Monday, January 9, 2017 – Edition #5885

You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

★ Martin Scorsese’s Frank Sinatra biopic has officially been scrapped as the long-gestating project failed to gain the backing of the surviving Sinatra family members. The inclusion of some darker aspects of Sinatra’s life in the screenplay seems to be what got the family riled. Scorsese says: “Certain things are very difficult for a family, and I totally understand. But, if they expect me to be doing it, they can’t hold back certain things.” Before the movie was axed, Leonardo DiCaprio was rumored to be in the running to play Ol’ Blue Eyes.
★ 32-year-old Prince Harry and 35-year-old “Suits” actress Meghan Markle have spent their first holiday together … in Norway. Reports say they recently traveled to Tromsø, Norway where they enjoyed whale-watching, sunsets in the snow, and watched the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights’), which are at their best this time of year. An inside source says: “It wasn’t an obvious choice like a glitzy beach resort or tropical island. [Harry] put a lot of thought into it and wanted to make it as romantic and special as possible.” (Frostbite is so attractive, after all.)
– “The Sun”
★ It appears Carrie Fisher’s final resting place is … a giant Prozac capsule. A photo tweeted from Friday’s private memorial service for Fisher and her mother, Debbie Reynolds, shows Fisher’s brother carrying what appears to be a cremation urn in the shape of the popular antidepressant. Todd Fisher spoke to reporters afterward, explaining the choice of urn: “[Her] favorite possession was a giant Prozac pill that she bought many years ago. She loved it, and it was in her house, and Billie and I felt it was where she’d want to be.”
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ And Barrack & Michelle Obama’s farewell party at the White House in Washington DC Friday night was insanely star-studded. One observer says the event had “as much star power as a Hollywood Awards ceremony”. Among those in attendance: Bradley Cooper, Chris Rock, David Letterman, George & Amal Clooney, George Lucas, John Legend & Chrissy Teigen, Lorne Michaels, Meryl Streep, Nick Jonas, Paul McCartney, Robert DeNiro, Samuel L Jackson, Steven Spielberg, Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson, and Tyler Perry. (Almost as good a turn-out as the Golden Globes last night.)
– ABC News

• “Harry” (syndicated) – Ro James (“Eldorado”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Foy Vance (“The Wild Swan”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Explosions In the Sky (“The Wilderness”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Billy Joel (“Opus Collection”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Guest co-host Mel B (ex-Spice Girls).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kacey Musgraves (“Pageant Material”). Rerun.

• Black Eyed Peas – has teased that he is working on an “exciting” new Peas project. He says he’s gearing up for the group’s musical comeback, following a hiatus that’s lasted since 2011.
• Blake Shelton – He’s announced he’s expanding his Ole Red entertainment complex to Nashville TN (opening 2018) as well as in his current hometown of Tishomingo OK (opening later this year). A rep says: “What this is about is building a lifestyle brand.”
• The Chainsmokers – They’ve signed an exclusive 3-year agreement with Wynn Nightlife for a Las Vegas residency. The hit-making duo will only perform at Wynn’s XS and Encore Beach Clubs in Vegas until 2019.
• Chris Brown – You know your career’s tanking when … you’re boxing with has-been hitmaker Soulja Boy in a pay-per-view match in Las Vegas NV. Soulja Boy is being trained by none other than former world champ Floyd Mayweather. The 3-round bout is set to take place in March.
• Ed Sheeran – He’s released a pair of new singles, “Shape Of You” and “Castle On The Hill”, thought to be from a new album that is rumored to be called “÷” (“Divide”). His past albums have been titled “x” and “+”.
• Prince – A new inventory of his assets reveals he had more than $836,000-worth of gold bars stashed away (a total of 67 10-ounce bars). In addition to the gold, there’s still a lot of estate left to assign value to, including circa 18 vehicles, musical instruments, jewelry, and home furnishings.
• Zac Brown – He’s receiving the ‘CRS 2017 Artist Humanitarian Award’ at the Country Radio Broadcasters annual conference in Nashville TN on February 22nd. Founded in 1990, the honor is presented annually to musicians who use their careers to serve others in need and contribute to the greater good.

Today, January 9th, is the day your partner is purportedly most likely to cheat on you! Turns out that 71% of affairs happening through an extramarital dating website start in January, with the 9th of January being by far the most popular day to sign up. Apparently you’re most likely to cheat when you’re age 39 and more likely to be cheated on if your dad cheated on your mom. These stats are courtesy of Gleeden, a dating site for married people that’s kind of like Ashley Madison, except Gleeden is run entirely by women. 52% of members are said to join in an attempt to “regain their freedom”. With over 3 million members, it claims to the #1 dating site for married people (aka cheaters).
– “Daily Mail”

Keurig, the maker of single-cup coffee machines (that are the cause of landfills worldwide filling up with plastic pods), is teaming up with beer giant Anheuser-Busch InBev to build … an at-home booze-maker. The companies hope to create a product that’s capable of whipping up beer, cocktails, and spirits. Vermont-based Keurig Green Mountain has tried to grow beyond coffee-makers before, but its ‘Keurig Kold’ at-home soda makers sold poorly and were discontinued in June after less than a year on the market. Keurig says it will use technology from the ‘Kold’ machine to develop the alcohol maker. (Instant booze … what could possibly go wrong?)
– AP

‘Koala’, ‘Quail’, ‘Scar’, ‘Uxorious’, ‘Wigbert’, ‘Xman’, and ‘Yellow’ are just a few of the poshest baby names compiled by fancy-pants Brit magazine “Tatler”. The publication claims that despite seeming odd these names are the real deal, some of them hundreds-of-years-old. The top 5 alphabetically for each gender …
✓ Alfreda
✓ Blanche
✓ Czar-Czar
✓ Debonaire
✓ Estonia
✓ Aubyn
✓ Barclay
✓ Cassar
✓ David
✓ Euripides
See the full list here …
(Could you say “Wigbert, eat your peas!” without laughing uproariously?)

Emails you send on Mondays contain more grammatical mistakes than those sent on other days.
– “New York Magazine”


1944 [73] Jimmy Page, Heston UK, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”, “Whole Lotta Love”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1992-Yardbirds, 1995-Led Zeppelin)

1955 [62] JK Simmons, Grosse Pointe MI, movie actor (“La La Land”, “Whiplash”) COMING UP: “Justice League”, out November 17th.

1967 [50] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg, South Africa, alt-rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“Where Are You Going”, “The Space Between”)/Farm Aid Board of Directors

1978 [39] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Just Want You to Know”, “Shape of My Heart”)

1982 [35] Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (Kate Middleton), Reading UK, wife of Britain’s Prince William/mother of George and Charlotte

1984 [33] Drew Brown, Boulder CO, pop guitarist (OneRepublic-“Counting Stars”, “Apologize”)

1989 [28] Nina Dobrev, Sofia, Bulgaria [raised Toronto ON], TV actress (“The Vampire Diaries” 2009-15, “Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2006-09) COMING UP: “XXX: Return of Xander Cage”, coming January 20th.

• “Apricot Day”, saluting the fruit that inspired the name of a color. The word ‘apricot’ means ‘precious’ in Latin. The apricot tree emerged in China more than 4,000 years ago.

• “Cassoulet Day”, an annual food holiday dedicated to the traditional French dish. The rich, slow-cooked casserole originated in the south of France and typically contains meat (pork sausages, goose, duck, sometimes mutton), pork skin (couennes), and white beans.

• “Clean Off Your Desk Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Monday of January as a day to prioritize your tabletop first. The idea is to accomplish more by keeping your office and work space tidy.

• “International Choreographers Day”, observed on the birth date of George Balanchine, one of the world’s greatest choreographers, born in 1904 in St Petersburg, Russia. Altogether everybody: five, six, seven, eight ….”

• “North American International Auto Show” pulls into Cobo Hall in downtown Detroit MI with ‘Media Preview Days’ commencing this morning. “NAIAS” is the biggest car show in the world and represents the midpoint of the global auto-show circuit. The 2017 Detroit show runs until January 22nd.

• “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were the Big Guy/Big Gal for a day?

• “Static Electricity Day”. Guess you can count on this being a bad-hair day.

• “Step-Fathers Day”, a day to honor ‘all step-fathers everywhere who come into our lives and hold a special place in our hearts’. You know … that boyfriend that Mommy left Daddy for.

2000 [17] Sitcom “Malcolm In the Middle”, starring Frankie Muniz & future “Breaking Bad” actor Bryan Cranston, premieres on FOX-TV

2008 [09] Spice Girl (and ironically future designer) Victoria Beckham is named ‘Worst Dressed Celebrity’ in an annual list of fashion disasters by critic Richard Blackwell

2014 [03] “Rolling Stone” magazine ranks ‘The 10 Greatest Double Albums of All-Time’ …
5. Led Zeppelin – “Physical Graffiti”
4. Bruce Springsteen – “The River”
3. Rolling Stones – “Exile on Main Street”
2. Pink Floyd – “The Wall”
1. The Beatles – “The White Album”

2007 [10] Apple CEO Steve Jobs unveils the ‘iPhone’ at the Macworld convention in San Francisco CA (within days, people quit looking up)

2011 [06] ‘Chaser’ the border collie is reported to have learned 1,022 words at Wofford College in North Carolina and can act in accordance with each of them

[Tues] Cut Your Energy Costs Day
[Wed] Human Trafficking Awareness Day
[Thurs] Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Thurs] Kiss a Ginger Day
[Thurs] Hot Tea Day

Dating & Life Coaches Recognition Week / Folic Acid Awareness Week / Home Office Safety & Security Week / Soccer Coaches Week / Universal Letter Writing Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• ‘Twisted Tale’ – Randomly record a slew of sound effects to play intermittently while a morning crew member (studio guest/phone contestant) tells a story on a topic that you suggest. Each time SFX are played, the storyteller must work them into the tale, taking it in a completely new direction.
• ‘Name That Gargle’ – Phone contestant must identify tunes gargled by a morning crew member (or vice versa).
– First published in “BS” 2007.

✓ “Sorry, I can’t make it to drinks tonight. I’ve got plans with friends.” (BS translation: “I’m going home to watch Netflix and drink alone because I can’t stand your terrible face any longer.”)
✓ “It’d be great if you could put that in an email.” (BS translation: “An email will be much easier to ignore than your droning on.”)
✓ “I need to book out a few hours this afternoon to tackle email.” (BS translation: “And by email you understand I mean Candy Crush.”)
✓ “I’m going to the gym after work.” (BS translation: “Pub.”)
✓ “We should set up a meeting about this soon.” (BS translation: “We are never going to talk about this again.”)
– First published in “BS” 2015.

When I first met my girlfriend I knew she was a keeper. She had massive gloves on.

Which animal has the highest blood pressure?
a. Cheetah
b. Giraffe [CORRECT]
c. Sloth
– “Trivia Crack”

☎ Many Brits are upset over a new trend of people doing supermarket shopping … in pajamas. Is it disgusting (as some complain) or perfectly fine for consumers wanting to be comfortable?

Question: 80% of Millennials have never eaten THIS.
Answer: A Big Mac.

No matter how good your gig, remember there are people who don’t work at all who make more money than you.

Vanessa Miller-Bertoline @ Star 106.9 [WXXC] Marion IN; Ari Daniel @ 99.9 Sun FM [CHSU] Kelowna BC; JD Rose @, Fredericksburg TX; Dylan McKee @ Blast106, Donaghadee, Northern Ireland; Dar Red-Gardner @, Bellwood IL; and Jeff Walker @ The Q [KQFM] Hermiston OR.

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