Thursday, July 24, 2003        Edition: #2586
Bully For You!

TONIGHT the premiere episode of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” will air on NBC-TV, in which 5 gay men create a makeover for a straight guy (the show scored big ratings when it aired on Bravo) . . . Seems they’re either splitting up or getting married every other day – latest word is Gwyneth Paltrow & Coldplay singer Chris Martin will wed THIS FALL at the East Hampton NY home of her godfather, none other than Steven Spielberg . . . Word is Justin Timberlake has flown his mom from her Memphis TN home to Miami FL to spend time getting to know JT’s steady new girl Cameron Diaz . . . 66-year-old actor and noted cradle robber Jack Nicholson is now reportedly spending time with 31-year-old actress Amanda Peet (“The Whole Nine Yards”) . . . “Tomb Raider” babe Angelina Jolie blabs that she hasn’t had sex in a year since splitting with ex-husband Billy Bob Thornton – and she can’t wait to make love again . . . And buzz has it 55-year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger has had botox injections to smooth out wrinkles, the reason he seems to have a ‘frozen face’ in “T3″ (well he does have political aspirations, and there was once this California governor who died his hair …).

Here comes another live-action movie based on a classic comic strip – “Betty & Veronica” (from “Archie”), but no actors’ names are attached so far . . . Martin Lawrence is set to star in “Rage Control”, a family comedy about a legendary college basketball coach who has trouble controlling his emotions (hmm, “Rage Control”, kinda sounds like “Anger Management 2″) . . . Angelina Jolie has joined the cast of Oliver Stone’s upcoming epic “Alexander”, playing Alexander the Great’s mom ‘Olympias’ (can you see her as Colin Farrell’s mother?) . . . Tom Hanks has secured movie rights to the novel “Charlie Wilson’s War” and wants to play the hard-drinking Texas congressman who persuaded the CIA to arm rebels in Afghanistan . . . Tom Hanks will also play a Balkan immigrant who makes an airport transit lounge his new home in Steven Spielberg’s upcoming film “Terminal” . . .  And hot off the success of “Bad Boys 2″, Will Smith is set to star in an as-yet-unnamed new film based on the true story of a millionaire who used to live in a train station restroom (maybe someone will do a movie about a guy living in a bus station too!).

We’ve heard in the past that squatting to the eye level of restaurant patrons or drawing a smiley face on the bill can increase tips. Now a new study by Dutch researchers finds that restaurant servers who mimic their customers get bigger tips. In a series of experiments, servers were asked to either repeat their customers’ orders verbatim or just say something positive back such as “You got it!” or “Coming right up!” By repeating the order, the servers’ average tip almost doubled. (It’s still unproven if tips can be quintupled with the use of a taser.)

It’s THURSDAY and that means it’s officially “Girls’ Night Out” in the southern Spanish town of Torredonjimeno (tore-ay-doan-he-MAY-no). Mayor Javier Checa (CHAY-kuh) has proclaimed that the town’s men must stay home Thursdays, looking after the kids and cleaning up. Women, on the other hand, can enjoy any of the town’s bars and nightclubs without running into the opposite sex. That’s pretty much assured now that men found in bars between 9pm and 2am Thursdays will be fined by police. Money from the fines will go to community groups that deal with domestic violence and gender equality.

• For a recent work life survey, employees were asked what causes the greatest amount of stress at work. 54% cited the demands of their job. 20% said annoying co-workers. 1% said the greatest stress is – having to pretend to like the boss! (What about ‘showing up’?)
• In a new “Maxim” magazine poll, 62% of women say that if they had to date a circus freak, they’d take the tall man. 24% wouldn’t mind the midget. A truly weird 2% say they’d pick – the bearded lady! (Most guys want the contortionist.)
• A new survey by Sony Ericsson finds that 74% of young adults surveyed have hung up on someone they didn’t want to speak to – then blamed it on poor cell phone reception. (“Can you hear me now … can you …”)

A controversial new University of Utah study suggests that it’s safer to drive drunk than while talking on a cell phone, no matter whether it’s hand-held or hands-free. The research is based on the performance of 41 test subjects on a driving simulator. Researchers say they found a 50% reduction in the processing of visual information among cell phone talkers. (But it’s even a worse no-no to talk on a cell phone drunk … to an old girlfriend … at 3am.)

Sleep expert Dr Daniel Loube says many people have trouble sleeping in the summer because the days are so long. He claims sleep deprivation has become a major problem among middle-aged North Americans. Recent research shows that the sleep-deprived can experience a craving for carbohydrates, balance problems, and the sensation of a fast heart rate. The good doc says that if you’re only sleeping 5.5 hours a night on a continual basis, it makes you just as impaired as having a couple of drinks. (Thus explaining how loose we act on this show.)

• They didn’t need CSI to solve this one – a bank robber has been arrested in Fort Worth TX after he robbed a Wells Fargo branch using a threatening note about a bomb … written on the back of his résumé … which he left behind.
• As soon as his latest prison sentence was complete, a Cambridge, England career criminal confessed to 3 more crimes. Seems he wanted to stay in the slammer so he could – finish his restaurant management course.

• A 14-person team has set the 1st world record for ‘most people riding a single surfboard’. The team of 12 men and 2 women used a 37-foot board weighing 400 lbs. On their 4th attempt they all managed to stand and surf to shore together. (A new record for ‘hanging 140′.)
• A 67-year-old woman from Neustrelitz, Germany is outraged that Guinness recognizes an 831-gallstone-removal surgery as the world record. She claims she had 3,110 gallstones removed in a 1981 operation – which she saved! And she’s sending them in. (“Hey ma, I think these little meatballs in the back of the fridge have gone bad …”)

This will come as a big surprise to the wives of guys with big beer bellies but – bitter-tasting beer actually curbs the development of fat inside the body, at least according to researchers at Japan’s Kirin Brewery.


1914 [89] Ed Mirvish, Colonial Beach VA, legendary Toronto retailer (Honest Ed’s)/theatrical producer (“Mama Mia”, “The Lion King”)

1964 [39] Barry Bonds, Riverside CA, MLB slugger (San Francisco Giants) who set the season home run record of 73 (2001)/only major leaguer to reach combo of 400 home runs and 400 steals

1970 [33] Jennifer Lopez, Bronx NY, pop singer (“I’m Glad”, “If You Had My Love”)/movie actress (“Maid in Manhattan”, “Out of Sight”)/soon-to-be Mrs Ben Affleck?  UP NEXT: Jen ‘n Ben co-star in the crime drama “Gigli” (JHI-lee), now scheduled to open AUGUST 1.

1982 [21] Anna Paquin, Winnipeg MB [raised New Zealand], film actress (‘Rogue’-“X-Men 1 & 2”, “Almost Famous”, 1994 Academy Award-“The Piano”)

TODAY is “Cousins Day”, to honor all cousins who are living and pay homage to those who aren’t. (Or, as it’s known in [your co-host’s] family, ‘Spouses Day’.)

TODAY is “Virtual Love Day”, a day for those who have experienced the ‘excitement, joy, and
sorrow’ of Internet relationships. In other words, a day for losers.

TODAY-Sunday is the “2003 Nanaimo Marine Festival” in Nanaimo BC, highlighted by the 36th annual “World Championship Bathtub Race” featuring high-powered racing tubs. So how do you alter a bathtub for speed?
PHONER: 250-753-7223 (Loyal Nanaimo Bathtub Society)

TODAY-Saturday is the annual “Great Texas Mosquito Festival” in Clute TX, home of the world’s largest mosquito, ‘Willie Man Chew’. Participants will put on their bug repellent and celebrate with a 5K ‘mosquito chase’, the ‘Mr & Mrs Mosquito Legs Contest’ and a ‘mosquito-calling contest’. Ask for sound samples.
PHONER: 800-371-2971/979-265-8392

1938 [65] 1st ‘instant coffee’ marketed

1995 [08] 1st female announcer to do a network MLB game (Suzyn Waldman-“ABC Monday Night Baseball”) Should more women be doing play-by-play?

1988 [15] World’s largest ‘ice cream shake’ weighs in at 54,914 lbs (Edmonton AB)

1988 [15] 9-year-old Emma Houlston from Medicine Hat AB lands in Newfoundland to become youngest to fly across Canada

1991 [12] Joann Osterud sets ‘inverted flight’ record with upside down flight of 4 hrs, 38 mins (her face stays red for 4 weeks, 38 hours)

[Sat] All or Nothing Day
[Sun] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Sun] 2003 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
[Wed] Rolling Stones SARS Concert (Toronto)
This Week Is . . . National Farm Safety Week (when walking through the pasture, be careful!)
This Month Is . . . Hitchhiking Month (aka ‘Invite a Homicidal Maniac Into Your Car Month’)


If you didn’t have to worry about expense what would be your dream vehicle? Your answer reflects your taste in partners.
• SUV/CROSSOVER WAGON – Reliability is the key to revving up your sensitive heart. Your ideal mate is trustworthy and strong, someone you can lean on when the road gets bumpy. Just make sure you can still steer through life’s curves on your own when you need to.
• SLEEK, SEXY SPORTS CAR – Good looks are your main mate-attraction. But focusing on the exterior means it’s easy for you to end up with a lemon. So always check under the hood and look for junk in the trunk before you drive anything home.
• HIGH CLASS LUXURY CAR – Social status and money are crucial in your relationships. The right family, school and career all add up to your idea of a perfect partner. Ambition isn’t a bad thing, but your honey might worry about being just another rung on your ladder to success.
• ANYTHING WORKS/DON’T REALLY CARE – You’re open and accepting which makes you happy with anyone who meets your minimum standards. You don’t expect others to fulfill your dreams, which could mean a smooth road to contentment. Just make sure you’re satisfied, not settling.

NEXT WEEK (July 31st-August 4th) the “Heritage Days Stampede” in Strathmore AB is set to introduce its own version of the famous ‘running of the bulls’ in Pamplona, Spain. They hope to sign up 400 idiots to participate – at $100 a pop! A total of 30-odd bulls will be used, with up to 8 released at a time. This wild idea has a lot of folks stirred up, worrying about things like injuries, liability, and who’s paying for the cost of healthcare in the event of accidents.
PHONER: 403-934-5811 (Jim Cammeart)

What do the following terms mean?
• ‘Albedo’
a. It’s that gooey clear stuff surrounding the yolk of an egg.
b. It’s that bitter tasting white stuff between the edible part of an orange and the orange peel. [CORRECT]
c. It’s that jelly stuff that covers canned luncheon meat.

• ‘Pica Syndrome’
a. A weird compulsion to wash your hands.
b. A weird compulsion to sniff socks.
c. A weird compulsion to eat strange items. [CORRECT. A UK man recently died after swallowing 10 buttons, a straight pin, pieces of chain and bone, and a large amount of foam rubber.]

• ‘Funambulist’
a. A tightrope walker. [CORRECT]
b. A circus clown.
c. A person with a shoe fetish.

• ‘Poliosis’
a. Yellowing teeth.
b. Greying hair. [CORRECT]
c. Bluing veins.

“Who is this summer’s breakout movie star?” (Many say it’s Keira Knightley, who’s stars in “Bend It Like Beckham”, “Pirates of the Caribbean”, and later this year, with Hugh Grant in “Love Actually”. She’s only 18-years-old!)

Today’s Question: According to a recent study, THIS is the #1 thing you can do to set your sex life on fire.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Break out of the bedroom.

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.

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