January 31, 2012

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Tuesday, January 31, 2012        Edition: #4680

Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

Director Martin Scorsese has launched a campaign to land ‘Blackie the Doberman’, the canine star of his movie “Hugo”, a nomination for the “Golden Collar Awards”, the annual prizes for the most talented dogs in Hollywood (organizers have agreed to add the pooch if 500 fan nominations are received via Facebook) . . . 45-year-old retired heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson says he’s going to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame on March 31st for his contributions to – wrestling (a bit of a surprise as he only appeared on WWE programs on a few occasions) . . . “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” has now made $571 million in worldwide box office, making it the most successful movie of the 4-film franchise (likely due to the price of tickets more than anything else) . . . Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton) has been named ‘Hat Person Of the Year’ by the California-based Headwear Association, collecting over 90% of the vote from its members to beat out the likes of Lady Gaga and actress Sarah Jessica Parker (ah, those ‘fascinating’ royals) . . . Sarah Jessica Parker is rumored to be set to replace Demi Moore in the upcoming bio-pic “Lovelace”, in the role of famed feminist Gloria Steinem (one visit to the ER and you lose your job?) . . . Demi Moore’s breakdown last week is being partly attributed to the death of her 70-year-old AA sponsor, drug counselor Patsy Rugg, a woman Demi reportedly referred to as ‘my mom’ (in other words, the ‘wagon driver’) . . . “Two-and-a-Half Men” co-star Jon Cryer says it’s now far ‘less suspenseful’ with Ashton Kutcher on the set instead of Charlie Sheen (but not any funnier) . . . And the Los Angeles Department of Children & Family Services is now recommending that actress Halle Berry and her ex, Gabriel Aubry, take parenting classes – together (yikes, hopefully they’re willing to provide a referee!).


• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Bjork (“Biophilia”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Angels & Airwaves (“Love Part One & Part Two”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Horrors (“Skying”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Ringo Starr (“Ringo 2012”, released today).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – J Cole (“Cole World: The Sideline Story”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Girls Generation (“Mr Taxi”, out today).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Jully Black (“Set It Off”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Imelda May (“Mayhem”).


• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler has a new love nest for his new fiancée Erin Brady, a stunning $4.8-million mansion on Maui, Hawaii. It boasts ocean views on 3 sides, a saline infinity pool, and a floor-to-ceiling aquarium. The original asking price … $8 million. (We’re guessing “American Idol” money did this.)
• Amy Winehouse – Her father Mitch Winehouse has accused fashion designer Jean Paul Gaultier of cashing in on the late singer’s death by using her as the inspiration for his latest catwalk show in which models were dressed in her trademark style. (Including the racoon eye makeup.)
• Leonard Cohen – Today the 77-year-old legendary poet-singer releases the new album “Old Ideas”, featuring 10 new songs that he’s been working on for years.
• Metallica – Their new EP “Beyond Magnetic” is out today, which includes 4 unreleased tracks from their 2008 “Death Magnetic” sessions.
• Paul McCartney – He’s hoping to reach a new generation of fans by writing music for a videogame. Quote: “It’s a fascinating market. A new computer game sells so much better than a new CD these days.” (Hey geezer man, that’s because people quit buying CDs about a decade back.)
• Rihanna – She commissioned British artist Claire Milner to create a giant Marilyn Monroe portrait made from 65,000 Swarovski crystals. It took 4 months to complete, weighs 182 lbs (83 kg), and cost $160,000. (She obviously has way too much money. Will velvet Elvises be next?)


• “The Big Year” ( PG Comedy ): Owen Wilson, Jack Black, and Steve Martin play a trio of avid bird watchers competing to spot the rarest birds in North America at a prestigious annual event. Based on Mark Obmascik’s book “The Big Year: A Tale of Man, Nature & Fowl Obsession”.
• “Dream House” ( PG-13 Mystery Thriller ): Soon after moving into their seemingly idyllic new home, a family learns of a brutal crime committed against former residents of the dwelling. Stars Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz (Mrs Daniel Craig), Naomi Watts.
• “Drive” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): Ryan Gosling plays a Hollywood stuntman who moonlights as a get-away driver for the criminal underground. After a botched job he ends up on the run with his neighbor (Carey Mulligan) and her child.
• “In Time” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ) – Set in the year 2061, when people stop aging at 25 but are engineered to live only 1 more year unless they have the means to buy more ‘living time’. Stars Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Cillian Murphy.
• “The Thing” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Horror ): This prequel to John Carpenter’s 1982 spine-tingler about an alien unearthed in Arctic ice takes place at an Antarctica research site, where an alien craft is discovered. Stars Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen.
• Also released today: “Agatha Christie’s Poirot: Series 1” (TV); “Hey Dude: Season 2” (TV); “LeapFrog: Number Land” (Animation); “Lost River: Lincoln’s Secret Weapon” (History); “Thunder Soul” (Documentary); “To Kill a Mockingbird” (1962); “Treasure Buddies” (Family).


A new fitness regimen that’s based on old methods is gaining popularity. Variously known as ‘paleo’, ‘primal’, or ‘ancestral’ fitness, it replaces contemporary ‘workouts’ with real-life movements that our Paleolithic ancestors used to survive thousands of years ago … pushing, pulling, lifting, squatting, bending, walking, and the occasional sprint. The implements used for these exertions can include sledgehammers, 80-lb sacks, and even full-size vehicles to push around. For some adherents, ancestral fitness also includes a diet heavy on meat and vegetables but without dairy and grains. (How caveman – do you carry around a fitness ‘club’?)
– “Chicago Tribune”


A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 81% of husbands & 76% of wives say they’d check with their spouse before spending over $100 on a non-essential item.
• 70% of cellphone ringtones are purchased by females.
• 56% of women say it takes 20 seconds or less to form an opinion of another woman based on her appearance.
• 55% of parents use Facebook to keep an eye on their children.
• 24% of us are so impatient that we read the last page of a book first.
• 16% of us say eating fast food makes us feel guilty.


• A teenager in Birmingham, England has been warned about her diet after she collapsed and was rushed to hospital where she was diagnosed with anemia. That’s because since the age of 2 the now 17-year-old has eaten virtually nothing but … chicken nuggets. She’s now recovering at home after being treated with vitamin injections. (How dumb! You can’t live on chicken nuggets alone, you need a full serving of tater tots with them.)
– “The Sun”
• An out-of-work man in Greenland started giving away cash after his bank mistakenly credited his account with more than 1.3 million Danish krone, the equivalent of about $240,000. Unfortunately, the man’s philanthropy didn’t go down well in court with the judge, who sentenced him to 100 hours of community service for giving away or spending the cash that wasn’t his. (Should have saved some for bribes, fool!)
– NYPost.com
• In the race to become mayor of the Italian town of Tranto, a pair of porn stars are going head-to-head … in a public pole-dancing contest. Organizers for Amandha Fox and Luana Borgia are planning the event for next month, so local voters can see what each candidate has to offer. In the interest of fairness, all other candidates are also invited to participate. (Imagine [local mayor] participating in this … ew, no better not.)
– “Metro”


Undercover surveillance of parking lots across Britain has shown that … women are better at parking than men. That’s the conclusion of a study in which some 2,500 drivers were observed in 700 different parking lots over a 1-month period. Results show that women are better at finding empty spaces, more accurate in aligning themselves before beginning a parking manoeuver, and more likely to leave their vehicles in the middle of a parking spot. And men? They were found to be ‘more confident’ overall. (As they slammed into a BMW bumper.)
– Orange.co.uk

From 1956 to 1959 you could order your new Chrysler with … a record player. You got 6 discs with the in-dash contraption and could order more of the specially-made mini-albums from the dealer. The problem was they didn’t work very well, tending to skip when driving over bumps.
– TheStar.com


1970 [42] Minnie (Amelia) Driver, London UK, movie actress (“Phantom Of the Opera”, “Good Will Hunting”)/TV actress (“The Riches” 2007-08)

1973 [39] Portia DeRossi (Amanda Lee Rogers), Horsham, Australia, TV actress (“Better Off Ted” 2009-10, “Arrested Development” 2003-06, “Ally McBeal” 1998-2002)/Ellen DeGeneres’ partner since 2004

1977 [35] Bobby Moynihan, Eastchester NY, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” since 2008)

1977 [35] Kerry Washington, Bronx NY, movie actress (“The Last King of Scotland”, “Ray”)

1981 [31] Justin Timberlake, Memphis TN, movie actor (“In Time”, “The Social Network “)/media mogul (MySpace co-owner)/former pop singer (“SexyBack”, *NSYNC-“Girlfriend”)

1992 [20] Tyler Seguin, Brampton ON, NHL forward (Boston Bruins)

• “Backwards Day”, a day to relieve Winter blahs by doing everything backwards, ie: calling people by their last name, eating meals in reverse, signing off your show at the beginning, etc.

• “Beloved Wives Day” in Japan, the 7th annual salute to the better half of couples. On this day, husbands are supposed to pay extra attention to the missus and do things they don’t usually do, such as say ‘I love you’. It’s a creation of the ‘Adoring Husbands Association’. Gag.

• “Gorilla Suit Day”, an annual observance when people around-the-world are encouraged to get their gorilla suits out of the closet, put them on, and go door-to-door. The idea originated in fiction, a 1963 story by “Mad Magazine” cartoonist Don Martin.

• “Inspire Your Heart With Art Day”. Apparently if you’re admitted to the ER today, instead of defibrilator paddles, they’ll be strapping a Renoir on your chest.

• “Play an Old Game You Haven’t Played in Years Night”. Maybe Yahztee, Scrabble, Monopoly, Canasta, Hungry Hippo … Strip Poker?


1997 [15] 1977 movie “Star Wars” is re-released in theaters as “Star Wars Special Edition” and grosses a record take for a January opening weekend of $36 million

2007 [05] Blinking electronic devices planted around Boston, Massachusetts that throw a scare into citizens turn out to be guerilla marketing for late-night cable TV cartoon “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”


1976 [36] Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Terry Bradshaw launches a short-lived country singing career with the release of “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” (eventually reaches #17)


1928 [84] ‘Scotch Tape’ is 1st marketed by 3M (without inventor Richard Drew, we’d still be wrapping up gifts with rope!)


1977 [35] Only time since US weather records have been kept that all 48 contiguous states have simultaneously had snow on the ground

1992 [20] Keith Witt cleans 3 standard office windows with a squeegee in a Guinness World Record time of 10.13 seconds at the International Window Cleaning Association convention (San Antonio, Texas)


[Feb 1] Car Insurance Day / GI Joe Day / Girls & Women in Sports Day / Spunky Old Broads Day / Working Naked Day
[Feb 2] Groundhog Day / Hedgehog Day / Sled Dog Day / World Wetlands Day / Crêpe Day
[Feb 3] “Big Miracle”; “Chronicle”; “The Woman in Black” open in theaters / Give Kids a Smile Day / Wear Red Day / Bubble Gum Day
[Feb 4] World Cancer Day / Ice Cream for Breakfast Day
[Feb 5] Super Bowl 46 (Indianapolis) / Weatherpersons Day / World Nutella Day / Dump Your Significant Jerk Day / “The Voice” season debut (NBC) / Prophet’s Birthday (Muslim)
[Feb 6] “Smash” premieres (NBC)
[Feb 7] Full ‘Snow’ Moon / Ballet Day / Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbors Day
[Feb 8] Boy Scout Anniversary Day / Laugh & Get Rich Day / Opera Day
[Feb 9] Extraterrestrial Visitor Day / Stop Bullying Day / Read In the Bathtub Day
[Feb 10] “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island”; “Safe House”; “Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace 3-D”; “The Vow” open in theaters / 2012 MusiCares Person Of the Year
[Feb 11] Pro Sports Wives Day / Shut-in Visitation Day / Satisfied Staying Single Day / Grammy Special Merit Awards
[Feb 12] Grammy Awards / American International Toy Fair begins (NYC) / “Celebrity Apprentice” season debut / 2012 British Academy Film Awards (London)
[Feb 13] Get a Different Name Day / Clean Out Your Computer Day
[Feb 14] Valentines Day / World Marriage Day / “This Means War” opens in theaters / Women’s Heart Day / Call In Single Day / Donor Day / Quirky Alone Day / Ferris Wheel Day / Pet Theft Awareness Day / Library Lovers Day / Have a Heart Day / Condom Day
[Feb 15] Gum Drop Day / National Flag of Canada Day
[Feb 16] Innovation Day
[Feb 17] “Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance”; “The Secret World of Arrietty”; “Undefeated” open in theaters / PTA Founders Day / World Human Spirit Day
[Feb 18] Battery Day
[Feb 19] Chocolate Mint Day
[Feb 20] Family Day (AB, ON, SK) / Presidents Day (USA) / World Day for Social Justice / Love Your Pet Day / Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
[Feb 21] Shrove Tuesday / Pancake Day / Mardi Gras / International Mother Language Day / 2012 BRIT Awards
[Feb 22] Ash Wednesday / Lent begins / Margarita Day / World Thinking Day / Inconvenience Yourself Day
[Feb 23] Curling is Cool Day / Diesel Engine Day / Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day / Chili Day
[Feb 24] “Act of Valor”; “Gone”; “Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds”; “Wanderlust” open in theaters
[Feb 25] Open That Bottle Night / International Sword Swallowers Day
[Feb 26] Academy Awards / Daytona 500 / Personal Chefs Day / For Pete’s Sake Day
[Feb 28] Floral Design Day / Tooth Fairy Day / Rare Disease Day
[Feb 29] Leap Year Day / Galileo Day / Bachelors Day / Inspirational Underlings Day


The term ‘passed away’ seems so … well, passive. So how about …
✓ Gone into the fertilizer business.
✓ Past the best-before date.
✓ Joined the majority.
✓ Picking turnips with a step ladder.
✓ Riding the perma-pine.
✓ Traded to the Angels.
✓ Checked into the wooden Waldorf.
✓ No longer eligible for census.
✓ Kicked the oxygen habit.
✓ At room temperature.


If God wanted us to vote he’d give us candidates.


What is the single most annoying electronic device? (According to a “USA Today” poll, it’s the car alarm.)


Question: Attorneys do THIS more than any other profession.
Answer: Have plastic surgery.


Too bad life doesn’t have an ‘undo’ option.

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