Wednesday, July 21, 2004        Edition: #2827
We Give a Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Rumor is “Spider-Man 2″ actress Kirsten Dunst and longtime actor-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal have split . . . And kudos to Kirsten for keeping it real and requesting that the creators of the new “Spider-Man 2″ video game tone down her character’s overinflated mammaries before the game is released . . . A 12-inch Donald Trump doll will hit the market THIS FALL, which will spout dumb Donaldisms such as “You’re Fired!” (hope it comes with a comb)  . . . Yasgur’s Farm, famously the site of the 1969 “Woodstock” concert, is being developed as the home for a $63-million performing arts center scheduled to open in 2006 (what would Jimi think?) . . . Martha Stewart plans to write a book about her trial experience – ‘to help others facing the process’ (not to mention subsidize her whopping legal bills) . . . Reports say it takes Drea de Matteo, Matt LeBlanc’s co-star on the upcoming new sitcom “Joey”, 2 hours to get her hair and makeup done for the show – and fake boobs installed . . . Actress Gwyneth Paltrow often exchanges holistic therapies with pal Sting, who reportedly intrigued her with his ‘canine method for getting in touch with your inner voice’ – barking like a dog in the morning! (you people are just barking mad!) . . . And Mrs Paul McCartney, Heather Mills, is putting together her own self-help book on how to maintain a healthy and happy lifestyle – no matter how old you are (perhaps it’s aimed at her geezer husband?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Nelly – He’s part-owner of the NBA’s newest expansion team, the Charlotte Bobcats, who kick off their first season THIS FALL.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s reportedly split with longtime boyfriend Jordan Bratman after a spat in NYC strip club Scores. Word is he got upset after she started performing a strip routine.
• Big &  Rich – TONIGHT they guest on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Kylie Minogue – She’s becoming the queen of private shows, bagging a massive $1.8 million for a corporate performance for Deutsche Bank executives at a holiday resort near Barcelona, Spain … which lasted just 40 minutes!
• Brandy – She tells “King” magazine that when a former boyfriend called her the ‘B’-word once too often, she got her revenge by … keying his car!
• Britney Spears – She & kid sis’ Jamie Lynn each have new puppies, which they’ve named ‘Allie Boo’ and ‘Lacy Loo’.
• Lenny Kravitz – He’s had his chemically-straightened, James Brown-like hairdo chopped off and showed off his new look at the opening of ‘Kos’, a members-only club in NYC that he co-owns with Denzel Washington. The club’s name is Persian slang for a female private part.

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘The Straight Sign’ – The non-mating ritual that takes place when two heterosexual men meet for a drink, whereby a signal must be passed to confirm there are no ulterior motives involved. It often involves the sudden mention of women as in – “Damn, she’s hot!” – even when she’s a not-so-hottie. (Guys also talk sports to show they’re ‘real he-men’, as in “Hey, how ‘bout those Dodgers?”)
• ‘Mild Cognitive Impairment’ (‘MCI’) – A new term for a subtle decline in thinking ability. A person with MCI may experience memory problems greater than normally expected with aging, but not other symptoms of dementia, such as impaired judgment or reasoning. (Formerly known as a ‘senior moment’ or just plain ‘ditzy’.)
• ‘Guerilla Marketing Campaign’ – Deliberately planting false info or perpetrating a hoax in order to generate awareness of a project, a ploy that’s become all-too-easy thanks to the Internet. The term recently came to light when it was leaked that reclusive movie director M Night Shyamalan (“The Sixth Sense”, “Signs”) was upset with a Sci Fi Channel documentary about his life because it was a ‘disturbing exposé’ that unveiled ‘a buried secret’. The channel has since admitted that’s all hooey. (This is nothing new. We used to call it ‘BS’.)

ORGANICS CAN CONTAIN ORGANISMS:
Food safety experts have revealed that organic food is NOT necessarily safer than conventional food. Food science researchers at the University of Nebraska say it’s important to clarify that organic claims do no refer to safety from bacteria. While guidelines have been adopted to keep organic foods free from man-made chemicals, organic products may be just as likely to harbor harmful bacteria such as salmonella or E-coli. (‘Organic’ has become the new ‘Lite’ when it comes to marketing.)
– ANI

GOING UP, WAAAAY UP
According to scientists working with NASA, the technology is now available to build an elevator 62,000 miles into space. Bradley Edwards, the head of the space elevator project at the Institute for Scientific Research, claims the $10-billion elevator could be operational in less than 15 years. He envisions a 3-foot-wide cable made of nanotubes attached to a platform at the equator. The elevator could carry a payload of up to 13 tons, and could eventually be used as a cheaper, safer form of space travel which would some day be used to carry explorers to other planets. The major obstacles? Politics and funding. (And perhaps pie-in-the-sky scientists whose elevators don’t go all the way to the top.)
– Yahoo News

KNOW YOUR DOC:
According to a new study, visiting the same doctor regularly can help you remain healthy. Why? Adults who regularly visit the same physician are most likely to receive preventive treatments such as flu vaccine or breast cancer screening. The bottom line – despite a trend toward larger physician groups such as walk-in clinics, the best health care comes from continuity with a personal physician. (Who’ll spend a grand total of 45 seconds with you after you wait 2 hours in the waiting room.)
– “Journal of General Internal Medicine”

CANADA’S STILL FOR SALE:
The Crown Prince of Dubai has funded a $3-billion project called ‘The World’ that’s been built in the Arabian Gulf off the United Arab Emirates. It consists of hundreds of man-made islands – each representing a country, state or city – that are arranged to look like a map of the world when viewed from above. Each private island is up for sale and can only be accessed by special flights or ferries. Owners can do whatever they want with their island except build a casino, due to strict gambling laws. So far, a Dutch tycoon has purchased ‘Ireland’ for $15 million and dinosaur rocker Rod Stewart has reportedly bought ‘Great Britain’ for $33 million.
– “Daily Star”

A GUARANTEED PICK-ME-UP:
It’s commonly known as the ‘female hormone’, but Australian researchers have revealed that estrogen is essential for boosting the MALE libido. Hormone specialist Evan Simpson at Melbourne’s Prince Henry’s Institute of Medical Research has discovered that no estrogen or  low levels of estrogen tend to reduce a male’s desire to engage in se*x. (Best to get in touch with your female side, guys.)
– News.com

NAVEL GAZING:
In his book “Centered: Understanding Yourself Through Your Navel”, Berlin psychologist Dr Gerhard Reibmann claims you can predict your life expectancy by your navel shape. For instance …
• ‘innie’ or ‘concave navel’ [life expectancy of 65 years]
• ‘horizontal navel’ [68 years]
• ‘off-center navel’ [70 years]
• ‘outie navel’ [72 years]
• ‘vertical navel’ [75 years]
• ‘perfectly round navel’ [81 years]
(And then there’s ‘pierced navel’ – 62 years, the last 30 of which you’ll be too embarrassed to show it to anyone.)

THE BULL SHEET 07.21.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [78] Norman Jewison, Toronto ON, filmmaker (“The Hurricane”, “In the Heat of the Night”)/1999 Irving G Thalberg Memorial Award at the Oscars/established the Canadian Centre for Advanced Film Studies in Toronto in 1986

1948 [56] Garry (Garretson Beakman) Trudeau, NYC, political cartoonist (“Doonesbury”)/Mr Jane Pauley since 1980

1952 [52] Robin Williams, Chicago IL, comedian (2003 ‘Best Spoken Comedy Album’ Grammy Award)/movie actor (Oscar-“Good Will Hunting”)

1957 [47] Jon Lovitz, Tarzana CA, movie actor (“The Stepford Wives”, “Rat Race”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1985-90)

1972 [32] Paul Brandt (Belobersycky), Calgary AB, country singer (“That’s The Truth”, “I Do”)

1978 [26] Josh Hartnett, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Hollywood Homicide”, “Black Hawk Down”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Junk Food Day”. If your health wasn’t a factor, which junk food would you mow down on every chance you got – burgers, pizza, hot dogs, tacos, fries, chocolate?

TODAY is “National Get Out of the Doghouse Day”, a day for us to grant personal pardon to those we’ve put in a little hot water.

TODAY-Sunday the annual “Collingwood Elvis Festival” in Collingwood ON includes look-alike and singing contests, street dances, a parade, plus swap sessions. More than 60,000 fans are expected, many of them dressed like the King (one might even BE the King!).
PHONER: 866.444.1162/705.444.1162 (Festival Office)
NET: http://www.collingwoodelvisfestival.com

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1990 [14] 250,000 attend “The Wall” benefit concert organized by Pink Floyd founder Roger Waters in East Berlin where the Berlin Wall once stood (performers include The Band, Scorpions, Joni Mitchell, Bryan Adams & Van Morrison)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1984 [20] 1st documented case of a robot killing a human occurs in Jackson MI as an industrial  robot turns and wedges a 34-year-old worker against a safety bar, crushing him (the true story of  “I, Robot”)

1991 [13] Former Cubs pitcher Ferguson Jenkins becomes 1st Canadian inducted into ‘Baseball Hall of Fame’

1998 [06] 1st male in competitive synchronized swimming (USA’s Bill May at “Goodwill Games”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1992 [12] Armenian strongman pulls 2 railroad cars 7 meters (23 ft) … with his teeth

1996 [08] ‘Group spaghetti-eating record’ as 3,000 residents of Alkbissola Marina, Italy consume 300 kg (662 lbs) of pasta, cooked in a single pot and topped with 200 kg (440 lbs) of tomato sauce

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Rat Catcher’s Day
[Fri] “Catwoman” and “The Bourne Supremacy” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Virtual Love Day
[Sun] 2004 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction
[Mon] Aunt & Uncle Day
This Week Is . . . Oil Heritage Week (visit a polluted beach near you)
This Month Is . . . Disaster Awareness Month (yeah, thanks for listening this morning)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DOS:

So often in life we’re warned about ‘don’ts’. Here’s a few ‘dos’ …
• DO look for jeans at thrift stores because sometimes retailers that can’t sell certain jeans will dump them there.
• DO take the head off a plastic flower and put a bobby pin through the stem to attach it to an outfit for pizzazz.
• DO use a colorful sand bucket to put flowers in for a summer-looking center piece.
• DO use the comics section of the newspaper as gift wrap.
• DO use an old window as a picture frame.
(Ask listeners to add more.)
– “Danbury News-Times”

BS INTERVIEWS:
• TONIGHT bald guys eat free at Gary’s Uptown Restaurant & Bar in Lodi CA. On Wednesdays, customers pay according to the amount of hair they have on their head. Thus the totally bald –  even if that effect is achieved by shaving – get 100% off their bills. So how many show up? And does the deal apply to women also?
PHONER: 209.369.8696 (Debra Arnold, General Manager)
• Talent agency ‘Impossible Casting’ specializes in finding actors with unusual qualities, whether it’s for movies, ads, TV, music videos or print. Need a red-headed, one legged midget? This is where you go. Ask about recent challenges they’ve managed to solve.
PHONER: 212.255.3029 (NYC)
NET: http://www.impossiblecasting.com

TRUTH OR BS?
One of the following statements is total crap, but which?
GAME #1 –
• King Henry VIII slept with a gigantic axe. [BS]
• It takes 10 hours after food is eaten for it to reach the large intestine.
• U2′s Bono took his name from a billboard advertising a hearing aid retailer.

GAME #2 –
• At the first World Cup in Uruguay in 1930, the soccer balls were actually monkey skulls wrapped in paper and leather. [BS]
• The secret recipe for Coca-Cola is locked in an Atlanta bank vault.
• The muscles in the back legs of a locust are 1,000 times stronger than those in the human body.

GAME #3 –
• The official language of Nigeria is English.
• The European Green Woodpecker can eat 2,000 ants per day.
• The proportions for the ‘Barbie’ doll were actually based on those of Eva Braun. [BS]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: More of THESE are blue than any other color.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Toothbrushes

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Reality is whatever you focus on.


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