Tuesday, July 5, 2005        Edition: #3070
Another Sheetload of Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the 20-tune soundtrack for “Fantastic Four” (opening FRIDAY) hits music stores, featuring Velvet Revolver, Chingy, Joss Stone & Ryan Cabrera . . . “War of the Worlds” has sold over $204-million worth of tickets worldwide during its first 5 days of release . . . According to “More” magazine, Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are planning to wed NEXT MONTH at the Scientology headquarters in LA, followed by a honeymoon aboard a luxury yacht . . . Drugged-out Brit singer Pete Doherty of the Babyshambles & his model girlfriend Kate Moss have recorded a demo track of The Divinyls 1991 hit “I Touch Myself” and believe it will become a hit again as it expresses their ‘deep love for each other’ . . . The reason Vegas illusionist Roy Horn (Siegfried & Roy), who was savagely mauled on-stage by his Siberian tiger in 2003, has checked into a German clinic is reportedly to receive injections of stem cells from pig embryos in a desperate attempt to walk again . . . Former ‘Hollywood Madame’ Heidi Fleiss has a new deal to make a 1-hour HBO special about her plan to build a Nevada brothel modeled on the Beverly Hills Hotel (seems she’s still getting paid by the hour) . . . And word has it guests at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel’s Tropicana bar watched in horror the other night as an unidentified young man cheated death by diving from Lindsay Lohan’s 2nd-story suite balcony into the swimming pool below (what, she tried to force him to watch “Herbie: Fully Loaded”?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alicia Keys – She’ll play the lead role in the upcoming film “Composition of Black & White” based on Kathryn Talalay’s novel about inter-racial pioneer Philippa Schuyler. The movie will be produced by Halle Berry.
• Foo Fighters – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Jessica Simpson – Fundamentalist group The Resistance has branded her video for “These Boots are Made for Walking” as ‘slutty’, asked her to apologize and do a cleaned-up version.
• Justin Timberlake – It looks as if his new movie “Alpha Dog” may be delayed because lawyers for accused murderer Jesse James Hollywood, whom the film is largely based on, argue that its release would make it difficult for their client to get a fair trial.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Hide & Seek” (Horror Thriller – DVD): Robert De Niro plays a psychologist and withdrawn widower whose traumatized daughter (Dakota Fanning) develops a dangerous imaginary playmate named ‘Charlie’.
• “Bride & Prejudice” (Musical Romantic Comedy – DVD): Jane Austen goes Bollywood in Gurinder Chadha’s English-language take on the popular Indian musical form. Indian superstar Aishwarya Rai stars as the elder sister of a high society family in a small Indian village.
• “Prozac Nation” (Drama – DVD): Emotionally-charged story about an exceptional student’s struggles with her overbearing mother, depression and self-discovery, based on Elizabeth Wurtzel’s best-selling autobiography. After a disappointing debut at the 2001 “Toronto Film Festival”, the movie sat on the shelf for 3 years before being released directly to cable TV. Christina Ricci stars alongside Jessica Lange, Anne Heche & Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.
• And today 20th Century Fox is releasing 5 films in the new UMD Mini format for Sony’s PlayStation Portable: “Napoleon Dynamite”, “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”, “Super Troopers”, “Predator” and “I, Robot”.

BRAIN TUNNELING:
The focus group is dead! Global corporations have a sinister new way of deciding what to try to sell us: getting into our heads – literally! Instead of discussing product design over a glass of Chardonnay, volunteers are now being subjected to MRI brain scans. There are specific parts of the brain which register emotions, memory, etc and these companies believe that by monitoring how products directly affect these brain parts they can better select product ideas. Daimler-Chrysler has reportedly purchased 2 MRI scanners of its own. (The upside – perhaps fewer products that no one likes?)
– PopBitch.com

AROUND THE WORLD IN 25 WATTS:
13-year-old British teen Jack Dex has unveiled a new car, the BOC Ech20, which is said to be capable of circling the globe (25,000 miles) using less energy than it takes to power a lightbulb. The hydrogen-powered car, co-sponsored by British energy firm BOC, emits only water and would use just 25 watts of electricity for the entire journey. The car, with a top speed of 30 mph, would take a month to finish the trip. (Just like rush hour on the [local highway].)
– “The Sun”

HEAR HEAR!
An extremely lazy Austrian civil servant who was fired wanted reimbursement for unfair dismissal. But a review board found that 43-year-old Walter Hendelsgruber’s laziness was so extreme it bordered on criminal and ordered that he be prosecuted. He was found guilty and given a 15-month suspended jail sentence for fraud and abuse of office, for taking money over a 3-year period for work he never did. (I think he might now be employed at the local department of motor vehicles.)
– Ananova

BEST COUNTRIES TO LIVE IN:
Countries with the best quality of life, according to the ‘Human Development Index’ compiled by the UN, based on social and economic well-being …
1. Norway
2. Sweden
3. Canada
4. Belgium   
5. Australia
6. United States   
7. Iceland
8. Netherlands
9. Japan   
10. Finland
– NationMaster.com

BEAM UP MY VIRTUAL DOUBLE, SCOTTY:
Scientists Todd Mowry & Seth Goldstein of Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh are working on a system to replicate 3-dimensional objects out of synthetic atoms … in other words, ‘virtual teleportation’. Here’s how it works: Cameras capture the details of your appearance, then send the data over the Internet and recreate it out of what’s called ‘nano-dust’, tiny particles which can be programed to bind to each other. The image at the other end would be a sort of holographic copy of yourself, but the researchers hope that within a generation the quality will be good enough it will seem as if you are in 2 places at once. (No more going to work in 20 years!)
– “Nature”

HEADBOARD ADVERTISING:
For $10,000, Kari Smith has gone ahead and had her forehead tattooed with the Web address of gambling site GoldenPalace.com in inch-tall letters. The 30-year-old Utah mom sold her head space on eBay in order to give her 11-year-old son a private education. She says it’s a small sacrifice to build a better future for her boy. (Coincidentally, when she’s finally so embarrassed she decides to have it removed, she’ll find out the procedure costs about – 10 grand.)
– AP

EARTH BY THE NUMBERS:
A few stats on world population compiled by the French Institute for Demographic Studies …
• There are 6.477 billion people on Earth. The 6.5 billionth will be born in Asia some time this DECEMBER.
• More than half of Earth’s population (3.3 billion) lives in the 6 most populous countries: China, India, USA, Indonesia, Brazil & Pakistan.
• Out of every 100 babies born today, 57 are born in Asia, 26 in Africa, 9 in Latin America, 5 in Europe, 3 in North America and less than 1 in Oceania.
– “The Australian”

AND THE SUN SETS IN THE WEST:
A new study from the UK’s gaming industry has discovered that an ‘18+’ rating on video games just makes the games more popular with kids. This brilliant conclusion comes after analysts found that most kids interpret the rating as ‘this game is cool and has adult content’. Further research found that most of today’s parents care less about the content of video games than how many hours kids play them each day.
– Artstechnica.com

WE’RE HAVING A POTTY:
TODAY an ornate chamber pot specially made in 1815 for French emperor Napoleon is being auctioned off by Bonham’s in London. It’s expected to fetch up to $10,000. That may seem like a lot but keep in mind it never got used. It seems there were objections to the design and so the ‘thunder mug’ never even made it to Napoleon, who was in exile on the island of St Helena at the time.
– “NY Post”

THE DA VINCI CODE 2:
A new picture by Leonardo Da Vinci has been discovered beneath one of the artist’s most famous works. Experts at the National Gallery in London found the drawing using infrared technology underneath “The Virgin On The Rocks”, which hangs in the gallery. The sketch, which shows a woman with one hand clutched to her breast, the other outstretched and the beginnings of a baby Jesus, is thought to be “The Adoration Of The Christ Child”. (Apparently its existence was safeguarded for years by the Ancient Order of the Water Buffalo Lodge.)
– “Evening Standard”

FOR THE RECORD:
• What is believed to be the ‘World’s Largest Freshwater Fish’ ever caught has been netted by villagers in Chiang Khong, northern Thailand. The 2.7 m (8.9 ft) Mekong Giant Catfish weighed in at 293 kg (646 lbs).
– CNEWS
• LAST WEEK Edmond Knowles of Flomaton AL cashed in 1,308,459 pennies for a total of $13,084.59 to set the new ‘World Record for Collecting Coppers’. The pennies filled four 55-gallon and three 20-gallon oil barrels and has a total weight close to 5 tons!
– Yahoo News

BS AMAZING FACT:
Katie Holmes is an anagram of ‘Tom Likes A He’.

THE BULL SHEET 07.05.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [62] Robbie Robertson, Toronto ON, classic rock musician (“Storyville”, The Band-“Music From Big Pink”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1994)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2003)

1950 [55] Huey Lewis (Hugh Anthony Cregg III), NYC, oldies singer (& the News -“I  Want a New Drug”, “The Power of Love”)/sometime actor (“Duets”, “Back to the Future”)

1963 [42] Edie Falco, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Carmela Soprano’ on “The Sopranos” since 1999)

1980 [25] Jason Wade, Camarillo CA, rock singer/guitarist (Lifehouse-“You & Me”, “Hanging by a Moment”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through Thursday Hollywood is honoring the 50th anniversary of Bill Haley & the Comets’ #1 single “Rock Around the Clock” in a 32-hour marathon of events, including a performance by the 5 surviving members of The Comets, film screenings and exhibitions at the Museum of Television & Radio. At Duke’s Coffee Shop, 50 different versions of the song will be played consecutively, including renditions by Mae West and the Sex Pistols. TOMORROW, on what would have been Haley’s 80th birthday, he and the Comets will be inducted into the Hollywood Rock Walk. “Rock Around the Clock” spent 8 weeks at #1 and sold 25 million copies worldwide. Haley died in 1981.

TODAY is “Workaholics Day”, encouraging us to remove our noses from the grindstone once in a while. A few telltale signs …
• You take work with you on weekends and on vacation.
• You turn your hobbies into money-making ventures.
• Your family & friends have given up expecting you on time.
• You believe that it is OK to work long hours if you love what you are doing.
• You get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work.
• You think about work while driving, falling asleep or when others are talking.
– Workaholics Anonymous

THIS WEEK is the 30th annual “Nude Recreation Week”, when the American Association for Nude Recreation (serving the US & Canada) encourages us to experience the stress-relieving freedom of nude recreation and visit one of its 267 affiliated clothing-optional clubs in North America. (Why is it always during “Mosquito Week”?)
PHONER: 800.TRY.NUDE (800.879.6833) / 407.933.2064 (AANR, Kissimmee FL)
NET: http://www.aanr.com

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1841 [164] Thomas Cook opens 1st ‘Travel Agency’

1865 [140] William Booth forms the ‘Salvation Army’ in London UK (creating a future source for [co-host’s] wardrobe)

1946 [59] ‘Bikini’ swimsuit design 1st shown in public at Paris press conference by designer Louis Reard who calls it ‘four triangles of nothing’ (named after a tiny Pacific atoll where early atomic bomb tests were performed)
WHAT YOUR BIKINI SAYS ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY:
According to a study by Humboldt University in Berlin, Germany …
• Red bikinis signal women who like a challenge.
• Pink wearers like to enjoy themselves.
• Women who wear blue tend to be wallflowers, and those who wear dark blue are often depressive.
• Green bikinis indicate women with natural charm.
• Bikinis which tie up at the sides tend to be worn by women ‘ready for anything, but not with just anyone’.
• Women who wear black bikinis are happier with a quick-witted partner.
• White bikinis signals women who are the most innocent, probably single, and not necessarily looking for a good time.

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1937 [68] ‘Highest Maximum Air Temperature’ in Canada set at Yellow Grass SK … 45 C

COMING UP . . .
[Wed-Fri] G-8 Conference (Gleneagles, Scotland)
[Wed] Fried Chicken Day
[Wed-July 31] 22nd Just For Laughs comedy festival (Montréal)
[Wed-July 14] Running of the Bulls (Pamplona SPA)
[Fri] “Dark Water” & “Fantastic Four” open in movie theaters
[Fri-July 17] Calgary Stampede
[Fri] Intern Appreciation Day
This Week Is . . . Special Recreation Week
This Month Is . . . Unassisted Home Birth Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• Is it true that you’ll have a bad day if you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture?
• They say ‘money talks’. Why is it all mine ever says is “GOODBYE”?
• Why is it wind velocity increases directly in proportion to the cost of the hairdo?
• What do you plant to grow a ‘seedless’ watermelon?
• Do romantic one-legged women get ‘swept off their foot’?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Approximately 1 in 16 Canadians lives HERE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: In the United States.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A pessimist feels bad when he feels good for fear he’ll feel worse when he feels better.


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