January 9, 2014

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Thursday, January 9, 2014    Edition #5134

You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

★ Actor Jake Gyllenhaal has ended his relationship with model Alyssa Miller after less than 6 months of dating. He first became linked to the “Sports Illustrated” beauty in June after they met in NYC. Gyllenhaal, who’s been filming new movie “Nightcrawler” in LA since October, has previously dated Taylor Swift, Reese Witherspoon, and another “Sports Illustrated” stunner, model Emily DiDonato. According to one report, the latest romance actually fizzled out before Christmas.
– “Us Weekly”
★ TV sensation Alana ‘Honey Boo Boo’ Thompson and her parents are recovering after a car crash earlier this week. The family SUV was side-swiped by another vehicle as they passed through a traffic light in their hometown of McIntyre, Georgia. Honey Boo Boo, her mother June, and sisters Pumpkin and Jessica were all passengers in the car driven by father Mike ‘Sugar Bear’ Thompson. Reports suggest the family members were all hospitalized but seem to be OK.
– TMZ.com
★ Neil Young reportedly told off an audience in NYC this week after they began clapping along during his performance. The singer-songwriter was performing at Carnegie Hall Monday night as part of 4 dates he’s doing at the venue this week. The 68-year-old chastised his audience for talking between songs, then reportedly shouted ‘’Wrong!’‘ at the audience as they began clapping in time to his protest song “Ohio”, written in reaction to the 1970 Kent State shootings.
– “New York Times”
★ And Lindsay Lohan is offering  a reward for her stolen laptop which apparently contains some revealing and risqué images. The 27-year-old pseudo-actress claims her laptop was stolen from an airport in China on Tuesday and she’s issued an appeal for its safe return. She was in China to receive a Sohu Fashion Achievement Award on Monday night. Could there actually be images of something on the computer that we haven’t already seen … 12 times?
– @MailOnline

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Lord Huron (“Lonesome Dreams”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Los Angeles-based indie rock band NO. Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“Give The People What They Want”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Will Hoge (“Never Give In”).
• “Parks & Recreation” (NBC) – Amy Poehler, Rashida Jones, and Aziz Ansari return in the Season 6 premiere.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Vince Gill w/Paul Franklin (“Bakersfield”).

• The Beatles – The luxury 6-bedroom English country house in Surrey that was home to John Lennon & first wife Cynthia is now on the market. It’s where Lennon wrote some of the tracks for the iconic 1967 album “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club”. John paid $32,000 in 1964. Today’s asking price? $22.5 million. (You’ll need a little help from your friends.)
• Brad Paisley – Tonight his “Beat This Winter Tour” gets underway in Greenville SC. It runs through March 1st in Charleston WV. Special guests on the final leg of the tour are Chris Young and Danielle Bradbery.
• Florida Georgia Line – “Cruise” is now the top-selling digital country song of all-time with a total of 6.33 million downloads, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• Keith Urban – Tonight the 3rd and final leg to his “Light the Fuse Tour” kicks off in Grand Rapids MI. Opening acts are Little Big Town and Dustin Lynch (Brett Eldredge on Canadian dates).
• Ke$ha – Still no word on the exact eating disorder that’s caused her to book into a Chicago-area rehab to seek treatment. What we do know is she’ll be out of commission for at least 30 days. She’s next scheduled to perform in Dubai UAE February 13th as part of her “Warrior” tour.
• Tupac Shakur – The late rapper auditioned for a starring role in “Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace” just before his death in 1996. Death Row Records engineer Rick Clifford reveals Shakur told him he was up for the iconic role eventually filled by Samuel L Jackson.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Ant-Man” – Paul Rudd has reportedly landed the title role in Edgar Wright’s upcoming superhero film, playing ‘Hank Pym’, a scientist who comes up with a way to shrink in size and to communicate with insects. “Ant-Man” will be the first film in Marvel’s so-called ‘Phase Three’ of superhero movies, coming to theatres July 31, 2015.
• “Blackbird” – Mo’Nique has taken on her first movie role since winning a ‘Best Supporting Actress’ Oscar for the 2009 film “Precious”. The 46-year-old will star alongside former “Grey’s Anatomy” actor Isaiah Washington in this gripping drama about a teenage boy whose announcement that he’s gay rocks his small, religiously conservative Mississippi town.
• “Guardians Of the Galaxy” – After months of speculation, it’s been officially announced that Vin Diesel will voice the part of ‘Groot’. The film follows the adventures of a  ragtag group of space warriors, including Chris Pratt as ‘Star-Lord’, Zoe Saldana (‘Gamora’), Bradley Cooper (‘Rocket Raccoon’), and Benicio Del Toro (‘The Collector’). It hits theatres this August 1st.
• “Midnight Rider” – William Hurt has been tapped to play Allman Brothers Band rocker Gregg Allman in this biopic that’s scheduled to begin shooting in February. Tyson Ritter, lead singer of the All American Rejects, is playing the young Gregg. The film is based on Allman’s biography, “My Cross To Bear”, and focuses on his early struggles with drug and alcohol abuse.
• Nigella Lawson biopic –  Angelina Jolie is reportedly being lined up to star as the TV chef who’s made news lately due to her high living … literally. Nigella has had a turbulent year, divorcing her wealthy husband Charles Saatchi after photos emerged of him with his hands around her neck. Another episode of her new show, “The Taste” airs tonight on ABC-TV.

According to the new Global Retirement Index 2014 …
5. Spain
4. Costa Rica
3. Malaysia
2. Ecuador
1. Panama
– InternationalLiving.com

Just a few days into 2014, a new baby name trend has emerged: The letter ‘y’. According to a baby name blog, many of the first baby names of the New Year have that common theme. Among them: Adilyn, Brooklyn, Emery, Layla, Lily, Maya, Naythyn, and Rylee. Another common thread with many of the names is the ‘in’ or ‘yn’ sound, as in the aforementioned Adilyn, Brooklyn, Naythyn, as well as other list-makers like Devin, Korbin, and Tenzin. (A lot of these kids are in for a lifetime of name-spelling corrections.)
– NameCandy.com

How many have you reached?
When Your Kid Throws Up
When Your Kid Has a Tantrum in Public
When You Have to Change a Diaper without a Changing Table
When You Have to Nurse in Public
When You Have to Rush Your Kid to the Hospital
When Your Kid has an On-the-Go ‘Blowout’
When Your Kid Says Something Totally Inappropriate and Embarrassing
When You Lose Your Kid
When Your Kid Says They Hate You
– iVillage.ca

A recent study says more couples will file for divorce this week than any other time of the year. As many as 1-in-5 couples will inquire about divorce after the enforced intimacy of the holiday season has pushed many marriages to the breaking point. One divorce lawyer suggests the peak parting time coincides with the 2nd week of January because parents want to get their children settled back in school before they take active steps to end their marriage. (Or maybe it’s just one more New Year’s resolution?)
– Reuters.com

• Kraft Foods says we may be facing a shortage of … Velveeta cheese. Kraft hasn’t given any specific reason for the scarcity of the 86-year-old product, but speculates ‘seasonal demand’ (huh?) may be a factor. Observers note that if there’s one cheese product on the planet that should never run out it’s Velveeta, as you can keep it on the shelf indefinitely. (Perhaps the annual harvest of ‘processed cheese product’ was less than bountiful?)
– “Advertising Age”
• A Chinese man has yawned so hard … his lung collapsed. 26-year-old Mr Ou of Wuhan allegedly ripped a hole in his organ after stretching his arms up, opening his mouth wide, and inhaling. The diagnosis is that he suffered what’s called ‘spontaneous pneumothorax’, which is when air becomes trapped next to a lung. The hospital doctor who treated him says thin men aged 18-to-30 are most susceptible to the condition. (Great, something else to worry about.)
– “NY Daily News”

Just over a week into the new year and many of us are struggling to maintain our resolutions. Professional Organizers of Canada (POC) suggests these tips for reaching your goals …
✓ Write It – Harvard University studies show goals are 10 times more likely to happen when they are written down.
✓ Narrow It – Odds of success will increase if you don’t set too many goals. Set one and focus on achieving it.
✓ Share It – Partner up with a resolution buddy and have a set time to check up on each other monthly and quarterly.
✓ Quantify It – Putting a number to it makes a resolution measurable, ie: “I will take 15 minutes-a-day for myself”; “I will run 10K by x-date”; “I will clear clutter 15 minutes-a-day”.
✓ Enjoy It – Make sure that your resolution is not only achievable, but that you’ll have a good time getting there.
– HuffingtonPost.ca

• BPI figures show that vinyl album sales for 2013 were the highest since 1997.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• In China, ‘Sherlock Holmes’ and ‘Dr Watson’ are known as ‘Curly Fu’ and ‘Peanut’. (“Elementary, dear Peanut.”)
– BBC Magazine Monitor


1944 [70] Jimmy Page, Heston UK, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”, “Whole Lotta Love”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1992-Yardbirds, 1995-Led Zeppelin)

1967 [47] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg, South Africa, alt-rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“Where Are You Going”, “The Space Between”)/Farm Aid Board of Directors

1978 [36] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, former boy-band pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You to Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)

1982 [32] Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton), Reading UK, wife of Britain’s Prince William/mother of Prince George

1984 [30] Drew Brown, Boulder CO, pop guitarist (OneRepublic-“Apologize”, “Stop & Stare”)

1989 [25] Nina Dobrev, Sofia, Bulgaria (raised Toronto ON), TV actress (‘Elena Gilbert’ on “The Vampire Diaries” since 2009, “Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2006-09)

• “Organize Your Home Day”, a day make sure there’s a place for everything and to then put everything in its place. The first step to organizing is to unclutter. (Or get a Home & Garden Channel TV show to do it for you.)

• “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were the Big Guy/Big Gal for a day?

• “Static Electricity Day”. Guess you can count on this being a bad-hair day.

• “Step-Fathers Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’. You know … that boyfriend that Mommy left Daddy for.

1951 [63] 1st ‘X-Rated Film’ premieres, in London UK (“La Vie Commence Demain”)

2005 [09] In celebration of his 70th anniversary, Elvis Presley’s “Jailhouse Rock” is re-released in the UK (the first of several reissued Elvis hits that reach #1 in Britain)

2007 [07] Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveils the iPhone at the Macworld convention in San Francisco CA (within days, people quit looking up)

1972 [42] 24-year-old Kareem Abdul-Jabbar leads Milwaukee Bucks to a 120-104 victory over Wilt Chamberlain and LA Lakers, finishing the Lakers’ NBA record 33-game winning streak

1975 [39] ‘Longest Continuous Yodel’ is recorded, lasting 5 hours and 3 minutes (“Stop that incessant caterwauling! Stop it … now!!!”)

[Fri] “The Legend of Hercules” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] “Enlisted” debuts (FOX)
[Fri] Cut Your Energy Costs Day
[Sat] Human Trafficking Awareness Day
[Sat] Fruitcake Toss Day
[Sun] “Golden Globe Awards” (NBC)
This Week Is …Women’s Self-Empowerment Week
This Month Is … Financial Wellness Month


• Green Bay Packers fans had to use ice scrapers on their faces to get the tears off.
• People you don’t even know wanna snuggle.
• You’ve had to chisel your dog off a hydrant.
• Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
• Florida State coach suffered a concussion when hit with a block of Gatorade.
• Whenever cops tell a robber to freeze … he does.
• Once a week you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
• Lawyers are keeping their hands in their own pockets.
• Honey Boo Boo has actually been wearing shoes.
• Every morning you’ve had to jump start your spouse.

One of the following is pure BS, but which one?
1. Cats can smell mice from over half-a-mile away. [BS]
2. Cats have over 100 vocal sounds while dogs only have about 10. [True]
3. Cat urine glows under a black light. [True]

Women look for ‘Mr Right’. Men look for ‘Ms Right NOW’.

☎ If you named your children after where they where conceived what would they be called? (Paris? Motel 6? Back of the Bus? Park Bench?)

Question: About half of men admit they’ve made a fool of themselves trying to do THIS.
Answer: Open a bottle of wine or champagne.

Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately it kills all its students.

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