Monday, July 18, 2005        Edition: #3074
Sheet Happens!

FROM THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• SATURDAY 40-year-old “Miss Congeniality” actress Sandra Bullock & 35-year-old “Monster Garage” mastermind Jesse James wed in a sunset ceremony near Santa Barbara CA, her first marriage, his third. (“Us Weekly”)
• 19-year-old “Malcolm in the Middle” star Frankie Muniz is engaged to his girlfriend Jamie. The two first met in New Orleans and have been dating since Spring. (“People Magazine”)
• Word has it Lindsay Lohan has been partying in Mexico with one of Paris Hilton’s exes, Joe Francis, the sleazeball behind the “Girls Gone Wild” videos. (PopBitch.com) Meantime, Lindsay has hired on a stylist to re-evaluate her wardrobe and get rid of all the clothes that make her look like a teenager … which she is. (Sky News)
• Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne have been trying to sell their Los Angeles mansion without much success. It seems potential buyers are put off by the hordes of fans who turn up outside the house, a regular stop on local tours ever since it was featured on their MTV reality series. If they don’t unload it soon, it may be converted into a money-making Osbournes attraction. (“The Sun”)
• It seems Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie will both appear on the new season of “The Simple Life” after all … but they’ll shoot their scenes separately as they haven’t spoken since APRIL. The next installment will focus on preparations for their weddings, Paris to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis and Nicole to DJ Adam Goldstein. (Ananova) And Nicole is currently writing a novel titled “Rock & Royalty”, using ‘inspiration from her own life experiences’. One part is said to deal with her personal battle with drug addiction. (“E!”)
• Britney Spears is considering a reality TV special that would introduce her baby to the world. Cameras wouldn’t show the most intimate parts but birth scenes would definitely be included. (“Daily Star”)
• Will Madonna get caught up in a Kabbalah scandal? The trendy religious group is being eyed by the IRS, which is said to be looking into its tax-exempt status. A source says one area of interest is the organization’s ‘Spirituality for Kids’ campaign, for which Madonna has reportedly raised millions. The question is whether some of the not-for-profit money has been plowed into for-profit enterprises. (“The Scoop”)
• Jessica Simpson has become the youth ambassador for ‘Operation Smile’, a charity that helps young people who have facial abnormalities and need surgery. (“Star Magazine”)
• Following the success of “Meet the Parents” and “Meet the Fockers”, Universal Studios is already assembling the cast for a 3rd film in the franchise. This one will feature a baby born to Ben Stiller & Teri Polo’s characters. It’ll be called – what else? – “Meet the Little Focker”. (“National Enquirer”)

REAL TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “It’s Official – Breaking Wind Can Kill!”
• “Gerbil Juggler Brings Party Kids to Tears!”
• “Scientists to Clone Neanderthal Man from 30,000-Year-Old Doo-doo!”
• “Race of Snowmen Found!”
• “Jack the Ripper Was My Grandmother!”
• “Meek Sue to Inherit the Earth!”
• “Bricklayers Entomb Annoying Co-Worker!”
• “Deadly Woodpeckers Turn Streets Red with Blood!”
• “10 More Commandments Found!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coldplay – Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow’s tiny toddler Apple has been given a miniature grand piano to play with so she can mimic her dad. One difference … hers is pink.
• Eminem – Reports say he’ll perform for a final time in Dublin, Ireland SEPTEMBER 17th before retiring from recording to focus on music producing.
• Johnny Cash – “Cash Bash 2005″, a 4-day celebration of the 50th anniversary of his career launch, wrapped up SUNDAY in Memphis TN.
• Kelly Clarkson – LAST NIGHT her concert at UCF Arena in Orlando FL was webcast live by AOL Music. The online event comes hot on the heels of AOL’s successful streaming of the “Live 8″ concerts.
• Norah Jones – SATURDAY she & Bob Dylan performed a special one-off Webcast concert to celebrate the 10th anniversary of online retailer Amazon.com. Only Amazon’s Seattle-area employees were invited to attend in person.
• Scissor Sisters – They’ve been performing secret sets at Manhattan’s Mercury Lounge under the spoof name ‘Bridget Jones’s Diarrhea’.
• Willie Nelson – His new “Countryman” reggae album comes with 2 covers, one featuring marijuana leaves over what looks like red & yellow rolling papers, and another showing innocuous palm leaves in their place … that one created especially for Wal-Mart.

BS SHOW BIZ CALENDAR:
• SATURDAY the 6th novel in JK Rowling’s blockbuster ‘Harry Potter’ series, “Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince” went on sale, including 100,000 copies of a ‘Deluxe Edition’ that sells for circa $60. It’s predicted to become the best-selling book of all-time.
• SUNDAY “Friends” alum Matthew Perry hosted the 2005 “ESPY Awards” at Hollywood’s Kodak Theater. Among the winners: “Friday Night Lights” beat out “Million Dollar Baby” for ‘Best Sports Movie’.
• TODAY Kelly Frank, the man accused of plotting to kidnap the toddler son of “Late Show” host David Letterman, is scheduled to go on trial in Choteau, Montana.

HELLO DOLLY:
An Italian newspaper reports that Adolf Hitler not only wanted to perfect the human race through genocide and genetic breeding but was also interested in creating the perfect sex doll for the soldiers in his army. The story claims Hitler ordered Danish doctor Olen Hannussen to develop the world’s first inflatable sex doll in 1941, giving strict guidelines to make sure it matched Hitler’s image of the ideal Aryan woman – 5′-9″ tall, white-skinned, blond, and blue-eyed, with large lips and breasts. However, it seems the plan to provide soldiers with an outlet for sexual energy never came to fruition because the factory set to manufacture the doll was bombed by the Allies before production began.
– “Corriere della Sera”

YOU CAN TAKE THESE NAMES TO THE BANK:
The UK’s Barclays bank has conducted an unscientific but fascinating survey of the most common names given to the wealthy. The most popular names for rich folks are …
MALE –
1. David
2. John
3. Michael
4. Peter
5. Paul
FEMALE –
1. Susan
2. Elizabeth
3. Sarah
4. Jane
5. Helen
– CNN/Money

IN RIO, LACK OF SPEED KILLS:
The crime-infested city of Rio de Janeiro is considering lifting speed limits in some areas in order to help motorists protect themselves from car-jackings. Most drivers already ignore the 40 km/hr (24 mph) speed limit in urban areas due to fears of being robbed or killed in a slow-moving vehicle. Earlier this month the legislative assembly for the state of Rio de Janeiro proposed building huge tunnels along some parts of the highways in order to protect motorists from shootouts between drug gangs. And you thought rush hour was challenging here!
– Reuters

TEAM-MATES THOUGHT SHE WAS A POLE VAULTER:
A Zimbabwean court has jailed a man masquerading as a female athlete. Samukeliso Sithole,  a triple jumper and runner who competed as a woman at several international sports events,  has been convicted on charges of impersonation and offending the dignity of a woman athlete who undressed in his presence, unaware that he was a man. He’ll now be spending 3-and-a-half years in the slammer … where his female impersonations my be more appreciated.
– “Sports Illustrated”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Bahrain’s new parliament, formed by the king to assuage calls for democracy, has debated
some serious pieces of legislation this year. First they called for a ban on ‘scantily-clad mannequins’ in store windows, then introduced a law banning laundry from being hung to dry in public view – both for fear of inducing indecency.

AND WE QUOTE:
• “Please don’t forget to tip Mike Tyson as you exit the restroom.”  – Matthew Perry at the 13th annual “ESPY Awards”.
• “Sometimes, when people are constipated, you gotta help them out.”  – Dedicated husband Bobby Brown on what he did for love.

THE BULL SHEET 07.18.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [65] James Brolin (Bruderlin), LA CA, movie actor (“Catch Me If You Can”, “Traffic”)/Mr Barbra Streisand since 1998

1940 [65] Joe Torre, Brooklyn NY, MLB manager (4 World Series championships-NY Yankees)

1950 [55] Jack Layton, Hudson QC, federal NDP party leader since 2003

1962 [43] Jack Irons, LA CA, rock drummer (Pearl Jam-“Jeremy”, “Last Kiss”)

1967 [38] Vin Diesel (Mark Vincent), NYC, movie actor (“The Pacifier”, “The Fast & the Furious”)

1975 [30] Daron Malakian, Glendale CA, rock guitarist (System of a Down-“Question!”, “BYOB”)

1982 [23] Ryan Cabrera, Dallas TX, wannabe pop singer (“True”)/sometime Ashlee Simpson bf

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Get Out of the Doghouse Day”, a day to ask for final forgiveness for whatever minor crimes you’ve committed.

TODAY is “Stick Your Tongue Out Day” for some long forgotten reason. But now that you have it out, try rolling it into a cylinder – only 1 in 14 people can do that!

TODAY is “Chrysanthemum Day”, a favorite of spelling bee organizers everywhere!

TODAY is “Cow Appreciation Day”, a day to celebrate the ‘beauty of the bovine’, so don’t forget to polish your shoes, check your wallet and throw another T-bone on the grill.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1992 [13] Whitney Houston weds Bobby Brown in a gazebo at her Mendham NJ estate in front of 800 guests including Ray Charles, Dionne Warwick, Quincy Jones, Patti LaBelle, Aretha Franklin & Donald Trump

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1978 [27] Intel Corporation is founded, producer of the most widely used microprocessors in the computer industry

1994 [11] Crayola introduces 1st ‘Scented Crayons’ (mmm, smells like wax!)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1980 [25] World record set for ‘Catching a Grape in Your Mouth’ (319 feet, 8 inches)

1994 [11] Italian Rosanna Della Corte becomes ‘World’s Oldest-Known Woman to Give Birth’, at age 62 (son Ricardo now changes HER diapers)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Moon Day
[Wed] Chess Day
[Wed] Lollipop Day
[Wed] Special Olympics Day
[Thurs] Junk Food Day
[Thurs] Full ‘Buck’ Moon
[Thurs-July 24] Manitoba Stampede & Exhibition (Morris MB)
[Thurs-July 30] Edmonton Klondike Days
This Week Is . . . Lyme Disease Awareness Week (Darryl Hall is poster boy)
This Month Is . . . Outdoor Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
JULY is “Ice Cream Month”, a good excuse to review …
WHAT YOUR ICE CREAM TOPPING SAYS ABOUT YOU:
• Hot Fudge – Optimistic, confident folks who are often successful at business.
• Nuts – Humble traditionalists.
• Sprinkles – Vivacious and bold personalities.
• Whipped Cream With a Cherry – Hip individualists who set their own style.
• Caramel Sauce – Spontaneous people who are open to the world.
• Fruit Topping – Colorful characters with a real zest for life.
– Smucker’s poll

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• TODAY is “Cow Appreciation Day”, so how many compartments does a normal cow’s stomach have?
a. 8.
b. 6.
c. 4. [CORRECT. The rumen, reticulum, omasum & abomasum.]
d. 1 stupid. Can’t you see?

• A group of which animal is referred to as a ‘cast’?
a. Seagulls.
b. Hawks. [CORRECT]
c. Skunks.
d. Owen Wilsons.

• Which of the following professions was once referred to as a ‘Sky Pilot’?
a. Astronaut.
b. Military Chaplain. [CORRECT]
c. Flight Attendant.
d. Sound Engineer for Pink Floyd.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese.
• … just goes to prove – one person’s life is another person’s punchline.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 70% of the time a man will win when competing against a woman at THIS.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Strip poker. (“Men’s Health”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
He who dies with the most toys … is dead.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Kudos to Brad Morris @ Classic KFMC 106.5 Fairmont MN, back for an 11th year of “BS”; and Dave Wingert @ Jones Radio Networks who’s also re-upped his subscription for a 5th year; and we welcome samplers this week that include Matt MacLeod @ Magic 93 [CHLQ-FM] Charlottetown PEI; Bill Goy @  Flying Dust Radio [CFDM] Meadow Lake SK; Robb Hartlen @ The Beat 95.7 [CKTP] Fredericton NB; Steve Chase @ K107.1 [WFON] Fond du Lac WI; Bonnie Holzhei @ 96 WHNN Saginaw MI; Craig Beck @ 97.4 Rock FM Preston UK; Rich Ryder @ Vermont Public Radio [WBTN] Bennington VT; Moses Sonabe @ FM 100 [KCCN] Honolulu HI; and Dolores Dassing @ WTBQ Florida NY. Bully for you … all of you!


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