Wednesday, July 3, 2002        Edition: #2332
Finally Some BS You Can Respect In the Morning!

TODAY former ‘Long Island Lolita’ Amy Fisher, who spent 7 years in the slammer for shooting Joey Buttafuoco’s wife, begins her new gig as a columnist for Long Island newspaper “New Island Ear” (read her debut column here — . . . TODAY’S the deadline for applications for “Survivor 6″ at the Website (why don’t they put them somewhere where staying alive is REALLY tough — like North Bay during black fly season?) . . . TOMORROW Julia Roberts and cameraman boyfriend Danny Moder may be getting hitched rumor has it, as family and friends have been invited to a party at her Taos NM ranch and the dress code is specified as ‘white linen’ (or it could be a mass root canal) . . . She apparently wore out former boyfriends David Schwimmer and Lenny Kravitz, so pop singer Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) is now reportedly making the rounds with Coldplay frontman Chris Martin (“Yellow”) . . . Taking a cue from Mel Brooks’ unbelievable success with “The Producers”, producer Blake Edwards will recycle some old material himself, making his “Pink Panther” movies into a Broadway musical . . . And pity the poor mature women of Hollywood — a new SAG poll shows that actresses over 40-years-old got only 22% of all female acting jobs LAST YEAR (the good news is — Meg Ryan just turned 40).

Will Smith & Tommy Lee Jones return in the sci-fi comedy sequel “Men in Black II”, in which ‘Agent J’ (Smith) needs help doing his job making sure no one learns about aliens so he sets out to find ‘Agent K’ (Jones) who’s now working as a postal worker, and attempts to restore his memory (a guaranteed blockbuster — the original film made $588 million worldwide) . . . Lil’ Bow Wow (Shad Moss) stars in the comedy “Like Mike” as a 14-year-old orphan who becomes an NBA superstar after trying on a pair of sneakers with the faded initials ‘MJ’ inside, as in Michael Jordan — get it? (panicked parent groups are warning young boys should be told NOT to retrieve sneakers slung over live power lines as happens in the movie — duh!) . . . ”The Powerpuff Girls Movie” is animated family fare that shows the origin of the girls before the TV cartoon series, explaining why they were born and why they dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil.

A Swedish study in “Self” magazine indicates that only 11% of women who said they engage in sexual bondage prefer the ‘dominant-initiator’ role, while 89% said they preferred ‘submissive-recipient’. ([Your co-host] prefers the ‘wearing a rubber suit and snorkel mask while retrieving sneakers slung over a live power line’ role.)

What do couples argue about the most? According to “Redbook”, almost half of those polled say ‘money’. The husband’s ‘lack of communication’ was 2nd on the list, followed by ‘household chores’ and ‘in-laws’.

“Cosmopolitan” tells us that only 1 in 100 women polled voted for a ‘muscular chest and shoulders’ as their favorite physical attribute in men. The women overwhelmingly voted in favor of ‘the buttocks’ as the most attractive part of a man’s body. Next came ‘slimness’, ‘a flat stomach’, and ‘expressive eyes’.

• Only 1 in 4 married men always take care of household bills and budgeting.
• 1 in 6 men have been very drunk at least once in the last 3 months.
• 1 in 10 men have NEVER gone grocery shopping.
• Twice as many men are attracted to women with large breasts as to those with small ones.
• 1 in 4 men would have sex with a woman even if they didn’t know her name.
Source: “Esquire”

French firm Bolero has developed a bra with a simple snap-off magnetic fastener aimed at helping women who currently fasten bras in front then struggle to turn them around and, of course, men who fumble with traditional hooks and eyes. It’s expected to retail for about $50 when it reaches stores THIS SUMMER. (So let’s see, if a guy carried a magnet around in his pocket….)

A study reported in the journal “Science” claims researchers have pin-pointed a chemical sensor, a pigment produced in the brain, that tells a rooster when it’s time to crow. Humans get information about light that sets their biological clock through the eye, but chickens are affected by light that penetrates through the tops of their skulls. (But even then, teenage chickens still sleep till noon)

• The Exeter Inn pub in Barnstaple, England has gotten into the spirit of the Wimbledon tennis championship — by laying a lawn indoors. Regulars are now sipping their pints on neatly trimmed turf. (And it’s much easier on the old noggin when a fight breaks out.)
• Fred Gulley III of Fayetteville AR has reportedly just been offered a 4-year basketball scholarship from the University of Arkansas. Not very noteworthy except — the kid’s 11-years-old! The Razorbacks will have to wait 8 years for him to get to college. (With genetic engineering, soon they’ll be signing players before they’re born.)
• A plan has been hatched in Britain to ask convicts who’ve finished their jail time to sign ‘going straight contracts’ in order to encourage them not to commit more crimes. (Yeah, that’ll work – have a guy who’s done hard time for fraud, forgery and kiting cheques SIGN something.)
• A  21-year-old woman in Kadaura, India has convinced her parents to allow her to marry — a statue. The daughter was wed to the statue of Krishna during a 5-hour ceremony which included the lighting of a sacred fire. (Most women are married to a statue – only it’s horizontal on the couch.)
• Here’s the very definition of a trouper – even though the audience at London’s Royal Opera House shouted warnings to her, soprano Susan Chilcott continued her performance in Tchaikovsky’s “The Queen of Spades” — unaware that the train of her robe was on fire! Attendants managed to douse the flames with an extinguisher, then the cast carried on as if nothing had happened. (Hey, the fat lady sang and it STILL wasn’t over.)
• Australian bio-tech company Peptide Technology has invented a contraceptive implant for male dogs that stops them from trying to hump everything in sight. The hormone implant that’s placed under the skin between the shoulder blades keeps the animal from procreating as well as calming it down. (The product will be test-marketed in Canada on [your co-host].)

Thanks to a new ‘sin tax’ in NYC, a pack of 20 cigarettes now costs $7 US or more – that’s $10.68 Canadian!


1943 [59] Kurtwood Smith, New Lisbon WI, TV actor (Red Forman-“That ’70s Show”)

1947 [55] Dave Barry, Miami FL, Pulitzer Prize-winning syndicated humor columnist (“Miami Herald”)/author (“Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys”)  QUOTE: “What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.”

1956 [46] Montel Williams, Baltimore MD, TV gabfest host (“The Montel Williams Show”, since 1991) who refuses to quit working even though he suffers from MS

1958 [44] Aaron Tippin, Pensacola FL, country singer (“There Ain’t Nothing Wrong With the Radio”, “You’ve Got to Stand for Something”)

1962 [40] Tom Cruise (Thomas Mapother IV ), Syracuse NY, movie star (“Minority Report”,  “Vanilla Sky, “Jerry Maguire”, “Mission Impossible 1 & 2″)/ex-Mr Nicole Kidman  NEXT MOVIE: “Mission Impossible 3″, coming in 2004   

1962 [40] Thomas Gibson, Charleston SC, TV actor (Greg Montgomery-“Dharma & Greg”)

1969 [33] Kevin Hearn, Grimsby ON, pop/rock musician (Barenaked Ladies-“One Week”, “Jane”)

TODAY is “Compliment Your Mirror Day”, during which participation consists of complimenting your mirror on having such a wonderful owner and keeping track of whether other mirrors you meet during the day smile at you. (This is much more fun after several shots of Sauza.)

THIS WEEK is “Man Watchers’ Compliment Week”, when women are asked to take the time to pass out compliments to men (“Hey, you stink less than yesterday!”). For those too shy to vocalize their admiration, Man Watchers International now offers ‘Official Man Watchers Compliment Cards’ to pass along to any studly types you run into.
PHONER: 323-969-2414 (Suzy Mallery-LA CA)

TODAY through August 15th are the “Dog Days of Summer”, traditionally the hottest time of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. The name comes from the ancients, who would sacrifice a brown dog at this time to appease Sirius, the Dog Star, believing that star was the cause of the hot, sultry weather. “Air Conditioning Appreciation Days” run simultaneously to celebrate the contribution of AC to a better way of life (and a really high electric bill). TODAY is also “Stay Out of the Sun Day” (unless you’re working on your melanoma collection).

SATURDAY the 7th annual “Redneck Games” get to it in Dublin GA, where the self-proclaimed local white trash congregate to celebrate and embrace their collective identity. Events range from ‘Dumpster Diving’ and ‘Mud Pit Belly Flopping’ to ‘Seed Spitting’ and the gruesome ‘Bobbing For Pigs’ Feet’. The highlight (or maybe lowlight) is the ‘Armpit Serenade’. Last year some of the contestants were thrown out of the games after they tested positive for teeth. This is a radio promotion, so you’re guaranteed a great phoner.
PHONER: 800-688-0096/478-272-4422 (Y96 [WQZY])

THIS LONG WEEKEND Battle Mountain NV is holding the “Festival in the Pit”, the town’s response to being dubbed the ‘armpit of America’ in an article in “The Washington Post Magazine”. As part of the party, organizers are staging a ‘deodorant toss’. They’ve even purchased a billboard on I-80 encouraging motorists to make a ‘pit stop’ in Battle Mountain.

1608 [394] Québec City founded by Samuel de Champlain

1806 [196] 1st ‘cultivated strawberries’ (apparently they liked poetry or something)

1884 [118] 1st ‘Dow Jones’ average published (it was ‘1′?)

1928 [74] 1st ‘television’ goes on sale (not many takers, even at $75)

1926 [76] PM Arthur Meighen’s government is defeated in vote of non-confidence just 3 DAYS after it’s sworn in, tying record for shortest term of any Canadian government

1988 [14] Rocky Kenover sets world record by skydiving 403 TIMES within 24 hours, averaging  1 jump every 3 minutes using 7 airplanes, 10 pilots and 50 parachute packers

[Thurs] Independence Day (USA)
[Thurs] National Country Music Day
[Thurs] Sidewalk Egg Frying Day
[Fri] Workaholics Day
[Fri-July 13] Running of the Bulls (Pamplona SPA)
[Sat] Fried Chicken Day
[Sun] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
Prevention of Eye Injuries Awareness Week
Cell Phone Courtesy Month


Trekking across Canada by car this summer? Don’t forget to check out some of the country’s oddball statues and monuments. Many of them are the WORLD’S BIGGEST! For instance, where would you go to find –
• Let’s start with an easy one – ‘The Big Nickel’? [The 9.1 metre (30 ft) 1951 Canadian nickel is a tourist attraction and landmark in Sudbury ON.]
• ‘The World’s Largest Coffee Pot’, measuring 7.3 metres (24 ft) tall, made of sheet metal and capable of holding 150,000 cups of coffee? [Davidson SK]
• ‘The Giant Fiddle’, measuring 4.3 metres (14 ft)? [Harvey NB, honoring hometown hero, the late Don Messer. There’s another big violin monument in Cavendish PEI.]
• ‘Eddy the Big Squirrel’, measuring 2.4 metres (8 ft)? [Edson AB]
• The 38-tonne, larger-than-life ‘Jumbo’ the elephant? [St Thomas ON, near the spot where the real circus elephant was run down by a train.]
• ‘The Giant Fire Hydrant’, measuring 4.5 metres (15 ft)? [Elm Creek MB, outside the fire hall.]
• ‘The Big Ballcap’, over 13 times the size of a regular baseball cap. [Rocanville SK, also home to the ‘Giant Oilcan’.]
• The 31-tonne ‘Big Hockey Stick’? [Measuring 62.5 metres or 205 ft, it’s in Duncan BC and has an appropriately-sized accompanying puck. It was originally commissioned for Expo 86 in Vancouver.]
• The 5-storey-high ‘Guarantee Milk Bottle’? [Montréal QC.]
• ‘The Big Bone’? [At 9.75 metres (32 ft), it’s in Macklin SK, home of the annual “World Bunnock Championships” the first weekend in August. It’s an old Russian game played with horses’ ankle bones.]

• Just in time for Independence Day, some tidbits on the ‘ooh & aww’ tradition — 
• The Chinese invented fireworks about 2,000 years ago and continue to dominate the world market, producing about 75% of the fireworks used in the US.
• Fireworks have brightened the 4th of July since 1777, the 1st anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.
• The basic ingredient in fireworks is good old-fashioned gun powder.
• The largest fireworks display ever was NYC’s 1986 Statue of Liberty Centennial celebration, when 22,000 separate shells were fired.
• Estimated cost of a full-scale fireworks display is about $3,750 — per minute.
• Over 10,000 Americans are treated in emergency rooms for fireworks-related injuries annually.
• The American Pyrotechnics Association estimates about 75% of all fireworks are lit on the 4th of July.

• Yellow or Gold — sodium
• Green — barium
• Red — strontium
• White – magnesium
• Blue (the toughest and rarest) – copper arsenic, an extremely dangerous chemical
Source: Fireworks by Grucci, Brookhaven NY

Q: Before he got into the chewing gum business, what did William Wrigley sell?
a) He watched his profits rise selling baking powder.
b) He encouraged women to wriggle into a line of corsets.
c) He was a travelling evangelist hawking ‘eternal life’.
A: Baking powder.

Q: Who was Eve Meyer?
a) The first woman to play professional baseball.
b) The first “Playboy” Playmate.
c) Oscar Meyer’s wife, who encouraged him to develop longer wieners.
A: She was “Playboy” magazines’s first ‘Playmate’ — Miss June 1955. Marilyn Monroe was the first to appear nude in the mag, but she wasn’t a ‘Playmate’.

Today’s Question: In a “Cosmo” survey, 33% of women admit they’ve done this when staying in a hotel room.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Watched adult movies.

Don’t bother trying to keep up with the Joneses. Drag ‘em down to your level.

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