Wednesday, January 26, 2011        Edition: #4433
You Really Know Your Sheet!

John Travolta tells “Entertainment Tonight” he’s turned down a cameo appearance on “Glee” (FOX) because the show’s tight schedule wouldn’t give him enough time to rehearse for a ‘knock ’em dead’ song-and-dance number (BS translation: I’m almost 57 and my toupée keeps slipping) . . . Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt tells “Ellen DeGeneres” she’s so anxious to wed she’s already picked out 3 rings at Tiffany in the hope it will make her as-yet-unfound future husband’s choice easier (are we pushy?) . . . Sunday’s NY Jets-Pittsburgh Steelers NFL game was the most-watched AFC Championship ever, with 54.85 million viewers (biggest Super Bowl rating ever coming up?) . . . Rocker-turned-reality TV star Bret Michaels is recovering in a Phoenix AZ hospital after undergoing successful surgery to mend a hole in his heart, a condition discovered last year when he was hospitalized with a brain hemorrhage (sheesh, hope his body’s still under warranty) . . . British royal bride-to-be Kate Middleton has quit her job with her parents’ party supply business so she can focus on more important things, like wedding planning (well, there goes the 10% discount on the reception!) . . . 17-year-old “Gossip Girl” actress Taylor Momsen is out and sorta famous 26-year-old Kelly Osbourne is in as the new face of Madonna & Lourdes’ clothing line ‘Material Girl’ (likely thanks to always aggressive talent manager Sharon Osbourne) . . . In other endorsement news, 30-year-old actress Kristen Bell (“Burlesque”) is the new face of Neutrogena skincare, for which she reportedly received a half-million to appear in print, TV & online ads (thereby doubling her acting income – lifetime) . . . And there’s a lot of buzz floating about that 79-year-old Regis Philbin may have quit “Live With Regis & Kelly” because of a proposed pay cut when his current deal expires, which pays him an estimated $18-to-$20 million annually (and apparently allows for 300 sick days).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Motorhead (“The World Is Yours”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – One Eskimo (“One Eskimo”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Cold War Kids (“Mine Is Yours”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Two Door Cinema Club (“London 2010”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Cage The Elephant (“Thank You Happy Birthday”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Wiz Khalifa (“Deal or No Deal”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Amos Lee (“Mission Bell”).

• Britney Spears – She’s just re-hired Jason Trawick as her agent. They’ve been romantically attached for the past 2 years. (Shouldn’t they report this to HR?)
• Dave Matthews Band – They’re taking 2011 off from touring, but are planning as-yet unannounced ‘multi-day, multi-artist music events’ this Summer to celebrate their 20th anniversary. (Sort of a busman’s holiday.)
• The Eagles – Don Henley has begun recording an album of country classics. Stan Lynch, drummer for Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, is producing the project.
• Lady Gaga – Today she’s overseeing the music for designer Thierry Mugler’s show at “Paris Fashion Week” (Spring/Summer collections). She’s created a soundtrack for the runway show that includes at least one track from her upcoming album “Born This Way” (out May 23rd).
• Martina McBride – Sunday’s AFC Championship marks the 3rd straight time the Steelers have won after Martina McBride sang the anthem in Pittsburgh. (Long-term contract?)
• Motley Crue – Today Vince Neil is scheduled to plead guilty to a DUI charge stemming that incident in Las Vegas last June when he failed 3 sobriety tests. He’ll surrender to authorities February 15th to spend 15 days behind bars.
• Robyn – Tonight the Swedish pop singer (“Body Talk”) launches another North American tour in Toronto ON, which runs through February 19th in Houston TX.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Flunami’ – An overwhelming number of flu cases in the same area at the same time.
• ‘Nanobreak’ – A brief vacation, particularly one that includes just one night away from home.
• ‘Snowbilly’ – A derogatory term for a person who was born in or lives in a rural location in northern Canada or Alaska.

As electric cars hit mainstream markets in greater numbers, safety concerns about their operation are on the rise. That’s because, without a combustion engine, electric vehicles operate practically silently. That means pedestrians, cyclists, and sight-impaired individuals might not hear them coming. California-based Enhanced Vehicle Acoustics has developed a system that emits sounds similar to that of a regular combustion engine and could be in for windfall profits as US president Obama recently signed the Pedestrian Safety Enhancement Act, requiring alternative-powered vehicles to produce some form of sound. (Synthetic noise pollution … charming idea!)

In a new study, researchers have found that thinking about our ancestors motivates us and can even improve performance on intelligence tests. It doesn’t matter whether you think about long-dead ancestors or living grandparents, or whether your consider positive or negative aspects about them. Thinking about friends or oneself doesn’t generate the same effect, suggesting that ancestors have a special association with success and perseverance. (Next time you need a boost, think about lecherous Uncle Harv.)
– “Boston Globe”

Can you guess the 10 most popular websites (as of January 24, 2011)?
10. Craigslist
9. Twitter
8. eBay
7. Blogger
6. Wikipedia
5. Amazon
4. YouTube
3. Yahoo
2. Facebook
1. Google
( ranks 9,448,936. Wow, we’re stoked!)

• Studies show that most purchasing decisions are made within 5 seconds, and about 70% of them are impulsive. That’s why retailers display toys at eye level … children’s eye level. It’s also why shopping baskets are often scattered throughout a store. (Why silent cash registers? To help you forget you’re shelling out your hard-earned moolah!)
– “Social Studies
• Clear Channel Outdoor has teamed with a company called Mirrus to turn select bathroom mirrors at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport into billboards. The mirror displays video or still ads across its entire surface when no one is standing in front of the sink, but as soon as someone approaches the ads shrink into a corner, out of the way. (Sort of.)
– “Chicago Tribune”

California is turning out the light on the century-old incandescent lightbulb. Beginning January 1st, the state began phasing out energy-sucking bulbs, a move the rest of the USA will follow next year. Manufacturers will no longer make the traditional 100-watt lightbulb and stores will eventually sell out of current supplies. Consumers will have to choose from more efficient bulbs that use no more than 72 watts, including halogen incandescent, compact fluorescent, and light-emitting diode (LED) bulbs. Australia was first to begin phasing out incandescent bulbs in 2009, followed by the European Union, the Philippines, and Argentina. (In protest, cartoonists will continue using them over the heads of characters with bright ideas.)
– AP

• Chariot, a 1,500-lb camel with spittle hanging from his lips and pompoms in his tail, has just won the first-ever ‘beauty contest’ at Turkey’s annual camel-fighting competition. (“My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps!”)
– “Wall Street Journal”
• 96% of all lip augmentations done in 2009 were on women. (Meaning there’s apparently a good number of guys walking around with a Vienna sausage-looking trout pout.)


1949 [62] David Strathairn, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “Good Night, and Good Luck”)

1955 [56] Eddie Van Halen, Nijmegen, Netherlands, plastic-hipped classic rock guitarist (Van Halen-“Jump”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2007)  BS FACTOID: “Rolling Stone” reports that Van Halen and David Lee Roth are in the studio, working on their first album together in 26 years.

1958 [53] Ellen Degeneres, Metairie LA, TV personality (“Ellen DeGeneres Show” since 2003, “America Idol” 2010)/former sitcom star (“Ellen” 1994-98)

1960 [51] Charles Gillingham, Torrance CA, pop musician (Counting Crows-“Accidentally In Love”, “Big Yellow Taxi”)

1961 [50] Wayne Gretzky, Brantford ON, Hockey Hall of Fame former NHL player (9-time MVP)/former Phoenix Coyotes coach/all-time greatest hockey player?

1974 [37] Chris Hesse, Agoura Hills CA, rock drummer (Hoobastank-“The Reason”)

• “Australia Day” (aka “Anniversary Day” or “Foundation Day”), the national day for our mates Down Under that commemorates the 1788 landing of Captain Arthur Phillip at Sydney to establish a penal colony. Records of an annual celebration date back to 1808.

• “Bald Eagle Appreciation Day”. When they’re not busy posing for stamps or T-shirts, Bald Eagles enjoy preening their 7,000 feathers. In a 1784 letter to his daughter on this day, Benjamin Franklin complained about the choice of the Bald Eagle as America’s symbol, saying he preferred … the turkey.

• “Peanut Brittle Day”, celebrating the yummy treat that sticks to your fillings. A little sugar, a little corn syrup, a little more sugar, some peanuts, a little butter, a little more sugar …

• “No Name-Calling Week”, the 8th annual observance aimed at curbing insults of all kinds in schools, whether they’re based on appearance, background or behavior. The idea is to encourage kids to avoid labeling, even with terms as seemingly innocuous as ‘bookworm’.

• “Republic Day” in India, celebrating the date in 1950 when the country’s constitution came into effect, making India a sovereign state. One of only 3 national holidays, it is celebrated with pomp and a military parade in New Delhi and across the nation.

• “Spouse’s Day”, a time to enjoy and appreciate your better half. (Just before you deposit this month’s alimony.)

1970 [41] John Lennon and producer Phil Spector write, record, and mix the track “Instant Karma” in a single day (kind of sounds like it, no?)

1984 [27] Michael Jackson’s hair catches fire during taping of a Pepsi ad (and the long slide into wackiness begins)

1979 [32] 1st sales of Coca-Cola in China (where it’s ‘Ke Kou Ke Lo’)

2003 [08] Tampa Bay Buccaneers win their first NFL championship, routing the Oakland Raiders 48-21 in Super Bowl 37

1905 [106] ‘Largest Uncut Diamond’, the Cullinan Diamond weighing 3,105 carats, is found in South Africa (it remains the largest diamond ever found, but was eventually sliced into 105 bits)

[Thurs] Thomas Crapper Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Chocolate Cake Day
[Thurs] Punch the Clock Day
[Fri] Fun at Work Day
[Sat] Curmudgeons Day
This Week Is … World Leprosy Week
This Month Is … Bath Safety Month


Neh … “I’m hungry.”
Wah … “I’m thirsty.”
Owh … “I’m physically uncomfortable.”
Eairh, or urh … “I need to be burped.”
Dih … “I need you to change my disposable jean diapers.”
Fah, or fah-fah … “These puréed carrots were not grown locally.”
Toh-lah … “My stroller just became painfully unstylish.”
Eb-bah … “The Wi-Fi signal is not currently reaching my crib.”
– Thanks to Jay Welch

Even water tastes bad when taken on doctor’s orders.

You run down the list while a crew member/phone caller/studio guest rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Reading a newspaper online.
• Ice fishing.
• Movies with subtitles.
• Flu vaccinations.
• Reality TV shows featuring anyone named Kardashian.
• The NFL Pro Bowl all-star game.
• Frozen vegetables.
• Winter vacations.
• Bagged lunch.
• Performance reviews.

Should homework be banned? (A school in Britain has scrapped all homework for students, claiming it’s a ‘dinosaur concept that’s repetitious, causes conflict at home, and discourages students to love learning for its own sake.’)

What was Eddie Van Halen & brother Alex’s first rock group called?
a. Box of Frogs
b. Rat Salade
c. Mammoth. [CORRECT. First, Mammoth, then Rat Salade, then Van Halen.]

Today’s Question: Almost half of us are secretly wishing for THIS; and it’s not money nor fame.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: 43% wish they could be taller.

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get.

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