Thursday, July 22, 2004        Edition: #2828
You’ve Got Yourself in Deep Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT ‘Triumph the Insult Comic Dog’, who brought howls of protest after slagging French-Canadians during a Toronto taping of “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”, appears in the one-dog show “Make Poop Not War” at Montréal’s “Just for Laughs” festival . . . His people vehemently deny it, but “Us Weekly” is standing by its story that Michael Jackson is about to become the father of quadruplets, carried by an unidentified surrogate mother (is there anything this guy could do that you wouldn’t believe?) . . . Brad Pitt has bought wife Jennifer Aniston the 98-year-old luxury yacht ‘Kalizma’, once given to Elizabeth Taylor by Richard Burton (the big difference is Burton paid $145,000, while Pitt had to ante up $5.4 million!) . . . For just $259 to $349 a night (depending on the season), you can rent a replica of Britney Spears’ Louisiana bedroom at Boston’s Onyx Hotel (just pennies a minute to indulge in all of your Britney-centered fantasies!) . . . Mary-Kate Olsen is due to be released THIS WEEKEND after spending 6 weeks in rehab . . . In the latest “Star Magazine”, LA plastic surgeon Robert Rey lists the most popular celebrity body parts that his patients want to emulate – Britney Spears’ stomach, Angelina Jolie’s lips, Carmen Electra’s breasts, Stephanie Seymour’s nose & Ali Landry’s legs . . . More than 17,000 Martha Stewart fans have signed a petition to President Bush, asking him to pardon her . . . Courtney Love’s court date will be further delayed because she’s now expected to stay in a private hospital until August 5th at least . . . And thanks to California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ill-chosen turn of phrase, “Sacramento Girlie Men” T-shirts are now for sale on the Web – at 24 bucks a pop (http://66.39.123.94).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• John Mayer – THIS WEEKEND he’ll be helping to build a Habitat For Humanity house in San Antonio TX with 4 lucky fans.
• Whitney Houston – TODAY she’s scheduled to perform in Shanghai, her first concert in China.
• Gretchen Wilson – TODAY her 2nd video, “I’m Here For the Party”, debuts on CMT, filmed during her recent performance at the “CMA Music Festival” in Nashville.
• Britney Spears – She’s reportedly given the go-ahead for her people to begin negotiating a TV deal for worldwide syndication of her NOVEMBER wedding.
• Outkast – André 3000 has been voted the ‘World’s Se*xiest Vegetarian’ male by PETA, actress Alicia Silverstone is picked se*xiest female.
• Dashboard Confessional – TONIGHT they’re on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.

MOVIES GETTIN’ MADE:
Word has it Jack Black will star as ‘The Green Lantern’ in an upcoming film based on the long-running character in DC Comics . . . Meantime, Marvel Comics adaptation of the 1961 comic “Fantastic Four” will feature Jessica Alba as ‘The Invisible Girl’,  Chris Evans as ‘The Human Torch’, Michael Chiklis as ‘The Thing’, and Ioan Gruffudd (“King Arthur”) as ‘Mr Fantastic’ . . . A sequel is in the works for the 2003 remake of “The Italian Job” with St Tropez, Paris and the Swiss Alps all being considered as shooting locations . . . Britain’s ITV network is making a TV movie about the love triangle of Princess Diana, Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles, set in the 3 years preceding the 1981 royal wedding . . . And BC-born Barry Pepper has the lead role in “3: The Dale Earnhardt Story”, ESPN’s upcoming bio-pic about the late NASCAR legend.

GOOD MORNING, POTTED MUMS!
A new Japanese invention turns flower petals and leaves into sound machines. The ‘Flower Speaker Amplifier’ from Let’s Corp is designed to be hidden in a vase or potted plant and sends music at just the right frequency to vibrate up the stems and be converted into audible sound by the plant as a whole. A CD player or radio can be connected to it. It’s expected to be popular in public areas such as hotel or hospital lobbies. The speakers are expected to hit the market by mid-August priced from $40 to $400, depending on the plant’s size. (You talk to your plants? Now they’re gonna talk back!)
– Reuters

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• An anti-smoking organization in Stockholm, Sweden is defending its controversial new ad campaign saying it makes use of an old tobacco industry trick – lying. Among the claims made in the group’s posters: cigarette filters are filled with mouse excrement, and smoking stunts pe*nis growth. (Now wait a minute, that just might be true. Right, [co-host]?)
• Her son is 14 years older than her new husband! 71-year-old grandmother Nyanginda wa Ngugi of Kenya has just wed James Mburu Kamau – who’s 19. (And apparently has a weak spot for ‘gummers’.)
• The US Department of Labor has set up a new Website – to help the homeless find jobs. (Now all they need is someone to help them find a laptop.)
• Reporter Regan Thaw’s news report on Talk Radio 702 in Johannesburg, South Africa was cut a little short THIS WEEK when he was held-up at gunpoint and robbed of the cellphone he was using – live on-air. (Wow, talk about a ratings stunt!)
• A traffic cop in the Czech city of Plzen is under investigation after repeatedly shooting his pistol in the air after pedestrians ignored his warning not to – jaywalk. (Geez, wonder what he does for loitering?)
• One of the taste treats at this summer’s Madison County Fair & Rodeo in Nebraska is 100% cholesterol-free, sliced, breaded and seasoned – bull’s testicles. (Is this at the “Fear Factor” food booth or what?)
• Here’s a real switch: a passenger on a Russian airliner has been assaulted – by intoxicated flight attendants. Two male crew members on a domestic flight beat up a passenger who complained that the attendants were drunk and not doing their jobs. (At last, payback!)

SHOWER FACTS:
• 53% of us shower in the morning, 29% in the evening. (Apparently the remaining 18% stink.)
• The average shower temperature is 101 F (38 C).
• The average shower uses up nearly 50 gallons of water (189 liters).
• 52% of people sing in the shower. (The other 48% hope they drown.)
• “Singin’ In The Rain” is the favorite shower tune. (Ask listeners for other good suds songs.)
– Newly-released VertiSpa survey.

WHO’S ON THIRD?
Classic rockers The Who have provided the theme music for “CSI” (“Who Are You?”) and “CSI: Miami” (“Won’t Get Fooled Again”), so what should the signature tune be for the next spinoff, “CSI: New York”, premiering SEPTEMBER 22nd? Executive producer Anthony Zuiker’s choice was “Behind Blue Eyes” but CBS-TV honcho Les Moonves chose “Baba O’Reilly”. Guess who won? They’re now combing through “Baba O’Reilly” trying to find lyrics that seem appropriate to a crime show. (Oh well, beats “Squeeze Box” … sorta.)
– “Toronto Sun”
The lyrics to “Baba O’Reilly” are here …
NET: http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/w/whothe7653/babaoreilly274301.html

FOR THE RECORD:
A 27-pound bunny in Holland FL is believed to be the ‘World’s Largest Rabbit’. ‘Roberto’ the 2-year-old Continental Giant is almost 4-feet-long, larger than most 3-year-old children, and sleeps on a dog’s bed because he won’t fit into a normal rabbit hutch. The title is unofficial, however, because “Guinness World Records” has stopped listing ‘biggest animals’ for fear it will lead people to deliberately overfeed their pets.

BS AMAZING FACT:
A bee colony must fly close to 55,000 miles and tap some 2 million flowers in order to make a single pound of honey. (So … feel guilty gulping that toast & Billy Bee this morning?)

THE BULL SHEET 07.22.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [64] Alex Trebek, Sudbury ON, TV game show host (“Jeopardy” since 1984)

1946 [58] Danny Glover, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Lethal Weapon 1-4″, “Angels in Outfield”)

1947 [57] Albert Brooks (Einstein), Beverly Hills CA, movie actor (“Finding Nemo”, “Broadcast News”)

1947 [57] Don Henley, Gilmer TX, classic rock musician (“Boys of Summer”, Eagles-“Hotel California”)

1947 [57] Gilles Duceppe, Montréal QC, federal Bloc Québecois leader

1955 [49] Willem Dafoe, Appleton WI, movie actor (Green Goblin-“Spider-Man 1 & 2″, “Platoon”)

1964 [40] David Spade, Birmingham MI, movie actor (“Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star”, “Joe Dirt”)/TV actor (“Just Shoot Me” 1997-2003)

1974 [30] Franka Potente, Dülmen, Germany, movie actress (“The Bourne Supremacy” [opening FRIDAY], “The Bourne Identity”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through July 31st the annual “Klondike Days” parties down in Edmonton AB. The action kicks off with a parade celebrating Edmonton’s centennial and the 125th anniversary of Northlands Park. This year’s concert line-up includes Default, Fefe Dobson, Loverboy, Sam Roberts, and Swollen Members.
PHONER: 888.800.7275
NET: http://www.northlands.com

TODAY-Sunday the 41st annual “Manitoba Stampede & Exhibition” comes out of the chute in Morris MB, featuring Manitoba’s only pro rodeo.
PHONER: 204.746.2552
NET: http://www.manitobastampede.ca

TODAY is “Rat-Catchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.

TODAY is “Spooner’s Day” honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London ENG, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [06] 1st ‘All Whale Radio Station’ (ORCA-FM signs on in Vancouver, featuring all whale sounds, all the time)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [09] 1st #1 hit for Shania Twain as “Any Man of Mine” tops “Billboard” country chart

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1948 [56] Newfoundlanders vote 52% in favor of joining Canada, narrowly resulting in the addition of a 10th province

1979 [25] 1st pro golfer to shoot below his age (67-year-old Sam Snead shoots a 66)

1979 [25] 1st ‘Sony Walkman’ goes on sale (kids have been saying “What?” ever since)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [15] Youngest pilot to fly around-the-world (11-year-old Tony Aliengena-CA)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Sat] Cousins Day
[Sat] World Toe Wrestling Championships (Wetton UK)
[Sun] Parents Day
[Mon] All or Nothing Day
[Tues] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
This Week Is . . . Lyme Disease Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Doghouse Repairs Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS EXCUSES FOR LEAVING THE BAND [AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN]:

• “Musical differences.” [“I've forgotten how to play the songs”.]
• “I want to pursue a solo career.” [“I'll have one minor hit, then come back begging for my old gig in about 2 years”.]
• “I don’t like touring.” [“The groupies won't touch me with a 10-foot pole anymore”.]
• “Constant bickering is affecting my health.” [“The band keeps beating on me because I'm useless”.]
• “I want to explore other creative avenues.” [“I'm writing a book dishing the dirt on the others”.]
• “It’s an amicable parting of the ways.” [“I've been sacked”.]
• “I never want to see those losers again as long as I live.” [“I've been sacked without severance”.]
• “The record company is stifling my creativity.” [“They're making me pay for my own booze and drugs now”.]
• “I need some time away from the rock and roll lifestyle.” [“I'm going into rehab”.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
Untucked shirts for guys – hot new style or just plain sloppy?

BS Q&A:
Q: Who’s had the longest marriage – U2′s Bono, Ozzy Osbourne, or Paul McCartney?
A: Couples Bono & Ali Hewson and Ozzy Osbourne & Sharon Arden have both lasted 21 years, but Paul McCartney had a 29-year union – with late wife Linda McCartney.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I’ve decided to have a child … but only to increase my ratings.
• I think they should fill auto air-bags with ketchup – you know, just for fun.
• These days you often hear married guys bragging, “WE’RE pregnant!” but you hardly ever hear them say, “WE’RE dying.”
• I finally went to see “Spider-Man 2″. Sometimes I think I have special powers but it’s always tempered by the feeling that it could be the vodka.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is the leading cause of accidental deaths in the home.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Falling.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is like the Internet – you begin with a logical direction but one link leads to another and before you know it you can’t remember where you were going or how to get back.


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