Friday, January 7, 2011        Edition: #4420
Bovine Defecation That’s State-Of-the-Art!

88-year-old actress Betty White, who’s seemingly everywhere these days, says she’s going to take a break for awhile before we ‘get sick of her’ (lady, if you take a break now it’s liable to be permanent!) . . . In the latest Lindsay Lohan saga, police now claim she took drugs while in rehab, which LiLo’s attorney denies of course (is it just us or is she reliving her life over & over like “Groundhog Day”?) . . . As if the E! network isn’t already Kardashian-saturated, Khloe Kardashian & NBA player-hubby Lamar Odom have landed their own spinoff reality show, intriguingly titled “Khloe & Lamar” (all of this crap is the fault of the producer – Ryan Seacrest) . . . Sources close to actors Ryan Reynolds & Sandra Bullock are – yet again – insisting the twosome are ‘just friends’ (they protesteth too much?) . . . Jennifer Aniston’s interview of fellow actress Nicole Kidman in the new issue of “Harper’s Bazaar” includes gushy tributes like: “Physically, you are a masterpiece!” (don’t give up your day job – actually, after “The Bounty Hunter”, maybe you should) . . . “Glee” star Lea Michele has recorded a PSA for PETA asking people to boycott those horse-drawn carriages in NYC (she loves horses – same nose) . . . And today’s feel-good story: 53-year-old Ted Williams, the homeless former radio guy with the incredible pipes that became the subject of a viral YouTube video, has been offered a full-time gig doing voice work for the NBA’s Cleveland Cavaliers – and they’re even willing to throw in a free house (goes to show ya – never give up hope, even if you’ve been ‘downsized’ 6 times). NET:

• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Chrissie Hynde (The Pretenders).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Josh Groban (“Illuminations”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Florence & The Machine (“Lungs”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight No Age (“Everything in Between”).
• “Martha Stewart Show” (syndicated) – Today Tim McGraw (“Number One Hits”; the movie ”Country Strong”).
• Palm Springs Film Festival – Saturday prolific actor Robert Duvall is honored with a ‘Career Achievement Award’ for his expansive body of work at the 22nd annual gala in California.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Jim Carrey; musical guest The Black Keys (“Brothers”).

• Amy Winehouse – Saturday through January 15th she’s scheduled to play her first official concerts in 2 years during a brief 4-show tour of Brazil. (If she messes this up, her career is kaput.)
• Christina Aguilera – Up until a couple of days ago, she was reportedly sharing her Beverly Hills CA home with her son, her estranged husband … and her boyfriend. (Awkward!)
• Huey Lewis – He’s said to be the ‘biggest’ man in music … below the belt. At least that’s the claim in the VH1 documentary series “Let’s Spend the Night Together: Confessions of Rock’s Greatest Groupies”. (Apparently Lady Gaga came in second.)
• Lee Greenwood – Today the country veteran performs & hosts an auction at ‘Operation Never Forgotten’, a 5-day event in Big Sky MT that supports awareness, education, and healing programs for US military vets needing assistance.
• Ray Price – Saturday the Country Music Hall of Famer performs his 85th birthday celebration concert in Tyler, Texas.
• Taylor Swift – Word has it actor Jake Gyllenhaal split with her because he was ‘getting sick of the publicity’. (And no longer needed it once he wrapped promotion for his new movie.)

• “Country Strong” ( PG-13 Drama goes into wide release ): Garrett Hedlund (“TRON: Legacy”) plays a rising country-music songwriter who collaborates with a fallen star (Gwyneth Paltrow) to plan her comeback. Tim McGraw plays her husband-manager; Leighton Meester (“Gossip Girl”) plays a beauty queen-turned-singer. Shot in Nashville TN.
• “Season Of the Witch” ( PG-13 Fantasy Adventure ): Nicolas Cage & Ron Perlman play 14th-century knight crusaders who return to their homeland to find it devastated by the Black Plague. The church deems sorcery is the cause and persuades the duo to transport an accused witch (Claire Foy) to a remote abbey, where monks hope that a ritual will end the pestilence.

The annual “Darwin Awards” have been announced, commemorating those who have improved our gene pool … by removing themselves from it. Thus, the awards are generally bestowed  posthumously. Among those receiving citations …
• A disabled man in South Korea who, annoyed that an elevator closed and departed without him, proceeded to ram his wheelchair into the doors not once, not twice, but 3 times … causing them to abruptly open and send him plunging down the now-empty elevator shaft to his death. (Guess he was ‘going down’.)
• A young couple driving on Brazil’s busy Via Dutra freeway, who decided to park their car for ‘dating’ (if you know what we mean) in the right lane during a heavy morning fog. Of course, a huge transport truck came by and ran right over the car, immediately killing both for a ‘Double Darwin’. (Did they feel the Earth move?)
• When one of a pair of hunters slid over the edge of a glacier his partner shouted out, “Are you OK?” Getting an affirmative answer he promptly slid over the edge as well, only to discover his ‘friend’ dangling from the lone tree on the cliff edge. The second hunter shot right past the first … to his doom on the rocks 100 feet below. (Hey, thanks for the advice.)
• Two race car crew members poured 4 gallons of methanol into a 55-gallon barrel, then sat on top of it and … lit it. Apparently they thought the barrel would slide across the parking lot like a rocket sled, creating an exciting thrill ride. Instead, it blew up beneath them and the 2 dummies landed in a Seattle hospital. (No ambulance transport needed!)
– Condensed from

This weekend the world’s largest consumer technology show, “CES ‘11”, is on in Las Vegas. Well over 100,000 visitors will take in thousands of exhibits unveiling the latest electronic gizmos & gadgets.This is the show where many now-common devices were first introduced (Blu-ray in 2004, Xbox in 2001, HDTV in 1998, DVD in 1996). Among this year’s new products: Internet-powered TV applications; Bluetooth-enabled devices for ‘tablets’ (ie: the iPad); advanced 3-D eyewear for TV, mobile devices, and digital signage; and the debut of ‘Autostereoscopic’ … 3-D without the need for special eyeglasses.

Because jobs in China are so hard to come by, women are under increasing pressure to appear thin if they are to have any chance of landing one. That’s apparently why female students have begun eating … roundworm eggs. The eggs hatch in the stomach and feed on body fat, allowing the loss of pounds without exercise or dieting. Medical experts, however, warn that swallowing the worms is extremely dangerous. Other students are buying into a ‘special soap’ product that purportedly helps users slim down. To that end, some are sudsing up in as many as 10 showers per day. (Wouldn’t it take a lot less effort to do a few sit-ups?)

Culled from tens-of-thousands shared online by job-seekers worldwide …
• “If you could be any superhero, who would it be?” – AT&T.
• “You have exactly 3 slices of birthday cake to cut it into 8 equal pieces. How do you do it?” – Investment management firm BlackRock.
• “With numbers ranging from 1-to-1,000, what is the minimum number of guesses needed to find a specific number if you are given the hint ‘higher’ or ‘lower’ for each guess you make?” – Facebook.
• “An apple costs 20 cents, an orange costs 40 cents, and a grapefruit costs 60 cents. How much is a pear?” – Software company Epic Systems.
• “How do you weigh an elephant without using a weigh machine?” – IBM.
• “What would you do if you just inherited a pizzeria from your uncle?” – Volkswagen.

Italy has just become the world’s first country to initiate a nationwide ban on plastic shopping bags. Italian stores formerly used 20 billion of them a year. Only biodegradable versions are now allowed.


1946 [65] Jann Wenner, NYC, magazine publisher (“Rolling Stone”, “Us Weekly”)

1956 [55] David Caruso, Forest Hills NY, TV actor (‘Lieutenant Horatio Caine’ on “CSI: Miami” since 2002, “NYPD Blue” 1993-94)

1957 [54] Katie Couric, Arlington VA, TV news anchor (“The CBS Evening News” since 2007, NBC’s “Today Show” 1991-2007)

1964 [47] Nicolas Cage (Coppola), Long Beach CA, movie actor (“Season Of the Witch”, 1996 Oscar-“Leaving Las Vegas”)/ex-husband of Patricia Arquette & Lisa Marie Presley/movie director Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew

1965 [46] John Ondrasik, LA CA, pop singer (Five For Fighting-“The Riddle”, “100 Years”)

1974 [37] John Rich, Amarillo TX, country singer (Big & Rich-“Lost In this Moment”, ex-Lonestar-“Amazed”)

1985 [26] Lewis Hamilton, Stevenage UK, racing driver (youngest-ever Formula One World Champion)/sometime boyfriend of Nicole Scherzinger (Pussycat Dolls)

Classic rock guitarist Robby Krieger (The Doors) is 65; Classic rock singer David Bowie (“Fame”) is 64; R&B singer R Kelly (“Ignition”) is 44; Dancehall/reggae singer Sean Paul (“Baby Boy”) is 38; Movie actress/director Sarah Polley (“Away From Her”) is 32; Hip-hop/rock guitarist Disashi Lumumbo-Kasongo (Gym Class Heroes) is 28.

TV sportscaster Dick Enberg (CBS) is 76; Classic rock guitarist Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin) is 67; Rock singer Dave Matthews (Dave Matthews Band) is 44; Pop singer AJ McLean (Backstreet Boys) is 33; Kate Middleton (fiancée of Britain’s Prince William) is 29; Rock guitarist Drew Brown (OneRepublic) is 27; Pop singer Paolo Nutini (“New Shoes”) is 24.

• “International Programmers Day”, honoring the geeks behind many of today’s technological conveniences, pastimes, and work tools.
• “Organize Your Home Day”. Even better, have some TV show do it for you!
• “Orthodox Christmas” in many countries worldwide. Why? Both Eastern Orthodox Churches and Oriental Orthodox Churches use the old Julian calendar.
• “Show & Tell Day at Work”, a chance for adults to partake in the kindergarten ritual with co-workers. A good day to have your crew each bring in something that makes a unique sound.

• “Bubble Bath Day”, so don’t forget to feed the kids beans before their nightly soak!
• “Eat Something Raw Day”, designed to stimulate our interest in consuming fruits and vegetables. (Raw steak, anyone?)
• “Elvis Presley’s Birthday” (1935-77), the 76th anniversary of ‘The King’ being hatched in Tupelo MS. (Another excuse to roll out more Presley product.)
• “Fruitcake Toss Day”. Let’s face it, you’re never gonna eat the thing, so this is a fun way to get rid of the Christmas fruitcake no one’s dared to touch. Go for a distance record!
• “Learn to Ski Day”, a day to strap on the old boards and … fall on your ass.
• “Volunteer Firefighters’ Day”, a salute to those part-time heroes who take time out of their busy lives to snuff out infernos … as a hobby.
• “Women’s Day” (or “Midwife’s Day”) in Greece, when women spend the day in cafés while men do housework and look after children. Traditionally, men caught outside are stripped and doused with cold water!

• “Global No Pants Subway Ride”, the 10th annual public participation event that began in NYC, then spread to subway systems worldwide. This year pranksters are expected to drop trou in at least 47 cities, including Calgary, Montréal, Toronto, Vancouver, Chicago, London, Sydney, Washington DC, and Wellington NZ.. What’s the point? Fun!
• “Positively Penguins Day”, to bring attention to the plight of one of the world’s endangered animals. 11-of-18 penguin species are now declining and considered an extinction risk.
• “Static Electricity Day”. (Guess you can count on this being a bad-hair day.)
• “Step-Father’s Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’. (You know … the boyfriend Mommy left Daddy for.)

1958 [53] Gibson patents the famous ‘Flying V’ guitar

1927 [84] Basketball exhibitionists the Harlem Globetrotters play their 1st game (Hinckley IL)

1992 [19] 1st ‘video-telephone’ goes on sale at $1,499 (nowadays you can use web-based Skype or Gmail phone … for free!)

1999 [12] Impeachment proceedings against US President Bill Clinton begin (how’d he end up being a so popular since?)

1964 [47] Pro bowler Dick Weber rolls the highest-ever bowling score … aboard an airliner

[Mon] Cut Your Energy Costs Day
[Mon] Clean Off Your Desk Day
[Mon] Peculiar People Day
[Mon] Coming-of-Age Day
[Wed] “American Idol” season debut (FOX)
[Wed] Pharmacist Day
This Week Is … Bowling Week
This Month Is … Financial Wellness Month


• ‘Detox Your Body with Cleansing Broccoli’ – “Chatelaine”
• ‘The Weird Thing Guys Do on Facebook’ – “Cosmopolitan”
• ‘Dress Sexy Tips to Steal From Kim Kardashian’ – “Glamour”
• ‘The Best Black Pants For Your Body’ – “Woman’s Day”
• ‘The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Getting Gorgeous’ – “Redbook”

• ‘Traits Attractive Women Look For In a Man’ –
• ‘The Girls of Jersey Shore’ – “Maxim”
• ‘Compulsive Shopping Isn’t Just for Girls’ – “Details”
• ‘The 25 Sexiest Women in Rock’ – “GQ”
• ‘Should You Wait to Sleep With Her?” – “Men’s Health”

Tell us the strangest thing that ever happened to you … in 10 words or less.

Those who think they know it all upset those of us who do.

Today’s Question: Office workers admit that printer paper is the #1 thing they take home from the office, and THIS is the second-most-taken item.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Highlighters.

By following the good, you learn to be good.

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