Friday, July 25, 2003        Edition: #2587
Don’t Forget to Renew Your Subscription or You’ll Be Sheet Outta Luck!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
In an interview with a Swiss magazine, Ben Affleck has let it slip that he & Jennifer Lopez will wed on the Hawaiian island of Kauai OCTOBER 5th and 500 white doves will be released during the ceremony (boy is he going to get a tongue-lashing when he gets home!) . . .Jen ‘n Ben’s upcoming movie “Gigli” (opening NEXT FRIDAY) has been panned by test audiences, many going into hysterics when she delivers the line “gobble me” during a sex scene, possibly the worst line ever uttered in a movie according to one critic . . .  J-Lo’s new perfume called “Still Jennifer Lopez” will be marketed as ‘designed for women over 25′ (it has that old woman smell?) . . . “Miss Independent” Kelly Clarkson is becoming independently wealthy as the new spokeswoman for Candie’s shoes in ads debuting THIS FALL . . . “Legally Blonde” actress  Reese Witherspoon is considering legal action against a video distributor who’s selling nude scenes from the obscure 1998 film “Twilight” in which everybody’s favorite ‘girl next door’ is pictured in naked romps with actor Liev Schrieber (it was important to the plot and she needed the money) . . . Ozzy Osbourne says he’s been asked to write his life story and he’d love to – if only he could remember what actually happened . . . Word is Madonna not only got $10 million to appear with Missy Elliot in a 30-second TV ad for The Gap (debuting next WEDNESDAY), she also insisted her new children’s book “The English Roses” be sold at Gap kids’ outlets . . . And rocker Tommy Lee has shed his clothes for the biggest billboard in NYC’s Times Square history – a 200-foot-tall ad for retail Website Buymusic.com in which the only thing covering his manhood is the company logo (a really biiiiiigggggggggggg company logo).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life” (Action Adventure) – Angelina Jolie returns as ‘Lara Croft’, this time on a quest to save Pandoras Box. One of Angelina’s ‘Billy Bob Thornton’ tattoos proved a problem when it kept showing up on camera even though she’s had several laser treatments to remove it. They tried covering it up with make-up, but finally had to use computer special-effects to take it out.
• “Seabiscuit” (Drama) – Tobey Maguire & Jeff Bridges star in the true story of an undersized, knobby-kneed, ungainly thoroughbred racehorse named ‘Seabiscuit’ who defied all odds to become Horse of the Year in 1938.
• “Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over” (Family Adventure) – Antonio Banderas & the rest of the ‘Cortez’ family return in this 3rd “Spy Kids” film, in which the kids get stuck in a virtual reality game designed by their new nemesis, the ‘Toymaker’, played by Sylvester Stallone. And this time you get to wear those goofy cardboard 3-D glasses with different colored lenses!

HOOKED ON COKE:
For years, soft drink makers have claimed caffeine is added to their products for flavor. But now Chicago-based smell & taste researcher Dr Alan Hirsch has found that fully 86% of young people tested can NOT tell the difference between caffeinated and caffeine-free cola, even though a variety of brands were used in the experiments. So why’s the caffeine there? Hirsch  thinks it may be similar to cigarette makers adding nicotine to addict smokers and wants caffeine additives limited.

MIDLIFE CRISIS EXPLAINED:
A new study from the New England Research Institute suggests that the so-called ‘male menopause’ is a myth. Professor John McKinlay says the symptoms of hot flashes, excessive sweating, depression and a lack of libido can be simply explained by –  laziness and an unhealthy lifestyle. The study finds that testosterone levels decline gradually, about 1% per year, far less than the drop in hormone levels of middle-aged women. And McKinlay says smoking, drinking and weight gain have far more impact on hormones than aging. (Then he got into his red Corvette convertible and sped off with his new 23-year-old girlfriend.)

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• A shopping center dedicated to the gay community has opened in Brazil. The “Victor/Victoria” shopping mall in Sao Paulo has a rainbow painted on its ceiling and features 34 shops selling clothes, underwear, home furnishings, wigs, sex toys, even a travel agency that works exclusively with gays.
• A dozen alcoholics in Edinburgh, Scotland are planning to file the first-ever lawsuit against booze makers for not warning them that alcohol is addictive and bad for your health. Their lawyers say they’ll use the same tactics US attorneys used to sue cigarette companies, claiming that booze is promoted the same way cigarettes were, with ads that make it seem sexy and trendy.
• A Romanian woman is asking for a divorce because her husband keeps calling out his wife’s name while he’s asleep … his FIRST wife, that is.
• Officials in Berlin, Germany are threatening to cut off government funding for the Frauenkruise Women’s Center after they discovered it offered – striptease courses. Professional peeler Viola Vogt has been teaching exotic dancing to women 18 to 50, claiming it gives them an important opportunity to ‘express themselves’.

FOR THE RECORD:
To mark the 70th anniversary of the 1933 classic movie “King Kong”, students at London’s Camberwell College of Arts spent 630 hours creating a 13-foot statue of the big guy – appropriately made out of popcorn. The “Guinness Book of Records” folks confirm that establishes a new record category, the ‘world’s largest popcorn sculpture’.

BS AMAZING FACT:
Although the Sun is most intense at 12 noon, the hottest part of the day is usually around 3pm.

THE BULL SHEET 07.25.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [63] Dobie Gray, Brookshire TX, R&B/pop singer/songwriter (w/Uncle Kracker-“Drift Away [Gray’s original version was a top 10 hit in 1973])

1967 [36] Matt LeBlanc, Newton MA, $1 million-per-episode TV actor (“Friends” since 1994) FACTOID: YESTERDAY NBC-TV was scheduled to formally announce a spinoff series in which his “Friends” character ‘Joey Tribiani’ heads to California to pursue his acting career. The show’s expected to launch in September 2004 in the THURSDAY night slot vacated by “Friends”.

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [60] Mick (Michael Philip) Jagger, Dartford ENG, Rolling Stones wrinkle rocker/ex-Mr Jerry Hall  VINTAGE QUOTE: “When I’m 33 I quit, I don’t want to be a rock & roll singer all my life.”  FACTOID: SUNDAY the Stones play Prague’s Letenska Stadium in front of 100,000 fans as part of the “World Licks Tour 2003″, then head to Toronto to plan for WEDNESDAY’S massive SARS concert, expected to draw 500,000.

1959 [44] Kevin Spacey (Fowler), South Orange NJ, movie actor (2 Oscars-“American Beauty”, “The Usual Suspects”)

1964 [39] Sandra Bullock, Arlington VA, movie actress (“Two Weeks Notice”, “Miss Congeniality”, “Speed”)

1973 [30] Kate Beckinsale (Loe), London ENG, movie actress (“Pearl Harbor,” “Serendipity”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Puerto Rico] “Constitution Day” (1952)

TOMORROW is the annual “All-American Soap Box Derby” in Akron OH. Over 400 youngsters from around-the-world will compete in the 980-foot ‘gravity race’ at speeds approaching 30 mph. Things have changed since the event began back in 1934. The cars are now made from kits not soap boxes, and about a third of today’s racers are female.
PHONER: 330-733-8723 (Bob Troyer)
NET: http://ndr.org/AASBD1.htm

TOMORROW is “Aunt & Uncle Day”, honoring the special contributions they make to our lives (or maybe Hallmark was just running out of ideas?).

SATURDAY they’ll hold the 10th annual “Blessing of the Cars” in San Fernando CA. It begins with a mass morning blessing by a Catholic priest who then goes from car-to-car blessing each individually. Some people also ask him put holy water in their radiators. The oddball event now attracts more than 10,000 people and their vehicles, some of them vintage collector models (the cars, that is).
NET: http://www.blessingofthecars.com

SUNDAY is “Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day”, to help them get to know their real environment.

SUNDAY Regina throws the annual “Pile O’ Bones Picnic”, Canada’s largest outdoor picnic
that kicks off the annual “Buffalo Days Exhibition”. Pile O’ Bones was the name of the city’s original site.
PHONER: 306-781-9200 (Wascana Centre)

SUNDAY is the annual “Baseball Hall of Fame Enshrinement Ceremony” in Cooperstown NY.  At least 44 Hall of Famers are confirmed to attend the ceremony for this year’s inductees, Gary Carter (Expos) and Eddie Murray (Orioles).
NET: http://www.baseballhalloffame.org

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1871 [132] 1st ‘merry-go-round’ is patented by William Schneider of Davenport IA

1871 [132] ‘Perforated toilet paper’ is patented by Seth Wheeler of Albany NY

1978 [25] 1st baby conceived outside a mother’s body using the new technique of ‘in-vitro fertilization’ (Louise Joy Brown of Oldham ENG becomes the world’s 1st ‘test tube baby’)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] All or Nothing Day
[Sun] Parents Day
[Mon] Accountants Day
[Tues] Lasagna Day
[Wed] National Foreplay Day
[Thurs] National Orgasm Day
This Week Is . . . Equal Parents Week (we want the same rights as kids!!!)
This Month Is . . . Eye Exam Month (that first one’s an ‘E’, isn’t it?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
According to a poll of 1,000 drivers, 83% say they drink coffee or soft drinks while driving, and more than 70% say they eat. So here’s a look at the …
MOST DANGEROUS FOODS TO EAT WHILE DRIVING:

10. Chocolate
9. Soft Drinks
8. Jelly or Cream-Filled Donuts
7. Fried Chicken
6. Barbecue
5. Hamburgers
4. Chili
3. Tacos         
2. Hot Soup                          
1. Coffee                     
Source: Hagerty Classic Insurance

BS BEFORE THEY WERE STARS QUIZ:
• Singer Jon Bon Jovi once worked in a …
a) Burger King [CORRECT]
b) Hair salon.
c) Massage parlor.

• As a teenager, actor Matt Damon earned extra money as a sidewalk …
a) Break-dancer. [CORRECT]
b) Mime.
c) Pickpocket.

• Before fame, “Star Trek’s” ‘Captain Kirk’, William Shatner, made a living selling …
a) Used Furniture. [CORRECT]
b) Outdoor advertising for ‘Priceboard’.
c) Weed.

• While he was growing up, actor Billy Bob Thornton’s mother earned a living as a …
a) Psychic [CORRECT]
b) Moonshiner
c) Evangelist

• Which star once said, “I think I am a much better actor than I have allowed myself to be”?
a) Adam Sandler
b) Madonna
c) Kevin Spacey [CORRECT]

• Actor Denzel Washington graduated from Fordham University with a BA in …
a) Drama
b) English
c) Journalism [CORRECT]
(And before fame, MC Hammer worked at a car wash … oops, that’s what he’s doing now. Sorry.)

PHONE STARTER:
“Where has your toddler caused you em-BARE-ASS-ment by impulsively deciding to get naked?”

BS BLATANT JOKE:
This is creepy, what happened to me last night. I was starting to undress when I saw someone in the window and I asked why they were staring at me. Then all of a sudden they start screaming, “Get out of my backyard!”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 70% of households do THIS just once a year, usually in the summer.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Buy mustard.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There’s so much to learn and so much of it not worth learning.


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