Thursday, July 20, 2006        Edition: #3331
Why Not Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Is this the reason for the Carmen Electra-Dave Navarro breakup? Gossip has it that he’s been seeing a socialite named Sarah Howard for the past 5 months (but he sure looks miserable on “Rock Star: Supernova” THIS WEEK, doesn’t he?) . . . Professional reality show stars Rob & Amber Mariano (“Survivor”, “Amazing Race”, “Rob & Amber Get Married”) are coming back yet again in the 10-episode “Rob & Amber Project” (Fox Reality) that follows their move to Las Vegas, where Rob attempts to become a gambler (odds are most people are sick of him) . . . Pamela Anderson says her decision to wed Kid Rock JULY 29th in St Tropez, France was ‘well thought through’ (girl, you need to see an optometrist!) . . . The life of former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau inspired a popular TV mini-series and now it’s the inspiration for a new opera by Canadian author George Elliott Clarke entitled “Trudeau: Long March/Shining Path” that’s due to debut in 2007 (the grand finalé will be the aria “Oh Fuddle Duddle”) . . . Former “New Kid on the Block” Donnie Wahlberg will star in the new CW drama “Runaway”, playing an attorney who’s on the lam after being falsely accused of murder (wouldn’t that be “The Fugitive”?) . . . Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay (“Hell’s Kitchen”) has to have his shoes custom-made due to his massive feet – size 15 (they match his ego) . . . Movie director Spike Lee ( “Do the Right Thing”, “Malcolm X”) has signed a 1-year contract with NBC-TV to produce a new drama series, yet to be titled or even developed (ah just give him the money, he‘ll figure something out) . . . And according to new figures from Pollstar, the top-earning concert tours so far THIS YEAR are Madonna, Rolling Stones, Billy Joel, Tim McGraw/Faith Hill, Cirque du Soleil, Celine Dion, Bon Jovi, Kenny Chesney, Coldplay & George Strait (notice anything unusual – like the average age?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Black Eyed Peas – They’ve put 2 shows in India on hold over fears of further terrorism in the country, likely a result of LAST WEEK’s Mumbai train bombings.
• Kanye West – TONIGHT he’s the main attraction at Sweden’s “Stockholm Jazz Festival”, which apparently offers up more than just jazz.
• Los Lonely Boys – TODAY they guest on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• New York Dolls – TONIGHT the seminal punk band of the ‘70s appears on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Pink – TODAY she’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV); and TONIGHT she guests on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Savage Garden – Darren Hayes, former frontman of the Aussie pop group (“Truly Madly Deeply”), has married his male partner of 2 years, Richard Cullen, in a civil ceremony in London.
• Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – TONIGHT the classic rockers perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A few movies currently in the making …
• “Casino Royale” – As the NOVEMBER 17th debut of Daniel Craig as the latest ‘James Bond’ draws nearer, plans are already underway for the next film in the series. “Notting Hill” director Roger Michell is in negotiations to shoot the follow-up, which has a working title “Bond 22” and will be based on an original story idea from producer Michael Wilson.
• “Goya’s Ghosts” – Directed by Oscar-winner Milos Forman (“Amadeus”, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”), the historical drama focuses on famed 18th-century Spanish painter Francisco Goya as he faces a scandal involving his muse (Natalie Portman), who is labeled a heretic by a monk, a serious charge during the Spanish Inquisition. The film has generated a lot of publicity since the recent announcement that Portman appears totally in the flesh during torture scenes.
The film is scheduled to premiere this NOVEMBER in Spain.
• “Hairspray” – The cast for the bigscreen version of the Tony-winning Broadway musical is filling out. Michelle Pfeiffer has just signed on to play ‘Velma von Tussel’, the former ‘Miss Baltimore Crabs’ beauty queen-turned-bitter Baltimore TV station owner. She joins John Travolta (‘Edna Turnblad’), Queen Latifah (‘Motormouth Maybelle’), Amanda Bynes (‘Penny Pingleton’),  Brittany Snow (‘Amber Von Tussle’), and newcomer Nikki Blonsky who’ll play the lead, ‘Tracy Turnblad’. It’s scheduled to begin shooting in Toronto SEPTEMBER 5th.
• “Shrek the Third” – Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy & Antonio Banderas will have new cast members to work off in the 2nd sequel to the blockbuster ogre film, including “Saturday Night Live” troupers Cheri Oteri (‘Sleeping Beauty’), Maya Rudolph (‘Rapunzel’) and Amy Poehler (‘Snow White’). Also providing voices: Amy Sedaris (‘Cinderella’), Justin Timberlake (‘King Arthur’), and former Monty Python member Eric Idle (‘Merlin’). Sounds like a who’s who of fairy tales! It debuts MAY 18, 2007.
• “World Trade Center” – THIS WEEK police and firefighters who risked their lives at the World Trade Center on and after 9/11 have been invited to view Oliver Stone’s new film for free at cinemas throughout NYC. Nicolas Cage stars as one of just 2 officers who survived the collapse of the towers and were rescued. The film’s scheduled to open AUGUST 9th.

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
• 73% of single women say they like to make the ‘first move’.
• 66% of married men could not imagine living life without a spouse.
• 45% of wives say their husbands snore but only 5% of husbands will admit they do.
• 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
• 23% of employees say they have had intimate relations … in the office.

NAVEL GAZING:
In his book “Centered: Understanding Yourself Through Your Navel”, German psychologist Dr Gerhard Reibmann claims you can predict your life expectancy by your navel shape. For instance …
• ‘Innie’ or ‘Concave Navel’ [life expectancy of 65 years]
• ‘Horizontal Navel’ [68 years]
• ‘Off-Center Navel’ [70 years]
• ‘Outie Navel’ [72 years]
• ‘Vertical Navel’ [75 years]
• ‘Perfectly Round Navel’ [81 years]
(And then there’s ‘Pierced Navel’ – 62 years, the last 30 of which you’ll be too embarrassed to show it to anyone.)
– “Science”

LIQUID GOLD:
The world’s wine connoisseurs are scrambling to get their hands on a bottle of the En Primeur Bordeaux Petrus 2005, which is rated as one of the best Bordeaux wines ever. Even though it won’t actually be bottled and available for another 2 years, the average case price is already circa $36,000, which works out to about $3,000 a bottle or … $90 a sip. (If you’re lucky enough to get one, mind your manners and take it out of the bag before guzzling.)
– Reuters

DON’T SQUASH ‘EM, FLICK ‘EM:
Keep this in mind next time pesky mosquitoes are driving you nuts – if you swat them, you may risk infections from their body parts that are smashed into your skin. Researchers investigating the case of a woman who died from an unusual fungal infection 4 years ago have concluded that she must have mushed the skitter on her skin, smearing its body parts into the bite. (We prefer igniting them with the grill lighter.)
– “New England Journal of Medicine”

HEIGH HO HEIGH HO:
Canadians are working more than they were 20 years ago, with women putting in extra hours at the office while their male counterparts increasingly pitch in with the cooking & cleaning at home. Highlights from a new Statistics Canada study …
• The average workday for Canadians aged 25-to-54 has now increased to 8.8 hours from 8.2 hours in 1986, which totals up to the equivalent of about 9 extra days per year.
• Household chores are increasingly a joint effort between men and women, although women still pull the bulk of the load.
• Women tend to feel more pressed for time than men, regardless of how long their workday is, or whether or not they have children.
– “Globe & Mail”

VACATION DESTINATION?
With hot, muggy weather stifling many of us, a quick visit to the South Pole might seem like a cool break. There’s a small community of mostly scientists living there who refer to themselves as ‘Polies’. One is 60-year-old construction manager Jerry Marty, who says there may be 24 hours of daylight but there’s nothing to see except blue & white in every direction. 30% of the population is female and, yes, relationships do happen. Marty also reveals that the South Pole has a distinctive smell that’s a mixture of airplane fuel, snowmobile exhaust and dirty laundry. (So it’s basically LA without the cars?)
– “Esquire”

WHY GUYS ARE GROSS:
Ever wonder why guys like to belch in public? According to experts, a bit of gross behavior is ingrained in male identity. Observing etiquette means having to restrain impulses. Men tend to be more impulsive than women, partly because boys are taught it’s okay to follow impulses at certain times. (Oops … pardon me.)
– “First for Women”

‘RENTING’ MOVIES ONLINE?
Word has it that Apple Corp has been quietly signing deals with major movie studios in which they’re agreeing to allow films to be downloaded on computers or video iPods for one-time-only viewing. Apple Chairman Steve Jobs is expected to announce the deals during a keynote address to the Worldwide Developers Conference NEXT MONTH. It’s thought the movies will be coded with a date stamp that would either limit the number of playbacks or allow the movie to be viewed an unlimited number of times during a predetermined time-frame. (Great news … unless you own a video store.)
– ThinkSecret.com

THE BULL SHEET 07.20.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [59] Carlos Santana, Autlan de Navarro, Mexico, pop musician (“Game of Love”, “Smooth”)/tied Michael Jackson’s record for most awards in one night at 2000 “Grammy Awards” by winning 8

1964 [42] Chris Cornell, Seattle WA, rock singer (Audioslave-“Original Fire”, “Doesn’t Remind Me”)

1966 [40] Stone Gossard, Seattle WA, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“Life Wasted”, “Last Kiss”)

1969 [37] Josh Holloway, San Jose CA, TV actor (‘Sawyer Ford’ on “Lost” since 2004)

1997 [09] Billi Bruno, LA CA, TV actress (‘Gracie’ on “According to Jim” since 2001)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “British Open”, one of the most prestigious golf championships, tees off through Sunday at the Royal Liverpool, Hoylake UK.
NET: http://www.opengolf.com

• “Edmonton’s Capital Ex” through July 29, the newly renamed and renovated exhibition formerly known as “Klondike Days” which includes the “Ed Fest” concert series featuring Nelly Furtado, Our Lady Peace, Sam Roberts, Hedley, Three Days Grace, Simple Plan, etc. (Changing to a new name is cool, but why not something more innovative than ‘Ex’? There’s already an ‘Ex’ in Vancouver, Toronto, Ottawa, Kitchener-Waterloo, Dog River …)
NET: http://capitalex.ca/

• “Hemingway Days Festival”, the 26th annual in Key West FL celebrating the lifestyle of famed author Ernest Hemingway. Apparently you drink like a fish … then put a shotgun to your head.
PHONER: 800.275.5397/305.461.3300 (Andy Newman/Carol Shaughnessy)
NET: http://www.fla-keys.com/hemingwaymedia

• “Moon Day”, the 37th anniversary of the first lunar landing in 1969. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first to walk on the moon as he proclaimed “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” while nearly 700 million Earthlings tuned in. Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin joined him later. Killer trivia question – who was the 3rd astronaut stuck orbiting above? (Michael Collins)

• “Special Olympics Day”, a day of awareness for disabled athletes. It’s a good day to rent the Johnny Knoxville movie “The Ringer”, which believe it or not is not that bad and does a good job of highlighting the importance of Special Olympics.

• “Ugly Truck Day”. Sure a brand new, shiny truck with all the gadgets  working is a great thing. But, an old, ugly truck is something to cherish with pride. It’s a guy thing!

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [14] Madonna appears in “Playboy” magazine photo spread (pre-varicose veins)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1858 [148] 1st ‘Admission’ charged at a baseball game as patrons pay just 50 cents to see NY All-Stars beat Brooklyn 22-18 (however, a plastic cup of watered-down beer was $18.50 – just like today)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1919 [87] Hottest day ever recorded in Ontario at 42.2 C (we’re getting close!)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Junk Food Day
[Sat] Rat Catcher’s Day
[Sat] Hammock Day
[Sun] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Sun] Gorgeous Grandma Day
[Sun] Hot Dog Day
This Week Is … Avoid Boredom Week
This Month Is … Purposeful Parenting Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’RE A DUMB GUY:
• Inability to predict upcoming traffic light color.
• You subsist entirely on a diet of accidentally swallowed gum.
• You have to call an electrician every morning to turn off alarm clock.
• People wearing “I’m With Stupid” T-shirts are always asking to walk beside you.
• Every time someone tells a knock-knock joke, you get up to answer the door.
• You drag your butt out of bed at 3am to shuffle into a radio station and do a morning show.

BS STUFF THAT’S OVERRATED:
• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” – Depp in eye makeup was funny … once.
• Cats – They sleep. They cough up hairballs. They sleep. They soil the litter. They sleep.
• Summer – Hot n’ sticky. Crowds of vacationers trying to have ‘fun’ en masse.
• Starbucks – Buddy, can you spare me a 10-spot for a cup of coffee?
• Celebrities – They’re just people for heaven’s sake. Fame is proof that we’re are gullible.
• HDTV – We pay an extra grand and they’ll show us better pictures … but only sometimes.
• Digital Photography – Great photos that are either at home on your computer or that you end up showing people on the little 2-inch-square screen of your overpriced camera.
• “The Daily Show” – Once cutting edge, now formulaic. Is Jon Stewart parodying himself?
• Jennifer Aniston – Being ‘Rachel‘ on “Friends” wasn’t acting, it was just her … as we’ve now discovered in film after film.
• Retirement – What will you do all day besides drive around really … really … slowly?
• Tattoos – That one on your ass is gonna look really hot when you’re 80.
• Hillary Duff – She should only be famous for having her horrendously huge teeth featured in a dental journal.
• iPods – Someday all the consumer lemmings who just had to have one will realize they’re really tired of listening to the same tunes over & over, not to mention continually asking, “What?”
• “Canadian Idol” – Mediocre talent judged by a panel of ‘experts’ we’ve never heard of.
• Sliced Bread … Boring. The aroma of a fresh loaf baking in the oven … now that’s hot!
Ask listeners to add more.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate … so I got 2 girlfriends.
• A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When it comes to on-line dating, over a third of men are looking for THIS in their future dates.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Women who make more money than them.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The world is full of cactus … but you don’t have to sit on it.


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