Tuesday, January 27, 2009        Edition: #3946
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Paul McCartney’s ex-, Heather Mills, is now charging up to $100,000 a pop as an after-dinner speaker (would you pay to listen to her rant?) . . . Meantime, Paul McCartney & girlfriend Nancy Shevell are reportedly planning to wed now that her divorce from lawyer Bruce Blakeman has been finalized (dude, did you not learn your $50-million lesson?) . . . Cancer-ridden 56-year-old actor Patrick Swayze is set to pen a biography with the help of his wife Lisa, a memoir that will span his entire life (which means, unless things take a turn for the better soon, it’s going to have an incredibly depressing ending) . . . 42-year-old comic Fred Armisen (“Saturday Night Live”) & 26-year-old actress Elisabeth Moss (“Mad Men”) are engaged and planning a hush-hush wedding (interesting he’s known for imitating Barack Obama & she used to play the president’s daughter on “The West Wing”) . . . Sort-of actor/comedian Andy Dick (“Sober House With Dr Drew”) has reveled that he’s ‘tri-sexual’ (his menu includes other aliens as well) . . . Here’s an odd vacationing trio: Vegas illusionist Criss Angel, his girlfriend Holly Madison (“The Girls Next Door”) and – huh? – “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul, all together in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (could he make her disappear – please?) . . . And flaky movie actor Mickey Rourke has confessed in an interview that he’s yet to see “The Wrestler”, the comeback movie that’s garnered him an ‘Best Actor’ Oscar nomination (actually he sat through it, it’s just he wasn’t seeing so well).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Bruce Springsteen – His new album “Working On a Dream” is released. It’s his 16th studio album.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – OAR performs “Shattered (Turn the Car Around)”.
• “Grammy Nominees 2009” – Coldplay, Gnarls Barkley, and Radiohead are among the artists featured on this compilation CD of those up for accolades at the Grammys February 8th.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Oldies singer Boz Scaggs is the musical guest.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Hoobastank promotes the new album  “For(N)ever”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – They’re already working on new material and they’ve hooked up with producer Brian Eno again. Word has it the next album was already half-written by the time “Viva La Vida” was released last year. (It’s untrue the new album will be entitled “Leftovers”.)
• Janet Jackson – She’s postponed her “Rock Witchu” tour of Japan next month due to the ‘global financial crisis’. (BS translation: We can’t sell tickets there either.)
• Kenny Chesney – He’s announced his August 22nd show at Detroit’s Ford Field will include a ‘Working People Section’ with a modest ticket price of $29.50. (In Detroit these days, a ‘Non-Working People Section’ might be more appropriate.)
• The Killers – According to drummer Ronnie Vannucci, they’re working on an album of cover versions, with each band member selecting 3 tunes. They’ve recently acquired mobile recording equipment that enables them to record while on-the-road.
• Velvet Revolver – A judge has ruled that Slash & his wife can pursue a lawsuit against the real estate broker who allegedly misrepresented the Hollywood Hills home they bought in 2006 and later sold. They wanted enough size & parking for parties but the house turned out to be smaller than advertised and on a street with parking restrictions. (Uh, next time maybe check it out before you move in?)

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Lakeview Terrace” ( Drama ): Samuel L Jackson plays an LAPD officer who will stop at nothing to force out the interracial couple who just moved in next door. Patrick Wilson (“The Phantom Of the Opera”) & Kerry Washington (“Ray”) co-star.
• “Pride & Glory” ( Drama ): A multi-generational police family’s moral code is tested when one of 2 sons on the force investigates a case involving his older brother and a brother-in-law. Stars Edward Norton, Colin Farrell, and Jon Voight. Filmed in NYC. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Digital Copy Special Edition’.
• “The Rocker” ( Comedy ): Rainn Wilson (‘Dwight Schrute’ on NBC-TV’s “The Office”) stars as an over-the-hill 1980s rock drummer who seizes a second chance at fame by horning his way into a garage band fronted by his nephew (Josh Gad of “21“). Christina Applegate co-stars. Mostly shot in Toronto. Comes in a ‘Born to Rock Special Edition’.
• “RocknRolla” ( Crime Thriller ): Director Guy Ritchie’s story of a Russian mobster who orchestrates a crooked land deal that puts millions up for grabs, attracting all of London’s criminal underworld to seek part of the action. Cast includes Gerard Butler (“300”), Tom Wilkinson (2009 Golden Globe for “John Adams”), Thandie Newton (“Crash”), Ludacris (“Crash”), and Jeremy Piven (“Entourage”). Available in a ‘2-Disc Special Edition’.
• “Vicky Cristina Barcelona“ ( Romantic Comedy ): Woody Allen directs Scarlett Johansson & Rebecca Hall (co-stars in “The Prestige”), who play vacationing friends who become enamored with the same Spanish painter (Javier Bardem of “No Country for Old Men“). Things get complicated when his tempestuous ex-wife (Penelope Cruz) re-enters the picture. Winner of ‘Best Comedy or Musical’ at the 2009 “Golden Globes”.
• Also released today: “Cheers: The Final Season” (classic TV); “The John Grisham Courtroom Collection”; “Listen Up! The Lives of Quincy Jones” (documentary); “Mary Poppins – 45th Anniversary Edition”; “The Pink Panther Film Collection”; “Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired” (documentary); “The Sidney Poitier Collection”; and “The Warner Bros Romance Classics Collection”.

SPEAKING OF SEX:
According to Stuart Brody, a psychologist at Scotland’s University of Paisley, the best way to calm your nerves before public speaking is … making love. His research reveals that people who abstain from sex have the highest blood pressure response to stressful situations, such as making a speech. But those who’ve recently gotten lucky are more prone to handle stress calmly. He believes the ‘pair bonding’ hormone oxytocin might explain the effect, and it can last for up to a week! (“Nice to meet you. I’m a little nervous about making this speech tomorrow …”)
– “New Scientist”

GO WEST YOUNG MAN!
According to a recent study, Earth’s surface may be slipping slowly westward, dragged by the same lunar forces that produce tides. The Earth’s crust is divided into vast plates, and Carlo Doglioni of the Earth Science Department at Rome’s La Sapienza University claims they are slowly sliding toward the sunset due to the tidal attraction of the Moon. (Cool, soon we can drive to Europe!)
– “National Geographic”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown at who we are and what we do …
• 90% of us have dental floss in our homes but only 40% of us ever use it.
• 70% of us now color our hair as opposed to just 5% back in the 1950s.
• 62% of us think you can tell something about someone’s personality by looking at their car.
• 60% of women aged 14-to-44 use birth control in some form.
• 8% of millionaires are single.

FLYING FRIENDLIER SKIES:
Four recent major airline accidents have all had one thing in common … everyone survived. That includes the so-called ‘Miracle On the Hudson’ earlier this month, as well as a Continental Airlines fire in Denver, a British Airways crash in London and a Qantas mishap over the South China Sea. Part of the reason for the good fortune is just plain luck, but experts at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology say it’s also a result of better crew reaction and training, and sturdier planes. (Not to mention sober pilots.)
– “Globe & Mail”

IN IT FOR THE MOOLAH:
Marrying for money, as it turns out, works! A recent study by an Ohio State University researcher shows that a person who marries – and stays married – accumulates nearly twice as much personal wealth as a person who is single or divorced. (Remind yourself of this next time your wife goes on a shopping binge.)
– AP

CHAMELEON PAINT IS COMING:
Max Planck Corp researchers in Potsdam, Germany claim to have made significant progress in the field of ‘colloid chemistry’, the chemistry of small particles. The practical applications may be nail polishes that seem to shimmer in different colors depending on lighting, and new car finishes which change color according to temperature or humidity. (“Mainly green today with a chance of blue. And the humidex is currently standing at puce …”)
– Zdnet.com

THE SKINNY ON ‘THE SKINNIES’:
San Francisco CA dermatologist Vail Reese has just awarded his latest “Skinnies Awards” for celebs with fixable skin problems. Among the 2009 ‘winners’ …
• Missing Hollywood Landmark: Sara Jessica Parker’s chin mole.
• Celeb Skin Secret Revealed: Tina Fey’s facial scar.
• Most Sunscreened Teens: The pale cast of “Twilight”.
• Rarest Syndrome to Inspire a Hollywood Blockbuster: Rogeria in “Benjamin Button”.
• Skin-Enemy: Staph bacteria featuring Amy Winehouse. (The pictures of this are truly creepy.)
NET: http://www.skinema.com/Skinnies2009.html
– BS original

TERMINATOR 4:
By 2010 the United States will have spent $4 billion on research into ‘autonomous systems’,  military jargon for robots. The idea is that robotic personnel will not succumb to fear or the desire for vengeance that afflicts front-line human soldiers. As part of the effort, a British robotics expert has been recruited by the US Navy to advise on building robots that will not violate the Geneva Conventions, thereby making them incapable of committing war crimes. (If future wars are like computer games, should pimply 12-year-olds be the generals?)
– “Daily Telegraph”

HAVE IT YOUR WAY:
The Australian Meat & Livestock Corporation has surveyed people worldwide to discover what’s hot when it comes to burger cuisine. Here’s a small sampling of what’s tops in toppings from around-the-world …
• Argentina … boiled, then topped with a fried egg.
• Germany … raw with onions.
• Korea … mixed with pickled cabbage.
• South Africa … with bacon and bananas.
Australians, of course, think all of this is bizarre. They prefer to top off a burger with beets or pineapple. (And what’s your weirdest concoction?)
– BS original

DID YOU KNOW?
• Barack Obama’s chief speechwriter is 27-years-old.
• Indonesia is the world’s largest exporter of edible frogs.
– BBC News Magazine Monitor

BS CHRONOMETER 01.27.09

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1957 [52] Frank Miller, Olney MD, graphic novelist/artist (“300”, “The Spirit”)/movie director (“Sin City” films)

1959 [50] Cris Collinsworth, Dayton OH, NFL TV analyst (NBC, NFL Network)/videogame announcer (“Madden NFL 09“)/former NFL WR (Cincinnati Bengals 1981-88)

1959 [50] Keith Olbermann, NYC, TV personality (“Countdown with Keith Olbermann”, “NBC’s Football Night in America”)

1961 [48] Margo Timmins, Montréal QC, pop singer (Cowboy Junkies-“Misguided Angel”, “Sweet Jane”)

1968 [41] Tracy Lawrence, Atlanta TX, country singer (“You Can’t Hide Redneck”, Find Out Who Your Friends Are”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Cake Day” for some unknown reason. But then … do we need one?

• “Family Literacy Day”, to promote the importance of reading & learning together as a family.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/7bg2tn

• “International Holocaust Remembrance Day”, a UN memorial day for the victims of Nazism.

• “Swap a Brown Bag Lunch Day”, to add some excitement to your noon hour.

• “Thomas Crapper Day”, in honor of the man who invented the toilet flush mechanism, on the anniversary of his death in 1910. Thomas Crapper & Co became engineers by appointment to the English ‘throne’.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2004 [05] Contestant William Hung butchers “She Bangs” on “American Idol” (FOX) and lands an unlikely record contract

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1858 [151] Ottawa is selected to be the capital of Canada

1926 [83] Scottish inventor John Logie Baird gives 1st public demonstration of ‘Television’ (London UK)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] International Make Your Point Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Corn Chip Day
[Fri] 36th Annie Awards (LA)
[Fri] Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day
[Fri] “New in Town”; “Taken”; “The Uninvited” open in movie theaters
This Week Is . . . Mozart Week (these days he’s DEcomposing)
This Month Is . . . Meat Month (suck it, vegans!)

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’VE HAD WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE:
• You jam a fork into the waitress’ hand when she tries to switch you to decaf.
• You’re up to 4 heart attacks a day
• Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• You chew fingernails … other people’s fingernails.
• All your kids are named ‘Joe’.
• Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• You’re passing everybody on the freeway when suddenly you realize … you’re not in a car.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
You know you’re getting old when every part of you either dries up or leaks.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What other activities will you be doing while watching Sunday’s Super Bowl? (According to a recent poll, 82% will be snacking, 52% think they’ll be yelling at the TV, 44% drinking beer, 39% swearing, and 26% admit they’ll be betting on the game.)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which is the world’s most cosmopolitan city, based on the number of languages spoken there?
a. Toronto.
b. London. [CORRECT, with an estimated 307 languages spoken.]
c. New York City.
d. Sydney.
– “Trivia Quest Magazine”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to new British research, women who do THIS drastically cut their risk of breast cancer.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Housework. (According to this study of 200,000 European women, doing housework made more of a difference than exercise or diet.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.