Monday, July 24, 2006        Edition: #3333
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• The reality bandwagon is sure getting full. British stage impresario Andrew Lloyd Webber has announced that he’ll be casting ‘Maria’ for his West End revival of “The Sound of Music” using an “American Idol”-style TV reality show where the winner is picked by popular vote. Insiders say, however, that a professional ‘understudy’ actress will actually perform up to 6 shows a week, leaving the TV show winner with perhaps a couple of matinees.
– PopBitch.com
• This actor got a real bum deal. Luke Wilson was terrified when he found out he had a nude scene in “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” and was thrilled when producers eventually decided to call in a body double. He says he was asked to select from several Polaroids of guy’s backsides and had to decide on which best reflected the image he was trying to emote.
– “Contact Music”
• How cheesy is this? Bad actor/singer-turned-talent show judge David Hasselhoff (“America’s Got Talent”) is set to appear in a stage production based on … his life. “David Hasselhoff: the Musical”, which is opening in Melbourne, Australia, will include segments inspired by his work on “The Young & the Restless”, “Knight Rider” and “Baywatch”. He’s hoping the show will someday end up in Vegas.
– “Inside Entertainment”
• You can bet this will be a stylin’ wedding. Kyan Douglas, the grooming guru on “Queer Eye for The Straight Guy”, is set to marry his partner, high-profile political activist Greg Durham. Kyan’s “Queen Eye” colleague Carson Kressley is likely to conduct the ceremony as he’s an ordained minister … at least from an online site.
– TV.com
• Is this show that good? Actor Charlie Sheen is seeking to have his salary for sitcom “Two & a Half Men” upped to $1 million per episode. Getting ready ahead of time for the alimony payments, Chuck?
– “E! Online”
• Paul McCartney’s estranged wife Heather Mills has reportedly purchased a luxury home only minutes away from his principal property. Word is she spent $1 million on a 5-bedroom barn conversion in the English countryside, which she will share with the couple’s daughter Beatrice. McCartney & Mills separated in MAY after 6 years of marriage, but have remained in close contact as they’re attempting to share custody of the child.
– “The Mail on Sunday”
• SATURDAY actor/rapper Will Smith returned to his hometown of Philadelphia PA to participate in a march against violence. Smith says he wanted to do something about the violence in the city, which had 380 killings in 2005 and seems likely to top that number this year.
– “USA Weekend”
• Soccer star David Beckham & wife Victoria are reportedly trying for a 4th child. They already have 3 sons – Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz – and would love to add a girl to the family. A close friend observes it’s as if they’re on their honeymoon again, they just can’t stop touching and kissing. The difference is … this time it’s each other.
– “News Of The World”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Bomshel – The country duo is made up of powerhouse singer Buffy Lawson and fiery fiddler Kristy O. Buffy got the saying “Ain’t My Day To Care” from her mom. Must be one tough cookie!
• Cassie – “Me & U” is the first hit for the New London CT native who was working on a modeling career in NYC when she was encouraged to pursue music as an alternative.
• “CMA Music Festival” – TONIGHT a 2-hour special airs (ABC) highlighting this year’s event (June 8-11). Featured performers include Brooks & Dunn, Martina McBride, Brad Paisley, Carrie Underwood, Trace Adkins, Dierks Bentley, Kenny Chesney, and Sara Evans.
• Los Lonely Boys  – SATURDAY bassist  JoJo Garza was arrested in Austin TX on charges of marijuana possession and assaulting a woman in his room.
• Panic! At The Disco – The Vegas band was formed by Spencer Smith (drums) & Ryan Ross (guitar) who grew tired of covering blink-182 tunes and recruited high school classmates Brendon Urie (guitar/vocals) & Brent Wilson (bass). They burst onto the scene in 2005.
• Taking Back Sunday – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Village People – Victor Willis, the original ‘cop’ in the ‘70s disco group, has pleaded no contest to charges of possessing cocaine, crack and a loaded gun. He faces either extended rehab or 2 years in the slammer when he’s sentenced SEPTEMBER 1st. But it’s not all bad. Thanks to the exposure from getting busted he’s now got a book deal and plans to tour as the cop next summer … if he’s not still in the big-house.

DOPPELGANGER DELUX:
After Googling his name online, American Darryl R Peebles discovered another Darryl R Peebles living in Australia. He made e-mail contact and found they live eerily similar lives. Both were born in 1949, both have 3 children, both enjoy performing magic, ventriloquism and music. A year after meeting on the Internet, the 2 men have now met in person and are amazed to find that they are practically the same person. (Have you ever self-Googled? Was it good for you?)
– Reuters

JUNIOR HELMETS:
NEXT YEAR new undersized condoms are scheduled to hit the market. Durex Love condoms are 3 mm narrower, use thinner rubber and have different contours than standard condoms, making them easier for less experienced users to install. Nope, they’re not designed for broadcasters, a company spokeswoman says the new product is aimed at youths between 13 and 16. (Whose main use for them will be making really cool water balloons.)
– “The Sun”

AGH, DID YOU HEAR THAT?
A new study from the Institute of Psychiatry at King’s College London finds that as many as 1 in 3 people suffer from some level of paranoia. Among their findings …
• 40% of people regularly worry that negative comments are being made about them.
• 27% think that people deliberately try to irritate them.
• 20% worry about being observed or followed.
• 10% think that someone has it in for them.
• 5% worry that there is a conspiracy to harm them.
– BBC News

SUMMER LOVE’S LABORS LOST:
That hottie you met on vacation? Forget him! Long distance romances fail more than half the time. Researchers have found that by 15 months after moving away from each other, 68% of couples have broken off their relationships. (Absence makes the heart go wander.)
– ANI

ROSE-COLORED GLASSES:
Innovative ‘NeuView’ sunglasses are said to reduce anxiety by allowing wearers to control the amount of light that reaches the brain. The manufacturer claims when you flip them up a shade, light stimulates the ‘big picture’ side of the brain, thereby making you feel happier.
NET: http://www.neuviewglasses.com/
– ohgizmo.com

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?
A Stanford University study suggests that women’s brains are wired to both feel and recall emotions more keenly than the brains of men. After testing groups of women and men, a team of psychologists found that women’s recollections were up to 15% more accurate. (This is why your wife can prove you’re wrong based on something you happened to mention 8 years ago.)
– “Psychology Today”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• Dozens of Polish criminals have been set free from a Gdansk prison on compassionate grounds after bribing doctors to give them a fake cancer diagnosis. Police only uncovered the scam after a tip-off. (Wouldn’t the warden catch on after say … case #23 … and ask for a second opinion?)
• A young Russian farmer from south Siberia has asked President Vladimir Putin to allow him to marry a cow. Why? All the girls have left his small village and moved to the city. (Insiders say Putin was not moo-ved by the man’s sad tale.)
• China Grill in Miami FL’s South Beach is hosting “Dogs Gone Wild” parties on weekends, where both diners and their dogs get dinner and drinks. (“Maxie can’t finish all of his, can we get a human bag, please?”)

MOVIES YOU MUST SEE BEFORE YOU DIE:
From a list of 50 films selected by a panel of experts …
5. “2001: A Space Odyssey” (1968)
4. “Chinatown” (1974)
3. “City of God” (2002)
2. “The Apartment” (1960)
1. “Apocalypse Now” (1979)
– Press Association

BS AMAZING FACT:
It’s impossible to lick your elbow.

AND WE QUOTE:
“I spent the summer being demonized and persecuted, and now I am going back to work. It is very tempting to lower myself into this cesspool and engage in some battle.”
– Actor Charlie Sheen on how he’s spending his summer vacation.

THE BULL SHEET 07.24.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1914 [92] Ed Mirvish, Colonial Beach VA, legendary Toronto retailer (Honest Ed’s)/father of theatrical producer David Mirvish (“Lord of the Rings”, “The Lion King”)

1964 [42] Barry Bonds, Riverside CA, MLB slugger (San Francisco Giants)/1st all-time in season home runs with 73 (2001)/2nd all-time in career home runs/recently escaped indictment on charges of perjury regarding steroid use … for now  FACTOID: TODAY his 715th home run ball hit MAY 28th goes up for bid in a 10-day auction on eBay with a reserve bid of $10,000.

1968 [38] Kristin Chenoweth, Broken Arrow OK, 4′-11″ movie actress (“RV”)/TV actress (‘Annabeth Schott’ on “The West Wing” 2005-06)/ad huckster (Old Navy)

1970 [36] Jennifer Lopez, Bronx NY, pop singer (“Get Right”, “I’m Real”)/movie actress (“Monster-in-Law”, “Out of Sight”)/Mrs Marc Anthony since 2004

1975 [31] Eric Szmanda, Milwaukee WI, TV actor (‘Greg Sanders’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1982 [24] Anna Paquin, Winnipeg MB [raised New Zealand], film actress (‘Rogue’ in “X-Men 1-3”, 1994 Academy Award-“The Piano”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cousins Day”, to honor all cousins who are living and pay homage to those who aren’t. In (co-host’s) family, it’s known ‘Spouses Day’.

• “Virtual Love Day”, a day for those who have experienced the ‘excitement, joy, and sorrow’ of Internet relationships. You know … losers.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1978 [28] The movie “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees, debuts in movie theaters and is promptly dubbed ‘worst rock movie ever made’

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1938 [68] 1st ‘Instant Coffee’ marketed

1995 [11] 1st female announcer to do a network MLB game (Suzyn Waldman on “ABC Monday Night Baseball”) Should more women be doing play-by-play?

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1988 [18] ‘World’s Largest Ice Cream Sundae’ weighs in at 54,914 lbs or 24.9 metric tonnes (Edmonton AB)

1988 [18] 9-year-old Emma Houlston from Medicine Hat AB lands in Newfoundland to become youngest to fly across Canada

1991 [15] Joann Osterud sets ‘Inverted Flight’ record with upside down flight of 4 hrs, 38 mins (her face stays red for 4 weeks, 38 hours)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] All or Nothing Day
[Wed] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Wed] “Little Miss Sunshine” opens in movie theaters
[Thurs] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Fri] Accountants Day
[Fri] Drive-Thru Day
This Week Is … Animal Agriculture Week
This Month Is … Cellphone Courtesy Month

BULL’S BITS

BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit women ask questions that have no correct answer?
• Whyzit celebrities at award ceremonies say they really didn’t expect to win, then pull out notes for a speech?
• Whyzit 2 people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different?
• Whyzit you never met a ‘sung’ hero?
• Whyzit people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
• Whyzit if there’s a 50-50 chance, 95% of the time you will choose the wrong one?

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Should saving a pet’s life be considered a 9-1-1 emergency?
• Which material possession can you simply NOT live without?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Worldwide, about 40 square miles of land are transformed each day into what?
a. Parking lots.
b. Swimming pools.
c. Desert. [CORRECT]
– “Weird Fact of the Day”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m a ‘psychic amnesiac’. I know in advance what I’m gonna forget.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 60% of the time when you do THIS, you do it alone.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Rent a movie.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.

WELCOME NOOBS:
A big moo-out to returning subscribers Rhonda Wedeking @ CD 107.7 [KICD] Spencer IA; Randy Snow & The Hits Morning Show @ HITS-FM [VOCM-FM] St John’s NL; Shannon Tyler @ Big Earl 96.3 [CKRA] Edmonton AB; Sharon & Happy Dan @ CFCW 790 Edmonton AB; Ernie Steeves & The Breakfast Club @ C103 [CFMO] Moncton NB; BJ & The Q Morning Crew @ Q104 [CFRQ] Halifax NS; Doug & Sandra @ The Giant [CKTG] Thunder Bay ON, all back for another full year of “BS”; and we salute samplers this week that include JC Joyce @ 94.5 The Bull [CKNX] WIngham ON; and Becky Bodain @ 98.1 FM [WKZE] Salisbury/Sharon CT. Hopefully, you’ll find “BS” always USEABLE and good value for about a buck-a-day. You can subscribe or renew your “Bull Sheet” subscription anytime right here – http://thebullsheet.com/location.html


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