Thursday, July 21, 2005        Edition: #3077
We Give a Sheet!

TONIGHT 83-year-old “Reader’s Digest” magazine stages a party in NYC to celebrate its 1,000th issue, the commemorative AUGUST edition which includes a 95-page section devoted to ‘The Big Ideas That Will Change Our Lives in the Next 5 to 10 Years’ (such as magazines becoming outmoded) . . . A drive-in car-cleaning service in Beverly Hills has refused to clean Paris Hilton’s Land Rover because it was littered with at least a hundred magazines, make-up, cellphones, handbags & clothing, including a lot of underwear – all personal items cleaning staff cannot touch according to company policy (after all, who knows what you might catch?) . . . Since her sleazeball fiancé Jude Law admitted an affair with his nanny, actress Sienna Miller’s London stage role in “As You Like” has gone to an understudy and she’s gone into hiding – reportedly NOT wearing the $36,000-engagement ring he gave her . . . ABC-TV is guaranteeing more ‘tears, tantrums & tangos’ by renewing “Dancing with the Stars” for another run during mid-season NEXT YEAR (what celeb do you wanna see dance? Robin Williams maybe?) . . . It appears prolific producer Mark Burnett has another miss on his hands – “Rock Star: INXS” failed to come close to its competitor “Hell’s Kitchen” in MONDAY night’s ratings, even losing a quarter of the audience from its lame lead-in, “Two & a Half Men” (too bad, it’s a good show – like “American Idol” with balls) . . . Meantime, it appears that Burnett’s boxing show “The Contender” will be heading to Disney’s sports channel ESPN, but it’s unclear whether Sylvester Stallone will be picked up for a 2nd season (they may go with a host who speaks English) . . . And during taping of THIS WEEK’s episode of “I Want to Be a Hilton”, even stinkin’ filthy rich host Kathy Hilton reportedly admitted, “This show f—ing sucks” (how astute you are, ma’m).

• Emmylou Harris – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Jack Johnson – He’s supporting several causes through his current tour: donating all leftover food from his backstage rider to local food banks, setting up recycling stations at concerts, and using tour buses powered by bio-diesel.
• Joss Stone – She was stunned when she first watched the new Gap ad she stars in because she’s been given a ‘butt double’. She says she was never informed that producers had edited out her real bottom, presumably because it isn’t shapely enough.
• Kaiser Chiefs – TODAY the “Live 8″ Philadelphia opening act is on TV’s syndicated “Live With Regis & Kelly”. The Brit quintet is favored to win the UK’s prestigious $35,000 Mercury Music Prize.
• Kylie Minogue – She has undergone a revolutionary fertility treatment in a bid to improve her chances of conceiving her first child when she completes her treatment for breast cancer.
• Phil Vassar – TONIGHT he does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Willie Nelson – He’ll share the ‘spiritual and practical lessons’ he’s learned from decades of hard knocks in the upcoming book “The Tao of Willie”. Written with author Turk Pipken, it’s due for publication NEXT MAY.
• ZZ Top – In the upcoming book, “Billy F Gibbons: Rock & Roll Gearhead”, guitarist Gibbons will discuss more than 4 decades in music and his love of collecting both guitars & cars. TONIGHT the classic rockers hit London ON during their North American tour.

It’s been confirmed that “Fantastic Four” is intended to be the first part of a trilogy, with the cast already signed to do 2 sequels before its release . . . Salma Hayek is reportedly being lined up to co-star with Mickey Rourke in “Sin City 2″, set to shoot in JANUARY . . . Chris Rock & Eddie Murphy will play a pair of blue-collar guys trying to pull off the perfect heist in an as-yet-untitled  Brett Ratner movie . . . LL Cool J will next star in what’s described as an ‘urban version’ of “Fatal Attraction”, playing a guy who gets into serious trouble when he has an affair . . . Liam Neeson will voice the lion king ‘Aslan’ in Disney’s upcoming animated version of CS Lewis’ children’s classic “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe” . . . The A&E made-for-TV film “Live from New York” will detail Lorne Michaels’ creation of NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live” in the mid-‘70s . . . Clint Eastwood will next direct “Flags of Our Fathers”, a WW2 epic telling the story of the troops who fought at the battle of Iwo Jima . . . And the life of slain rapper Notorious BIG will be made into a bigscreen movie – so far, no title and no casting have been announced.

Each time you pucker up, there’s a 1 in 3 chance of transmitting gingivitis through saliva. Gingivitis is the earliest and most easily treatable form of gum disease. A whopping 75% of us have it, even though most don’t know it. Odds are this means you … or your partner. When a sampling of Canadians were told those facts in a survey, fully 40% said they would limit how much they kissed if they found out their partner had gingivitis. So what can you do? Dental experts say the best defense is brushing regularly, flossing, and using antiseptic mouthwash. (If you think of it in a “Discovery Channel” sort of way, placing your oral orifice – through which you breath, eat, drink & spit – against someone else’s is totally gross at the best of times.)
– “Cochrane Library” journal.

Annie Duke, the world’s top-rated female poker player, says an interesting thing happens when you put a woman at a poker table – many men become unhinged and forget that they’re playing a ruthless game in which emotion should be separated from strategy. Duke says that can work in a woman’s favor. She recommends that with flirtatious men, poker-playing women should flirt right back, making them think it’s all in fun. With angry chauvinists, she advises, female players should giggle girlishly when raking in pots, because men like this don’t want a girl to beat them.
– “Times of London”

Delaware-based Dogfish Head Brewery has used a 9,000-year-old recipe to concoct a beer similar to one brewed by the ancient Chinese. The formula for ‘Chateau Jiahu’, which includes rice, honey, grapes & hawthorn fruit, was derived by archaeologists who unearthed beer residue in pottery jars found in a Stone Age village in northern China. It’s not the first ‘historical beer’ brewed by Dogfish Head. It previously recreated a beer found in a 2,700-year-old royal tomb in Turkey, a concoction it named ‘Midas Touch Golden Elixir’. (I don’t care how historic it is, I can’t swallow anything labeled Dogfish Head.)
– “National Geographic News”

An Australian family has been convicted of fraud after declaring their property an independent kingdom. The Rigoli family fenced off their farm in northern Victoria state, issued their own ‘Declaration of Independence’ on July 4, 1994, and named the land the ‘Principality of Ponderosa’. The farm was surrounded by a moat and people required passports to enter or leave. 67-year-old Virgilio Rigoli then proclaimed himself ‘Prince of Ponderosa’ All of that would have been fine and above-board, but a Melbourne court has heard the family refused to recognize the government of Australia and failed to pay income tax on $6.9 million-worth of income. They’re currently awaiting sentencing. (Off with their heads!)
– Ananova

A few bits of folklore about ‘man’s best friend’ which simply aren’t true …
• Dogs are sick when their noses are warm.
• Mutts are always healthier than purebred dogs.
• All dogs like to be petted on their heads.
• Happy dogs wag their tails.
• Table scraps are good for dogs.
• Garlic prevents fleas.
• Dogs eat grass when they are sick.
• Licking is healing.
• Dogs don’t need to be housebroken – they naturally know where to go.
• Only male dogs will ‘hump’ your leg.

• Couples in Croatia are being offered the chance to get married in prison. Locals can tie the knot at Lepoglava Prison dressed in prison uniforms in a ceremony in a cell, and then afterwards are treated to a meal of prison food cooked up and served by other inmates. Prison officials launched the service to try and improve the prison’s image.
• A bakery in Chelyabinsk, Russia has improved sales after persuading its female staff to strip for an ad campaign that uses the slogan ‘Our Buns Are Best’. A follow-up campaign is planned in which male employees appear naked in a bid to attract female customers.

British media personality Jordan will attempt to break the world record for ‘World’s Longest Wedding Dress’ when she marries actor Peter Andre this SEPTEMBER. The previous record of 2,545 feet was set in 2002 at a Dutch ceremony.


1926 [79] Norman Jewison, Toronto ON, filmmaker (“The Hurricane”, “In the Heat of the Night”)/1999 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Award at the Oscars/established the Canadian Centre for Advanced Film Studies in Toronto in 1986

1943 [62] Edward Herrmann, Washington DC, TV actor (grandfather ‘Richard Gilmore’ on “Gilmore Girls” since 2000)

1948 [57] Garry (Garretson Beakman) Trudeau, NYC, political cartoonist (“Doonesbury”)/Mr Jane Pauley since 1980

1951 [54] Robin Williams, Chicago IL, comedian (Grammy Award-“Robin Williams: Live 2002″/movie actor (Academy Award-“Good Will Hunting”)  IN THE WORKS: “Mrs Doubtfire 2″, coming in 2006.

1957 [48] Jon Lovitz, Tarzana CA, movie actor (“The Stepford Wives”, “Rat Race”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1985-90)

1972 [33] Paul Brandt (Belobersycky), Calgary AB, country singer (“Rich Man”, “I Do”)

1978 [27] Josh Hartnett, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Sin City”, “Hollywood Homicide”)  COMING UP: Now shooting the crime thriller “The Black Dahlia”.

[Edmonton AB] “Klondike Days” begin
[Morris MB] “Manitoba Stampede & Exhibition” begins

TODAY is “National Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you mow down on every chance you got – burgers, pizza, hot dogs, tacos, fries, chocolate?

TONIGHT we’ll see the “Full Moon” variously known as the ‘Buck Moon’, ‘Father’s Moon’ and ‘Wort Moon’.

THIS WEEK’s annual “Collingwood Elvis Festival” in Collingwood ON includes street dances, a parade & swap sessions. More than 60,000 fans are expected, many of them dressed like the King (one might even BE the King!). It all culminates in the grand final of the ‘World’s Largest Elvis Tribute Artist Competition’ SUNDAY night.
PHONER: 866.444.1162/705.444.1162 (Festival Office)

1990 [15] 250,000 attend “The Wall” benefit concert organized by Pink Floyd founder Roger Waters in East Berlin where the Berlin Wall once stood (performers include The Band, Scorpions, Joni Mitchell, Bryan Adams & Van Morrison)

1991 [14] Former Chicago Cubs pitcher Ferguson Jenkins (Chatham ON) becomes 1st Canadian inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown NY

1984 [21] 1st documented case of a robot killing a human occurs in Jackson MI as an industrial  robot turns and wedges a 34-year-old worker against a safety bar, crushing him (the true story of  “I, Robot”)

1998 [07] 1st male in competitive synchronized swimming (USA’s Bill May at “Goodwill Games”)

1992 [13] Armenian strongman pulls 2 railroad cars 7 meters (23 ft) … with his teeth

1996 [09] Record for ‘Group Spaghetti-Eating’ is set as 3,000 residents of Alkbissola Marina, Italy consume 300 kg (662 lbs) of pasta, cooked in a single pot and topped with 200 kg (440 lbs) of tomato sauce

[Fri] “Bad News Bears”, “The Devil’s Rejects”, & “The Island” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Rat Catcher’s Day
[Sat] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Sat] Gorgeous Grandma Day
[Sun] Virtual Love Day
[Sun] Parents Day
[Tues] All or Nothing Day
This Week Is . . . Oil Heritage Week (visit a wallet-sapping service station near you!)
This Month Is . . . Disaster Awareness Month (yeah, thanks for listening this morning)


This ought to start some arguments! Most guys contend that men are just happier people (what would you expect from such simple creatures?). Here’s some evidence to support the contention. Ask listeners for more.
• Your last name stays put.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can never be pregnant.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park (in fact, you can wear NO shirt to a water park).
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add ‘character’.
• Wedding dress – $5000. Tux rental – $100.
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack (and 3 pairs of shoes are more than enough).
• One color wallet and shoes for all seasons.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

If we were meant to be naked, we would have been born that way …

It’s new and hip, and started in California – it’s ‘Bicycle Polo’. We like it as a station-sponsored  competition at your next outdoor event.

Who controls the temperature where you work? (“Globe & Mail” says that office air conditioning appears to be calibrated for men who are fully dressed in shirts, ties, suit jackets, pants, socks & shoes, while women shiver in sleeveless tops, backless dresses, short skirts & flip-flops.)

Today’s Question: Over a lifetime, the average person does THIS 6 times.   
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Falls in love.

We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.

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