Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Thanks to You, This is “BS” Edition #4900!

Supermodel-turned-TV host Heidi Klum tells “Marie Claire” magazine she has no interest in marrying again after splitting from singer-husband Seal last year (Quote: “Im not angry about anything.” Right.) . . . Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar may give TV another go, considering the role of the mother in a  currently-untitled comedy that chronicles the hijinks parents get into while their kids aren’t home (this is a concept for an entire series?) . . . Even the former show-runner of “Gossip Girl”, Josh Safran (now boss of “Smash”), says he had no idea that the show’s titular blogger would turn out in the finalé to be ‘Dan’ (that’s ‘cause it makes no sense) . . .  Kim Kardashian & boyfriend Kanye West have reportedly bought an $11-million house next to actress Jennifer Aniston in Bel Air, California (there goes the neighborhood!) . . . Guillermo Del Toro (“Hellboy” films) has become the latest to turn down the chance to direct the new Disney “Star Wars” films, claiming he already has ‘too much on his plate’ (BS translation: I’d be a fool to try to follow George Lucas) . . . In a new ‘marijuana-enhanced’ interview with “Rolling Stone” magazine, late night host Jimmy Kimmel says his new direct competition, Jay Leno, hasn’t been a good stand-up in 20 years because ‘he totally sold out’ (ouch, the gloves are off!) . . . Starting in April, US Olympic swimming champ Ryan Lochte will star in a 6-episode reality show for the E! network entitled “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?” (it’s official, they really have run out of ideas) . . . “Anger Management” actor Charlie Sheen has been dating 24-year-old porn star Georgia Jones since October and has already moved her into his LA mansion (TMZ claims he’s taken with her because she only does ‘girl-on-girl’ in films) . . . David R Ellis, the director of 2006 cult movie “Snakes On a Plane”, has unexpectedly died of unknown causes in a Johannesburg, South Africa hotel room at age 60 while working on a new movie (“Smack On a Vein” perhaps?) . . . And girlfriend Eva Mendes was unavailable so movie star Ryan Gosling showed up at this week’s premiere of “Gangster Squad”(opening this Friday) with his mom, who admits she was wearing Eva’s clothes (Oedipus had nothing on Ryan).

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – The Saturdays (“On Your Radar”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Imagine Dragons (“Night Visions”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Brad Paisley (“This is Country Music”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – fun. (“Some Nights”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ray Wylie Hubbard (“Grifter’s Hymnal”).
• “People’s Choice Awards” (CBS) – Live from LA’s Nokia Theater, the annual fan-voted honors for movies, music, and TV. Adam Levine (Maroon 5) leads overall nominations with 6. Christina Aguilera receives the ‘People’s Voice Award’ in recognition of her career achievements.
• “Stars in Danger: The High Dive” (FOX) – Following an intense training course, 9 celebrities (the likes of “Jersey Shore’s” Jwoww and former NFLer Terrell Owens) compete in a series of Olympic-style dives.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Alicia Keys (“Girl on Fire”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (“Rattle Them Bones”).

• Christina Aguilera – Shakira and Usher are only scheduled to be temporary judges for the 4th season of “The Voice”, but an NBC-TV exec says he’d like to see both return in future seasons. This may be why: Aguilera reportedly makes $225,000 per show, 3 times her fellow judges.
• David Bowie – This week he’s released the single “Where Are We Now?”, his first new music for a decade, to coincide with his 66th birthday. A new album, “The Next Day”, will follow in March.
• Mariah Carey – She tells ABC News she hired increased security following what she describes as ‘threats’ against her from fellow “American Idol” judge Nicki Minaj. Be assured this is all to hype the show’s new season which starts a week today.
• Morrissey – Tonight his rescheduled North American tour begins in Greenvale NY. The trek was postponed so the veteran Brit rocker could return home to be with his ailing mother.
• One Direction – They’ve signed a lucrative deal to ‘stick together’ for at least 3 more years, in what appears to be a move by their record label to thwart any thoughts of solo careers. In 3 years we’ll be saying, “One who?”
• Rolling Stones – 65-year-old Ronnie Wood and his 34-year-old new wife Sally Humphreys made their first public appearance as a married couple this week at a party hosted by fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger in London to mark the launch of a new menswear collection.
• Spice Girls – Victoria Beckham has decided against a new album and tour, leaving Geri Halliwell incensed. The two are said to no longer be on speaking terms after the former Posh Spice rejected the idea of a ‘final fling’ for the girl group.
• Taylor Swift – She has reportedly split with One Direction singer Harry Styles after 65 days, apparently due to a blow-up during their new year vacation in the British Virgin Islands. Get ready for another catchy breakup single!

Engineers at Japan’s Fukuoka Institute of Technology are developing a ‘Safe Driving Promotion System’ that warns drivers about what kind of crash could ensue if they don’t slow down. The system uses radar, ultrasound sonar, and laser sensors to calculate a vehicle’s current kinetic energy. It also checks the distance to the vehicle in front and keeps watch on its brake lights. An onboard app that has learned the driver’s reaction time then computes the likelihood of collision and – if the driver’s speed is risky – predicts the scale of damage that could result. (“So long, bunky. You die if you crash right now!”)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 71% of us eavesdrop.
• 70% of men shop for clothes on their own.
• 60% of pet owners have used a computer password that contains their pet’s name.
• 33% of dog owners buy their pets toothpaste, even though they know it’s meant for people.
• 25% of guys admit they’re inclined to break something when they have a bad day.
• 23% of women admit they talk to themselves in the mirror while getting ready for a night out.

It’s a classic exercise at the start of a new year … we reflect back on just how much we have changed. We may tell ourselves we are more mature, more patient, less impulsive. But when it comes to projecting forward and imagining our future selves, most of us doubt that we will change much. We believe we’ll always have the same personality traits, values, best friends and favorite things. A new study by psychologists at Harvard and University of Virginia finds that we routinely underestimate the amount we will change over the next 10 years. We seem to suffer from the delusion that the person we’ve become is the real and final version. Researchers call this the ‘End of History Illusion’. (Later followed by ‘End of Life Delusion’.)
– “Boston Globe”

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Janopause’ – Abstaining from alcohol for the month of January after the excesses of the holiday season. (“I’m doing a Janopause detox … only beer before breakfast.”).
✓ ‘Misophonia’ – An extreme intolerance or hatred for certain sounds, ie: people eating, gum chewing, footsteps, humming. (“Could it be I’m suffering misophonia? Every time my wife speaks it puts me on edge.”)
✓ ‘Musical Ear Syndrome’ – Vivid audio hallucinations in which one hears the same few songs in a constant loop as if they are being played in the room. The condition is rare, affecting just 1-in-10,000 people over age 65. (One sufferer in England suffers from MES so badly she has to fire up the vacuum cleaner to stop the music in her head.)

The new ‘Yeti 150 Solar Charger’ by Goal Zero is an electrical beast! it includes AC, 12V, and USB recharging ports, which should cover just about any gadget you own. And here’s the really good part … the gizmo gets its energy from the Sun. Goal Zero claims it should be completely juiced after just 15 hours of being connected to its attachable solar panel. 400 bucks may seem steep for a charger, but in case of an emergency this one will keep you jacked into the grid when you need it most. One drawback – it weighs in at a cumbersome 12 lbs or 5.4 kg. (Not something you’re going to tote around in a shirt pocket.)

A poll from Ipsos/Reuters finds that about 1-in-5 workers around-the-globe frequently telecommutes (works at home using electronics), a practice especially common in the Middle East, Latin America, and Asia.


1944 [69] Jimmy Page, Heston UK, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”, “Whole Lotta Love”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1992-Yardbirds, 1995-Led Zeppelin)

1967 [46] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg, South Africa, alt-rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“Where Are You Going”, “The Space Between”)/Farm Aid Board of Directors

1978 [35] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You To Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)

1982 [31] Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton), Reading UK, wife of Britain’s Prince William

1984 [29] Drew Brown, Boulder CO, rock guitarist (OneRepublic-“Apologize”, “Stop & Stare”)

1989 [24] Nina Dobrev, Sofia, Bulgaria (raised Toronto ON), TV actress (‘Elena Gilbert’/’Katherine Pierce’ on “The Vampire Diaries” since 2009, “Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2006-09)

• “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were the Big Guy/Big Gal for a day?

• “Static Electricity Day”. Guess you can count on this being a bad-hair day.

• “Step-Fathers Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’. You know … that boyfriend Mommy left Daddy for.

1951 [62] 1st ‘X-Rated Film’ premieres, in London UK (“La Vie Commence Demain”)

2005 [08] In celebration of his 70th anniversary, Elvis Presley’s “Jailhouse Rock” is re-released in the UK (the first of several reissued Elvis hits that reach #1 in Britain)

2007 [06] Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveils the iPhone at the Macworld convention in San Francisco CA (within days, people quit looking up)

1975 [38] ‘Longest Continuous Yodel’ is recorded, lasting 5 hours and 3 minutes (“Stop that incessant caterwauling! Stop it … now!!!”)

[Thurs] Cut Your Energy Costs Day
[Fri] Human Trafficking Awareness Day
[Sat] “Miss America Pageant” (ABC)
[Sun] “Girls” season debut (HBO)
[Sun] “70th Golden Globe Awards” (NBC)
[Sun] No Pants Subway Ride
This Week Is …Women’s Self-Empowerment Week
This Month Is … Financial Wellness Month


• Oprah raking leaves and yelling.
• Oprah crushing a beer can on her face.
• Hologram of Oprah punching a wall.
• Oprah freaking out from stress.
• Oprah destroying Oprah clones with a flamethrower.
• No Oprah … until you look a little harder and realize she’s hiding behind a tree.
• Oprah in your bedroom, staring at you while you sleep.
• Oprah wearing a nice sweater.
– Thanks to Michael Balazo

Which of their husbands’ physical features do most wives say they’d like to change?
a. Weight. [CORRECT. 32% of those surveyed.]
b. Lack of style. [22%]
c. Lack of hair. [11%]
d. Height. [9%]
– “McCall’s”

I know everything about everything … except that.

☎ What always seems to last too long? What never seems to last long enough?

Question: Today there are 1.4 billion of THESE in the world.
Answer: Students.

We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.

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