ‘desperate’. Meantime, Rimes has been banned from speaking for 2 weeks by her doctor after losing her voice. (Maybe just as well.)
• Michael Jackson – A group of his diehard fans calling themselves “Michael Jackson’s Rapid Response Team to Media Attacks” are taking credit for the fact Randall Sullivan’s new biography, “Untouchable: The Strange Life & Tragic Death of Michael Jackson”, has become a resounding failure, according to “New York Times”. (Or maybe most of us just don’t want to read about total freaks.)
• New Kids On the Block – “Los Angeles Times” reports they’re going on tour with fellow ‘90s boy-bands Boyz II Men and 98 Degrees. The 28-date North American trek kicks off May 31st in Connecticut.
• PSY – New figures from Google indicate that the video for “Gangnam Style” has now generated over $8 million in advertising revenue through its record-breaking 1.23 billion YouTube plays.
• Shakira – She’s announced the birth of a baby boy via her official website. She and FC Barcelona soccer star-boyfriend Gerard Piqué have named the lad ‘Milan (pronounced MEE-lahn) Piqué Mebarak’.
• Taylor Swift – This week she’s hit the top of the ‘Billboard Mainstream Top 40’ chart with “I Knew You Were Trouble”. The song has also reached #1 in Australia and New Zealand, and topped the iTunes all genres chart.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Fifth Estate” – The WikiLeaks movie based on the book by “Guardian” newspaper writers David Leigh & Luke Harding began principal photography at an undisclosed location this week. It stars Benedict Cumberbatch as the whistleblowing anti-hero Julian Assange. The cast also includes Daniel Bruhl and Laura Linney. The film’s earmarked for a November 15th release.
• “Gone Girl” – David Fincher (“The Social Network”) is in talks to direct this adaptation of the Gillian Flynn novel that has sold 2 million copies. It’s the dark and suspenseful story of a woman who disappears on the day of her 5th wedding anniversary. Actress Reese Witherspoon will co-produce, but it’s not yet known if she’s looking to star as the mysterious wife.
• “Kill Your Darlings” – ‘Harry Potter’ actor Daniel Radcliffe’s indie movie has been given a boost as it has found a buyer after its world premiere at the Sundance Film Festival. The bio-pic, starring Radcliffe as beat poet Allen Ginsberg, has been snapped up by Sony Pictures Classics. Radcliffe recently called his performance as Ginsberg the best of his career.
• “The Muppets 2” – Ray Liotta, who appeared in 1999’s “Muppets From Space”, has been cast in Disney’s upcoming sequel. The European-set caper will feature new human stars including Tina Fey, Ty Burrell, and Ricky Gervais. Liotta’s role is being kept under wraps. Production starts in London this month.
• “Skate God” – Retired pro skateboarder Alexander Garcia wrote the screenplay and stuntman Peewee Piemonte is making his directorial debut with this indie 3-D skateboarding film which centers on a boarder who is the descendant of a Greek god. Model Esti Ginzburg (“Sports Illustrated”) is onboard as the female lead. Filming is targeted for late Summer in New Mexico.

The Nature Conservancy is warning that transporting firewood long distances can spread insects and diseases, thereby wiping out swaths of forests. Native trees can defend themselves against native insects and diseases, but trouble ensues when non-native insects and diseases show up, hitching a ride on firewood transported from elsewhere. Because this can cause considerable environmental damage, the advocacy group has set up a ‘Don’t Move Firewood’ website. How far is too far to move firewood? Generally, 50 miles (80 km) is too far and 10 miles or less (6K) is best. (We have trouble getting it from the shed to the fireplace.)
– Condensed from “Christian Science Monitor”

✳ Well, here’s a new wrinkle. A 61-year-old grandmother has become a huge hit in China as the country’s oldest … pole dancer. Sun Fengqin took up the raunchy hobby after she got bored with tai chi and began looking for a new type of exercise. Now millions of viewers have watched the grandmother-of-4 grind her way through routines on TV and online. She admits friends and family have shunned her as a result. Even her husband says he’d rather she took up yoga.
✳ He certainly isn’t ‘Cat Man’. New Zealand economist Gareth Morgan has raised the hackles of animal lovers by suggesting that cats are natural born bird killers and his country should do away with them. He’s even set up a website to explain why Kiwi cats should go and never come back. About half of New Zealand families have at least one cat and local wildlife experts confirm that more than 1 million birds a year are caught in their calculating clutches.
– QMI Agency
✳ No whey there’s a fondue fork this big! A road tunnel near the northern coastal town of Narvik in Norway has been closed for 6 days after a truckload of cheese caught fire. Some 27 tons of brown cheese called ‘brunost’, a Norwegian delicacy, caught fire and blocked the 3-km (1.9-mile) tunnel. Brown cheese is made from whey and contains up to 30% fat, perhaps explaining why it burns so well. The tunnel will closed for repairs for at least another week.

Researchers have discovered that copper and alloys made from the metal, including brass, can prevent the spread of antibiotic-resistant bacteria, aka ‘superbugs’. Plastic and stainless steel surfaces, which are now widely used in hospitals and public settings, allow bacteria to survive and spread when people touch them. Copper and brass, however, can kill the bacteria and also destroy its DNA. For that reason, scientists say that brass door knobs, handles, and handrails should be brought back into common use in public places. (Around here, it’s been cold enough lately to freeze the knobs off a brass door fixture.)
– Sourced from

Want to lower your blood pressure? Pick up a musical instrument. That’s the recommendation of Dutch researchers who’ve found that playing music is beneficial to the cardiovascular system. The study from Leiden University Medical Center’s Department of Cardiology suggests that active music-making has some effects that resemble those of physical exercise. While several related studies have found that listening to certain types of music can lower blood pressure, this appears to be the first to find similar benefits for the players themselves. (Keith Richards … what a physical specimen.)
– Adapted from “Pacific Standard Magazine”

‘Supertasters’ who test baby food have twice as many taste buds as most people. (Is that really important for slurping strained carrots?)


1941 [72] Neil Diamond, NYC, oldies singer (“Cracklin’ Rosie”, “Song Sung Blue”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2011)/3rd-most-successful Adult Contemporary artist all-time behind Barbra Streisand and Elton John

1963 [50] Keech Rainwater, Plano TX, country musician (Lonestar-“Mr Mom”, “Tell Her”)

1974 [39] Ed Helms, Atlanta GA, TV actor (‘Andy Bernard’ on “The Office” 2006-13)/movie actor (“The Hangover” movies, “Semi-Pro”)

1986 [27] Mischa Barton, London UK, movie actress (“St Trinian’s”, “The Sixth Sense”)/TV actress (“The Beautiful Life” 2009, “The OC” 2003-06)

• “Beer Can Appreciation Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1st canned beer, marketed by Kruegar Brewing of Richmond, Virginia on this day 78 years ago in 1935. (Gee, what should we do to celebrate, admire the bottom of a can … from the inside?)

• “Compliment Day”, when we’re encouraged to say something nice to at least 5 people. (Who will in turn ask us, “OK, what is it that you want?”)

• “Global Belly Laugh Day”, a day to experience the health & happiness benefits of taking a moment to laugh out loud. To that end, we’re all encouraged to throw our arms in the air and laugh heartily at precisely 1:24 pm local time.

• “Peanut Butter Day”, unless someone in the house is at risk of anaphylactic shock from an allergy. Originally called ‘nutmeal’, peanut butter has only been around for about 120 years but it’s a staple in 85% of homes and we eat about 3 lbs per person per year. If you have arachibutyrophobia, you’re afraid of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth!

• “Talk Like a Grizzled Prospector Day”, a tongue-in-cheek salute to the beginning of the 1848 gold rush in California. (“Well, consarn it! A whole ‘nuther year’s done skedaddled right past an’ we’re celerbating this agin!”)

• “Women’s Healthy Weight Day”, honoring women of all sizes and confirming that beauty, talent, and love cannot be weighed. It’s a highlight of “Healthy Weight Week” as declared by the ‘National Council Against Health Fraud’.

2006 [07] Walt Disney Co announces the $7.4-billion purchase of Pixar Studios (making Steve Jobs an extremely wealthy guy)

1982 [31] San Francisco 49ers win their 1st Super Bowl, beating Cincinnati Bengals 26-21 in Pontiac, Michigan (this year they’re going for their 6th)

1999 [14] Golfer David Duval matches best round in PGA history – a 59 – to win the “Bob Hope Desert Classic” (the other ‘59ers’ in a competitive round are Chip Beck and Al Geiberger)

[Fri] “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”; “Movie 43”; “Parker” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Fun at Work Day
[Fri] Preschool Fitness Day
[Fri] A Room of One’s Own Day
[Sat] Peanut Brittle Day
[Sat] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Sun] “Screen Actors Guild Awards” (TBS/TNT)
This Week Is … Handwriting Analysis Week
This Month Is … Polka Music Month


He: “Haven’t we met before?”
She: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the STD clinic.”

He: “So, wanna go back to my place?”
She: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

He: “And what do you do for a living?”
She: “Female impersonator.”

He: “So … how do you like your eggs in the morning?”
She: “Unfertilized!”

Actually, this is a pretty nice day for a town this size.

Which is Japan’s favorite pizza topping?
a. Eggs
b. Pickled Ginger
c. Squid [CORRECT]

☎ Which TV chef would you most like to have cook you dinner tonight?

Give contestants a set of 3, then ask them which is real.
Game #1 …
• Insnedufied (FAKE), Deprapidated (FAKE), Cannulate (REAL. To insert a small tube into a bodily cavity for medical purposes.)
Game #2 …
• Undrulerfied (FAKE), Fackenmilt (FAKE), Dipole (REAL. A pair of separated electric or magnetic charges of opposite polarity.)

Question: Odds are you do THIS 6 times a day and may be embarrassed if you get caught.
Answer: Talk to yourself.

The relative values of health and wealth depend entirely on which one you have left.

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