Friday, January 6, 2012        Edition: #4663

Sweet Sheet!

This weekend Michelle Williams (“My Week With Marilyn”) receives the ‘Desert Palm Achievement Actress Award’ at California’s “Palm Springs International Film Festival” (for an actress who didn’t totally embarrass herself in a truly awful film?) . . . “Us Weekly” reports that actor-singer Justin Timberlake has quietly become engaged to actress-girlfriend Jessica Biel over the holidays while the couple was on a skiing vacation (at age 30, the groupies are drying up) . . . Donald Trump has announced the next cast for “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC), which includes the usual number of (obscure) musical names: Clay Aiken (“American Idol” 2003), Dee Snider (Twisted Sister), and 1980s pop star Debbie Gibson (new season premieres February 12th) . . . In a new interview with “Harper’s Bazaar”, actress Demi Moore acknowledges she is now “extremely thin” in a way that causes people to tell her she doesn’t look good (it’s simple, hon’ – eat something!) . . . Also scary-skinny these days is “Jersey Shore” star Snookie, who’s shown off her massive weight-loss in a segment for TV’s “Extra” (damn, no more fat midget jokes!) . . . Word has it Universal Studios is considering a sequel to its mega-hit movie comedy “Bridesmaids”, but without actress Kristen Wiig (duh, as co-writer & star she made the movie!) . . . Movie actor James Franco is set to publish his first novel, which will be loosely based on his life (the only good chapter will be the one on how died inside while hosting the Academy Awards) . . . Once-famous person Paris Hilton is still a rich person, telling UK’s “FHM” magazine that her fragrances alone have produced more than $1.3 billion in revenue since 2005 (ladies, have some self-respect!) . . . Seems Drew Carey is calling in a few favors this week, convincing Jenny McCarthy, Snoop Dogg, and even Neil Patrick Harris to appear on his cheesy TV game show “The Price Is Right” (the price is never right for a TV guest appearance) . . . And movie actor Daniel Craig has finally made his first public appearance with new actress-wife Rachel Weisz at this week’s Spanish premiere of his new film “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (wow, they finally came up for air!).

• “Dateline NBC” (NBC) – Sunday Jennifer Hudson discusses her new book, “I Got This: How I Changed My Ways and Lost What Weighed Me Down” (out January 10th).
• “The Firm” (NBC) – Sunday the 2-hour series premiere of a new drama that picks up the story of attorney ‘Mitchell McDeere’ 10 years after the hit movie (1993). Based on the best-selling John Grisham novel.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Boyz II Men (“Twenty”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Frightened Rabbit (“The Winter of Mixed Drinks”); J Cole (“Cole World: The Sideline Story”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Wild Flag (“Wild Flag”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Blind Pilot (“We Are the Tide”).
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Former NBA star Charles Barkley hosts; musical guest Kelly Clarkson (“Stronger”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Justin Bieber (“Under the Mistletoe”); Mary J Blige (“My Life II: The Journey Continues”).


• Adele – Her album “21” is back at #1 on the sales chart, marking its 14th non-consecutive week at the top. That’s the most since the “Titanic” soundtrack held that spot for 16 weeks in 1998.
• The Band Perry – Tonight they perform the anthem prior to the “AT&T Cotton Bowl” at Cowboys Stadium in Dallas, Texas (FOX).
• Carrie Underwood – She’s just made another series of donations totaling some $350,000 to schools in her hometown of Checotah, Oklahoma through her CATS Foundation.
• Death Cab for Cutie – Newly single actress-singer Zooey Deschanel (“New Girl”) has now officially filed for divorce from frontman Ben Gibbard. Her income & expense declaration reveals she spends $500-a-month on takeout food. How on Earth does she stay so slim?
• Katy Perry – The claws are coming out in the run-up to her divorce. An insider tells “Us Weekly” that estranged hubby Russell Brand once told her she wasn’t funny when she appeared on “Saturday Night Live”. (In his defense, he was just being honest.)
• Lady Antebellum – “Own the Night” is once again the top country album thanks in part to a big discount at the iTunes store, where the album was selling at $6.99.
• Miranda Lambert – “Four The Record” has achieved ‘Gold’ status faster than any of her 3 previous albums. She kicks off her new “On Fire” tour next Thursday in Rockford, Illinois.
• Peter Frampton – The classic rocker has been reunited with his long-lost 1954 Gibson Les Paul guitar, which disappeared after his equipment plane crashed en route to Panama in 1980. A pair of fans helped acquire the guitar along with the Curaçao Tourist Board.
• Taylor Swift – She’s been offered the role of ‘Eponine’ in the upcoming film version of “Les Miserables”, according to It’s not been confirmed whether or not she’s accepted the offer. Filming begins in March, with an expected December 2012 release date.


• “The Devil Inside” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): In Italy, a woman becomes involved in a series of unauthorized exorcisms during her mission to discover what happened to her mother, who allegedly murdered 3 people during her own exorcism. No-name cast.
• “Roadie” ( Limited Release R-Rated Drama ): After 20 years on the road with Blue Oyster Cult, a roadie named ‘Jimmy’ (Ron Eldard) returns to his hometown to live with his ailing mother. Complications arise when he falls for an old friend, who is now married to his longtime nemesis.

France’s top diet guru Pierre Dukan is urging the government to grade students on their weight in a bid to curb growing obesity. In his new book, published yesterday, Dukan suggests that students be awarded extra marks if they manage to maintain an acceptable Body Mass Index during their last 2 years of high school. Dukan says he’s making the suggestion because obesity is a real public health problem that is rarely – if ever – taken into account by politicians. (There’s a presidential election in France in April … will parties offer a ‘Fat Plank’?).
– Agence France-Presse

• Dan Akroyd’s ‘Crystal Head Vodka’ – It’s actually supposed to be pretty good, so $50 a bottle isn’t excessive … but the matching silver cufflinks will set you back a ridiculous 250 bucks.
• Dr Dre & Justin Bieber’s ‘Justbeats Solo’ – You can find headphones of equal quality for half the $249 price of the official Justin Bieber model … and they won’t be in ‘My Little Pony’ purple.
• 50 Cent’s ‘G-Unit Diamond Watch’ – Coming in at just shy of 3 grand, the G-Unit watch is perfect for proving that you’re never too rich to look like a tool.
• ‘KISS Kaskets’ – The dinosaur rockers have slapped their name on seemingly everything but this may be the most embarrassing. Demand one in your will … if you really hate your family.
• Sylvester Stallone’s ‘Montegrappa Pen’ – The Italian company has been successfully making pens since 1912, but Sly’s official pen, ‘Chaos’, is ugly and pretentious … and way overpriced.
• Tico Torres’ ‘Rock Star Baby’ – Bon Jovi’s drummer actually has his own line of baby clothes and accessories that’s just silly expensive. The baby blanket, for example, sells for $169.

• Pet crocodiles in the UK have to be micro chipped.
– BBC News
• The average increase for women electing to have breast augmentation is 2 cup sizes.


1953 [59] Malcolm Young, Glasgow, Scotland, rock guitarist (AC/DC-“Thunderstruck”, “Hard As a Rock”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1955 [57] Rowan Atkinson, Consett UK, movie actor (“Bean”, “Four Weddings & a Funeral”)/former TV comic (“Mr Bean”, “Blackadder”)

1960 [52] Howie Long, Charlestown MA, TV football analyst (“FOX NFL Sunday”)/former NFL DE (Raiders 1981-93)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2000)

1968 [44] John Singleton, LA CA, movie producer/director/screenwriter (“Four Brothers”, “2 Fast 2 Furious”)

“Rolling Stone” publisher Jann Wenner is 66; TV actor David Caruso (“CSI: Miami”) is 56; TV personality Katie Couric (ABC News) is 55; Movie actor Nicolas Cage (“Drive Angry”) is 48; Pop singer John Ondrasik (Five For Fighting) is 47; Movie actor Jeremy Renner (“Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol”) is 41; Country singer John Rich (ex-Big & Rich) is 38; Formula 1 racer Lewis Hamilton is 27.

Classic rock guitarist Robby Krieger (The Doors) is 66; Classic rock singer David Bowie (“Fame”) is 65; R&B singer R Kelly (“Ignition”) is 45; Dancehall-reggae singer Sean Paul (“Baby Boy”) is 39; Movie actress-director Sarah Polley (“Away From Her”) is 33; Hip-hop/rock guitarist Disashi Lumumbo-Kasongo (Gym Class Heroes) is 29.


• “Carnival Season” begins, which runs from today (“Epiphany”) until “Shrove Tuesday” (February 21st).
• “Cuddle Up Day”, an opportunity to snuggle up to someone or something on a cold Winter’s day.
• “Epiphany” (aka “Three Kings Day”), a Christian celebration and public holiday in Spain, Italy, Sweden, and Puerto Rico. In Ireland it’s known as “Little Christmas”. In Italy, the kindly witch ‘La Befana’ slides down chimneys on her broom to bring toys & goodies for kids. In Mexico, where it’s known as “Dia de los Santos Reyes”, kids put straw out and leave shoes on balconies to be filled with toys by ‘Los Tres Reyes’ (The Three Kings) who bring gifts riding camel-back.
• “Show & Tell Day at Work”, a chance for adults to partake in the kindergarten ritual with co-workers. A good day to have your crew each bring in something that makes a unique sound.
• “Smith Day”, celebrating the most-common surname in the English-speaking world.

• “International Programmers Day”, honoring the geeks behind many of today’s technological conveniences, pastimes, and work tools.
• “Orthodox Christmas” in many countries worldwide. Why? Both Eastern Orthodox Churches and Oriental Orthodox Churches use the old Julian calendar. (What a deal … they get to shop for gifts during January sales!)

• “Bubble Bath Day”, so don’t forget to feed the kids beans before their nightly soak!
• “Eat Something Raw Day”, designed to stimulate our interest in consuming fruits and vegetables. (Raw steak, anyone?)
• “Elvis Presley’s Birthday” (1935-77), the 77th anniversary of ‘The King’ being hatched in Tupelo, Mississippi. (Another excuse to roll out more Presley products.)
• “Global No Pants Subway Ride”, the 11th annual public participation event that began in NYC, then spread to subway systems worldwide. This year pranksters are expected to drop trou in at least 45 cities, including Calgary, Chicago, London, Sydney, Toronto, Washington, and Vancouver. What’s the point? Fun!
• “Kim Jong-un’s Birthday”, a public holiday in North Korea celebrating the new leader’s birth in 1984 (his date-of-birth according to intelligence sources).
• “Women’s Day” (or “Midwife’s Day”) in Greece, when women spend the day in cafés while men do housework and look after children. Traditionally, men caught outside are stripped and doused with cold water!

1975 [37] Chuck Woolery hosts & Susan Stafford turns over the letters on the debut of the new TV game show “Wheel Of Fortune” (most-watched game show of all-time)

1989 [23] Pop singer Madonna & actor Sean Penn announce they’re getting a divorce

1993 [19] Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman announces his upcoming departure from the group after 30 years


1952 [60] “Peanuts” by Charles Schulz debuts in newspapers (most successful syndicated comic strip in history)


1980 [32] Philadelphia Flyers set NHL record of 35 consecutive games without a defeat

[Mon] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Mon] Clean Off Your Desk Day
[Tues] Cut Your Energy Costs Day
[Tues] United Nations Day
[Wed] “People’s Choice Awards” (CBS)
This Week Is … Lose Weight/Feel Great Week
This Month Is … Bread Machine Baking Month


• If you eat something but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
• Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package.
• Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower and whipped cream.)
• Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of cooking.
• Chocolate is a universal substitute, and may be used for any other food.
• If you drink a diet soft drink with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soft drink.
• Cookie pieces have no calories. The breaking of the cookies causes the calories to leak out.
• Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast … Sara Lee cheesecake.

• ‘10 Ways to Look Younger’ – “Woman’s Day”
• ‘What Your Hairstyle Says to Men’ – “Glamour”
• ‘The Mommy Tummy Make-over’ – “Redbook”
• ‘Why Am I Still Single?’ – “Ladies’ Home Journal”
• ‘Bet You Didn’t Know This About Deep-Voiced Guys!’ – “Cosmopolitan”

• ‘How to Date Out Of Your League’ – “Men’s Health”
• ‘Aliens That Look Like Genitalia’ – “Maxim”
• ‘Learn to Understand Her Body Language’ –
• ‘The Most Fun You Can Have Below the Equator’ – “Details”
• ‘Introducing Scotch In a Can’ – “Esquire”

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.


Would you rather spend 2 months in jail or serve 2 years of community service?


Question: Fully half of married women say they feel nervous and stressed when they do THIS.
Answer: Drive with their spouse in the car.


The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.

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