Wednesday, July 12, 2006        Edition: #3325
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT another 15 designers vie for the top prize in the 3rd-season of Heidi Klum’s “Project Runway” (Bravo/Life) which debuts with a 2-hour special (insiders say that this time around at least 2 of the male contestants are straight!) . . . TONIGHT “Nightmares & Dreamscapes”, a 4-part miniseries based on Stephen King short stories debuts (TNT) with the episode “Battleground”, starring William Hurt as a hit-man . . . TONIGHT Lance Armstrong hosts the 2006 “ESPY Awards” for sports achievement (ESPN), with awards presented by Janet Jackson, Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Mariah Carey, Kiefer Sutherland & others . . . Former cycling champ Lance Armstrong is also currently in training to complete in the “NYC Marathon” in NOVEMBER, but admits it’s tough because running is so different from cycling (actors Matthew McConaughey & Jake Gyllenhaal are said to be helping him shape up) . . . CBC-TV talk show host & former MuchMusic VJ George Stroumboulopoulos is in Los Angeles hosting the talent show “The One: Making a Music Star”, an 8-week series that debuts TUESDAY on both CBC & ABC in the States . . . Actress Lindsay Lohan is getting a reported $2-million fee for her appearance in ads for  Proactiv anti-acne products . . . Recently divorced comic actor Eddie Murphy & former Spice Girl Melanie Brown are said to have become an item since her relocation to Los Angeles (would that make her ‘Dolittle Spice’?) . . . And actress Denise Richards has quickly sold off the Westlake Village CA property she shared with estranged husband Charlie Sheen for $4.1 million (likely so she can get away from former pal Heather Locklear who lives nearby – and whose husband she stole!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• AC/DC – A plaque stolen from the grave of former lead singer Bon Scott will be replaced by the National Trust of Australia. The grave in Perth’s Fremantle Cemetery is officially listed as a ‘National Heritage Site’. The theft was discovered by fans on what would have been his 60th birthday SUNDAY.
• Billy Joel – TONIGHT a concerto based on his classical compositions & popular tunes makes its Canadian debut at Hamilton ON’s “Boris Brott Music Festival”, performed by American piano man Jeffrey Biegel.
• The Killers – Their as-yet-untitled 2nd album is due for release OCTOBER 3rd. It was recorded in the band’s hometown of Las Vegas.
• LeAnn Rimes – YESTERDAY she underwent surgery in LA for a tissue tear in the leg. The procedure has forced the postponement of concerts scheduled this week for Hampton Beach NH and Niagara Falls ON.
• Nickelback – THIS WEEK “eTalk Daily” (CTV) is on tour with the band as they hit Portland ME, Montréal and Toronto.
• Smokey Robinson – TONIGHT the Motown legend guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• The Wreckers – TONIGHT they perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).

SUFFERING IN SILENCE:
It’s official – women feel pain more than men – but they also cope with it better. According to a neuro-scientist, most studies show that females are more sensitive to pain, but are more ready to deal with it and handle the emotional consequences. (Ask any woman who has nursed her man through a common cold.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

ON THE CATWALK IN KABUL:
Afghanistan’s capital city Kabul has held its first-ever fashion show. Clothes made from Afghan textiles, including fashion burkas and body-skimming outfits, were paraded down the catwalk by non-Afghan models to the accompaniment of traditional local music. One of the designers behind the event says Afghan women were invited to attend the show but not to be models because there are strict laws on what women can wear in public. (Wait a sec – we’re still back at ‘fashion burkas’ …)
– “GQ”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
• 93% of 16-18 year-old Canadians believe that, with hard work, prosperity & happiness are within reach.
• 66% of men & 51% of women think it’s better to get married than go through life single.
• 35% of us keep extra money we’ve earned secret from our partners.
• 25% of women & 5% of men are stalked at some point in their lives.
• 24% of people between 18-and-50 have at least 1 tattoo.
• 7% of single women wouldn’t mind supporting a husband financially.

HOW I DIDN’T SPEND MY SUMMER VACATION:
Moscow travel agency Persey Tours is getting big rubles for providing – non-existent vacations. To image-conscious Russians, it’s more important to look like a somebody than to actually be a somebody so they’re quite happy to shell out for souvenirs & doctored photos that suggest they holidayed in some exotic location. A Siberian gas station owner, for instance, paid the equivalent of $2,000 for evidence he’d ridden the Russian Space Shuttle to the Moon. Then there’s the ‘cover-up’ motive – philandering husbands can fake a ‘fishing trip’ by paying for an answering service at a ‘lodge’ that will swear the hubby is checked-in but unavailable, along with phony photos and even a few dead fish on ice. (There’s the give away – claiming you actually caught something!)
– “LA Times”

WOW, IT’S DIGITAL STINK!
Japan’s Tokyo Institute of Technology has developed a new gadget that records and replays – odors. The new device analyzes smells through 15 sensors, records the recipe in digital format and then reproduces the scent by mixing 96 chemicals and vaporizing the result. Creator Takamichi Nakamoto says the technology will have applications in food and fragrance industries where companies want to replicate specific odors. It could also aid online shoppers by allowing them to check out perfumes or flowers before they buy. There’s just one problem – the machine is a bit too big to be portable, measuring 1 m-by-70 cm, about 3 ft-by-2 ft. (But even that’s not large enough to contain the odor emanating from [co-host’s] 12-year-old station T-shirt.)
– CNEWS

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• You’ve likely heard about ‘face recognition software’, but now Britain’s Ministry of Defence has commissioned Southampton University scientists to devise a system of identifying criminals – by the way they walk. The scientists admit it may sound a little silly but each of us does, in fact, have a  distinctive walk thanks to differences in bone density, muscle strength, coordination, body mass, old injuries, etc. Officials believe the technology could be useful in cases where a suspect’s walk is caught on tape but not the face.
– “Times of London”
• As if Hurricane Katrina wasn’t enough to deal with, clothing stores in New Orleans LA are being terrorized by a gang of – cross-dressing shoplifters! Wearing brassy blonde wigs, stiletto heels and skintight tank-tops, the designer-purse toting bandits have hit at least half a dozen times since shops along Magazine Street reopened.
– “USA Today”
• A London pub owner is betting his business on the argument that poker is a game of skill. Derek Kelly’s 2-year-old pub “Gutshot” does not have a casino licence but hundreds of patrons play poker there anyway. That’s why he was recently charged with violations to the UK’s Gambling Act. When he goes to trial, he’ll argue that poker is not a game of chance but should be considered a game of skill like chess or checkers.
– “The Independent”

BS AMAZING FACT:
There are, on average, about 1,800 thunderstorms in progress at any one time around-the-world, with 100 lightning strikes every second. The chance of being hit by lightning is about 1 in 3 million.

HE SAID IT:
“Women are confusing. I think the clinical term is nuts.”
– Movie actor Luke Wilson, who co-stars with Uma Thurman in “My Super Ex-Girlfriend”, opening JULY 21st.

THE BULL SHEET 07.12.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [69] Bill Cosby, Philadelphia PA, comedian/former #1 TV star (“The Cosby Show” 1984-92)

1943 [63] Christine McVie, Birmingham UK, classic rock singer (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1948 [58] Richard Simmons, New Orleans LA, 5′-6″ chubby weight-loss guru (“Sweatin’ to the Oldies”)

1978 [28] Topher Grace, NYC (“That ’70s Show” 1998-2005)/movie actor (“Spider-Man 3″ 2007)

1978 [28] Michelle Rodriguez, Bexar County TX, TV actress (‘Ana-Lucia Cortez’ on “Lost” 2005-06)/movie actress (“BloodRayne”, “The Fast & the Furious”) convicted on DUI and probation violation charges over the past 6 months

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Different Colored Eyes Day”, celebrating diversity of eye color. Wouldn’t the world be boring if everyone had eyes the same color? Or is this a salute to those who have eyes that are a different color from each another? Famous people who have this condition (heterochromia) include David Bowie, Kiefer Sutherland & Christopher Walken.

• “Pecan Pie Day”, celebrating one of the most decadent of all desserts. The crust and pecans aren’t necessary … just the yummy goo in the center!

• “Swimming Pool Day”, a good day to call a friend who has one and invite yourself over.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1976 [30] “The Family Feud” TV game show debuts, hosted by Richard Dawson (ABC)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1981 [25] 1st woman ordered to pay alimony to her ex-husband (now fairly common)

1998 [08] 1st-ever “World Cup” soccer championship for France, which head-butted Brazil 3-0 (1.7 billion watch around-the-world)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [10] Michael Jordan signs with Chicago Bulls for NBA-record $30 million-a-season

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Gruntled Workers Day
[Thurs] Embrace Your Geekness Day
[Fri] “Little Man” & “You, Me and Dupree” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Be A Dork Day
[Sat] Canada’s National Parks Day
[Sun] National Ice Cream Day
This Week Is … Mosquito Week
This Month Is … Blueberries Month

BULL’S BITS

THE WEEK’S WACKIEST TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Beach Party Terror! Deadly Manfish Emerges from the Ocean to Attack Party-Goers!”
• “Shocking Royal Claim … Camilla Is a Man!”
• “Judge Fires Bailiff for Using ‘Moby Dick’ Instead of ‘Bible’ to Swear Witnesses In!”
• “Stare-oids! Growth Hormones Cause Bodybuilder’s Eyes to Pop Out of His Head!”
• “Man Rushed to Emergency Room After Money Burns Hole in His Pocket!”
• “The Sixth Sense Is Not ‘Intuition’ – It’s a Unique Combination of Smell & Touch: Smuch!”

THIS WEEK is “Sports Cliché Week”, honoring those kitschy little sayings that play-by-play announcers, analysts and players have developed into a virtual language. Imagine hearing these for the first time without understanding the game …
GOOFY BS SPORTS CLICHÉS:
• He always gives 110%.
• They’re taking it one game at a time.
• They have to stay focused.
• There is no ‘I’ in team.
• They can score from anywhere on the ice.
• They have to find a way to put the puck in the net.
• You don’t want to give up a soft goal here.
• They’re looking for the equalizer.
• He went upstairs … to the top shelf.
• He’s been playing steady between the pipes.
• He’s pitching a gem.
• He hit that one right on the screws.
• He was caught napping.
• He tattooed that one.
• He uncorked a wild pitch.
• Kiss that one goodbye – it’s outta here!
(Ask listeners to add more!)

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Today’s program is so great … I may even leave by the front entrance.
• Teamwork is essential … it allows you to blame someone else.
• The way to a man’s heart is through the left ventricle.

WHAT SHE’S READING THIS MONTH:
• “Handling Bitchy Insults” [“Redbook”]
• “Savor the Seven Sins of Summer” [“Chatelaine”]
• “What’s Your Spa Personality?” [“Woman’s Day”]
• “How Foxy Do You Feel?” [“Cosmopolitan”]
• “Lose Weight by the Weekend!” [“Ladies’ Home Journal”]
• “Yes, You Can Lose the Weight!” [“Glamour”]

WHAT HE’S READING THIS MONTH:
• “The Days & Nights of an NBA Groupie” [“GQ”]
• “What it Feels Like to Chop a Man’s Head Off” [“Esquire”]
• “What She Wants You to Do to Her” [“Men’s Health”]
• “Screw Exercising, Hyper-Caffeinated Shock Coffee Will Raise Your Heart Rate in No Time!” [“Stuff”]
• “Stop Choking the Chicken & Start Rolling the Burrito” [“Maxim”]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Is this a sign of the times? The average guy now worries more about THIS than losing his job.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Gaining weight.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

BS FRESH MEAT:
BS salutes new subscriber Augie Tulba @ Q103 [KNUQ] Maui HI; and samplers Taylor @ Surf 98.3 [WSFM] Wilmington NC; Shane Hewitt @ KYX 98 [CKYX] Fort McMurray AB; Charlie Wood @ FM 94.7 [KNEN] Norfolk NE; Pete Timmoney @ K103.7FM [CKRK] Chateauguay QC; Jessica Mathew @ Fidelity 95.7 [WFID] San Juan, Puerto Rico; and John Hubbard @ 4TTT 103.9 FM Townsville, Australia. Welcome to the pasture, all! You can subscribe or renew your subscription right here – http://thebullsheet.com/location.html


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