Thursday, January 27, 2011        Edition: #4434
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure BS!

Memorabilia from late actor Heath Ledger’s films, including “The Dark Knight” and “Brokeback Mountain”, will go on display as part of a tribute exhibition in his native Perth, Australia next year (including pill bottles?) . . . 75-year-old actor Donald Sutherland received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday, right next to his 44-year-old son Keifer Sutherland who got there first (no more kid envy!) . . . Acting couple Penelope Cruz & Javier Bardem have become parents to an as-yet-unnamed baby boy, their first child together (why not call him ‘Tom Cruz’?) . . . Cher says it’s ‘hard to understand’ why her movie “Burlesque” missed out on an Oscar nomination for ‘Best Original Song’ (don’t worry, your film will win lots of ‘honors’ at the “Razzies”) . . . 22-year-old actress Vanessa Hudgens is replacing Britney Spears as the face of Candie’s juniors clothing brand (Brit is over the hill – at 29) . . . Speculation is TV host Chelsea Handler (“Chelsea Lately”) is no longer seeing rapper 50 Cent after she was spotted ‘making out’ with millionaire hotelier Andre Balazs at a “Sundance Film Festival” party (her nickname is now ‘Chelsea … Handled-Her’) . . . Katie Holmes’ new movie, “The Son of No One”, has bombed at the “Sundance Film Festival”, with audience members groaning when she appeared onscreen and several walking out before the credits rolled (a film spokesperson hilariously claims that’s because the projectionist mistakenly turned the lights on before the end) . . . And here are today’s dating denials: Scarlett Johansson’s publicist says the actress is not seeing “Saturday Night Live’s” Jason Sudeikis; Lindsay Lohan’s rep insists Brit actor Tom Hardy (the next ‘Batman’ movie “The Dark Knight Rises”) is ‘just a friend’; and 30-year-old former child star Macaulay Culkin (“Home Alone” and, most recently, “Home Alone”) is denying reports he’s hot ‘n heavy with Spanish adult-film star Irene Lopez (but he’s willing!).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Sean Lennon’s band The Ghost Of a Saber Tooth Tiger (“Ghost Of a Saber Tooth Tiger: Acoustic Sessions”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Cage The Elephant (“Thank You Happy Birthday”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fitz & The Tantrums (“Pickin’ Up the Pieces”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Neon Trees (“Habits”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Billy Currington performs “Let Me Down Easy” (“Enjoy Yourself”).

• Black Eyed Peas – has signed a multi-year contract to serve as ‘Director of Creative Innovation’ at Intel. He’ll be involved in a ‘hands-on creative partnership’ developing smart phones, tablets, and laptops. (BS translation: He’ll write the score for TV ads.)
• Craig Morgan – Today the “Bonfire” country singer begins his 9th trek to entertain US troops overseas. His “Not Alone Tour” visits various sites in Iraq and Kuwait through February 3rd.
• Interpol – Tonight they begin a new round of 2011 tour dates in Vancouver BC. The band will also be opening for U2 on a handful of their 2011 North American “U2 360” shows.
• Ke$ha – Her former management firm DAS Communications is suing her for $14 million, contending she’s a one-hit wonder who owes them millions and they’re worried they’ll wind up with nothing if a Manhattan Supreme Court judge doesn’t stop delaying her decision.
• Kings of Leon – “Glee” creator Ryan Murphy has branded them ‘self-centered a–holes’ for not allowing their hit “Use Somebody” to be featured on the program. But Caleb Followill says at the time of the request, they hadn’t even seen the show. (Sounds like an ego clash.)
• Muse – Matt Bellamy & actress Kate Hudson are said to be engaged after dating 9 months. Hudson, who is 14-weeks-pregnant with their first child, already has a 7-year-old son with ex-hubby Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes. (Maybe she wasn’t ‘acting’ when boinking bands in “Almost Famous”?)
• Nicki Minaj – The 26-year-old says growing up with an alcoholic, violent father made her tough, gave her determination to succeed, and the strength to remove herself from unhappy situations.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Big Bang” – Miley Cyrus’ mom, Tish Cyrus, is teaming with veteran Hollywood producer Suzanne Todd (“Alice in Wonderland”, “Austin Powers” films) in an attempt to turn Miley’s “Big Bang” music video into a full-blown feature film. An adaptation of the video’s narrative would allow Miley the opportunity to reprise her role and star in the movie.
• “The Dapper Don” – 56-year-old John Travolta is said to be considering the lead role in a biopic about former mafia boss John Gotti. The NYC-based mobster was sentenced to life imprisonment in 1992, then died of throat cancer in 2002. Oscar-nominee James Franco has reportedly been approached about playing the crime boss’ son, John Gotti Jr.
• “J Edgar” – Clint Eastwood’s biopic of John Edgar Hoover will star Leonardo DiCaprio as the legendary FBI director who was a rumored cross-dresser in private life. Naomi Watts will play Helen Gandy, Hoover’s secretary of 54 years, who destroyed his personal file containing incriminating material on political figures after his death. The film’s due in theaters in 2012.
• “Sex On the Moon” – A movie is in the works based on a new book by Ben Mezrich, whose “Accidental Billionaires” was the basis for Oscar-nominated “The Social Network”. Mezrich’s fact-based new story centers on a rising NASA scientist, who in 2004 came up with the brilliant idea of stealing Moon rocks and selling them on the Internet. The goal? To impress his girlfriend. • “The Three Stooges” – Moviemaker Peter Farrelly is denying reports that “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville has replaced Jim Carrey in this troubled comedy production, insisting he’s yet to replace Carrey and Sean Penn after both stars quit, and casting remains ‘wide open’. It’s seeming less and less likely this project will ever see the light of day.

• The drone technology that has revolutionized warfare in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan is also getting increased usage back home. Unmanned aircraft are now patroling the US-Mexico border, searching for missing persons, collecting weather data in hurricanes, photographing traffic accidents, and tracking forest fires. But one of the most controversial new uses may be what’s called ‘urban monitoring’ … the use of drones by domestic law enforcement to conduct cheap surveillance from above. (Here that buzzing noise? Quick, put your pants on!)
– “Washington Post”
• Forget where you parked your car? A new camera-based surveillance system in parking lots can help. California’s Santa Monica Place mall recently unveiled the first camera-based ‘Find Your Car’ system. Shoppers who have lost track of their vehicle can simply punch their license plate number into a kiosk touchscreen, which then displays a photo of the car and its location in the complex’s massive parking garages. (Police detectives and repo men are gonna love this!)
– “Los Angeles Times”

• Chips & extra-spicy salsa. He probably gets off on adventure. A recent poll found that people who like spicy flavors are confident, up for anything, and love to travel.
• Free range chicken with an organic salad on the side. He’s likely to be spontaneous, creative, and more altruistic than the average person.
• Ham & cheese sandwich. He’s the independent type, who also tends to be thoughtful, inquisitive, and curious.
• Double cheeseburger & fries. He loves low-key activities and is a serious homebody, and his ideal date night probably consists of chilling on the couch or cooking together.
• Pizza with the works. He can be dramatic and thrives on being the center of attention. The more toppings added, the more aggressive and competitive he is.
• Cherry pie. He has a seriously sweet personality. People who love tart tastes are social butterflies who are usually happy with work, finances, and family.
• Brownie a la mode. He’s just as gooey as the calorie-bomb in front of him. People who dig sweets are likely to be kind, modest, and loyal.
• Vanilla ice cream. He doesn’t play by the rules and is far from boring, despite his plain dessert choice. People who like vanilla are usually risk-takers.
– Condensed from “Cosmopolitan”

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 75% of today’s kids do not know their home phone number.
• 51% of women say they can’t relax if their house isn’t clean.
• 33% of seniors have used Facebook on a regular basis in the past year.
• 30% of women say they must have the last word when embroiled in an argument.
• 24% of men have a lucky pair of underwear.
• 20% of us admit to changing the direction of the toilet paper roll in someone else’s bathroom.

The process of reading from a book and putting pen to paper seems to imprint knowledge in the brain better than using a keyboard and computer screen, researchers say. Studies show that reading & writing involves a number of senses and when writing by hand our brain receives feedback from our muscles and fingertips. These kinds of feedback are stronger than those we receive when typing on a keyboard. It also takes more mental effort and time to write by hand, which it’s thought helps to imprint memories. (Still the #1 learning tool … ‘treeware’.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

A new ranking of species that sleep longest on average …
8. Cats, Mice, Pigs, Cheetahs … 12 hours per day.
7. Rats, Gerbils, Lions … 13 hours a day.
6. Squirrels, Golden Hamsters, Ferrets … 14 hours a day.
5. Humans (12 months & under), Lemurs … 16 hours a day.
4. Owl Monkeys … 17 hours a day.
3. Giant Armadillos, Opossums, Tigers … 18-to-19 hours a day.
2. Brown Bats, Sloths … 20 hours a day.
1. Koalas … 22 hours a day.

• In today’s America, it’s easier to obtain a gun than mental health care. (Perhaps explaining a lot about recent events.)
• In the late 1990s, Coca-Cola tinkered with the idea of producing a vending machine that would automatically charge a higher price for a Coke on a hot day. (Had that method been adopted, there’d be a lot of free Coke available on a day like today!)


1957 [54] Frank Miller, Olney MD, graphic novelist/artist (“300”, “The Wolverine”)/movie director (“Sin City” films)

1959 [52] Cris Collinsworth, Dayton OH, NFL TV analyst (“NBC Sunday Night Football” since 2009, “Inside the NFL” since 2008)/former NFL WR (Cincinnati Bengals 1981-88)

1959 [52] Keith Olbermann, NYC, TV personality (“Countdown with Keith Olbermann” 2003-11, “NBC’s Football Night in America” 2010)  BS FACTOID: Last Friday he announced it was his final episode of “Countdown”. MSNBC issued a statement saying it had ended its contract with Olbermann, with no further explanation.

1961 [50] Margo Timmins, Montréal QC, pop singer (Cowboy Junkies-“Misguided Angel”, “Sweet Jane”)

1968 [43] Tracy Lawrence, Atlanta TX, country singer (“Find Out Who Your Friends Are”, “Paint Me a Birmingham”)

• “Chocolate Cake Day”, for some unknown reason. But then … do we need one?

• “Family Literacy Day”, to promote the importance of reading & learning together as a family.

• “International Holocaust Remembrance Day”, a UN memorial day for the victims of Nazism.

• “Kazoo Day”, celebrated annually on the last Thursday of January. The simple-to-play musical instrument first went into commercial production in 1912. Really bad kazoo band clip here …

• “Punch the Clock Day”, a day to calmly do your job stress-free, then go home and enjoy your real life.

• “Swap a Brown Bag Lunch Day”, to add some excitement to your noon hour.

• “Thomas Crapper Day”, in honor of the man who invented the toilet flush mechanism, on the anniversary of his death in 1910. Thomas Crapper & Co became engineers by appointment to the English ‘throne’.

• “Vietnam Peace Day”, observed on the anniversary of the 1973 peace deal signed in Paris that brought an end to America’s (then) longest war.

1926 [85] Scottish inventor John Logie Baird gives the initial public demonstration of ‘Television’, in London, England (what was on: “A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney”)

2004 [07] Contestant William Hung butchers “She Bangs” on “American Idol” (FOX) and lands an unlikely recording contract (and where is he now? NET:

1858 [153] Ottawa is selected to be the capital of Canada (Moose Jaw would have been funnier)

[Fri] “The Mechanic”; “The Rite” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Data Privacy Day
[Fri] Fun at Work Day
[Sat] Curmudgeons Day
[Sat] Puzzle Day
[Sat] Seeing Eye Dog Day
[Sat] World Leprosy Day
This Week Is . . . Mozart Week
This Month Is . . . Meat Month


• The complimentary newspaper tells you about the recent ‘Moon Landing’.
• ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on your door replaced with ‘Please Take a Number and Wait’.
• The mint on your pillow keeps moving.
• When you pull back the covers there’s a chalk outline on the bed.
• You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.
• The artwork is strategically placed to cover bullet holes.
• Entire ‘mini-bar’ entails a bottle of cheap sherry in a paper bag.
• The wake-up call comes courtesy of a police helicopter.
• Desk clerk asks, “Wanna see the pictures I took of you sleeping?”

Why do we all hate Gwyneth Paltrow so much? (Do the words ‘elitist moron’ come close?)

Where was ‘instant coffee’ invented and first produced?
a. Switzerland [CORRECT. In 1938 Nescafé was introduced by Nestlé of Vevay, Switzerland.]
b. Brazil
c. USA

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called  wedding cake.

Today’s Question: People who have one of THESE get more sleep than people who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A job. (“Real Simple Magazine”)

Tact is the ability not to say what we should never have been thinking in the first place.

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