Tuesday, July 23, 2002        Edition: #2340
Are we the village idiots of modern times?

Marc Terenzi from the new boy-band Natural claims he’s been dating Britney Spears for about 2 months now (just as the band is trying to create noise over the launch of its first single — coincidence?) . . . Meantime, Britney’s recent post-concert collapse is being blamed on a crash diet to shed the 16 lbs she porked on trying to forget about Justin . . . Turning the life of Anna Nicole Smith into an “Osbournes”-style reality show is proving difficult for E! Entertainment, as producers are having trouble finding footage when she ISN’T eating something (nutritionists and personal trainers have reportedly been hired) . . . Word is those rumors about Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck being an item are true – he being spotted as a frequent ‘houseguest’ . . . Napanee, Ontario’s Avril Lavigne will be the subject of an upcoming episode of MTV’s “Becoming”, where fans get a makeover and props to ‘become’ their favorite music star . . . FOX-TV’s given the go-ahead for a another round of “American Idol”, the talent-search reality show that’s become a surprise summer hit . . . And music producer, Karyn Rachtman has enlisted the help of rappers Shaggy and LL Cool J and others to create stories for a series of new children’s books called “Hip Kid Hop” debuting in SEPTEMBER (betcha there’s some interesting rhymes!).

Guy Pearce stars in the latest bigscreen version of “The Time Machine”, the sci-fi adventure about a man who invents a machine that allows him to travel 800,000 years into the future . . . Ohmygod!, it’s like Britney Spears’ first like movie “Crossroads”, about 3 best girlfriends who like pick up a guy while on a road trip across the country to LA (there are 3 HOURS of ‘extras’ on the DVD of this 94-minute movie).

According to “New Scientist” magazine, you’re more likely to have a baby boy if it’s conceived about a month after a heat wave. For a girl, wait till winter! (The way the weather’s going, there will be no girls born in North America this year.)

In what may develop into a future trend, Britain’s first dung-fired power station has started operating. The excrement of nearly 5,000 cows is being used to light up some 900 homes around the north coast of Devon for the pioneering project. Dung supplied from 28 local dairy farms is also being used to generate electricity and heat water for local schools, hospitals, even a swimming pool. (We aren’t the only ones selling BS.)

A 35-year-old man in South Korea has been arrested on blackmailing charges after allegedly mass-mailing a form letter at random to hundreds of corporate executives accusing them of adultery. Interestingly, 9 of them paid up!

Dow’s below 7000 mark, doo-dah, doo-dah. Economy’s looking awful dark, oh-de-doo-dah-day. But this may be an answer! Australia’s largest brothel, the ‘Daily Planet’ in Melbourne, has announced plans to go public, which would make it the world’s first bordello listed on a stock exchange. Prostitution is legal in parts of Australia, with some restrictions. (If you bought stock in a ho’house, wouldn’t that make you a pimp?)

When it comes to a ‘piercing preference’, what’s your favorite hole? A poll of over 20,000 people finds the majority of both men and women say they find a pierced belly-button a turn-on. Pierced ears placed 2nd with 23%. Just 4% find a pierced nose sexually exciting. (Especially if there’s a piece of Kleenex dangling from it.)

Germany’s Green Party is demanding that it become a legal requirement in that country for
men to do an equal share of housework. The Greens want to reform an existing law to make it clear that men have a duty to cook and clean at home and not leave all the chores to their long-suffering wives. A spokeswoman for the Greens says, “If both partners are working, the 50/50 principle should also hold true for housework.”

Japan’s Morita Corp has come up with the world’s first combined fire engine/ambulance. Why bother? Over 98% of the time when fire engines are called out to a scene, it’s either a false alarm or no actual firefighting is necessary. Meantime, ambulances make about 7 times as many service calls as fire engines. So a vehicle that can perform either function makes a whole lot of sense for municipal governments trying to reduce costs. (The only problem – should the hybrid vehicle be red or white? Maybe pink?)

It’s estimated that 10% of us now have something in our bodies that wasn’t there when we were born.


1961 [41] Woody Harrelson, Midland TX, movie actor (“Thin Red Line”, “People vs Larry Flynt”)  UP NEXT: The Adam Sandler/Jack Nicholdson comedy “Anger Management”, coming NEXT YEAR

1962 [40] Eriq La Salle, Hartford CT, TV actor (Dr Peter Benton-“ER” 1994-2002)

1971 [31] Allison Krauss, Decatur IL, country/bluegrass/roots music singer (“Down to the River to Pray” and “Didn’t Leave Nobody But the Baby” with Emmylou Harris and Gillian Welch on “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” soundtrack)

1973 [29] Monica Lewinsky, San Francisco CA, infamous former White House intern

1980 [22] Michelle Williams, Rockford IL, pop singer (joined Destiny’s Child in 2000-“Independent Women Part 1″, “Survivor”)

1989 [13] Daniel Radcliffe, Fulham ENG, movie actor (“Harry Potter” movie series [his $110,000-fee for “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” jumps to $3 million for “Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets”, opening NOVEMBER 15], “The  Tailor of Panama”)

TODAY Pope John Paul II arrives in Toronto for the 11-day “World Youth Day” celebration that includes a giant vigil and papal mass expected to draw somewhere between 200,000 and 700,000 young (35 and under) pilgrims from over 150 countries. The celebration wraps up Sunday.
NET: http://www.wyd2002.org

TODAY is “Hot Enough For Ya? Day”, when it should be legal to assault anyone who asks you the overused, plain-as-the-end-of-your-sweat-dripping-nose question.

1999 [03] 3-day “Woodstock ‘99″ festival, marking the 30th anniversary of the original, kicks off at Griffiss Technology Park, an old military base in Rome NY (ends in a melee of flames and vandalism, virtually guaranteeing there’ll never be another)

776BC [2778] 1st ‘Olympics’ in Greece consists of a single 200-meter race by naked runners

1904 [98] 1st ‘ice cream cone’ created when Charles Menches runs out of cups at St Louis Exposition

1982 [20] ‘Diet Coke’ 1st marketed

1995 [07] Spanish cyclist Miguel Indurain wins Tour de France a record 5th consecutive time

[Today] Zodiac sign Leo the Lion begins
[Wed] Cousins Day
[Wed] Virtual Love Day
[Thurs] Commonwealth Games begin (Manchester ENG)
[Fri] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Sat] Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day
[Sun] 2002 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
National Salad Week
July Belongs To Berries Month


• St Mom’s Wort — Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering toddlers unconscious for up to 6 hours.
• Empty Nestrogen — Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
• Peptobimbo — Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence and improves flirting.
• Flipitor — Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to give the finger to other drivers.
• Menicillin — Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,”You make me want to be a better person — can we get naked now?”
• Buyagra — Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
• Jack Asspirin .. Relieves the headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
• Anti-talksident — A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
• Ragamet — When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

BS Q & A:
Q: What are the 3 most frequently sung songs in the English language, according to the “Guinness Book of World Records”?
A: “Happy Birthday”, “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow”, and “Auld Lang Syne”.

• “If someone handed you a $100 bill, what would you do with it?”
• “What would your pet say if it could speak?”

This may help cool you down. Identify the beer by its ad slogan –
• “I AM Canadian” [Molson]
• “Enjoy yourself!” [Labatt’s 50 Ale]
• “Great flavour makes it a great beer!” [Carling Lager]
• “The one beer to have when you’re having more than one.” [Schaefer]
• “It works every time.” [Colt 45]
• “The beer that made Milwaukee famous.” [Schlitz, as in “gives you the….”]
• “England’s first registered trademark.” [Bass Pale Ale]
• “Whazzup!?!” [Budweiser]
• “I had this beer brewed up just for me. I think it’s the best I ever tasted. And I’ve tasted
a lot. I think you’ll like it, too.” [Billy Beer, famous for a while because of US President Jimmy Carter’s guzzling brother.]
• “America’s largest selling ale.” [Ballantine Ale]
• “Because life is too short to drink cheap beer.” [Warsteiner]
• “Why have just one?” [Polygamy Porter, made by Utah’s Wasatch Brewery]
• “Tastes great, less filling.” [Miller Lite]
• “China’s Number One Beer” [Tsingtao]
• “It’s what your right arm’s for.” [Courage Beer, unless you’re left-handed]

• “Getting sorority girls knocked up for 150 years.”
• “Goes Down Cold, Comes Up Smooth!”
• “You have to fill your bladder with something.”
• “We don’t make the urine. We make the urine faster.”
• “It’s the thicker-chicker-picker-upper!”
• “The OTHER Thin Yellowish Liquid”

Today’s Question: 25% of women say they would never dream of doing this, while men do it all the time.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Leave the house without makeup.

You know you’ve reached your fitness goal when you’re strong enough to pick up your exercise equipment and throw it out the window.

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