Friday, July 9, 2004        Edition: #2819
Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT & tomorrow night Keith Richards, Norah Jones, Dwight Yoakam & Lucinda Williams are among the artists paying tribute to late country rocker Gram Parsons in a pair of benefit concerts in Hollywood and Santa Barbara CA . . . TOMORROW Black Sabbath regroups for the first time since 2001 as this summer’s “Ozzfest” tour kicks off in Hartford CT . . . SUNDAY the annual “Party In The Park” charity concert is expected to draw circa 100,000 to London’s Hyde Park to see performances by Avril Lavigne, the Corrs, Nelly Furtado, the Calling and more . . . THIS WEEK 43-year-old former NBA wildman Dennis Rodman was among the thousands of daredevils who ran with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain . . . File this under ‘extreme movie set makeovers’ – Johnny Depp has had his trailer on the UK set of “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” renovated into a $450,000 Bedouin-style tent . . . Jennifer Lopez has ordered a staggering 10,000 top-quality clothes hangers from the Great American Hanger Company to be delivered to her mansions in LA and Miami (and that’s just for wedding dresses!) . . . Two electronic bugs have been discovered in Disney Co honcho Michael Eisner’s office on the Burbank studio lot during a routine security sweep (who do you think planted the mouse ears?) . . . Marlon Brando’s 9 children have hired at least 4 sets of lawyers to represent their interests in the battle over his estate (which amounts to toenail clippings and a bag of rocks) . . . And David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry & Hank Azaria will star in “Spamalot”, the Broadway musical version of “Monty Python & the Holy Grail”, coming NEXT MARCH.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Usher – After partying recently at London’s Funky Buddha nightclub, he needed 2 vehicles to usher no less than 8 groupies back to his penthouse hotel suite.
• Switchfoot – The band’s name is a surfing term meaning to turn your body around and go the other way on a board. It’s members grew up in San Diego surfing virtually every day. TONIGHT the “Meant to Live” guys play Hamilton ON and TOMORROW they’re in Vancouver.
• Pat McGee Band – Frontman McGee got his first acoustic guitar as a Christmas gift from his parents when he was 16. PMG is no overnight sensation … they’ve been touring since 1996.
• George Michael – He’s shut down the fan forum on his Website because people keep slagging him.
• Alan Jackson – TODAY a portion of I-85 near his hometown of Newnan GA will be renamed in his honor. Jackson will attend the dedication ceremony.
• Bonnie McKee – “Somebody” was originally featured on the soundtrack of the movie “Win A Date With Tad Hamilton”.
• Gretchen Wilson – She says she’s committed to eating at McDonald’s in every country on her international promotional tour. In the past week she’s been in Australia, Sweden and Norway, and she has upcoming dates in Berlin and London.
• Yellowcard – The Ventura CA-based punk quintet formed in 1997 and played over 200 shows a year at all-ages venues, rock dives & school events before clicking with “Ocean Avenue”.
• Ryan Tyler – The Nashville newcomer (“The Last Thing She Said”) originally hails from tiny Duluth GA. Her mom was also a singer who toured with Roy Orbison and Grand Funk Railroad.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” (PG-13 Comedy): Will Ferrell plays top-rated 1970s anchorman ‘Ron Burgundy’ who is arrogant, egotistical, empty-headed and boorish, and will stop at nothing to thwart the career of an ambitious new reporter (Christina Applegate) who joins the newsroom. (See “Bull’s Bits” for a timely ‘Anchorman Quiz’.)
• “Sleepover” (PG Comedy): Four best friends, desperate to improve their social status, enter an all-night scavenger hunt competition against the popular clique in their school. Alexa Vega (“Spy Kids 1-3″) stars.

COTTONHEAD TOURING:
A bewildered 79-year-old American tourist got lost and stuck in the mud in Germany’s Bavarian forest after trying to make use of a travel guide – 90 years out-of-date. After a passing farmer used a tractor to tow the geezer back to civilization in his rental car, he showed authorities his travel guide entitled “Beautiful Bayreuth”, published on the eve of World War I in 1914. (He was fined for wearing socks with sandals and having his pants pulled up to his neck, then sent on his way.)
– DPA

WOMEN & STRESS:
It is well-established that people often eat to relieve stress but a new Penn State University study finds that women who are stressed eat more fatty foods … even after the stress has ended. On the other hand, men’s snack preferences stay the same regardless of their stress levels. (For women, it’s just another excuse to eat chocolate.)
– “Journal of Applied Social Psychology”

YET ANOTHER DJ ARRESTED:
Dan Chappell, known as ‘Lunchbox’ on KISS 96.7 Austin TX, has been arrested for pulling a stunt that got him charged with making a ‘terroristic’ threat. All he did was wear a stocking cap into a food mart, buy a pack of gum and leave. A store clerk called the cops, not realizing the disguise was a hoax. KISS has suspended both Chappell and his co-host for the stunt.
– News 8 Austin

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 80% of men surveyed believe that women are attracted to partners who treat them badly.
• 70% of women and 66% of men believe the differences between genders are becoming less pronounced.
• 60% of employees say the first thing they do when they get to work is delete junk e-mail.
• 50% of the eggs we consume are eaten on Sundays.
• 43% of the 36,000 who claim they did the dirty deed during the recent “Glastonbury Music Festival” in the UK say it was with a virtual stranger.
• 40% of men will admit to having cried within the past year.
• 38% of us say we’re sleeping less now than 5 years ago.
• 30% of women say they would give up their life savings to have the ‘perfect body’.

IT’S A WEIRD WORLD:
• The Australian Broadcasting Corporation has come under fire for wasting taxpayers’ money on a new Website that teaches kids how to – break wind more effectively. It also encourages participation in the ‘Great Fart Survey’ which asks among other questions, “Are we a nation of silent-but-deadlies or machine gunners?” (So what’s the prob? By comparison, this is some of the best stuff on the Web!)
• THIS WEEK a PO-ed husband posted 440 copies of a surveillance video of his cheating wife for auction on eBay. The sale has been quickly ruled invalid and taken off the site. (Dude, learn from Rick Salomon and avoid the middle man – just post the whole video as an Mpeg!)
• Sacramento CA officials have launched an investigation into reports that on-duty firefighters have been cruising streets near bars and dance clubs attempting to pick up women – using fire engines. (Hey lady, wanna check out my firehose?)
• The University of New Brunswick has reversed a previous ruling and will not bar a blind Québec student from its English Immersion Program because he commands his guide dog in French. (He’ll now be admitted as soon as the dog learns sign language.)

THE BULL SHEET 07.09.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [57] OJ (Orenthal James) Simpson, San Francisco CA, NFL RB (San Francisco 49ers 1978-79, Buffalo Bills 1969-77)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (1985)/sometime actor (“Naked Gun” movies)/found not guilty of Nicole Brown Simpson-Ronald Goldman murders (1995) but financially liable in civil suit (1997)

1952 [52] John Tesh, Garden City NY, syndicated radio host (“The John Tesh Radio Show”)/former TV host (“Entertainment Tonight” 1986-96)/quasi-musician (“Live from Red Rocks”)

1956 [48] Tom Hanks, Concord CA, movie actor (“The Terminal”, Academy Awards-“Forrest Gump”, “Philadelphia”)

1964 [40] Courtney Love, San Francisco CA, total screw-up (numerous pending charges for drugs, assault, battery, negligence)/sometime singer (“America’s Sweetheart”, Hole-“Malibu”)/sometime actress (“People vs Larry Flynt”, “Sid & Nancy”)/Mrs Kurt Cobain (1992-94)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [58] Roger Abbott, Birkenhead UK, comedian (“Royal Canadian Air Farce” since 1973)

1970 [34] Gary LeVox, Columbus OH, country singer (Rascal Flatts-“Feels Like Today”, “Prayin’ For Daylight”)

1980 [24] Jessica Simpson, Dallas TX, pop singer (“Angels”, “With You”)/TV personality (“Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica”)

1980 [24] Thomas Ian Nicholas, Las Vegas NV, movie actor (‘Kevin’ in “American Wedding” and “American Pie 1-2″)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Calgary AB] “Calgary Stampede” begins

TODAY is “Intern Appreciation Day”, a day to express gratitude to those dedicated young people who are attempting to kick off their careers by sweating it out on-the-job for free. (Now let’s see, how can we get even with the little b*stards?)

THIS WEEKEND the 32nd annual “Moose Dropping Festival” hits the fan in Talkeetna, Alaska. The most unusual event is the dropping of a thousand ‘moose nuggets’ from a hot-air balloon. The moose poop’s numbered and whoever holds the number of the dung dropped nearest a target wins $1,000. Don’t worry,  it’s sanitary. Local craftspeople use enamelled dung to create souvenir moose poop jewelry and artwork. Other festival events include the ‘Mountain Mother Contest’ and the famous ‘Moose Nugget Toss’.
PHONER: 907.733.2487
NET: http://www.jewellakebandb.com/Anchorage-Alaska/Activities_and_Area_Information/Moose_Dropping_Festival/

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1999 [05] Mick Jagger’s marriage to model Jerry Hall is officially annulled in a London court, ending 8 years of marriage and a 22-year relationship

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1983 [21] The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” reaches #1, a position it will hold for 9 weeks

COMING UP . . .
[Sat] Don’t Step on a Bee Day
[Sun] Barn Day
[Sun] Cheer Up the Lonely Day
[Sun] Pet Photo Day
[Sun] UN World Population Day
[Mon] Swimming Pool Day
[Mon] Town Criers Day
[Mon] Orangemen’s Day
This Week Is . . . Laundry Workers Week / Special Recreation Week
This Month Is . . . Cell Phone Courtesy Month / Hitchhiking Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘ANCHORMAN QUIZ’:

• On the news-spoof show “This Hour Has 22 Minutes”, this St John’s native was first known as anchorman ‘JB Dixon’. [Rick Mercer]
• From 1988-98 Candice Bergen won 5 Emmy Awards playing TV journalist “Murphy Brown” on CBS-TV. What was the name of the fictitious network news magazine she anchored? [“FYI”]
• Peter Kelleghan played anchorman ‘Jim Walcott’ on this CBC-TV series. [“The Newsroom”]
• This Canadian anchorman began his broadcasting career in 1952 when he joined CJCS radio in Stratford ON. [Lloyd Robertson]
• What legendary CBS-TV anchorman signed off his daily broadcast with “And that’s the way it is …”, then gave the date. [Walter Cronkite]
• Talk about dipping your pen in company ink! These CBC-TV news anchors were married from 1988-1992. [Peter Mansbridge & Wendy Mesley.]
• On the sitcom “Full House”, what TV talk show did ‘Danny Tanner’ (played by Bob Saget) anchor? [“Wake Up San Francisco”]
• From 1989-1994 this CTV newsroom drama followed the daily happenings at fictitious TV station ‘CTLS Channel 10′ in ‘Metro’. [“E.N.G.”, standing for ‘Electronic News Gathering’.]
• Post-war broadcasting legend Drew Pearson played himself announcing the landing of a flying saucer in Washington in this 1950s sci-fi movie classic. [“The Day the Earth Stood Still”]
• Actor Peter Finch won an Academy Award playing an anchorman in the 1976 movie “Network” who encourages people open their windows and yell, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!” What was the anchor’s name? [‘Howard Beale’]
• Who played aspiring TV anchor ‘Suzanne Stone ‘ in the 1995 movie comedy “To Die For”? [Nicole Kidman]
• In the 1960s what pair of anchormen famously said ‘goodnight’ to each other at the end of each news broadcast? [Chet Huntley & David Brinkley on NBC-TV’s “The Huntley-Brinkley Report”]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Marriage really begins the day you merge bank accounts.
• Keyless entry takes all the magic out of opening the door for your date.
• Did you ever notice nothing draws a crowd … like a crowd?
• I think naming a child [latest dumb celebrity kid name] is also child abuse.
• When you think about it ‘Republican’ and ‘Democrat’ are just more words for ‘politician’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 40% of women do THIS every day … and men hate it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wear too much perfume.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.


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