Monday, July 10, 2006        Edition: #3323
Thanks For Being On Our Sheet List!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• “US Weekly” – Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn spent a week together in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico even though neither will yet confirm they’re in a relationship. But the ever-present anonymous ‘friend’ has reportedly blabbed that “The Breakup” co-stars are planning to get wed.
• “Teen Hollywood” –  With big sister Paris Hilton singing, acting, opening clubs, writing books & the like, 22-year-old Nicky Hilton has opted to get into the family biz … hotels. She’s planning to renovate 2 existing buildings into the ‘Nicky O South Beach’, opening in Miami FL later THIS YEAR. Named after Hilton, whose middle name is ‘Olivia’, the new hotel will feature a $5,000-a-night penthouse suite designed by fashion boss Roberto Cavalli. And that’s just the first of a half-dozen Nicky O hotels that are planned, the next in Chicago.
• “E! Online” – TV mogul Aaron Spelling’s widow Candy Spelling is denying reports that she has already placed the 15-year-old mansion she shared with her late husband on the market for $150 million. The 123-room spread, nicknamed ‘Candy Castle’,  is California’s largest private home and features a bedroom the size of a basketball court and 2 rooms used specifically for wrapping gifts.
• “World Entertainment News” – The New Zealand woman who caught Nicole Kidman’s wedding bouquet has had to leave it at the airport after discovering she wasn’t allowed to fly out of Australia carrying plants. Evelyn White, best friend of Keith Urban’s mother, says the bio-security laws prevented her from retaining the souvenir … which some lucky security guard will now sell on eBay.
• “People” – This wedding had reality show contestants as guests: “Survivor: Palau” & “Survivor: Guatemala” castaway Stephenie LaGrossa wed her longtime boyfriend, Michael Ward, on the weekend at a beach in Seaside Heights NJ. Those in attendance included “Survivor” winners Tom Westman & Danni Boatwright. And here’s a wedding of reality show stars: “Extreme Makeover” dentist Dr Bill Dorfman has married former “Apprentice” contestant Jennifer Murphy at the Trump National Golf Club in Rancho Palos Verdes CA. The 300 guests included Donald Trump, of course, and several of Murphy’s former co-stars.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – “Penny Lane”, the Liverpool street made famous in their 1967 song, will retain that name even though city council is in the midst of renaming streets linked to the 18th-century slave trade. It’s thought to have been named after slave ship owner James Penny, who made his fortune dealing in humans. It’s been decided an exception will be made for one of the city’s most famous and most photographed streets.
• DMX – The rapper is heading to the Arizona desert to seek clarity in his troubled life (he’s been in & out of jail for much of the past year) and this search for epiphany will be documented in the reality show, “Soul of a Man“, on BET. It’s all part of the hype surround an attempted ‘comeback’ later THIS YEAR, after announcing his retirement in 2003.
• Jose Carreras – TODAY the Spanish tenor sings with the Sarajevo Philharmonic Orchestra as part of a music festival. It’s been 12 years since he performed there in a burned-out library to raise money for rebuilding the war-ravaged Bosnian capital.
• Madonna – Word has it she’s holding secret discussions with Jessica Simpson & Lindsay Lohan about pulling off some sort of stunt at THIS YEAR’s “MTV Video Music Awards” (AUGUST 31st) similar to the infamous 3-way kiss with Britney Spears & Christina Aguilera on the show 3 years ago. Wow, that’ll be original, won’t it?
• Queen – Lead guitarist Brian May has blabbed that “We Will Rock You”, the musical based on Queen’s music, will be replacing “The Lord of the Rings” in Toronto’s Princess of Wales Theatre after it closes SEPTEMBER 3rd. Mirvish Productions has yet to confirm.
• Rolling Stones – In a radical change-of-pace, wildman Keith Richards has contributed to the recording of “My Soul Is a Witness”, an album of gospel & spiritual music. Has he seen the light? Naw … just doing a favor for his sister-in-law, Marsha Hansen.
• Sheryl Crow – After surviving cancer, the 44-year-old says her next challenge will be becoming a mom, whether it’s through surrogacy, adoption, or by having her own child.
• Spice Girls – Except for Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice) , they’re still signed to Virgin Records and contractually owe a “Greatest Hits” album which will come out in NOVEMBER and include a new single called “W.O.M.A.N”.
• Train – TONIGHT they guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).

BIGGEST BOX OFFICE?
Preliminary estimates show that “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” earned $55.5 million on FRIDAY alone, setting a record for the largest 1-day take at the box office. The previous record was set LAST YEAR by “Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith”, which grossed about $50 million.
– AP

TOP SELLING ALBUMS OF 2006:
According to new figures from Nielsen SoundScan, the “High School Musical” soundtrack has sold 2.2 million copies for the 26-week period ending JULY 2nd to become the top-selling album so far THIS YEAR. Runner-up is Rascal Flatts’ “Me & My Gang”, with just under 2 million copies sold since its release in APRIL. Other top-sellers include Carrie Underwood, James Blunt, Mary J Blige, TI, the Dixie Chicks, Andrea Bocelli, and Nickelback.
– “Billboard”

OUR FAVORITE ALL-AMERICANS:
According to an “Entertainment Tonight” poll …
5. Clay Aiken
4. Johnny Depp
3. Tom Cruise
2. Reese Witherspoon
1. Jennifer Aniston
– “The Sun”

HOW TO BECOME A MONTRÉAL / MANHATTAN DRIVER:
The newly released tongue-in-cheek book, “The Bad Driver’s Handbook: Hundreds of Simple Maneuvers to Frustrate, Annoy & Endanger Those Around You”, includes chapters titled “Bribes, Threats & Other Secrets to Getting Your Licence”; “Intimidating Pedestrians”; “Making Your Car Louder”; “Turn Signals: Why Give Up the Element of Surprise?”; and “Driving When You Can No Longer See”.
– “Curious Times”

BS NEW GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• ‘Anti Drunk-Dialing Cellphone’ – LG’s LP4100 incorporates a breathalyser into a flip-phone, and stops you accessing designated numbers if your blood-alcohol content is above a certain level.
• ‘Plantronics Pulsar’ – A pair of wireless headphones that uses Bluetooth technology to access both a cellphone and iPod. If someone calls you while you’re listening to tunes, you hear a chirp in the headset. When a button on the headpiece is touched, the music pauses and you’re connected wirelessly to the phone in your pocket. When you hang up, the music resumes.
• ‘SmartLipo’ – A new type of liposuction that’s just been approved zaps fat with a laser. It’s supposed to be fast and painless, done with only a local anesthetic, and leaves no scars. Cost is approx $3,000 per area of flab.

WHO’D VOLUNTEER FOR THIS?
For a Swiss study, women were asked to sniff T-shirts that men had slept in for 2 days. Most preferred body odors that differed from their own. Researchers say that’s due to intrinsic survival sense. By picking a mate that has a different scent, a woman passes on broader immune protection to her children.
– ANI

BS WAYS TO BEAT WORK STRESS:
Thanks to increasing workloads, longer schedules, less time at home & fewer vacation days, more than half of workers polled say they work under a great deal of stress. A few tips to ease the pain …
• ID the Culprit: Pinpointing the source of your stress is the first step to combatting it.
• Prioritize: Tackle the more difficult & important tasks first each day to ensure you have time to complete them.
• Realistic Expectations: Set reasonable short-term & long-term goals for yourself so you don’t over-promise and under-deliver.
• Avoid Interruptions: Set aside a certain period each day devoted to returning e-mail & voicemail messages so you won’t be constantly interrupted. And put down that ‘Crackberry’!
• Stay Healthy: Get plenty of sleep, drink water, eat nutritiously, exercise.
• Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: Recognize what you can & cannot change. If you can change it, do it. If you can’t, let it go.
• Take Some Downtime: Regularly schedule breaks, even if it’s only a moment to get up and stretch, stare out a window, or go for a short walk.
• Delegate: Effective managers delegate and don’t micro-manage.
• Organize: Before you leave work, take a few minutes to clean up your workspace & create the next day’s to-do list.
– CareerBuilder.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
There are more chickens than people in the world.

CUTTING EDGE VOCAB:
Among the 100-odd new additions to the 2006 “Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary” …
• ‘Drama Queen’ – A female who is excessively emotional over seemingly insignificant events.
• ‘Google’ – When used as a verb, meaning to find info quickly on the web.
• ‘Himbo’ – The guy version of a bimbo … an attractive, vacuous male.
• ‘Mouse Potato’ – Someone who spends a lot of time on the computer.
• ‘Soul Patch’ – A small growth of beard under a man’s lower lip.
• ‘Unibrow’ – 2 eyebrows joining together into a mega-caterpillar.
Also added this year: ‘avian influenza’, ‘bio-diesel’, ‘ringtones’, and ‘supersize’. The editors admit that by the time slang words are assimilated into everyday language, they often aren’t considered ‘cool’ anymore.
– CNN

AND WE QUOTE:
“He seemed very independent and serious … I wanted to cuddle him like a kitten and it came out in this gesture. He seemed so nice.”
– Russian president Vladimir Putin attempting to explain why he recently pulled up the T-shirt of a young boy visiting the Kremlin and bizarrely kissed him on the stomach.

THE BULL SHEET 07.10.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [75] Alice Munro, Wingham ON, Canadian author (“Dance of the Happy Shades”, “Who Do You Think You Are?”) who’s won 3 “Governor General’s Awards”, 2 “Giller Prizes”, the “Trillium Book Award” and the “Canadian Booksellers Award”

1946 [60] Roger Abbott, Birkenhead UK, TV comic (CBC’s “Royal Canadian Air Farce” since 1973)

1947 [59] Arlo Guthrie, Brooklyn NY, folk singer (“City of New Orleans”) / Woody Guthrie’s son

1954 [52] Neil Tennant, North Shields UK, classic rock singer (Pet Shop Boys-“West End Girls”)

1970 [36] Gary LeVox, Columbus OH, country singer (Rascal Flatts-“Life Is A Highway”, “Me & My Gang”)

1971 [35] Adam Foote, Toronto ON, NHL defenceman (Columbus Bluejackets, ex-Colorado Avalanche)/Team Canada member (1996/2004 World Cup of Hockey, 1998/2002/2006 Winter Olympics)

1976 [30] Adrian Grenier, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (‘Vincent Chase’ on HBO’s “Entourage” since 2004)/movie actor (“The Devil Wears Prada”)

1980 [26] Jessica Simpson, Abilene TX, bad pop singer (“A Public Affair”, “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’”)/worse actress (“Dukes of Hazzard”)/ex-Mrs Nick Lachey  UP NEXT: Now filming the comedy “Employee of the Month”, starring as a Costco store hottie who agrees to go on a date with whoever wins the monthly honor.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Don’t Step On A Bee Day”, a warning to kids and grown-ups that now is the time when going barefoot can mean getting stung by a bee. Likely from the same idiots who thought up “Don’t Sit On a Cactus Day”.

• “Full Moon” known as the ‘Buck Moon’, either THIS MORNING or overnight TONIGHT depending on your time zone. According to new University of Texas-El Paso research, abnormal behaviours have been found to occur more frequently during the period 3 days before and 3 days after a Full Moon. We also tend to eat more, with meal sizes up to 8% larger.

• “Nude Recreation Week”, when the American Association for Nude Recreation (serving the US & Canada) encourages us to experience the stress-relieving freedom of nude recreation and visit one of over 260 affiliated clothing-optional clubs in North America. (Why is it always during “Mosquito Week”?)
PHONER: 800.879.6833/407.933.7577 (AANR, Kissimmee FL)
NET: http://www.aanr.com

• “Orangemen’s Day”, also known as “Orange Day”, celebrated in Newfoundland & Labrador on the Monday nearest JULY 12th. It commemorates the 1690 Protestant victory over Roman Catholic forces in the Battle of the Boyne in Ireland. Always a good day for riot.

• “Pina Colada Day”, the one day of the year you can play Rupert Holmes’ cheesy oldie “The Pina Colada Song” … as long as you blow it up real good after a couple of bars.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1946 [60] 1st drive-in theater in Canada opens in Hamilton ON

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1965 [41] 1st #1 hit for the Rolling Stones, “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1996 [10] 1st fashion house to debut its collection simultaneously on Paris catwalk and the Internet (Yves Saint Laurent)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] MLB All-Star Game (Pittsburgh PA)
[Tues] Cheer Up the Lonely Day
[Tues] Pet Photo Day
[Tues] UN World Population Day
[Tues] International Town Criers Day
[Tues] Rolling Stones relaunch “A Bigger Bang” tour (Milan, Italy)
[Thurs] Gruntled Workers Day
[Thurs] Embrace Your Geekness Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Laundry Workers’ Week / Mosquito Week / Take Charge of Change Week / Farriers Week / Therapeutic Recreation Week / Sports Cliché Week / Special Recognition Week

BULL’S BITS

BS PROBLEMS WITH NUDE RECREATION:
• Mosquito bites in places where it doesn’t look right when you’re scratching.
• When you play a game nude, it’s hard to keep your eye on the ball.
• Getting sunblock in spots where you can’t even get soap.
• Only really ugly people even think of taking part.
• Uncontrollable bouncing.
• Some people just don’t have the proper ‘equipment’.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• When I woke up this morning there was a thief stealing my gate. I didn’t say anything in case he took a fence.
• He’s one of those do-it-yourself guys. If it ain’t broke … he’ll keep fixing it until it is.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The average person will do THIS 500 million times in a lifetime.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Blink.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
No matter how thin you slice it, there are always 2 sides.


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