Tuesday, January 29, 2013        Edition: #4914

Here, Have Another Sheetload!

Today passes to California’s annual “Coachella Festival” in April go on sale and are expected to sell out quickly (last year, both weekends of the festival sold out in less than 2 hours) . . . The “Lollapalooza” festival planned for August 20th-22nd in Tel Aviv, Israel has been cancelled due to ‘issues recruiting top-billed artists in addition to financial and production setbacks’ (related Lolla festivals will still be held in Santiago, Chile and São Paulo, Brazil as well as the home base in Chicago this August) . . . The very first “Country Music Cruise” will launch in early 2014 and sail through the Caribbean with Vince Gill, Kenny Rogers, Larry Gatlin & The Gatlin Brothers, Patty Loveless, Jo Dee Messina, Ronnie Milsap, and Restless Heart aboard as entertainment (not just the passengers will be oldies!) . . . Actor Taye Diggs (‘Dr Sam Bennett’ on “Private Practice”) not only came face-to-face with an intruder who broke into his home, he gave chase and managed to catch the perp, whom he held until police arrived on the scene (yo Taye, you da man!) . . . “30 Rock” star Tina Fey, who wrote the screenplay for the 2004 comedy film “Mean Girls”,  is hoping to turn it into a stage musical this year (is there nothing this woman can’t do?) . . . Former child star Miley Cyrus has posed bra-less in a sexy covershoot for the March issue of “Cosmopolitan” magazine (the former “Hannah Montana” isn’t much of a role model for your daughter anymore) . . . And it seems even Kris Humphries’ family is fed up with him, an insider claiming they’re urging the NBA player to quit dragging his sneakers and give his short-time wife Kim Kardashian a divorce (if it means we’ll hear less about her, we’re all for it!).

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Halestorm (“The Strange Case Of”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Metric (“Synthetica”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Train (“California 37”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Aaron Neville (“My True Story”).

• Boomtown Rats – Bob Geldof’s former band will play together for the first time in 26 years on June 16th at this year’s “Isle of Wight Festival”, it has been announced.
• Chris Brown – Authorities are investigating allegations he assaulted fellow R&B star Frank Ocean in the parking lot of Westlake Studio in West Hollywood, California. The LA County Sheriff’s Department says deputies responded to a report of 6 men fighting, apparently over a parking space. A spokesperson says it “allegedly led to Chris Brown punching the victim.”
• Destiny’s Child – Today their compilation album “Love Songs” arrives, which includes the new track “Nuclear”, produced by Pharrell Williams. It will be performed during Beyoncé’s halftime show at Sunday’s Super Bowl.
• Fleetwood Mac – A 35th anniversary reissue of their landmark album “Rumours” is released today, just ahead of their 2013 tour. A 3-disc ’Expanded Edition’ includes the original album, a dozen unreleased live recordings, and a disc of unreleased takes. A ‘Deluxe Version’ also includes the documentary “The Rosebud Film” and a vinyl copy of the album.
• Justin Bieber – The 11-track acoustic collection “Believe Acoustic” is out today, featuring unplugged versions of previous tunes and a couple of new tracks.
• Justin Timberlake – Designer Tom Ford has been brought in to ‘create the refined style’ reflected in JT’s new album, “The 20/20 Experience” (out March 19th). The artwork for the first single, “Suit & Tie”, features a Tom Ford tuxedo with satin peak lapels, pique front shirt, and oversized satin bow-tie. In the video, Timberlake dons a veritable haul of Ford apparel.
• Matchbox Twenty – Tonight in Tulsa OK they kick off an extensive North American tour in support of their latest album “North”. Their first new album in a decade debuted at #1.
• The Mavericks – Today they release “In Time”, their 1st album in 7 years. It comes amid the band’s 20th anniversary of their first major-label album release.
• The Smiths – Drummer Mike Joyce is urging singer Morrissey to consider reuniting the band. They split in 1987 after a fall-out between Morrissey and guitarist Johnny Marr. The main difficulty may be health issues. 53-year-old Morrissey was hospitalized in Detroit over the weekend with a suspected bladder infection and has been forced to cancel at least 3 shows.
• Tegan & Sara – Their new album “Heartthrob” is out today.

• “The Awakening” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): In post-WWI England, Cambridge University’s first female PhD spends her time debunking supernatural claims, using methodical and rational explanations to disprove the notion that the dead can still haunt us. Then a chilling spectral encounter threatens to alter her beliefs. Stars Rebecca Hall, Dominic West, Imelda Staunton.
• “Cold Light of Day” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): After his family is kidnapped during a trip to Spain, a Wall Street trader is confronted by the intelligence agents responsible, who are looking for a missing briefcase. He discovers the disappearance is linked to secrets his father has kept from him. Stars Henry Cavill, Bruce Willis, Sigourney Weaver. Filmed in Madrid, Spain.
• “Hotel Transylvania” ( PG Animated Comedy ): ‘Dracula’, who operates a high-end resort away from the human world, goes into overprotective mode when a boy discovers the resort and falls for the count’s teenage daughter. Voice cast includes Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Andy Samberg, Selena Gomez.
• “Paranormal Activity 4” ( R-Rated Horror ): The Halloween tradition continues with yet another addition to this franchise (2007, 2010, 2011). 5 years after the disappearance of ‘Katie’ and ‘Hunter’, a suburban family witnesses strange events in their neighborhood when a woman and a mysterious child move in. Stars Katie Featherston, Kathryn Newton, Matt Shively, Brady Allen.
• Also released today: “Best of Warner Bros 100 Film Collection” (Compilation); “Femme Fatales: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Masterpiece Classic: Downton Abbey – Season 3” (TV); “Misfits: Season 2” (TV); “NOVA scienceNOW: How Smart Can We Get?” (Documentary); “Pan Am: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); and “Your Worst Animal Nightmare” (Reality TV).

A Gallup poll of nearly 150,000 people around-the-world has found that 7-of-the-10 countries with the most upbeat attitudes are in Latin America. In Panama and Paraguay, fully 85% of those polled answered positively to 5 separate questions measuring happiness …
✓ Are you well-rested?
✓ Are you generally treated with respect?
✓ Do you smile and/or laugh a lot?
✓ Have you learned or done something interesting lately?
✓ Do you often have feelings of enjoyment?
Those countries top the list, followed closely by El Salvador, Venezuela, Trinidad & Tobago, Thailand, Guatemala, the Philippines, Ecuador, and Costa Rica. Canada failed to make the top 10; the USA ranks #33 in positive outlook. (Least likely to report positive emotions? The wealthy and orderly city-state of Singapore.)
– TheStar.com

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 85% of men never use the slit in their underwear.
• 50% admit to regularly sneaking food into movie theaters.
• 40% of us would use someone else’s toothbrush … in ‘an emergency’.
• 20% of cats lack the gene that allows them to get high from catnip.
• 11% of newlyweds either move in with parents … or vice versa.
• 5% of us never make the bed.

The Scottish government has unveiled the ‘Drinking Mirror’ smartphone app, which claims to show the visible effects of regularly drinking too much, such as deeper wrinkles, red cheeks, and weight-gain. By taking a picture of the user, the app aims to prove that ‘dropping a glass size’ could improve your looks over 10 years, with a so-called ‘magic mirror’ showing you how much better you will look if you drink a little less booze. In the same way that dieters sometimes switch to a smaller plate to eat less, the Scottish government is calling on drinkers to drop a glass size as a way of cutting back. (“I gan’t uze thiz ab … I upchucked on my zcreen.”)
– “Daily Telegraph”

They are called proposal bets and you can get Vegas odds on just about anything that might happen at Super Bowl 47 this Sunday, including …
✓ The likelihood Alicia Keys will take longer to sing the national anthem than Kelly Clarkson did a year ago. The Over/Under line is 2 minutes, 15 seconds.
✓ Will Alicia Keys be booed during or after her rendition of the anthem? Yes 5/1 odds.
✓ Will Beyoncé be joined by Jay-Z onstage during the halftime show? Yes 11/10 odds.
✓ Will Beyoncé’s hair be curly/crimped OR straight? Curly/Crimped even odds (1/1).
✓ What predominant color will Beyoncé’s top be at the beginning of the show? Black is 9/4 favorite.
✓ How long will the post game handshake/hug last between coaching brothers Jim & John Harbaugh? Over/Under line is 7.5 seconds.
✓ How many times will the game be referred to as the Harbaugh Bowl (or Har Bowl or Super Baugh) during the game? The Over/Under line is 2½.
✓ Will any Baltimore of San Francisco Player on active roster be arrested before Super Bowl XLVII? Yes is 5/1 favorite.
✓ What color will the Gatorade (or liquid) be that is dumped on the winning coach? Clear/Water is 7/4 favorite.
✓ If Ray Lewis is interviewed on TV after the game, how many times will he mention ‘God’. Over/Under is 3.
– BaltimoreBeatdown.com

Why do engineers put faces on their robots? It’s certainly not because the robot needs a face to do what it is built to do. It is rather that the engineers understand that where there is a face, we can hardly resist supposing that there is a mind. It is well known that people with facial injury are often treated as if they are cognitively impaired. We can’t help but feel that behind the impassive face there is a dull mind, even when we know that this is not the case. The fact is we find it easy to attribute ‘brains’ to what looks and acts like a human being and we find it almost impossible to attribute ‘brains’ to what does not. (Like your dumb dog Ralph, for instance …)
– NPR.org

• Women started wearing high heels to look more like men.
– BBC News
• San Francisco’s tap water comes from Yosemite National Park and is so pure the US Environmental Protection Agency does not require it to be filtered.


1945 [68] Tom Selleck, Detroit MI, TV actor (“Las Vegas” 2007-08, “Magnum PI” 1980-88)/movie actor (“Three Men & a Baby”)

1954 [59] Oprah Winfrey, Kosciusko MS, TV network mogul (OWN)/1st woman to own & produce her own TV talk show (“Oprah” 1986-2011)/movie producer & actress (“Precious”, “Beloved”)/magazine publisher (“O”)

1968 [45] Ed Burns, Queens NY, movie actor (“27 Dresses”, “Saving Private Ryan”)/movie producer-director (“Purple Violets”, “She’s the One”)

1970 [43] Heather Graham, Milwaukee WI, movie actress (“The Hangover”, “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”)

1975 [38] Sara Gilbert, Santa Monica CA, TV actress (“The Big Bang Theory” since 2007, “The Class” 2006-07, “ER” 2004-07, “Roseanne” 1988-97)/half-sister of actress Melissa Gilbert

1982 [31] Adam Lambert, Indianapolis IN, pop singer (“For Your Entertainment”, 2009 “American Idol” runner-up)  BS FACTOID: At his birthday party over the weekend, actor-turned-Bootsy Bellows nightclub-owner David Arquette stripped to his underwear and did a lapdance for him. Nice.

• “Corn Chip Day”. Ask listeners to put a half-dozen in their mouths and whistle a tune.

• “Curmudgeons Day”, an annual celebration of the crusty, yet insightful, wags who consistently apply the needle of truth to the balloons of hypocrisy and social norms. Always celebrated on the birthday of late comedian WC Fields, one of the all-time most beloved curmudgeons.

• “Free Thinker’s Day”, celebrating the fact that everyone has the right to agree with what you think.

• “Guide Dog Day”, commemorating ‘The Seeing Eye’, North America’s first guide dog school which opened in Nashville, Tennessee on this date in 1929.

• “Puzzle Day”, celebrating one of our all-time favorite pastimes. What’s your favorite: Jigsaw or Crossword?

• “Up-Helly-Aa”, the annual staging of an ancient Norse tradition in Lerwick, in Scotland’s Shetland Islands, when a fiery ship is sent out to sea as a sacrifice to the Sun.
NET: http://www.uphellyaa.org/up-helly-aa-2013

1959 [54] Disney classic “Sleeping Beauty” is released in theaters … to mixed reviews

1998 [15] Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” is released, which goes on to top charts across the world and become her (annoying) signature song

1963 [50] 1st members of NFL Hall of Fame announced in Canton OH (Jim Thorpe, Red Grange, and George Halas)

1995 [18] 1st NFL team to win 5 Super Bowls (San Francisco 49ers defeat San Diego Chargers 49-26)

[Wed] Australian Academy of Cinema & Television Arts Awards (Sydney)
[Wed] Inane Voicemail Message Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Inspire Your Heart With Art Day
[Fri] “Bullet To the Head”; “Warm Bodies” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Working Naked Day
This Week Is … Meat Week
This Month Is … Oatmeal Month


✳ “Divorce Barbie” … comes with all of Ken’s accessories.
✳ “Breast Implant Barbie” … the Barbie that can’t stand up straight.
✳ “Teenage Single Parent Barbie” … complete with baby, bassinet, and welfare check mailed from Mattel each month.
✳ “Brunette Barbie” … only Barbie with a brain.
✳ “Politician Barbie” … comes with a nose that grows.
✳ “Quantum Physics Barbie” … yeah, right.

• Where is the only place where you can see the Sun rise on the Pacific Ocean and set on the Atlantic?
a. The Azores.
b. Panama [CORRECT, due to a bend in the isthmus.]
c. Cleveland.

• Who is credited with inventing scissors?
a. Leonardo da Vinci [CORRECT]
b. Benjamin Franklin
c. The Barber of Seville
– “2201 Fascinating Facts”

Tall? This guy needs binoculars to trim his toenails.

☎ What are some things you shouldn’t say on a first date?

Question: 1-in-3 married people complain that THIS is a regular problem with their partner.
Answer: Hogging the covers.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried!

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