Wednesday, July 17, 2002        Edition: #2336
The beginning is always today.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler has spilled the beans that Pam Anderson is pregnant with fiancé Kid Rock’s baby (experts say that’s not very considerate — there’s a 1-in-8 chance she’ll transmit her hepatitis C to the child) . . . “Scooby-Doo” star Sarah Michelle Gellar has reportedly been offered big bucks to pose ‘semi-nude’ for “Playboy” but turned the offer down cold (how unusual in Hollywood – discretion) . . . “Vogue” magazine’s AUGUST issue salutes ‘mature beauty’ with the likes of Lauren Hutton, Diane Sawyer & Michelle Pfeiffer in photo layouts and articles on ‘Good Sex after 50′, Botox and plastic surgery (only prob is you need to iron the pictures) . . . Liza Minnelli and new hubby David Gest are in talks with VH1 to do an “Osbournes”-style reality show about her life (these two money-grubbers will try anything to make a buck — what happened to that ‘international comeback tour’ she was supposed to do?) . . . Now that LA Laker Kobe Bryant has ended his endorsement contract with Adidas, industry types predict he’ll get $100 million or so to sign for 10 years with someone else . . . Meantime, teammate Shaquille O’Neal has taken delivery of a new, custom-made ‘Shaqmobile’ – a 2002 Cadillac Escalade, complete with a ‘Superman’ symbol on the front to match his tattoo, estimated to have set him back over 100-grand (chump change to him) . . . The children of late baseball legend Ted Williams are feuding, but not over the will – one wants his corpse cryonically frozen, another wants it cremated (well Ted, will it be fire or ice?) . . . Eminem is moaning that female fans keeps breaking into his yard and skinny-dipping in his pool (the problem being?) . . . And THIS WEEK a new line of sportswear for teens and young women from those ubiquitous acting twins Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen is being rolled out in Wal-Mart stores – adding to their billion-buck-a-year empire (they’re now wily showbiz veterans, having just turned 16).

PURR-FECT PROGRAMMING:
Pet food maker Meow Mix has announced plans to launch “Meow TV”, the first television program targeted specifically at cats. The idea was hatched after several cat lovers revealed that their pusses really enjoy watching television. The “Meow TV” half-hour special will feature visuals appealing to cats such as birds, mice and bouncing balls, as well as info about cats for any humans that tune in.

WHAT YOU READ & WHAT YOU DREAM:
A new survey by researchers at the University of Wales finds that what we read influences our dreams. The poll of over 10,000 readers finds –
• People who read fiction have more bizarre and emotionally tense dreams and are more likely to remember them.
• Those who read fantasy novels have more nightmares and more dreams in which they’re aware that they are dreaming.
• Romance novel readers are more likely to tell their dreams to others.
(I wonder why my dreams have all the dialogue in speech bubbles?)
Source: “The Week” magazine

SIC SICK SIC:
A Winnipeg police sex-crime unit is maintaining surveillance on a BC man who was convicted of having sex with 2 dogs that he dressed in women’s underwear, then killed. The man, who cannot be identified, is halfway through a 3-year probation for bestiality and apparently moved to Winnipeg over fears for his safety from the public. (Probation? Put a bra on him and introduce him to a pair of pit bulls!)

NUMB NUTS:
Nice to see the courts aren’t clogged up with serious matters. An Orlando FL quadriplegic is suing because he can’t get into the private ‘lap-dancing room’ at the Wildside Adult Sports Cabaret strip club in West Palm Beach. Edward Law claims the lack of disabled access violates the Disabilities Act, and furthermore, the counter that surrounds the stage where the peelers perform is too high — blocking the view from his wheelchair. (Not to put too fine a point on it, but wouldn’t he be paralyzed from the waist down?)

WILL THAT BE ONE HUMP OR TWO?
An experiment to cross a camel with a llama at the Sheikh Mohammed Centre for Camel Reproduction in Dubai has failed. The scientists hoped to create a desert mule without the short temper of the camel, but the 2-year-old ‘cama’ called Rama charges and bites people, refuses to stand still, and lacks the soft fur of a llama. (On the up side, it spits really well.)

OH OH:
Arlington VA software maker Nucleus Technologies has come up with a program that allows companies to track employee’s ‘sick days’. The software compiles a database showing which departments have the most absences, which employees call in sick most often AND on which days. (Hmm, think Monday might be popular?)

FOR THE RECORD:
• A man in India has attempted to set a new record for — having cement blocks smashed on his groin. The 36-year-old martial arts expert piled three 41-lb blocks on his crotch and had an assistant crush them with a sledgehammer. (His next trick – knitting needles in his eyes.)
• YESTERDAY at noon (check wire to be sure), Montreal’s Nick Nikolaidis completed a marathon session to sink 17,000 billiard balls in 24 hours, beating his own record of 16,723 set last year. Nikolaidis, formerly Canada’s top-ranked pool professional, is currently battling with David Pearson of Britain for the title of the world’s fastest player.
• The minor-league Charleston SC Riverdogs have set a new record for the ‘lowest attendance at a baseball game’ with a total turnstile count of — ZERO. The 1,800 fans who showed up for the game were actually banned from the stadium for the first 5 innings, until the game was declared official. The record attempt was promoted as ‘Nobody Night’. (Unfortunately, I think our ratings contest is something similar.)

DON’T FORGET TO HAVE ANOTHER CUP:
New research published in the “European Journal of Neurology” suggests that drinking at least 3 cups of coffee a day can reduce the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease by as much as 60%. The study comparing Alzheimer’s patients with healthy people of the same age found those that had no signs of the brain disease had consumed an average of 3 to 4 cups of java a day since the age of 25. (The study was released at a press conference by lead researcher Juan Valdez.)

21ST CENTURY JARGON:
• ‘Mammoslam’ — Masochistic diagnostic test for breast wellness. (Any female who’s had one needs no explanation.)
• ‘Phong’ — A strange mixture between Jell-O and mayonnaise. (“Yum! Tim’s mom made us phong sandwiches today.”)
• ‘Newater’ – Water that is recycled from sinks and toilets. An international panel has declared that recycled waste-water is safe to drink if its properly treated. Singapore is looking into using it to reduce its dependence on neighboring Malaysia, which supplies half of its water. (Experts admit there is a ‘yuck factor’.)

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• Two men have drowned at a campground in Kanagawa, Japan trying to recover — a can of beer. One went in after a can that had fallen into a river. The other drowned after diving in and attempting to save his friend. (Is this the next Labatt’s TV ad?)
• Over 20 naked sunbathers have been arrested and fined for public nudity on a beach in Tuscany, Italy. Seems the ‘naturists’ mistook the meaning of the beach’s Website that boasted ‘naturalistic beauty’.
• A competition to find the loudest snorer has been held in the Chinese city of Chengdu. The winner of the competition, not yet announced, will receive free medical treatment for the ailment as their prize. Contestants were taken to a bedroom where they were hooked up to machines to record the decibels. (Hey, cool radio contest!)
• A ‘Museum of Car Theft’ has opened in Moscow, Russia to help raise awareness of the city’s growing problem of stolen vehicles. Exhibits educate the public on how thieves work, showing fake documents, broken anti-theft devices and shocking crime stats. About 40 cars are stolen in Moscow — EACH DAY. (Maybe “Gone In 60 Seconds” would be a hit there.)
• The mayor of the posh resort town of La Grand-Motte in southern France has brought in a new law against — smelly tourists. the regulation allows police to stop people leaving the beach in swimwear for an ‘odor check’. Anyone found stinking of sweat and/or suntan lotion will be ordered to cover up or pay a fine. Henri Dunoyer claims visiting Brits are among the worst offenders. (Wait a sec, the French checking for body hygiene?)
• A Dutch man has been told he can’t have his nipple pierced with a wedding ring during his marriage ceremony. The registrar in charge says it would be unhygienic and the guests wouldn’t like it. 37-year-old Dorus Minting says he’ll have the piercing done at a pub ceremony afterward. (Piercing is good preparation for marriage — it gives you experience in pain and buying jewelery.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
Newly-released figures from StatsCan show the median age of Canadians has reached 37.6 years, a number that is steadily increasing. That’s the age at which exactly half the population is older and half is younger. (And how old’s the average on-air personality at your station?)

THE BULL SHEET 07.17.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1917 [85] Phyllis Diller (Driver), Lima OH, comedian who finally retired her stand-up career in APRIL after 47 years

1934 [68] Donald Sutherland, Saint John NB, movie actor (“JFK”, “Animal House”, “M*A*S*H”)/actor Keifer Sutherland’s dad  UP NEXT: The Civil War drama “Cold Mountain” also starring Jude Law, Nicole Kidman, Renée Zellweger & Natalie Portman, opening 2003  NOTE: Grew up in Bridgewater NS where his first part-time job was news reporter at CKBW at age 14

1947 [55] Camilla Parker Bowles, Plumpton ENG, Prince Charles’ longtime lover who may or may not soon marry him (she’s 385 in dog years)

1952 [50] David Hasselhoff, Baltimore MD, really bad TV actor (ex-“Baywatch”, ex-“Knight Rider”) who’s just become a Betty Ford Clinic resident

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
THIS WEEK is “Backward Masking Awareness Week”, celebrating the fabled electronic technique of implanting hidden messages in music recordings that can only be discovered by playing the recording backwards at slow speed. The practice gained mythical status at the end of the Beatles era when the message ‘Paul’s dead’ was supposedly buried in one of their recordings. Conduct some on-air ‘experiments’ using the most popular tunes on your playlist and ‘discover’ hidden messages (which you’ve recorded and altered at slow speed).
 
THIS MONTH is “Anti-Boredom Month”. So here’s a few –
BS THINGS KIDS CAN DO THIS SUMMER TO KEEP FROM BEING BORED:
• To liven up a long car trip, ask Mom to guess a number between 1 and 327 billion. Give her 320 billion chances.
• See how many rooms in the house you can run the lawn mower through before it stalls.
• When visiting a national park, paint your little brother with bacon grease and send him out to catch bears in the woods.
• When you notice Dad’s driving over the speed limit, take turns imitating a police siren.
• See who can say the same thing over and over again the most times. If you tire of that, try singing the same song over and over, like “It’s a Small World After All”.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1902 [100] Buffalo NY engineer Willis Carrier installs 1st ‘air conditioning system’ in a Brooklyn NY printing plant (for the next 20 years his invention is used primarily to cool machines, not people)

1917 [85] British royal family 1st uses surname ‘Windsor’, in attempt to rid itself of its German heritage (and the hard to spell ‘Saxe-Coburg-Gotha’)

1955 [47] ‘Disneyland’ 1st opens its doors in Orange County CA, billed ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’ (and the most expensive)

1976 [26] 1st Olympic Games in Canada open in Montréal (Canada becomes 1st host country NOT to win at least one gold medal)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1941 [61] NY Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio DOESN’T get a hit, bringing his ‘consecutive game hitting streak’ to a close after 56 games — since May 16th! (a record that still stands)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Cow Appreciation Day
[Thurs] British Open golf begins
[Thurs] Stick Out Your Tongue Day
[Thurs] National Caviar Day
[Sat] Special Olympics Day
[Sun] “Sex & the City” season premiere (HBO)
[Sun] National Junk Food Day
[Tues-July 29] Pope JP-2′s “World Youth Day” visit to Toronto
Coral Reef Awareness Week
Parks & Recreation Month
 
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TABLOID TEASERS:

Only one of the following is NOT an actual tabloid headline. Which?
GAME #1 –
• “Apartment Renter Finds $32,000 in Toilet!”
• “Pig Bowling Has Animal Lovers Squealing!”
• “Tabloid Newspaper Headline Found to Be Fake!” [FAKE]

GAME #2 –
• “Bearded Lady Gives Birth to Toupee!”
• “Boy With Giant Hand Signed By Yankees to Play Center Field!” [FAKE]
• “Aliens Warn: Stop Broadcasting ‘The Osbournes!’”

GAME #3 –
• “34-Year-Old Man Still Has Umbilical Cord — Attached to Mom!” [FAKE]
• “Man Has 97 Personalities – All Exactly Alike!”
• “Siamese Twins Born 3 Months Apart!”

BS QUICK PICK TRIVIA:
63% of adults polled say that ‘family’ matters most. What comes 2nd?
a) financial security
b) religious beliefs
c) health
d) beer
A:19% say ‘health’, 18% ‘finances’, 17% ‘religion’, 7% ‘career’. Only 5% were sharp enough to sum up what really matters — ‘happiness’.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 54% of us always do this from left to right, as opposed to right to left.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Eat corn on the cob.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The most complicated challenge is learning how to live a simple life.


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