Tuesday, July 25, 2006        Edition: #3334
Bully For You! 

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY a novel called “The Expected One” by American author Kathleen McGowan (formerly a journalist in Belfast, Northern Ireland) is being published, in which she claims she’s a descendant of Jesus Christ & Mary Magdalene (only interesting because she got a 7-figure advance for ripping off the “Da Vinci Code”!) . . . TODAY the AUGUST issue of “Harper’s Bazaar” magazine arrives on stands, the one with a very pregnant Britney Spears on the cover in the buff, and lots of her numbingly harebrained quotes inside (all of which have already been leaked, analyzed and spit out) . . . Meantime, word has it Britney & husband Kevin Federline have tracked a series of duets during a marathon recording session (just a warning) . . . TONIGHT is the 2nd round of live performances on the new reality show “The One” (ABC/CBC) after LAST WEEK’s debut was surprisingly pounded in the ratings by SciFi channel’s new program “Eureka” (are we finally just sick to death of talent shows?) . . . “Saturday Night Live” writer/comic Tina Fey (“Weekend Update”) is leaving the show after 9 years to focus on her new sitcom “30 Rock” (NBC) and a replacement has yet to be found (meaning THIS FALL’s 31st season is going to be even lamer) . . . Actor Samuel L Jackson is reportedly going to provide the voice of ‘God’ in a new audio version of “The Bible” (kind of a letdown after shooting “Snakes on a Plane”, isn’t it?) . . . “Brokeback Mountain” couple Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams have spent $2.3 million to buy the Hollywood Hills home formerly owned by Ellen Degeneres, known as ‘The Treehouse’ because it’s impossible to see into the property (they recently sold their beachfront home in Sydney, Australia because its glass front meant they were constantly plagued by paparazzi) . . . Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones are currently house-hunting in Montenegro (in the former Yugoslavia) to add to their luxury real estate portfolio that includes properties in NYC, LA, Bermuda, Mallorca, Aspen & Wales (Quote: “Like people collect art, we collect homes.”) . . . And the family of king fu movie legend Bruce Lee plans to produce a film about the late martial-arts star, based on an upcoming biography by his brother, Lee Chun-Fai (for some reason Lee continues to fascinate fans even though he died at age 32 way back in 1973).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashanti – TODAY she guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated).
• Audioslave – Frontman Chris Cornell tells a Finnish newspaper he’s written & recorded the theme song for the new ‘James Bond’ film “Casino Royale”. That would make him the first male vocalist to perform an ‘007′ theme since a-ha in 1987′s “The Living Daylights”.
• Kenny Chesney – His SUNDAY concert at Gillette Stadium near Boston MA brought in more than $4 million, making it the highest-grossing, single-day country show in history.
• Los Lonely Boys – TONIGHT they’re scheduled to appear on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”. Will they continue to downplay JoJo Garza’s weekend bust for drugs & assault as a ‘misunderstanding’?
• Mary J Blige – TODAY she performs on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Paris Hilton – The release date for her debut album has been pushed back from AUGUST 8th to 22nd. Giving herself time to record more than just a lightweight single?
• Rod Stewart – After 4 volumes of his “Great American Songbook” series, he’s returning to his rock roots … sort of. “Still the Same: Great Rock Classics of Our Time” (OCTOBER 10th) will feature his take on classic tunes by CCR, Bob Dylan, Bob Seger, Van Morrison, etc.
• Tim McGraw – His “Greatest Hits Vol 2″ has been certified Platinum for shipments of 1 million copies. He now has career album sales totaling 30 million.
• Toby Keith – He’s contributed 7 tunes to the soundtrack of his film debut, “Broken Bridges”, out AUGUST 29th. In the movie, he plays a down-on-his-luck country singer who returns to his hometown to discover a daughter he never met. It premieres in Nashville TN SEPTEMBER 7th.
• U2 – They’re revving up their “Vertigo” world tour yet again in NOVEMBER, playing rescheduled shows in Australia, New Zealand & Japan which were postponed earlier THIS YEAR due to an illness in one of the member’s families. The tour closes DECEMBER 9th in Honolulu HI. Pearl Jam and Kanye West share support duties.
• Yellowcard – TONIGHT they do “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• In music stores TODAY: Tom Petty’s “Highway Companion”; Pharrell’s “In My Mind”; Raul Malo’s “You’re Only Lonely”; Sammy Hagar’s “Livin’ It Up!”; Edie Brickell & New Bohemians’ “Stranger Things”; New York Dolls’ “One Day It Will Please Us to Remember Even This” special edition; and Bruce Hornsby’s “Intersections 1985-2005“ box set.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Ask the Dust” (Drama/Romance): Colin Farrell stars as a 2nd-generation immigrant trying to shake his Italian identity. Salma Hayek co-stars as the fiery Mexican barmaid looking to assimilate by marrying a wealthy American who winds up in a tempestuous romance with him.
• “The Benchwarmers” ( Sports Comedy ): A trio of goofballs (Rob Schneider, David Spade & Jon Heder) try to make up for missed opportunities in childhood by forming a 3-player baseball team that competes against regular little league squads. Jon Lovitz, Craig Kilborn & Molly Sims co-star. Cameos by former NFLer Bill Romanowski and baseball Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson.
• “Final Destination 3” ( Horror Thriller ): As we found out in the first 2 ‘dead teenager movies’ (2000 & 2003), the grim reaper doesn’t like to be cheated out of his appointed souls. That’s why in this edition, teens who miraculously survive a rollercoaster accident end up snuffed out by tanning beds, weight-training benches, nail-guns and a runaway engine block. No-name cast. Available in a 2-disc ‘special edition’. Shot in Vancouver at the PNE, including the ‘The Corkscrew’ rollercoater.
• “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer” ( Horror Thriller ): The teen horror franchise goes direct-to-video in its final installment, in which a new collection of (no-name) kids winds up killing a friend in a Fourth of July prank and then get picked off on the anniversary a year later by ‘The Hook’.
• Also on DVD TODAY: “Chappelle’s Show: The Lost Episodes”; “Halloween: 25 Years of Terror”; and “The 2005 Academy Award Short Films Collection”.

BROKEN HEART TOUR:
The world’s first museum dedicated to lost love has proven so popular, it’s launching a world tour. The “International Museum of Broken Hearts” originally opened in the Croatian capital of Zagreb, exhibits mementos of love affairs: teddy bears won at fairs, CDs with favorite songs, love poems, photos, etc. Each object on display has a full description of the relationship behind it and how that person moved on. The collection keeps expanding because people keep sending in more stuff. So far, it’s scheduled to hit London, Paris, Istanbul and Venice. (What unusual souvenir of a relationship have you hung onto?)
– Ananova News

FEELING MOODY:
Soon you will be able to choose tunes on your MP3 player that reflect your mood, even when it’s set in shuffle mode. The new ‘AudioRadar’ digital software, developed by experts at Munich University, groups songs into categories such as fast, slow, rhythmic or melodic, so that the musical mood is maintained and there’s no need to worry about being lulled by a mellow ballad, then immediately blasted by heavy metal. (An iPod version of the music flow programs that have been used by radio stations for years … why didn’t we think of that?)
– “Wired”

BEST-EVER ‘BOND GIRLS’:
French actress Eva Green may have a tough time cracking this list as co-star of the upcoming “Casino Royale”. Here are 007′s all-time top accomplices, according to a new fan poll …
5. ‘Holly Goodhead’ (Lois Chiles) – “Moonraker”
4. ‘Jinx’ (Halle Berry) – “Die Another Day”
3. ‘Solitaire’ (Jane Seymour) – “Live And Let Die”
2. ‘Xenia Onotopp’ (Famke Janssen) – “GoldenEye”
1. ‘Honey Ryder’ (Ursula Andress) – “Dr No”
– “Empire Magazine”

FIT TO BE TIED:
The NYC-based Men’s Dress Furnishings Association reports that the advent of the dot-com era and even ‘casual Fridays’ failed to kill off the necktie. After sales dropped by 50% in the late 1990s, men’s ties are currently making a comeback with sales well over $1 billion so far THIS YEAR. While ties are still vanishing in places of worship, restaurants and on campuses, they’re reappearing big-time in law offices, stock brokerages and hospitals. Another factor credited with pushing the comeback – well-dressed celebs such as Regis Philbin of “America’s Got Talent”. (Will you be tying one on?)
– ABC News

HE SAID IT:
“It’s pretty tragic seeing an Irishman trying to salsa. You’ll notice (director Michael Mann) didn’t go down to the feet too often.”
– Actor Colin Farrell on his dancing scenes in the new “Miami Vice” movie, opening FRIDAY.

APPARENTLY SCREECHING ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU:
Scottish health officials are putting new restrictions on how long people – play bagpipes. Why? It seems excessive use of the instrument can damage hearing. The new guidelines suggest that pipers should play for a maximum of 24 minutes a day outdoors or 15 minutes per day in a practice room. After all, the bagpipe can be dangerous – Scottish soldiers used to use the noise from bagpipes to scare off enemies. (The original weapon of mass destruction.)
– “The Scotsman”

TEACHING SLANG:
A high school principal in Phoenix AZ plans to hold a training session for teachers on slang before the next school year begins. Linda Marlar says she wants teachers to be ‘hip’ to the ‘lingo’ of today’s teens. Among the expressions she plans to pass along …
• Aiight … A contraction of ‘all right’ (uttered by “American Idol’s” Randy Jackson about every second sentence).
• Chill … Calm down and relax.
• Don’t be clownin’ me … Don’t be teasing me.
• Slammin’ new kicks … Nice shoes.
• Snap … A mild expletive akin to ‘darn’.
• Tight … Someone or something that is ‘cool’.
• Pimp … To accessorize or customize (as on the MTV car show “Pimp My Ride”).
(Unfortunately, what Marlar fails to realize is: by the time adults are picking up on this stuff, the expressions are no long ‘hep’ anymore.)
– “Arizona Republic”

FOR THE RECORD:
The Streets and MTV are collaborating to produce what will be the ‘World’s Longest Music  Video’. The as-yet untitled project draws together footage shot by amateur filmmakers to run an epic 20 minutes, thereby knocking Michael Jackson’s 18-minute “Thriller” video out of the longest spot. The video is scheduled to air AUGUST 1st to celebrate MTV’s 25th anniversary.
– Reuters

THE BULL SHEET 07.25.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [51] Iman (Abdulmajid), Mogadishu, Somalia, former model/sometime actress/Mrs David Bowie since 1992

1967 [39] Matt LeBlanc, Newton MA, TV sitcom actor (“Joey” 2004-06, “Friends” 1994-2004)

1978 [28] Louise Brown, Oldham UK, world’s first ‘test tube baby’, conceived by in vitro fertilization (IVF)  FACTOID: THIS YEAR she had her own first child … the old fashioned way.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Act Like a Caveman Day”, a day to tune in to your wild and primal instincts. Pass me a thigh bone, would ya?

• “Parents’ Day”, to pay tribute to those whose devotion as parents strengthens society and forms the foundation for a bright future. Is there a kid anywhere who’ll actually claim to have parents like this?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1990 [16] Before a ball game, Roseanne Barr sings an off-key rendition of the national anthem to a booing crowd at Jack Murphy Stadium in San Diego CA, then scratches herself and spits

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1999 [07] “Woodstock ’99“ music festival in Rome NY ends with rowdies setting fires and looting

2001 [05] Mariah Carey cancels upcoming engagements and checks herself into a Connecticut psychiatric hospital suffering from an ‘emotional & physical breakdown’

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [135] ‘Perforated Bathroom Tissue’ is patented (Seth Wheeler, Albany NY)

1923 [83] 1st ‘Home Movies’ shown (undoubtedly to an excruciatingly bored audience)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] All or Nothing Day
[Wed] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Thurs] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Sat] Lasagna Day
[Sun] 2006 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction
This Week Is … Salad Week
This Month Is … Family Reunion Month

BULL’S BITS

ALL-TIME BIGGEST WUSSES IN MUSIC:
10. Hilary Duff – Tween-pop’s ‘Breck Girl’, best summed up by the name of her next movie character: ‘Sunshine Goodness’.
9. Chris Martin (Coldplay) – He begs, he pleads, he crumbles, he crawls, he’s lost, he’s scared, he’s sorry and he misses you.
8. Babyface – Songwriter/producer/performer who was born to pen Hallmark cards.
7. Rascal Flatts – Lyrics saccharine enough to induce comas … even in non-diabetics.
6. Kenny G – Dentist-friendly instrumental pap that’s loathed even by other smooth-jazzbos.
5. Peter Cetera – Moved from Chicago’s jazzy-rock sound to self-pitying schmaltz.
4. Boyz II Men – R&B lightweights that are about as gangsta as crying in your pillow.
3. Dan Fogelberg – Leader of the bland in the ’70s and early ’80s.
2. Nick Lachey – His whimpering piano ballad is “What’s Left of Me.” Apparently it’s not his manhood.
1. James Taylor – The soft, caring, unruffled voice of a marriage counselor singing boo-hoo tales and lullabies.
– “Blender Magazine”

BS WEB GOODIE:
A new British website is designed to help prevent ticket scalping (or ‘touting’ as it’s known in the UK). It allows music and sports fans to sell unwanted tickets at face value plus a small administration fee. The idea is to provide a service for both those with spare tickets who don’t want to get stuck with them, and those who don’t want to pay over-inflated prices for sold-out events. If this idea doesn’t catch on, we don’t know why.
NET: http://www.stoptout.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
How young can you die of old age?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When it comes to summertime fun, 25% of us admit to doing THIS and 2% have done it with complete strangers.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Skinny-dipped.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.


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