Friday, July 18, 2003        Edition: #2582
Sheet Happens!

Word is J-Lo’s bod’ has been airbrushed for poster & billboard publicity pics advertising her upcoming movie “Gigli” (that’s ‘JHIG-lee’, not ‘jiggly’) – her butt made smaller but her chest pumped up . . . Perhaps in an attempt to hang on to her marriage, Julia Roberts has reportedly bought wannabe-R&B-singer hubby Danny Moder his own recording studio . . . “Charlie’s Angels” star Drew Barrymore has come out and confirmed that she’s bisexual, claiming to have bedded ‘lots’ of women . . . Classic rocker David Bowie has paid $1.16 million to buy Tonche Mountain near Woodstock NY – yup, an actual mountain without any buildings . . . Bravo’s new makeover show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” features 5 gay guys conjuring up a new look for a straight guy . . . And here’s the dumbest lawsuit of the week – Metallica is pursuing legal action against Canadian band Unfaith for performing tunes that include E and F chords, claiming metal fans associate those specific chords with Metallica and their use by other bands ‘causes confusion’ (this is about as likely as Spike Lee having exclusive rights to the name Spike).

• “Bad Boys II“ (Action Comedy) – Will Smith & Martin Lawrence reprise their roles from the 1995 smash hit that catapulted each to stardom. This time they’re narcotics cops investigating the flow of ecstasy into Miami. (“Bad Boys” producer Jerry Bruckheimer is one of the hottest in Hollywood, also responsible for “Pirates of the Caribbean”, “Black Hawk Down” & “Pearl Harbor”, and 7 current TV shows including “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”, “CSI: Miami”, “Amazing Race”, and “Without a Trace”.)
• “Johnny English” (Spy Spoof) – Rowan Atkinson (“Mr Bean”) stars as ‘Johnny English’, a bumbling British agent sent to rescue the crown jewels and save the monarchy from scheming Frenchman ‘Pascal Sauvage’ (John Malkovich). Singer Natalie Imbruglia makes her bigscreen debut as ‘Lorna Campbell’, a fellow agent that ‘Johnny’ has the hots for.
• “How to Deal” (Romantic Comedy) – Mandy Moore plays a teen who refuses to believe that true love exists after being disillusioned by many examples of love gone wrong … until she meets a guy named ‘Macon’ (Trent Ford).

Selling every usable part of your body could fetch upwards of $45 million, according to a report in the AUGUST issue of “Wired” magazine. Even an overweight, out-of-shape body could bring millions when broken down to its valuable fluids, tissues and germ-fighting antibodies. (Cool … except it’s really difficult for you to spend the money.)

• The guests will be holding their noses at the upcoming wedding of Rockie Graham & Dave Hart in Bethel, Maine. They met at the local garbage dump and plan to tie the knot there. After the ceremony, they’ll be chauffeured around in – a garbage truck. (Not to say Rockie’s ‘been around’, but she qualifies as recycled.)
• In China, a pair of newlyweds has been refunded 80% of the cost of their reception after complaining about inappropriate music. It seems that while they attempted to toast their union, the DJ insisted on playing sad songs like “You Took Away My Woman” and “Why Do You Love Someone Else Secretly?”. (“Wedding Singer 2″ – Adam Sandler as “The Wedding DJ”.)

Here’s an offshoot of modern technology no one thought of – there’s a problem in Japan of consumers copying magazines instead of buying them. Howzat? It seems many hi-tech-savvy Japanese are using their cellphone-cameras to quickly copy pages, and the practice is apparently devastating sales. The Magazine Publishers Association is distributing thousands of posters to bookstores asking customers to cease & desist. (Now there’s 700,000 illegal copies of the posters.)

If you’re a tough guy who laughs at pain while your buddy wimps out at the slightest thing, it could all be in your genes. University of Michigan neuroscientists say they’ve found people who tolerate pain differently also have a variation in one of their genes. The discovery may explain why some people think nothing of pain that’s excruciating to others, and could lead to individually customized pain treatment. The identified gene is the one that helps regulate the body’s natural pain killers. (It’s known as the ‘Wuss Gene’.)

Beijing’s newest tourist attraction is – a decommissioned SARS hospital! Up to a thousand people a day have been visiting the Xiaotangshan (ZHOW-tang-sahn) Hospital, where many of China’s SARS victims were treated until the last patients were sent home in JUNE. It’s part of a package tour of Beijing that costs 3 bucks per person. (Souvenir surgical masks extra.)

• In a poll of 1,000 Australian surfers by surfing magazine “Tracks”, 93% admit to urinating in their wetsuits, 51% claim they’ve surfed in the nude, and 67% say they enjoy surfing more than sex. (We knew it – they’re not hanging 10 … only about 2.)
• According to a survey by, 70% of employees have dated or would love to date a co-worker. (The other 30% are guys who AREN’T married.)
• A poll by career consultants Penna, Sanders & Sidney finds that 1 in 3 employees start looking for a new job – on their first day at work! Half of those surveyed say they don’t expect to be with their current employer in a year’s time. (Employers, you can thank yourselves for inspiring this kind of loyalty!)
• Fully 90% of women think back hair is unattractive according to a survey by Nair For Men, but only 40% would ever tell their guy to do something about it. ([Co-host’s] wife game him a clue when she brought hedge clippers to bed.)

Publicity firm Street Attack has come up with a wowzer promotion for Dunlop Tires. It has recruited people on the Internet to become walking billboards for the company – by having their heads shaved in a tire tread pattern. It’s hoped that buzz about these so-called ‘treadheads’ will convince others to mimic the style. (There’s a few people here I’d love to give this new look to – in the parking lot.)

The ‘Thumb Sucking Adults’ Website gets about 3,000 hits a day – mostly from women … who suck their right thumb.


1940 [63] James Brolin (Bruderlin), LA CA, movie actor (“Catch Me If You Can”, “Traffic”)/Mr Barbra Streisand since 1998  FACTOID: He screen-tested for the role of ‘James Bond’ in
1983’s “Octopussy”.

1940 [63] Joe Torre, Brooklyn NY, MLB manager (4 World Series championships-NY Yankees)  FACTOID: He’s the 4th to manage both the NY Yankees and NY Mets.

1967 [36] Vin Diesel, NYC, movie actor (“XXX”, “The Fast & the Furious”)  UP NEXT: Now shooting the sci-fi adventure “The Chronicles of Riddick” in Vancouver, then does the sequel “XXX 2″.

1947 [56] Brian May, Hampton ENG, classic rock guitarist/songwriter who collects royalties each time “We Will Rock You” is played at a sports event (Queen-“Bohemian Rhapsody”)

1960 [43] Atom Egoyan, Cairo EGYPT, Toronto-based film director (2003 Genie Award-“Ararat”, 1998 Oscar nomination-“The Sweet Hereafter”)  FACTOID: Wife Arsinée Khanjian appears in all his movies.  UP NEXT: “Where the Truth Lies”, based on the Rupert Holmes novel.

1962 [41] Anthony Edwards, Santa Barbara CA, TV actor (Dr Mark Greene-“ER” 1994-2002) who’s left the show even though his salary was $10 million-plus

TODAY is “Stick Your Tongue Out Day” for some long forgotten reason. Anyway, now that you have it out try rolling it into a cylinder – only 1 in 14 people can do that. (And what a useful talent!)

TODAY is “Cow Appreciation Day”, a day to celebrate the ‘beauty of the bovine’, so don’t forget to polish your shoes, check your wallet and throw another T-bone on the grill.

TODAY the 1st ever “House Gymnastics Tournament” is scheduled for  Zurich, Switzerland. That’s the art of balancing and bracing your body between walls, staircases and other household fixtures as performed by Vin Diesel’s ‘Xander Cage’ character in the movie “XXX”. The sport was created by unemployed Nottingham UK artists James Ford & Spencer Harrison who’ll be the judges as some 50 competitors perform 25 of the basic house gymnastics moves, including the ‘Jumping Jack Wedge’, the ‘Armchair Handstand’, the ‘Elevated Carpet Crab’, and the oh-so-difficult ‘Elevated Dog Stretch’. Try some in the studio this morning after learning the moves here –

TODAY the 16th annual “Co-ed Mud Volleyball Tournament” spikes in Nampa, Idaho. Now here’s an inventive charity fund-raiser! 180 teams made up of 2,000 participants pay to play and vie for titles in corporate, small business and open categories. 30 games are played at a time in the ankle-deep, ooey gooey mud.
PHONER: 208-344-4340

TOMORROW is “Flitch Day”, based on a custom begun in the 15th century in which monks offered a ‘flitch’ or side of bacon as a prize to any married couple who could prove they had lived together in harmony and fidelity for the past year. Very few ‘took home the bacon’.

SUNDAY is “Moon Day”, the 34th anniversary of the first lunar landing in 1969. Apollo 11 astronaut Neil Armstrong became the first to walk on the moon as he proclaimed “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” while nearly 700 million Earthlings tuned in. Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin joined him later. (Killer trivia question – who was the 3rd astronaut stuck orbiting above? [Michael Collins])

JULY is “Ice Cream Month” and SUNDAY is “National Ice Cream Day”. It’s thought that ice cream was invented by the Chinese around 200 BC, who mixed snow with milk and rice. Explorer Marco Polo later returned to Europe from the Far East with a recipe for an ice and milk dessert that became popular among the wealthy. The ‘ice cream cone’ was invented in 1904 and presented at the St Louis Exposition.
1. Vanilla, 29%
2. Chocolate, 8.9%
3. Butter pecan, 5.3%
4. Strawberry, 5.3%
5. Neapolitan, 4.2%
Source: International Ice Cream Association

1. Chunky Tuna & Fudge
2. Vermin Surprise
3. Cocktail Wiener Supreme
4. Pralines & Trout
5. Gravy Ripple

• Caramel Sauce – Spontaneous people who are open to the world.
• Fruit Topping – Colorful characters with a real zest for life.
• Hot Fudge – Optimistic, confident folks who are often successful at business.
• Nuts – Humble traditionalists.
• Sprinkles – Vivacious and bold personalities.
• Whipped Cream & a Cherry – Hip individualists who set their own style.
Source: Smucker’s

1992 [11] Whitney Houston weds Bobby Brown in a gazebo at her Mendham NJ estate in front of 800 guests including Ray Charles, Dionne Warwick, Quincy Jones, Patti LaBelle, Aretha Franklin & Donald Trump

1978 [25] Intel Corporation founded, producer of the most widely used microprocessors in the computer industry

1994 [09] Crayola introduces 1st ‘scented crayons’ (mmmm, smells like wax!)

1980 [23] World record set for ‘catching a grape in your mouth’ (319 feet, 8 inches)

1994 [09] Italian Rosanna Della Corte becomes ‘world’s oldest-known woman to give birth’, at age 62 (son Ricardo now changes HER diapers)

[Sun] Chess Day
[Sun] National Lollipop Day
[Sun] Special Olympics Day
[Mon] Junk Food Day
[Wed] Hot Enough For Ya? Day
[Thurs] Cousins Day
[Thurs] Virtual Love Day
This Week Is . . . Lyme Disease Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Outdoor Month


• [Co-host] drives a real junker … the blue book value goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
• Today on TV – “The Days of Our Cellulite”, the first soap opera to feature stories about plain ordinary fat people just like you and me.
• Is there sex after marriage? My wife gives good headache.

Today’s Question: It takes the average person about 90 seconds to find one of these in their home.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: A rubber band.

He who dies with the most toys … is dead.

Printer Friendly Version