Wednesday, July 20, 2005        Edition: #3076
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

TONIGHT the 6-episode ABC Family reality series “Venus & Serena: For Real” debuts, which follows tennis-pro sisters Venus & Serena Williams behind-the-scenes (where we find out they’re both guys) . . . TONIGHT FOX-TV debuts “So You Think You Can Dance” with a 2-hour premiere, an “American Idol”-style talent show with a grand prize of $100,000 & a NYC apartment (a blatant attempt to ride the “Dancing with the Stars” wave of success) . . . “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest has reportedly given the show an ultimatum – he wants a raise and a writing & production credit or he’ll quit (Seacrest … out!) . . . Meantime, Seacrest is partnering with sportswear maker JEM to market his own line of T-shirts . . . Pam Anderson & Tommy Lee have reportedly told friends they’ll wed THIS WEEK – for a 3rd time – after he presented her with a black diamond ring with 2 grey diamonds on the side . . . “Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince” has generated close to $94 million in worldwide sales – in its 1st weekend! . . . Word has it actor James Gandolfini got so angry when he kept flubbing a line on the set of “The Sopranos”, he smashed his fist into a plate-glass window – fortunately it was safety glass which didn’t break (but now his fist is the size of his head) . . . TV personality Katie Couric has been dumped by her 4-year on & off boyfriend Tom Werner (Carsey-Werner Productions/Boston Red Sox co-owner), reportedly thanks to – all her whining about the “Today Show” . . . Johnny Depp says his inspiration for ‘Willy Wonka’ in “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” was his memories of kids’ TV hosts Captain Kangaroo & Mr Rogers . . . And buzz has it that Nicole Kidman had attained an ‘elite level’ in Scientology while married to Tom Cruise but became disillusioned and bolted from the sect – the main reason the duo divorced in 2001 (be warned, Katie!).

• Billy Ray Cyrus – The “Achy Breaky Heart” singer is replacing Canadian country star Paul Brandt in the Toronto stage production of “Annie Get Your Gun” (previews begin AUGUST 1st) after Brandt dropped out for ‘personal reasons’.
• Coldplay – Chris Martin says he once had ‘big hair’ but wife Gwyneth Paltrow ordered him to have it cut so he did because he is – quote – ‘under the thumb’.
• Gwen Stefani – TODAY she’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.     
• Montgomery Gentry – Troy Gentry is recuperating at home after undergoing knee surgery. He  broke an ankle and tore ligaments in his leg while horseback riding.

According to NTT Multimedia Communications Laboratories, your whole body is the perfect conductor for electronic data, meaning that information such as music and movies may someday be downloaded in seconds – via your fingertips or even an elbow. With Red Tacton sensors miniaturized and built into every type of device and product, the list of potential uses could be endless. By simply touching an ad poster, for example, product info and an order form could be sent directly to your laptop. Shake hands with a new contact, and every detail that would normally appear on a business card might leap across your fingers and download itself onto your cellphone. (I’m still trying not to get a shock after walking across the living room carpet.)
– “The Australian”

Organizers of SATURDAY’s “VisitScotland Adventure Triathlon” have taken out insurance to protect athletes from the ‘Loch Ness Monster’. The £1-million ($1.7-million) insurance policy will be paid out if ‘Nessie’ bites or attacks any of the athletes during the swimming portion of the competition, which will be held in Loch Ness’ Urquhart Bay. That’s the location of many of the most famous sightings of the sea serpent. However, the geeks at the Loch Ness Monster Fan Club aren’t impressed with the news, saying everyone knows ‘Nessie’ is friendly; she’s been present in the loch for centuries and never hurt a soul. (These people have all indulged in too much single-malt.)
– “The Guardian”

Intelligence may lead to a better paying job and quality of life but new research suggests that it has no effect on happiness in old age. A study of more than 400 pensioners reveals that cognitive ability is unrelated to happiness in old age. The University of Edinburgh ‘Satisfaction with Life’ study found no association between levels of mental ability and reported happiness. So what is important for seniors? General health and the ability to carry out daily tasks. (Like changing your own diapers.)
– “New Scientist”

3 separate studies have recently reached the same conclusion – the more TV you watched as a child, the less intelligent you likely are. The longest-running study, conducted by New Zealand’s University of Otago, finds that children who watch the least TV between age 5 and 11 are most likely to graduate from university, while those who watch the most TV between age 13 and 15 are most likely to drop out of high school. A pair of US studies reached similar conclusions, finding that 3rd-grade pupils with TVs in their bedrooms consistently score lower on standardized tests and kids who begin watching TV before age 3 have lower math and reading scores. (And those who regularly watch “According to Jim” are, on average, dumber than a stump.)

 A 59-year-old Japanese man has captured a new world record and the unofficial title of ‘World’s Biggest Math Nerd’ by memorizing the value of pi to 83,431 digits. (Now there’s a guy who’d be a real pick-me-up at a dull party, huh?)
– “Japan Today”

Cockroaches can live for 9 days without their heads, at which point they die of starvation.

• “I’ve always been a very sexual person; I’ve always had to hold myself back; I lost my virginity at 18 … but that took a lot of willpower.”  – Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie, telling “Blender” how she waited and waited and waited before phunking.
• “Activities which degrade men or women through sexual stereotyping, or exploit the bodies of men, women, boys or girls solely for the purpose of attracting attention, are not permitted on Nathan Phillips Square.”  – The city hall rule used to ban the reigning ‘Miss Universe’, Natalie Glebova, from appearing at a public event in Toronto … her hometown.


1947 [58] Carlos Santana, Autlan de Navarro, Mexico, pop musician (“Game of Love”, “Smooth”)/tied Michael Jackson’s record for most awards in one night at 2000 “Grammy Awards” by winning 8

1964 [41] Chris Cornell, Seattle WA, rock singer (Audioslave-“Doesn’t Remind Me”, “Be Yourself”)

1966 [39] Stone Gossard, Seattle WA, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“Jeremy”, “Last Kiss”)

1969 [36] Josh Holloway, CA, TV actor (‘Sawyer Ford’ on “Lost” since 2004)

1997 [09] Billi Bruno, LA CA, TV actress (‘Gracie’ on “According to Jim” since 2001)

TODAY is “Moon Day”, the 36th anniversary of the first lunar landing in 1969. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first to walk on the moon as he proclaimed “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” while nearly 700 million Earthlings tuned in. Edwin ‘Buzz’ Aldrin joined him later. Killer trivia question – who was the 3rd astronaut stuck orbiting above? (Michael Collins)

TODAY is “Chess Day”. (Well, I’ve got to run. My fan club is meeting and I promised I’d play chess with him.)

THIS WEEK the 25th annual “Hemingway Days Festival” in Key West FL celebrates the lifestyle of famed author Ernest Hemingway. (You drink like a fish, then put a shotgun to your head.)
PHONER: 800.275.5397/305.461.3300 (Andy Newman/Maggie Carol Shaughnessy)

THIS WEEK is the 15th annual “National Baby Food Festival “ in Fremont MI (home of Gerber Foods). One festival competition requires adults to down 2 jars of baby food as fast as they can, typically 20 seconds or less. Other features events include the ‘Kiddie Parade’, ‘Baby Crawl’, and – yuck! – ‘Baby Food Cook-Off’.
PHONER: 800.592.2229/231.924.0770 (Festival Office)

1965 [40] Bob Dylan releases the classic “Like A Rolling Stone”, his first major hit

1992 [13] Madonna appears nude in “Playboy” (pre-stretchmarks)

1858 [147] 1st ‘admission’ charged at a baseball game as patrons pay 50 cents to see NY All-Stars beat Brooklyn 22-18 (but a plastic cup of watered-down beer was $18.50 – just like today)

1919 [86] Hottest day ever recorded in Ontario at 42.2 C (we’re getting close)

[Thurs] Junk Food Day
[Thurs] Full ‘Buck’ Moon
[Thurs-July 24] Manitoba Stampede & Exhibition (Morris MB)
[Thurs-July 30] Edmonton Klondike Days
[Fri] Rat Catcher’s Day
[Sat] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Sat] Gorgeous Grandma Day
[Sun] Cousins Day
[Sun] Virtual Love Day
This Week Is . . . Avoid Boredom Week
This Month Is . . . Purposeful Parenting Month


• Family Planning … The art of spacing your children’s age the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
• Amnesia … Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
• Dumbwaiter … One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
• Feedback … The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t  appreciate the strained carrots.
• Hearsay … What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
• Independent … How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
• Prenatal … When your life was still somewhat your own.
• Show-Off … A child who is more talented than yours.
• Top Bunk … Where you should never put a child wearing ‘Superman’ jammies.
• Grandparents … The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Ask listeners to contribute to the list …
• Having an argument.
• Talking about the future in the heat of the moment.
• Knowing your lover’s spouse is coming home.
• Your lover falling asleep.
• Knowing your partner’s parents are in the next room.
• Knowing the cops are in the next room.
• Getting fired earlier in the day.
• Your lover bursting out laughing.
• Thinking you look ugly.
• Thinking your partner looks ugly.
• Crying.
– WOW Men’s

Jude Law take note! A greeting card company has launched ‘The Secret Lover Collection’, cards for cheaters to send to both their undercover lovers (such as nannies) and also those they’ve cheated on. Jude might make use of the “I’m Sorry” card. Just click on each card to read the inside text …

The week’s most popular Web searches . . .
1. Harry Potter
2. National Hurricane Center
3. Britney Spears
4. Mariah Carey
– Yahoo!

• As I said before, I never repeat myself …
• Deep down, I’m pretty superficial.
• I like men to behave like men … strong and childish.

Today’s Question: It’s been scientifically proven that THIS is the only feeling a woman does not experience more intensely than a man.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pride. (University of Adelaide study.)

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

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