Monday, July 17, 2006        Edition: #3328
Can You Believe This Sheet?

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• At least 2 people in Telluride CO claim to have seen Suri, the elusive ‘Baby Cruise’, who is quickly gaining Bigfoot status in the area since Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes have been holed up at his local spread. Unfortunately, all one witness could report was that she’s ‘funny looking … her fingers are small’. Hmm, maybe that’s because she’s a baby?
– “Us Weekly”
• 52-year-old former supermodel Christie Brinkley caught her 47-year-old husband Peter Cook cheating with his 19-year-old personal assistant. That’s reportedly the story behind their sudden marriage breakup. The girl’s stepfather is a local cop in Southampton NY and apparently confronted Cook on the illicit romance right in front of Brinkley. The next day, she threw him out of the house.
– “National Enquirer”
• Perpetually angry model Naomi Cambell is being sued yet again, this time by former assistant Amanda Brecker who alleges she suffered ‘assault, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress, reckless infliction of emotional distress and false imprisonment’ during her employment. For those keeping score, this is now the 3rd suit filed by a former employee.
– “Digital Spy”
• Actor-turned-producer Henry Winkler (“Happy Days”) is trying to gather the former stars of the “Charlie’s Angels” TV show for a 30th anniversary special later THIS YEAR (he’s the one to blame for recent cast reunions of “Dallas”, “Knots Landing” & “Dynasty”). So far 88-year-old John Forsythe, who voiced the never-seen ‘Charlie’, has agreed to appear but the actual ‘Angels’ – Farrah Fawcett (59), Jaclyn Smith (61) & Kate Jackson (57) – have yet to commit. One thing for sure, David Doyle who played ‘Bosley’ on the show will be a no-show … he died in 1997. Think this trio who were once considered hotties will want TV viewers to see them now?
– “Daily Dish”
• 43-year-old Demi Moore’s hopes for a Hollywood comeback are looking dim after her new movie, “Half Light”, has failed to find a North American distributor. Seems she was advised that appearing in the supernatural British film would do for her what “The Others” did for Nicole Kidman. But “Half Light” has made less than $100,000 after 3 weeks in UK cinemas and one insider describes it as ‘a total stinker, probably the box office turkey of the year so far’.
– “NY Post”
• Britney Spears & hubby Kevin Federline are reportedly seeing a $1,000-an-hour counselor in a bid to save their marriage. Sources say the marriage counselor is doing house calls at their Malibu CA mansion twice a week in a bid to get the relationship back on track. Spears, 7-months-pregnant with their 2nd child, has reportedly told friends, “We need this.”
– “Life & Style”
• Johnny Depp, his French partner Vanessa Paradis, and their children Lily-Rose & Jack are relocating to a private island in the Bahamas that he purchased in 2004 after stumbling across it while filming the first “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie. Depp says the secluded isle will now be their home-base because it’s so peaceful and relaxed, but they’ll still spend time in France and the US so the kids grow up in both cultures. Gee, life’s tough.
– “OK!”
• “Superman Returns” star Brandon Routh has been offered a half-million dollars to pose for “Playgirl” magazine. He’s said to be seriously considering the offer but has yet to decide if he’ll reveal what’s behind the cape. “Playgirl” magazine is still around? Who needs who more?
– “In Touch”
• The top 10 brand names mentioned in hip-hop tracks in the past year: Mercedes, Nike, Cadillac, Bentley, Rolls-Royce, Hennessy, Chevrolet, Louis Vuitton, Crystal … and AK-47.
– PopBitch.com

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Avril Lavigne – She wed Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley SATURDAY at a private estate in Montecito CA. The couple said their vows in an outdoor ceremony under an awning decorated with white flowers in front of 110 guests, including family & friends from Canada.
• Beyoncé Knowles – After slimming down for her role in the upcoming movie musical “Dreamgirls”, she’s thrilled with new a new photoshoot for men’s mag, “Giant”. Since losing 20 lbs, she thinks she now looks as good as she gets. Hey, she was no slouch before.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie (Stacy Ferguson) has slammed reports she’s engaged to “Las Vegas” actor Josh Duhamel, saying they get too much media attention to even think about marriage. She wants to wed after the chaos dies down. They’ve been a twosome for 2 years.
• Daniel Powter – TONIGHT he kicks off his first US tour at Philadelphia’s Theatre of Living Arts.
• Eminem – Cops are asking him to tell his side of the story after a 48-year-old Royal Oak MI man complained he was punched ‘4 or 5 times’ in the face by the rapper while using the men’s room at the Cheetah exotic dance club on Detroit‘s 8 Mile. The man, identified as Miad J, claims he was just minding his own business … ‘taking a leak’.
• KT Tunstall – TONIGHT she guests on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Madonna – A jealous Guy Ritchie reportedly pulled her off the dance floor after watching her gyrate with her former boyfriend Lenny Kravitz at a bash to celebrate her sold-out gigs in NYC. Onlookers say the incident was awkward but Madonna played it cool and left with her hubby.
• Nelly Furtado – TONIGHT she ‘coaches’ contestants on “Canadian Idol”, then appears again on TOMORROW’s results show..
• Janet Jackson – Her producer/boyfriend Jermaine Dupri has been overheard telling friends that they’re planning to wed SEPTEMBER 26th.
• Paul McCartney – He threw a ‘moving-on’ party over the weekend to celebrate a new stage of his life without estranged wife Heather Mills. A source says the bash was McCartney’s way of saying thanks to friends & family who’ve been so supportive recently.
• Rascal Flatts – TONIGHT they perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Three Days Grace – TONIGHT they guest on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Usher – He’ll make his Broadway debut in the hit musical “Chicago”, taking over the role of slick lawyer ‘Billy Flynn’ from AUGUST 22nd through October 1st.
• Weezer – Frontman Rivers Cuomo has confirmed the group is on an indefinite hiatus if not splitting up for good. Gee, who gets the groupies?

THE SELF-DRIVING CAR:
Volkswagen engineers have created the world’s first completely automatic vehicle. The electronically jacked-up VW GTi uses radar and laser sensors to read the road and send details to an onboard satellite navigation system which governs the car’s movements to within 1 inch. On the test track near Volkswagen’s headquarters in Wolfsburg, Germany, the car was able to outperform human drivers around an obstacle course, accelerating, braking, and steering itself through the course at full power, sometimes reaching speeds up to 240 km/hr, about 150 mph.
– “Daily Mail”

SHALLOW SUITS:
Here’s an odd result of our sue-happy society – pool contractors say that increasingly more public and private swimming pools are being built without deep ends or diving boards. Many older pools are being renovated, with diving boards lowered or removed. The problem is injured divers have been suing anyone and everyone involved with accidents, from homeowners to builders. There’s at least one positive aspect to shallow pools – less water to heat.
– Reuters

ODDS ARE:
You would have to fly on an airplane every day for 19,000 years before the odds caught up with you and you died in a plane crash. Your odds of being attacked by a shark are only 1 in 11.5 million. Being murdered is also exceedingly rare, and the odds of you dying in a terrorist attack are just 1 in 9.3 million. Meanwhile, the actual leading causes of death include many of our bad habits – smoking, drinking, poor diet, lack of exercise, vehicle accidents, illicit drugs, and unsafe sex.
– SixWise.com

UMD IS SOL?
The Target department store chain has removed movies in the UMD format from its shelves. UMD cartridges are the ones that can only be played on Sony PlayStation Portable (PSP) devices. In recent weeks, there have been reports that the cartridges have found few buyers. Some websites are suggesting that Wal-Mart may be the next to clear out its UMD supply.
– “Contact Music”

WHAT YOU READ & WHAT YOU DREAM:
Do you read yourself to sleep at night? A survey by researchers at the University of Wales finds that what we read influences our dreams. Highlights of the poll of over 10,000 readers …
• People who read fiction have more bizarre and emotionally tense dreams and are more likely to remember them.
• Those who read fantasy novels have more nightmares and more dreams in which they’re aware that they are dreaming.
• Romance novel readers are more likely to tell their dreams to others.
Wonder what it means if your dreams have all the dialogue in speech bubbles?
– “The Week”

ROACH MAGNET:
Belgian scientists have created a mini-robot which can attract the cockroaches crawling in the walls of your home into one area where they can easily be killed. The ‘InsBot’ is covered in pheromones which make it smell just like a cockroach, enabling it to gather a group of the critters around one area where they can be finished off. By the way, the inventors claim that cockroaches are the victims of ‘bad press’ and are actually ‘no dirtier than flies’.
– “The Observer”

DON’T FORGET TO HAVE ANOTHER CUP:
Research published in the “European Journal of Neurology” suggests that drinking at least 3 cups of coffee a day can reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease by as much as 60%. The study comparing Alzheimer’s patients with healthy people of the same age found that those who had no signs of the brain disease had consumed an average of 3-to-4 cups of java a day since the age of 25. At least, according to lead researcher Juan Valdez.
– “Science”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• In the month since Al-Queda leader Abu Musab al-Zaqawi was killed in Iraq, Baghdad’s central morgue has received 1,600 bodies.
• The 3 richest people in the world have assets exceeding the combined Gross Domestic Product of the 48 poorest countries.

THE BULL SHEET 07.17.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1917 [89] Phyllis Diller (Driver), Lima OH, legendary comedian (“Last Comic Standing” judge)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1993)/Women’s International Center Living Legacy Award (1990)/retired from stand-up in 2002 but continues to voice animated characters in movies

1934 [71] Donald Sutherland, Saint John NB, movie actor (“Pride & Prejudice”, “Cold Mountain”)/TV actor (“Commander in Chief” 2005-06)/”24“ actor Keifer Sutherland’s pop/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2000)/Order of Canada (1978)  FACTOID: Grew up in Bridgewater NS where his first part-time job was news reporter at CKBW at age 14

1947 [59] The Duchess of Cornwall (Camilla Parker Bowles Windsor), Plumpton UK, Prince Charles’ longtime mistress whom he finally wed in April 2005 (she’s 413 in dog years)

1952 [54] David Hasselhoff, Baltimore MD, TV personality (“America’s Got Talent” judge)/movie actor (“Click”, “Dodgeball”)/former TV actor (“Baywatch” 1989-2000, “Knight Rider” 1982-86)

1965 [41] Craig Morgan, Kingston Springs TN, country singer (“I Got You”, “That’s What I Love About Sunday”)

TODAY’S BS REASON TO PARTY . . .
“Backward Masking Awareness Week”, celebrating the fabled electronic technique of implanting hidden messages in music recordings that can only be discovered by playing the recording backwards at slow speed. The practice gained mythical status at the end of the Beatles era when the message ‘Paul’s dead’ was supposedly buried in one of their recordings. It’s a good excuse to conduct some on-air ‘experiments’ using tunes from your playlist to ‘discover’ hidden messages (which you’ve recorded and altered at slow speed).

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1955 [51] ‘Disneyland’ opens in Anaheim CA, billed ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’ (live TV broadcast is hosted by Walt Disney, Art Linkletter & Ronald Reagan)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1994 [12] ‘International singing star’ Dennis KC Park mistakenly sings “O Canada” to the tune of “O Christmas Tree” to open a CFL game in Las Vegas NV

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1902 [104] Buffalo NY engineer Willis Carrier installs 1st ‘Air Conditioning System’ in a Brooklyn NY printing plant (for the next 20 years his invention is used primarily to cool machines … not people)

1917 [89] British royal family 1st uses surname ‘Windsor’ in attempt to rid itself of its German heritage (and the hard-to-spell ‘Saxe-Coburg-Gotha’)

1976 [30] 1st Olympic Games in Canada open in Montréal (Canada becomes 1st host country NOT to win at least 1 gold medal)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1941 [65] NY Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio doesn’t get a hit, bringing his ‘Consecutive Game Hitting Streak’ to a close after 56 games – since May 16th! (a record that still stands)

1982 [24] 52-year-old Don Bennett of Seattle WA becomes 1st ‘One-Legged Mountain Climber’ to hop to the top of 14,408-ft Mount Rainier

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Caviar Day
[Tues] Stick Out Your Tongue Day
[Tues] Get Out of the Doghouse Day
[Thurs] Ugly Truck Day
[Thurs] Special Olympics Day
[Thurs] Chess Day
[Thurs] Lollipop Day
[Thurs-July 29] Edmonton’s Capital Ex

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Rabbit Week / Captive Nations Week / Independent Retailers Week / Baby Food Week / Backwards Masking Awareness Week / Lyme Disease Awareness Week / Avoid Boredom Week / Space Week

BULL’S BITS

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• Which famous female has the best pair of fakes?
• Which celebrity do you secretly like but pretend not to?
• What odd item has been taken from you by airport security?

BS Q&A:
Q: 54% of us always go from the left to the right when we’re performing this summery activity.
A: Eating corn on the cob.

BS WEB GOODIE:
If you don’t want the calories from a fortune cookie, here’s a site that automatically dispenses your personal fortune … er, maybe make that misfortune. The readings are sarcastic if not downright cruel … you know, fun!
NET: http://badcookie.com/

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• “So You Think You Can Dance” host Cat Deeley has been found head-butted to death in the apartment of a French soccer player. Cops think it may be a case of murder on Zidanes’ floor.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy … other times I let her sleep.
• My grandpa finally quit smoking … it was a beautiful service.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is the word that’s most often misspelled when typed into search engines.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Restaurant.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The older you get, the better you were.


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