Monday, January 25, 2016        Edition: #5616


You Really Know Your Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ TV ratings company Nielsen is finally entering the 21st century, announcing that it will start+ taking streaming and social media into account when looking at a TV show’s viewership with a new system called ‘Social Content Ratings’. Nielsen, which issues the only ratings that really matter to TV execs and advertisers, until now has based its data on Nielsen boxes put into a small number of homes. This has led to years of complaints about inaccurate ratings, especially for cable programming. Nielsen’s new ratings system will include TV viewership and digital streaming at the time a show airs, as well as conversations on social media 24/7.
– USAToday.com
★ It’s still hard to find a way to be in ‘The Room Where It Happens’, but this Fall you won’t need a ticket to see some of the magic that Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Broadway hit “Hamilton” brings to audiences each night. As part of its “Great Performance” series, PBS-TV is airing “Hamilton’s America”, a documentary giving a behind-the-scenes look at the show and chronicling the 2 years prior to its Broadway opening. The documentary will blend aspects of the Broadway show with the real history it’s based on.
– EW.com
★ And veteran entertainer Bette Midler has signed on to lead a Broadway revival of the musical “Hello, Dolly!”. The “Beaches” star will take on the role of matchmaker and meddler ‘Dolly Levi’, who tries to find a suitable wife for a grumpy rich man, in the 2017 production. “Dolly” was originally played by veteran actress Carol Channing in the 1964 production and subsequent Broadway revivals in 1978 and 1995. Midler writes on Twitter.com, “Yes, I am taking on the role … we open next year on Broadway! So excited!”
– AP

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Mutemath (“Vitals”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Panic! At the Disco (“Death Of a Bachelor”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Wild Child (“The Runaround”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Jeezy (“Church in These Streets”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Carly Rae Jepsen (“Emotion”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Anderson Paak & The Free Nationals (“Malibu”).
• “Lucifer” (FOX/CTV) – Series premiere, starring Tom Ellis. Based on DC Entertainment’s ‘Vertigo’ imprint.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – G-Eazy (“When It’s Dark Out”).
• “The X Files” (FOX) – Part 2. Gillian Anderson has revealed that she had to fight to earn a fair wage for this mini-series re-boot after being initially offered just half of what co-star David Duchovny is getting.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jennifer Lopez – J-Lo has just taken on a deal for a 2-year Vegas residency. She is promising that she’ll wear costumes like Cher and Barbra Streisand.
• Kanye West – He’s reportedly stepped down as executive producer of Rihanna’s long-awaited “Anti” album, although RiRi has yet to issue any official comment on the production change.
• Mariah Carey – She’s getting married yet again (the 3rd time). The 45-year-old singer, who split with Nick Cannon in 2014, has announced her engagement to the 4th-richest Australian, 48-year-old billionaire James Packer, after 10 months of dating. Her rep tells “Us Weekly” Packer popped the question Thursday … with a 35-carat rock.
• Miley Cyrus – Rumors have been circulating that she and actor Liam Hemsworth are back together, and “People” magazine is now reporting that the engagement rumors are true. The couple apparently moved back in together and Miley has been wearing her 2012 engagement ring again for about a week now.
• Miranda Lambert – She’s planning to shake off the blues from her 2015 divorce by hitting the road with Kip Moore and the Brothers Osborne. Her “The Keeper Of the Flame Tour” is hitting 30 North American markets beginning with a show on April 30th in Austin TX. She’s heading overseas for shows in the UK and Ireland beforehand in March.
• Pearl Jam – They’ve stepped up to help people affected by the Michigan water crisis, pledging $125,000 to the United Way’s Flint Water Fund and securing another $175,000 from partners like Ticketmaster and Republic Records. The band has also started a CrowdRise campaign that encourages fans to donate.
• Shawn Mendes – He’s scored his first ever UK #1, ending Justin Bieber’s reign on top of the chart in the process. The 17-year-old now tops the Official Charts Company’s singles ranking with “Stitches”, taken from his debut album “Handwritten”.
• Steven Tyler – Quote: “I rode in the front seat of a roller coaster with (Jimi) Hendrix once. We were both doing poppers.”

CELEBRITIES (SOME FORMER) TURNING 30 THIS YEAR:
Well, this will make you feel old. These famous folk are about to no longer be 20-somethings …
• Emilia Clarke (“Game of Thrones”)
• Amber Heard (“Aquaman”?)
• Lindsay Lohan (“Mean Girls”)
• Robert Pattinson (“Twilight Saga”)
• Lady Gaga
• Lena Dunham (“Girls”)
• Drake
• Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
• Lauren Conrad (“The Hills”)
• JWoww (“Jersey Shore”)
– Condensed from BuzzFeed.com

DISTRACTED AT WORK? YOU MIGHT BE A GENIUS:
The modern world is rife with distractions, but new research suggests those who find it most difficult to focus tend to be the most intelligent. Basically the theory is that smart people tend to instinctively want to tackle each problem and address each issue as it arises, and in a world full of distractions that means that more intelligent individuals are more likely to get sidetracked. Research by GlobalWebIndex has found that average time spent on cellphones has doubled since 2012. In the UK, for instance, typical smartphone users check their phones 221 times a day and their email 30 times an hour. (If you’re really smart … you turn it off once in awhile.)
– “The Telegraph”

BIGGEST CURSERS IN MUSIC:
It might be time to retire the phrase ‘swear like a sailor’ in favor of ‘curse like a rapper’. A new analysis of nearly 10 million words from 361 artists across 8 genres of music has come up with a listing of the sweary-est musicians in the world. Hip hop artists curse the most, country musicians the least. The top offenders …
5. A$AP Rocky … A profanity every 23 words on average.
4. NWA … A profanity every 22 words.
3. Dr Dre … A profanity every 21 words.
2. Chief Keef … A profanity every 20 words.
1. Diplo … A profanity every 14 words.
The analysis also determines that music lyrics in general average about 1 profanity every 152 words. That’s only slightly higher than in normal speech. (For a sailor.)
– Musixmatch.com

THIS YEAR’S WINTER MEME:
One of the hottest viral trends so far this Winter is … frozen pants. It was 61-year-old Tom Grotting of Minnesota who started dipping jeans in water and holding them upright while they froze a few years back. Grotting’s frozen pants have found their way to Facebook this year, and now others are joining in and posting results online. But not everyone is charmed by a bunch of empty jeans standing around in snowy yards. “We already get it: It’s cold outside”, “Esquire” magazine says. And HuffingtonPost.com calls them “creepy”, accusing the fad of having … “no chill”. (Wouldn’t longjohns be more apropos?)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/hxu8wjb
– ” Minneapolis Star Tribune”

FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT:
Tips for writing that initial online dating message …
• Ask a question, something that anyone would conceivably want to answer.
• Do NOT explain that your jokes are jokes.
• Prove you’ve read their profile by mentioning details.
• Do NOT exaggerate (or invent) shared interests.
• Do NOT try to convert their interests into relationship metaphors.
• Shut up about yourself. Too much information is a no-no on a first date and it’s also inadvisable in a first message.
– Condensed from Buzzfeed.com

ANATOMY OF A CHICKEN WING:
The vast majority of chicken wings, especially those destined for restaurants, are disjointed, with the 3rd joint (the thin tip known as the ‘flapper’) being exported to Asian countries and the meatier 1st and 2nd joints being reserved for North America. The wing is then usually split into 2 segments, known as the ‘drumette’ (the drumstick-shaped upper portion) and the ‘winglet’ or ‘flat’ (the midsection) to be sold to restaurants and grocery stores. (Argument starter … which part is better? We say drumette by a large wingspan.)
– LiveScience.com

DID YOU KNOW?
Google paid Apple $1 billion in 2014 to keep its search bar on iPhones.
– Gizmodo.com

BS CHRONOMETER 01.25.16


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1981 [35] Alicia Keys (Augello-Cook), NYC, pop-R&B singer (“Girl On Fire”, w/Jay-Z-”Empire State of Mind”)/sometime movie actress (“The Secret Life of Bees”, “The Nanny Diaries”)

1985 [31] Michael Trevino, Montebello CA, TV actor (‘Tyler Lockwood’ on “The Vampire Diaries” since 2009)

1996 [20] Calum Hood, Sydney NSW, Australia, pop vocalist-bassist (5 Seconds to Summer-”Amnesia”, “Don’t Stop”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the last Monday of January to celebrate the padding we all like to pop.
NET: http://www.fast-pack.com/bubblewrapappreciation.html
Don’t have any addictive bubble wrap with you? Try some virtual popping here …
NET: http://www.urban75.com/Mag/bubble.html
Or play music on this bubble wrap keyboard …
NET: http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/playmusic.shtml

• “Opposite Day”, a day to do everything backwards (ie: eat wrong-handed) as a fun way to get out of your tedious, day-in, day-out, lackluster, humdrum, milquetoast, run-of-the-mill rut.

• “Robbie Burns Day” (aka “Burns Night”), party time for Scots everywhere! It honors Scotland’s national poet who was born January 25, 1759 and whose most famous composition was “Auld Lang Syne”. A traditional ‘Burns Supper’ includes cock-a-leekie soup (fowl, leeks, and herbs), haggis (minced sheep’s heart, lungs, and liver mixed with oatmeal), neeps and tatties (mashed turnip and potatoes). The meal is then washed down with Scotch whisky toasts.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2004 [12] “The Lord Of the Rings: Return Of the King” wins both musical categories (‘Best Original Score’, ‘Best Original Song’) at the “Golden Globe Awards”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2003 [13] Billy Joel escapes relatively unharmed when he totals his Mercedes-Benz on a Long Island NY highway

2011 [05] 53-year-old Canadian singer Mary-Lu Zahalan-Kennedy becomes first in the world to graduate from Liverpool Hope University with a Masters degree in ‘The Beatles’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2011 [05] ‘Egyptian Revolution’ begins with a series of street demonstrations, acts of civil disobedience, labor strikes, and violent clashes (President Hosni Mubarak finally resigns February 11th)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1978 [38] 4 women are dealt perfect Bridge hands in the same card game in Dubuque, Iowa (odds of this happening … 2 octillion-to-1)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Peanut Brittle Day
[Wed] Holocaust Memorial Day
[Wed] International Mobile Phone Recycling Day
[Wed] Thomas Crapper Day
[Wed] Vietnam Peace Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Clean Out Your Inbox Week / Cowboy Poetry Gathering Week / Medical Group Practice Week / Registered Nurse Anesthetists Week / School Choice Week / Tax Identity Theft Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
HIM VS HER AT WORK:
• The family picture is on HIS desk. (“Ah, a solid, responsible family man.”) The family picture is on HER desk. (“Um, her family will come before her career.”)
• HIS desk is cluttered. (“He’s obviously a hard worker and a busy man.”) HER desk is cluttered. (“She’s obviously a disorganized scatterbrain.”)
• HE is talking with co-workers. (“He must be discussing the latest deal.”) SHE is talking with  co-workers. (“She must be gossiping.”)
• HE’S not in the office. (“He’s meeting a customer.”) SHE’S not in the office. (“She must be out shopping.”)
• HE’S having lunch with the boss. (“He’s on his way up.”) SHE’S having lunch with the boss. (“They must be having an affair.”)
• HE’S getting married. (“He’ll get more settled.”) SHE’S getting married. (“She’ll get pregnant and leave.”).
– First published in “BS” 2000.

ALL-PURPOSE BS EXCUSES:
You know, I’d love to but …
• I’m teaching my ferret to yodel.
• I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
• I changed the lock on my door and now I can’t get out.
• I’m sandblasting my oven.
• My patent is pending.
• I never go out on days that end in ‘Y’.
• I’m trying to be less popular.
• I have to study for a urine test.
• I’m trying to see how long I can go without saying ‘yes’.
• The guy on the radio told me to stay tuned.
– First published in “BS” 2013.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What would be the biggest thing you’d want to see on the rumored upcoming “Gilmore Girls” revival on Netflix?

BS WEB GOODIE:
How useful! It’s the Foul-o-Matic Insult, Swear & Curse Word Generator. [Discretion].
NET: http://foulomatic.hnldesign.nl

BS RANDOM JOKE:
[Afternoon guy] is a Pisces. At least I think he is. He certainly drinks like one.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: About 1-in-5 drivers keep THIS in the glove compartment.
Answer: A tube of toothpaste.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Advice is like medicine. Easy to give, hard to take.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Shane Loughran @ The Moose [CFBV] Smithers BC; Billy Surf @ Mix 98.1 [WTVR] Richmond VA; Max In the Morning @ Cruise 102.1 [WLEW] Bad Axe MI; Luandi Nel @ Kosmos 94.1 Windhoek, Namibia; Mike Overnight Syndicated, Alma GA; Amy Chausse @ K-Wolf 98.1 [KWLF] Fairbanks AK; Mark Whelan @ Live 95 FM Limerick, Ireland; Al Cresswell @ Your Hometown Sound [CFNO] Marathon ON; Dick Knowles @ Monster Radio, Lanzarote, Canary Islands; Jack Thompson @ Premiums for Time Podcast, Orlando FL; and Chassy Cortes @ TNL Radio, Colombo, Sri Lanka.


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