Thursday, January 5, 2012        Edition: #4662

Don’t Take Any Sheet … Unless It’s BS!

31-year-old “America’s Got Talent” host Nick Cannon has been hospitalized with ‘mild kidney failure’, according to a tweet from wife Mariah Carey (is that something like a ‘mild heart attack’?) . . . 28-year-old movie actor Jonah Hill (“Moneyball”) is reportedly dating Ali Hoffman, 24-year-old daughter of veteran actor Dustin Hoffman, and is said to have spent the holidays in Hawaii with the entire Hoffman clan (more Hollywood in-breeding) . . . Not content with hogging the weekly TV schedule, the Kardashian family is now planning to launch a magazine about themselves and their lives, signing a deal with American Media Inc (the classy publisher of periodicals like “National Enquirer”) . . . Meantime, Kim Kardashian has been signed to make her sitcom debut on Tim Allen’s new show “Last Man Standing”, playing herself in an episode scheduled to air in February (you know a show’s floundering when it stoops to stunt-casting) . . . 33-year-old singer and ”American Idol” judge Nicole Scherzinger is apparently back on again with 26-year-old British Formula 1 racer Lewis Hamilton, the former twosome spending New Year’s weekend together at an upmarket ski resort in Vail, Colorado (hopefully things won’t go ‘downhill’ again) . . . And rumors are flying that 45-year-old movie star Halle Berry, who’s been dating French actor Olivier Martinez since they met on the set of “Dark Tide” last year, may be set to make him her 3rd husband as she’s been spotted wearing an emerald ring on her engagement finger (that’s the digit right next to her ‘get lost’ finger).

• “Jersey Shore” (MTV) – The 5th season debut follows ‘Snooki’ and pals spending their Summer together.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tune-Yards (“Who Kill”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fools Gold (“Leave No Trace”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Barr Bros (Barr Brothers).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Darren Criss (“Glee”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Chris Cornell (“Songbook”).

• Adele – The heartache that spawned her 2 mega-hit albums may be over. She’s been spotted with 36-year-old charity executive Simon Konecki during a break in Florida, embracing while strolling a beach and later going alligator-spotting together in the Everglades.
• George Michael – The ailing Brit pop star is ticked with extreme religious group ‘Christians For a Moral America’, who allegedly prayed for him to die during his recent health scare because they don’t agree with his sexuality. In a tweet, George calls them: “Totally f–ed up bastards … and not in a good way!”
• Katy Perry – Word has it she & estranged hubby Russell Brand did NOT sign a pre-nuptial agreement before marrying 14 months ago, which could prove costly for her since she’s reportedly worth over $40 million. Without a pre-nup, California divorce law would split their wealth and assets 50/50.
• The Killers – Frontman Brandon Flowers has confirmed on BBC Radio 1 that his band will be back this year, releasing their first album in 4 years. They’ve already recorded several new tracks. Quote: “It’s just exciting getting everyone in the room to make some noise.”
• Lady Gaga – She tells Britain’s “The Sun” her interest in India has piqued after she recently saw a Bollywood show. She says she’s fascinated by the dance and the clothing and would like to appear in a Bollywood film.
• Sinead O Connor – The Irish singer is reportedly now back with her new husband Barry Herridge, just days after announcing the end of their 16-day marriage. She says this time they’ll take the relationship at a ‘slower pace’. They wed at a drive-thru chapel in Las Vegas December 8th. (Make up your flippin’ mind!)
• Van Halen – Tonight the newly-reunited rockers make their live return by playing an intimate gig at the 250-seat Café Wha? venue in Manhattan, according to The band is re-teaming with former frontman David Lee Roth for a 2012 tour and album.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Ender’s Game” – Asa Butterfield has the lead role in this adaptation of Orson Scott Card’s classic sci-fi novel about a young prodigy who becomes part of humanity’s war against an alien race known as the ‘Formics’. Harrison Ford has signed on to co-star as ‘Colonel Hyram Graff’; the cast also includes Ben Kingsley and Abigail Breslin. Shooting is set to start in February.
• “The Girl Who Played With Fire” – Sony Pictures has confirmed a sequel to “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” despite the fact the first film has generated comparatively mediocre box office. Stars Daniel Craig & Rooney Mara are expected to return for the film adaptation of the 2nd book in Stieg Larsson’s “Millennium” series. It’s unknown if director David Fincher will be back.
• “Lovelace” – Amanda Seyfried has the title role and now Demi Moore, Adam Brody, and Eric Roberts have joined the cast of this bio-pic about adult film actress Linda Lovelace. Moore will play the iconic feminist Gloria Steinem, while Roberts will portray a lie-detector expert. Brody will play Harry Reems, the male lead in the iconic 1972 hardcore movie, “Deep Throat”.
• “Paranormal Activity 4” – Following the success of “Paranormal Activity 3” in October, which shattered multiple North American box office records for the month, studio bosses at Paramount Pictures have confirmed that a 4th film is in the works. “PA3” brought in a whopping $203 million worldwide to become the most successful film in the series so far.
• “Thor 2” – “Game of Thrones” director Alan Taylor is now at the helm of this sequel after Patty Jenkins dropped out over ‘creative differences’ with studio Marvel. Chris Hemsworth returns as the titular Norse god; Natalie Portman again plays ‘Jane Foster’, although she’s said to be less than pleased about losing a female director. The film’s due to be released in November 2013.

• Baseball – Based on the English game of rounders, it was Alexander Cartwright who, with members of NYC’s Knickerbocker Baseball Club, first came up with the modern version by designing the diamond-shaped field and the first set of rules in 1845.
• Basketball – Invented in 1891 by Canadian phys-ed teacher James Naismith while working at the Springfield, Massachusetts YMCA. Remembering a childhood game called ‘duck-on-a-rock’, he developed a set of 13 rules that gave origin to the game of basketball.
• Football – Derived from the English game of rugby, the rules were devised by Yale U coach Walter Camp in 1879 (the ‘Father of American Football’). The 1st pro player was ‘Pudge’ Heffelfinger who signed a $500-contract to play for the Allegheny Athletic Association in 1892.
• Hockey – Early 1800s paintings show ‘shinney’ being played on frozen ponds in Nova Scotia. Canadian James George Creighton is believed to have organized the game in 1875 and helped to popularize it. The first recorded indoor hockey match took place in Montréal that same year.


‘Humble’ people are more likely to offer a helping hand to someone in need than ‘arrogant’ people, according to new findings by University of Maine researchers. In nearly 30 years of research on helping behavior, it’s one of the few studies to have shown any effect based on personality. The only other personality trait that has shown any effect is ‘agreeableness’, but the new research finds humility to be an even more important predictor.


• ‘Self-Serve Policing’ … what a concept! Starting today in Dallas, Texas cops will no longer respond when a retailer catches a suspected shoplifter who’s stolen less than $50 in merchandise. The retailer is now responsible to call in the suspect’s ID info so the perp can be checked for outstanding warrants; then the retailer is required to complete the paperwork themselves and mail it directly to prosecutors.
– “Dallas Morning News”
• “Dispatch: We have a vehicular accident at the intersection of frozen foods and laundry products …” Cops in Barrie, Ontario responded to a 9-1-1 call from a grocery store shopper who claimed to be in distress because … a woman had accidently run over his foot with a shopping cart. While the woman promptly apologized, the uninjured man demanded that an officer speak with her. Instead, he was admonished for calling 9-1-1 with a less than life-or-death emergency.
• “Put down that lollipop and come out with your hands up!” The public library in Charlton, Massachusetts actually called the cops and sent them out to retrieve 2 overdue books from … a 5-year-old girl. Thankfully, the police officers didn’t ‘throw the book’ at little Hailey Benoit but her mother says the frightened child was panicked and asked if they were going to arrest her and put her in jail.


Employee burnout is responsible for 10 million sick days a year in Germany. Part of the reason is that 88% of German workers can be reached by clients, colleagues, or employers outside of regular work hours via mobile technology. Automaker Volkswagen is finally doing something about that, introducing a new rule limiting corporate emails to its employees to regular work hours and 30 minutes either side. The new policy is the result of negotiations between the company and its labor representatives. It doesn’t, however, apply to executives.
– “New York Times”


New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Blow-Dry Bars’ – The latest luxury grooming craze, these are drop-in places to have a quickie salon-style wash and blow-dry. Said to be popular with working professionals heading to early morning meetings, and with the after-work crowd going out for drinks and/or dinner.
• ‘Small-Plate Foods’ – National Restaurant Association says these are a growing trend, particularly in the dessert category. These are ‘bite-size’ or ‘mini-size’ versions of home-style desserts that could fit in your palm … so you can indulge in a treat without porking on pounds.
• ‘Whalefall’ – A whale carcass that has fallen to the ocean floor and now supports a wide variety of marine organisms. We’re unlikely to see this portrayed in the comic strip “Sherman’s Lagoon”.


• Pieces of space junk, whether derelict spacecraft, rocket bodies, or other mission by-products, fall from orbit more or less on a daily basis.
– “Scientific American”
• January was established as the 1st month of the year by the Romans. It’s named after the mythical god ‘Janus’, a 2-faced figure who could simultaneously look forward to the new year and backwards to the old.


1931 [81] Robert Duvall, San Diego CA, movie actor (“Crazy Heart”, 1984 Oscar-“Tender Mercies”)

1942 [70] Charlie Rose, Henderson NC, TV journalist (“Charlie Rose” since 1991, “60  Minutes” 1999-2005)

1946 [66] Diane Keaton (Hall), LA CA, movie actress (“The Family Stone”, 1978 Oscar-“Annie Hall”)

1969 [43] Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner), Canton OH, shock-rock musician (“Personal Jesus”, “The Dope Show”)

1970 [42] Rick Campanelli, Hamilton ON, TV personality (“ET Canada” since 2005, MuchMusic 1996-2005)

1975 [37] Bradley Cooper, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“The Hangover” films, “The A-Team”)

1978 [34] January Jones, Sioux Falls SD, TV actress (‘Betty Draper’ on “Mad Men” since 2007)/movie actress (“We Are Marshall”, “Love Actually”)


• “Bean Day”, although no one seems to know why. If you’re in a rush today, you could mark the occasion by having some plain but honorable baked beans on toast from your favorite tin. Or, to be more adventurous, you could cook up a French cassoulet, or sample some bean burritos.

• “Bird Day”, a salute to our fine feathered friends, one of the greatest wonders of nature.

• “Review Your Wrestling Holds Day”, a day to try to find someone who’ll let you practice all the wrestling holds you learned as a kid … the hammerlock, half-nelson, flying scissors, etc. (Don’t try the sleeper!)

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the unique finds available in vintage clothing stores and thrift shops.

• “Twelfth Night”, the “Eve of Epiphany”. Tomorrow is the “Twelfth Day Of Christmas” when, according to the carol, your true love should give to you ‘12 drummers drumming’.

1998 [14] 1960s pop star-turned-politician Sonny Bono (Sonny & Cher) is killed at age 62 when he skis into a tree at South Lake Tahoe, California


1980 [32] Sugarhill Gang’s “Rapper’s Delight” becomes hip-hop’s first Top 40 hit  BS FACTOID: The group is one of several acts currently suing Universal Music Group over alleged unpaid royalties.


1940 [72] Edwin Armstrong demonstrates his new invention … ‘FM Radio’ (thanks for the gig, dude!)


1975 [37] World’s oldest parrot, ‘Jimmy’, dies in England at the age of 104

1987 [25] Tony Ferko sets a new world record by juggling 7 ping-pong balls … with his mouth


[Fri] “The Devil Inside” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Carnival Season begins
[Fri] Show & Tell Day at Work
[Sat] I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore Day
[Sun] Bubble Bath Day
[Sun] Midwives Day
This Week Is … Women’s Self Empowerment Week
This Month Is … Financial Wellness Month


• More people saying, “Hey, you forgot to take the hanger out of your coat.”
• Sales of “I’m With Stupid” T-shirts are now surpassed by sales of “I Am Stupid” T-shirts.
• 82% of us now say that we get our news from a pet.
• Leading cause of death is now forgetting to let go of bowling balls.
• Big upsurge in the number of babies being named ‘Critter’.

I slit my throat on the cutting edge of technology.

• Whyzit we spell the names of planets with a capital, but most of the time spell ‘Earth’ with a lower case ‘e’?
• Whyzit people who know the least know it the loudest?
• Whyzit you ‘fill in’ a form by ‘filling it out’ and an alarm clock ‘goes off’ by ‘going on’?
• Whyzit  the things most people want to know about are usually none of their business?
• Whyzit there is no canned broccoli?

What’s the strangest nickname you’ve heard for someone’s ‘special parts’?

Question: A survey shows that two-thirds of THESE have secretly been deposited in the trash.
Answer: ‘Secret Santa’ gifts.

One of the privileges of getting older is to tell stories that nobody believes and give advice that nobody follows.

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