Thursday, July 27, 2006        Edition: #3336
Sheet For Brains!

TONIGHT the new Sci Fi channel series “Who Wants to Be a Superhero?” debuts, in which everyday folks don their self-styled superhero costumes and battle it out to become the next cool crime-fighter in a comic by “Spider-Man” creator Stan Lee (let’s hope it’s not ‘Lame Duck’ or ‘Thighmaster’) . . . Buzz has it a ‘well-known & respected author’ has been secretly commissioned to pen a new ‘James Bond’ novel, due to be released in 2008 to mark ‘007′ creator Ian Fleming’s birth centennial (based on the failure of several other author’s attempts at this, their only hope may be to sign up JK Rowling) . . . 52-year-old actress Ellen Barkin is getting over her divorce from billionaire Ron Perelman (Revlon Cosmetics) by auctioning off over $2-million-worth of jewelry that he gave her and donating all proceeds to charity (she doesn’t need the cash – she got a reported $20-million divorce settlement!) . . . “Canadian Idol” & “eTalk” host Ben Mulroney (CTV) has been appointed national ambassador for UNICEF Canada and will serve as spokesperson for THIS YEAR’s ‘Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF’ campaign (he’s already got a smiley mask) . . . Don’t fail to miss this collaboration: The debut album of the new group Braided (former “Canadian Idol” contestants Ashley Leitao, Casey LeBlanc & Amber Fleury) will feature a duet with Elvis – former figure skating champ Elvis Stojko, that is (when it comes to switching careers, that’s a quadruple jump!) . . . Actor Tobey Maguire has hinted NEXT YEAR’s “Spider-Man 3” (co-starring Topher Grace & Thomas Haden Church as villains ‘Venom’ & ‘Sandman’) may not be the superhero’s final outing as the 3rd film will be left ‘open-ended’ (seems Tobey has been given a lifetime appointment) . . . Ousted “Rock Star: Supernova” singer Jenny Galt of Vancouver says contestants got to hear the manufactured band’s first single and it’s “that same old, boys’ rock ‘n roll kind of glam thing they said they weren’t going to be doing” (bitter bitter!) . . . And Jack Osbourne, recovering alcoholic son of Ozzy, is blaming Britain’s royal family for causing him to consume alcohol for the first time in 3 years – a strawberry jelly dessert surreptitiously laced with vodka that was served at the 18th birthday bash for Princess Beatrice, oldest daughter of Sarah Ferguson & Prince Andrew (now he’s mainlining Jell-O shots 6 times a day).

• Audioslave – Their 3rd album, “Revelations”, is slated for a SEPTEMBER 5th release and insiders say it will be the band’s last, with Chris Cornell splitting for a solo career. A planned summer tour has already been canceled.
• Barry Manilow – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show (syndicated/CityTV). We’re betting his performance will encourage any teens loitering in the audience to move along.
• Everclear – TONIGHT they perform on the “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Jimi Hendrix – His brother Leon has lost a bid to take charge of the rock legend’s estate. A Washington state Court of Appeals has ruled that stepsister Janie Hendrix and the ‘Experience Hendrix’ group will continue to oversee the business, which generates some $8 million per year.
• Madonna – Her people have confirmed that her current passion is participating in the building of a school and home for hundreds of kids in Malawi, Africa. Do they all get red bracelets too?
• N*SYNC – Lance Bass has finally confirmed in “People” mag what everyone already knew … he’s gay. What we didn’t know is that he has a ‘very stable relationship’ with former “Amazing Race” contestant Reichen Lehmkuhl.
• Sammy Hagar – TONIGHT he guests on the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• The Spinners – TONIGHT the ‘70s R&B smoothies perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).

A few movies in the making …
• “Day of the Dead” – Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon & Ving Rhames will star in the remake of the 1985 zombie thriller. Like its recycled predecessor “Dawn of the Dead” (1978/2004), the film was originally created by horror legend George Romero and features surviving humans attempting to avoid attacks from the ‘undead’.
• “Deathproof” – Quentin Tarantino’s new slasher flick will star Kurt Russell as a killer named ‘Stuntman Mike’. Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Rose McGowan & Rosario Dawson co-star. The film is Tarantino’s half of an odd exploitation double-bill with director  Robert Rodriguez that will be marketed as “Grind House”. Rodriguez’s contribution will be titled “Planet Terror”.
• “Liberace” – Nicolas Cage will produce and star in a new biopic about the flamboyant life of pianist Lee Liberace (1919-1987), the Las Vegas staple most remembered for his extravagant gold lamé costumes and trademark candelabra placed on the lids of his flashy pianos. For a time, he was one of the highest paid entertainers in show biz. When Cage will have time to make the film is hard to say … he already has 6 other projects on his plate stretching into 2008.
• “A Mighty Heart” – Brad Pitt’s next film will be the story of Danny Pearl, the American journalist who was kidnapped and murdered by militants in Pakistan. Angelina Jolie will co-star as his wife in her first role since giving birth to baby Shiloh Nouvel in MAY. The film is based on Marianne Pearl’s book “A Mighty Heart: The Brave Life & Death Of My Husband Danny Pearl”. Ironically, it was Jennifer Aniston who persuaded Marriane Pearl to sell the movie rights to Pitt.
• “The Spirit” – Writer/director Frank Miller (“Sin City”) will tackle a film version of the 1940s comic strip hero created by the late Will Eisner. It follows the adventures of a regular guy (‘Denny Colt’) who is thought to have been killed but instead becomes a blue-masked vigilante, fighting crime with the blessing of his city’s police commissioner. Miller will tackle the project after he completes “Sin City 2”.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … gossip at work is good! A study at Boston’s Northeastern University has concluded that it can actually make you more productive and help build a better team environment. Yeah, but we don’t want that back-stabbing hussy in accounting who always sleeps around on our team, do we?
• Scientists say … moms & daughters argue more than moms & sons! Not that we needed UK psychologist Terri Apter to tell us that, but she’s the first to actually measure the phenomenon. On average, mothers & teenage daughters have a spat lasting 15 minutes every 2-and-a-half days. In contrast, teen boys clash with their moms for only 6 minutes, once every 4 days.
• Scientists say … Canadians would have an average 12 extra days a year if we didn’t commute! At least, that’s what a totaling of average commuting times suggests. You wouldn’t have a wok to whiz in because you’d be out of work … but you’ve have lots and lots of time.
• Scientists say … being a daddy makes you smarter! Princeton University researchers have found that men experience dramatic hormone changes when they become fathers, and a side effect is that certain parts of the brain become more enhanced. (Like the area that tells you if you want to have any cash left, you better hide your wallet.)

Experts say these commonly-held beliefs about dieting simply are not true …
• Calories eaten after 8 pm turn to fat.
• To jump-start your diet, you should fast.
• Low-carb/high protein diets are the most effective route to weight-loss.
• Eating foods that are white is bad for you.
• Drinking lots of water will help you lose weight.
• When you’re on a diet, drinking juice is a no-no.
• All sugar is bad for you.
• Exercising on an empty stomach burns more fat.
• Drinking liquid meal replacements will help shrink your stomach.
• Eating grapefruit will help you burn fat.
– Condensed from AOL Diet & Fitness

The Fiat 500 has beaten Porsches, Ferraris and Lamborghinis to be named the ‘World’s Sexiest Car’ in a new magazine poll. The Italian model is described as having ‘the allure of the wholesome and uncomplicated’. 2nd in the poll was the Aston Martin DBS and 3rd was the Maserati Quattroporte. (Hmm, don’t see my Ford Focus on the list here anywhere …)
– “Top Gear Magazine”

Planning on hiking this summer? According to search & rescue experts, here’s what to do if you get lost in the woods …
1. Stop and listen. You might hear people on other trails or maybe sounds from a highway.
2. Stay put. Rescue workers search methodically, so if you keep moving around you may go back to an area that’s already been searched.
3. Blow a whistle if you have one, but don’t waste a lot of energy shouting for help.
– “Real Simple Magazine”

A new survey shows that more than half of Australian women are comfortable with casual sex and have had at least one ‘booty call friend’. The poll of more than 650 women of Oz finds that 53% admit to having had a mate with privileges for a regular but non-committal relationship. Sydney psychologist Stacey Demarco suggests the reason for the popularity of casual relationships may be that they offer a safer sexual environment than the classic one-night-stand. (And fewer shocks in the morning light.)
– ANI Science & Health

Pirates of the Caribbean are no longer prevalent. According to a new report, these days ships are most likely to be attacked by pirates around Indonesia, Bangladesh and Somalia. The International Maritime Bureau’s ‘Piracy Reporting Center’ in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia has listed 127 pirate attacks worldwide in the first 6 months of THIS YEAR. In total, 74 ships were boarded, 156 seafarers taken hostage, 13 people kidnaped, and 6 killed. (And by the looks of Keira Knightley, there’s been at least one case of malnutrition.)

Parker Brothers is phasing out the cash-based version of “Monopoly” in Britain, replacing the paper money with fake VISA debit cards. The new version will include a card reader/calculator that keeps a running tab of players riches … or lack thereof. A couple of factors led to the change – polls show 70% of British adults now use cash far less often; and a deal was struck with VISA, whose logo will appear on the cards and readers. (We liked it better in the olden days when you offered your sister a ‘line of credit’, then foreclosed and made her cry.)

‘Volvo’ means ‘I am rolling’ in Latin.


1940 [66] Bugs Bunny, Hollywood CA, long-eared rodent actor (makes debut in “A Wild Hare”)

1956 [50] Duncan Cameron, Utica NY, country musician (Sawyer Brown-“The Race is On”, “Some Girls Do”)

1975 [31] Alex Rodriguez (‘A-Rod’), NYC, MLB All-Star 3rd baseman (NY Yankees)/2006 season’s highest paid baseball player at $21.68 million

“Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day”, to help them get to know their real environment.

1993 [13] “Entertainment Weekly” magazine picks “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” as the ‘Best TV Program of All-Time’ (which show would you now vote for?)

1888 [118] 1st ‘Electric Car’ is demonstrated (and we still aren’t driving them!)

1900 [106] ‘HJ Heinz Company’ is formed (famous for its ‘57 Flavors’)

[Fri] Accountants Day
[Fri] Drive-Thru Day
[Fri] “John Tucker Must Die”, “Miami Vice”, & “The Ant Bully” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Lasagna Day
[Sat] Outgames Montréal 2006 open
[Sun] Cheesecake Day
[Sun] 2006 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction
This Week Is … Salad Week
This Month Is … Culinary Arts Month


• All the information you saved yesterday, it’s completely forgotten.
• It keeps hurling out every CD you put into it.
• Your monitor dims a little each time you click the mouse.
• Your sound card is playing everything at half-speed.
• You get an error message that says: “If you get me through this, I promise I’ll never ever do it again.”
• No matter how you position it, it slowly slides off your desk.
• When you arrive at work in the morning, you find some strange modem lying beside it.
– Edited & enhanced from BBSpot

• Should pet dogs be allowed to join their owners at outdoor cafes and patios?
• Are online dating sites a good way to meet people?

We tell you the name of a past or present mascot used in advertising, you tell us the name of the company and/or product …
• ‘Elsie the Cow’ … Borden’s Milk Products
• ‘Sugar Bear’ … Post Sugar Crisp Breakfast Cereal
• ‘Poppin Fresh’ … Pillsbury (aka the ‘Pillsbury Doughboy’)
• ‘LC Leprechaun’ … General Mills Lucky Charms Cereal
• ‘Sandy McTire’ … Canadian Tire (the Scotsman on the coupon money)
• ‘Lady Chiquita’ … Chiquita Bananas
• ‘Energizer Bunny‘ … Energizer Batteries
• ‘Milton the Toaster’ … Kellogg’s Pop Tarts
• ‘Nipper the Dog’ … RCA Victor Company
• Beaver buddies ‘Gordon & Frank’ … Bell Canada
• The English bull terrier ‘Spuds Mackenzie’ … Bud Light Beer
• ‘Smokey Bear’ … US Forest Service (contrary to what many say, it’s not ‘Smokey THE Bear’)

• You’ve just proven again that some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
• Oh man, there’s just too much blood in my caffeine system this morning …

Today’s Question: They should know better, but 60% of 18-to-24 year-olds have done THIS within the past year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Gotten a sunburn.

When everything’s coming your way … you’re in the wrong lane.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of “The Bull Sheet”

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