Wednesday, January 30, 2013          Edition #4915

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

Actor Ashton Kutcher has revealed that he was taken to hospital after sticking to a fruit-only diet while preparing to play late Apple CEO Steve Jobs in the new bio-pic “jOBS” (it’s untrue he was administered Pepto-Bismol via IV) . . . Actress Helena Bonham Carter (‘Madame Thénardier’ in “Les Misérables”) says she plans to take a break from acting to support her director-partner Tim Burton and their 2 children, quote: “Juggling motherhood with acting is hard and I’m dropping all the balls at the same time” (working moms everywhere can concur) . . . The working title of George Clooney’s new movie has been changed from “1952” to “Tomorrowland”, presumably a reference to the attraction opened at Disneyland in 1955 (not surprisingly, it’s a Disney film) . . . After 3 years of construction, the 22,000-sq-ft, $20-million LA home being built for New England Patriots QB Tom Brady & supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen is finally finished, complete with resort-style swimming pool, 6-car garage, state-of-the-art gym, and – a moat (apparently he’s still worried about Ray Lewis coming across the line) . . . And, as long rumored, 57-year-old Kardashian family matriarch Kris Jenner is getting her own hour-long TV talk show, entitled “Kris”, debuting this Summer on select FOX stations (the onslaught of the K-people is seemingly endless – uncle!!!!!!).

• “AACTA Awards” (Sydney) – Russell Crowe hosts the 2nd annual Australian Academy of Cinema & Television Arts honors, which are being televised on the Ten network.
• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Auditions continue.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ben Folds Five (“The Sound Of the Life Of the Mind”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Antibalas (“Antibalas”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Shiny Toy Guns (“We Are Pilots”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Bad Religion (“True North”); Michael Bolton (“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough: Tribute to Hitsville”, out February 26th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Shovels & Rope (“O’ Be Joyful”).
• “Super Bowl’s Greatest Commercials 2013” (CBS) – Counting down viewers’ favorite all-time Super Bowl ads. (The ones we never get to see in Canada, thanks to cable/satellite masking.)
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Train (“California 37”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Holly Williams (“Here With Me”).

• Beyoncé – She’s Instagrammed a photo of herself wearing a shirt that says “Can I live?” (Well certainly, but can you sing live?)
• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi says he’s turned down a number of lucrative offers to judge a TV talent show. Why? Quote: “I already have a job.”
• Frank Ocean – He’s apparently changed his mind and decided to press charges against Chris Brown for that fistfight over a parking spot at an LA recording studio on Sunday. The incident could land Brown in big trouble as he’s still on probation for assaulting Rihanna in 2009.
• Jane’s Addiction – Guitarist Dave Navarro has landed a guest role on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” (NBC). He’ll play a sound engineer named ‘Ferrari’ in an upcoming episode entitled “Funny Valentine”.
• Justin Bieber – He tells that his song “Nothing Like Us” is about his breakup with Selena Gomez and that he relies on his music for emotional release. Quote: “I’m not in the happiest place that I’ve ever been. I’m trying to get through what I’m going through.”
• KoRn – Guitarist Brian ‘Head’ Welch tells “Rolling Stone” he’s returning to play with the band at the “Rock On The Range” festival this May, as well as during an overseas tour in June. The band lost its ‘Head’ in 2005.
• Rick Ross – Cops say he was not injured when he crashed his Rolls Royce into a building in Fort Lauderdale FL on Monday, apparently in an attempt to avoid multiple gunshots. 50 Cent has put his 2-cents-worth in via Twitter, suggesting that photos of the incident look ‘staged’.
• T.I. – He tells MTV News he worked on a handful of songs with Justin Timberlake and producer Timbaland for Justin’s forthcoming album, “The 20/20 Experience”, out March 19th.
• The Who – They have announced a “Quadrophenia” tour around the UK and Ireland this Summer, during which they will perform the 1973 album in full. The 10-date trek opens in Dublin on June 8th.

✗ It’s Not What You Said, It’s What You Didn’t Say – You didn’t respond to the party invitation; you didn’t reply to the funny text with a smiley face; you didn’t return the phone call; you didn’t wish them a Happy Birthday. And wasn’t that you that walked right by in the mall yesterday?
✗ You Accidentally Asserted Power Over Them – One person is always going to be more successful than another, or more attractive, or smarter, or physically stronger, etc. Both of you will be aware of that, but neither of you is allowed to mention it.
✗ They Think You Owe Them – You’ve wronged them somehow and should offer some form of restitution. Or you once refused to do a favor for what seemed like a good reason and they’ve held a grudge ever since because you didn’t ‘step up’.
✗ You Wasted Their Time – Your emailed joke; unexpected visit; texted good wishes came at a particularly busy time. Turns out they’re so besieged by people making demands on their time, that they get pissed at you.
✗ You Assumed That Because You Were OK With a Situation, Everybody Was – It exists at all levels: between roommates, friends, spouses, co-workers, nations. It’s not that you disagree on an issue; it’s that you are perceived not to recognize it as an issue at all.
– Condensed from

A trio of college grads in California have developed a new app called ‘Bang With Friends’ that lets you select which of your Facebook friends you’re … well … down to bang. If they click to indicate they feel the same way, the app lets you know. Well over 20,000 people have already connected to it via their Facebook accounts. The creators say they just want to ‘spread the love … by taking down the barriers of intimacy’. (Be careful what you click if you’ve friended your grandmother!)

Highlights from a new nationwide Angus Reid/Vision Critical poll about tech use in Canada …
• 84% of 18-to-34 year-olds feel guilty about the amount of time they spend online.
• More than half of us admit we have lost track of time while online.
• 36% of men admit they’ve used a phone, tablet, or laptop in the previous week … in the bathroom.
• 45% of 18-to-34 year-olds have used a tablet, phone, or laptop in a restaurant within a week.
• More than half of adults under 55 have used tech in bed before falling asleep.
• Just 35% have managed to struggle through a full day without text, email, and the Internet.
– “Toronto Star”

Facial oil, makeup, and perfume build up on Winter scarves and hats, and gloves routinely pick up germs. A few guidelines on hygiene for seasonal apparel from experts …
• Hats, gloves and scarves should be cleaned 3-to-5 times a season.
• Leather gloves and structured hats can be dry-cleaned.
• Never store gloves in coat pockets as glove linings get damp from hand perspiration and need to air out.
(If you don’t think this is a problem, stick your nose inside a soggy mitten. Phew!)
– Adapted from

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Bankster’ – A banker whose actions are illegal. (Where do banksters, bad guy bankers, keep their money?)
✓ ‘Gender Pollution’ – “The Colbert Report” says this is the phenomenon whereby women entering a career renders that career less desirable for men. (Cheerleading originated as a male occupation but, thanks to gender pollution, men don’t go out for it as much anymore.)
✓ ‘Groomzilla’ – The male version of ‘bridezilla’, this is a man who is neurotically obsessed with planning his wedding. (Brad Pitt has seemingly turned into a groomzilla, sweating over all the minute details of his wedding to Angelina Jolie.)

Here’s an unforseen side effect of our move from treeware to the digital age … there’s a developing shortage of newspapers needed for potty-training puppies. In California, for instance, San Francisco’s Animal Control Agency is having to rely on donations. The San Francisco Public Library is pitching in, donating old newspapers to help make sure the shelter has a consistent paper stream … to handle puppy streams. (Shouldn’t there be a waterproof app for that?)
– Sourced from AP

A few reasons why – at least once in awhile – you should work from a coffee shop, even if you have an office …
✓CHANGE: Changing your environment, even just for a day, brings new types of input and stimulation, which in turn stimulates creativity and inspiration. Even in the most awesome of offices we can fall into a routine, and a routine is the enemy of creativity.
✓FEWER DISTRACTIONS: It sounds counter-intuitive, but working from a bustling coffee shop can be less distracting than working from a quiet office. The coffee shop environment combines the benefit of anonymity with the dull buzz of exciting activity.
✓COMMUNITY: Meeting new people always provides new ideas, a different perspective to existing problems, or an interesting connection to a new person doing something awesome that can be inspiring.
✓UNEXPECTED SUPPORT: Coffee shop workers can be awesome if you are a good customer. That hidden power plug will be revealed, an extra free refill will be given, an introduction will be made.
– Excerpted from

Women look their oldest every Wednesday at 3.30 pm.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1951 [62] Phil Collins, London UK, 5’-5” classic rocker (“Another Day in Paradise”, “Genesis-“Invisible Touch”)

1974 [39] Christian Bale, Haverfordwest, Wales, movie actor (Oscar-“The Fighter”, “The Dark Knight”)

1980 [33] Josh Kelley, Augusta GA, pop-country singer (“Georgia Clay”, “Amazing”)/brother of Lady Antebellum singer Charles Kelley/wed to actress Katherine Heigl since 2006

1984 [29] Kid Cudi (Scott Mescudi), Cleveland OH, rapper (“Day ‘n Nite”, w/Kanye West-“All Of the Lights”)

• “Croissant Day”, the first step of which is being able to say the French-derived word ‘croissant’. It’s not ‘CROY-sent’, it’s ‘cwah-SAHN’.

• “Inane Answering Message Day”, a time to change, shorten, replace, or delete that annoying voicemail message … which you likely recorded on Day One and then never altered.

• “World Law Day”, established in 1922 to celebrate the rules society lives by, no matter how weird, as seen here …

• “Yodel For Your Neighbors Day”, a day to add some frivolity to your neighborhood by warming up the ol’ vocal cords … outdoors. (Followed by ‘Getting Tomato-ed by Your Neighbors Day’.)

1933 [80] “The Lone Ranger” debuts on WXYZ Radio, Detroit MI  BS FACTOID: A new bigscreen version, starring Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp (as ‘Tonto’) opens in theaters July 3rd.

1973 [40] KISS play their first concert, at the Coventry Club in Queens NY (wearing makeup onstage, but not the look they would become known for)

1996 [17] Michael Jackson’s unauthorized biographer, Randy Taraborrelli, claims the ‘King of Pop’ paid Lisa Marie Presley $15 million to marry him for 1 year (Jackson’s attorney denies there was any such deal)

1958 [55] 1st ‘Moving Sidewalk’ (1,435-ft-long walkway at Love Field, Dallas TX)

1994 [19] Buffalo Bills lose a 4th consecutive Super Bowl and a 2nd consecutive to Dallas Cowboys (30-13) in Super Bowl 28 (Atlanta GA)

[Thurs] “30 Rock” series finalé (NBC)
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Inspire Your Heart With Art Day
[Fri] Bubble Gum Day
[Fri] Spunky Old Broads Day
[Fri] Wear Red Day
This Week Is … Catholic Schools Week
This Month Is … Be Kind to Food Servers Month


✗ Orville Redenbacher’s Butter-Flavored Vodka
✗ Iranian Club
✗ Amaretto Di Potti
✗ Campbell’s Pork ‘N Booze
✗ McBourbon
✗ Galifianakis’ Back-hair Of the Dog Sambuca
✗ Really, Really, Really, Really Old Milwaukee
✗ Dr Scholl’s Medicated Tequila
✗ Chivas Regurgitas

• Which dog has the best eyesight?
a. Chihuahua
b. Doberman
c. Greyhound [CORRECT, better than any other dog.]

• Which bar of soap is most like a porcupine?
a. Irish Spring
b. Ivory [CORRECT, porcupines also float.]
c. Dove

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

☎ What odd rules/superstitions did your parents pass on to you? In his book “Because I Said So!”, author Ken Jennings notes parental clichés from around-the-world. For instance …
• Filipino kids can’t wear red when it’s stormy out, since that would attract lightning.
• Germans live in mortal fear of drafts, which get blamed for everything from pneumonia to blocked arteries. Commuters swelter on trains and buses rather than cracking a window through which a ‘lethal’ breeze might enter.
• South Koreans on the other hand, will only use electric fans if a window is cracked, because it’s believed that leaving a fan on in an enclosed room can be fatal.

Question: Beautiful people enjoy more of THIS than the rest of us.
Answer: Sleep.

Love is a long term investment, not a quick return.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s “BS”!

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